*I'm sorry this is so long, I hope someone still reads it.
Hello, I am hoping to find some helpful insight here. I am nearly certain that my husband has become addicted to cocaine and my world has been turned upside down. I have been noticing behavior changes in him since about 3 months ago when he started a job at an music venue, where he has worked before and where the hours are typically long and late. He worked there when I met him and he did not handle that job this way before, however since he has returned to working there he has slowly become a different person.
Things I've noticed: staying out much later than he should or not coming home at all, picking fights with made up stories about me and then leaving for a couple days, stopping telling me what he's doing, decreased interest in his friends and family, hanging out with people from work who he has told me do coke and has even given me some information on how/when they do it, decreased appetite, he has lost over 20 lbs in 3 months, he has had a persistent cough and sniffly nose for over 2 months, has started carrying a lot of cash when he never used to, has stopped putting automatic deposits for bills into our joint account for the past two months and I've had to ask him to do it, he goes into the bathroom every 20-30 minutes whenever he's home, drinks like 3 glasses of water at a time, sweats when he sleeps, has been sleeping a ridiculous amount, keeps his phone on him at all times and is very secretive with it, is aggressive and irritable and distant with me, I could go on and on. I have started reading up on signs someone mentioned small mirrors- and I even found a small mirror that just appeared in the bathroom he uses to get ready (one of the ones that suctions to the vanity) last weekend and when I brought it up he told me he had already asked me where that came from.
This is nothing like the responsible, happy, outgoing, loving, family-oriented, do-anything-for-anybody man that I married only a year and a half ago and have made the center of my life for over 5 years. Besides picking fights with me, earlier this week he told me he's done with me, done trying to make everyone else happy, he's going to make himself happy and he likes to go out and party (he never liked going out much before) and if wants to go and be gone for 3 days he doesn't want me to get in the way of that. He said maybe he's more like his friends than anyone ever thought and maybe he hadn't been himself for the past 5 years but the married life is not what he wants now and he's not happy. I suggested counseling and he was adamant about not going, saying "Nobody is going to tell me what's going to make me happy." I have never seen that person before in my life. I have questioned whether he was having an affair or on drugs, etc. There is definitely something changing who he is as a person and I feel like I have so many signs pointing to drugs and it would make sense that it's cocaine since I know he is around it and he's told me that the guys from work have offered it to him and that some of his non-work friends have asked him if he's on it. The one time I confronted him specifically about it, he denied it.
My problem right now is that I have no idea what he's going to do, is he going to file for divorce? Is he going to just keep going farther and farther down this road and treating me like garbage so that I file for divorce? I have tried contacting his family since he left this week and I have not heard from him or seen him, however right after I tried to contact them he texted me and asked what I needed to talk to his parents about. His parents have not always treated me well, and clearly I cannot trust them to hear me out or consider anything that I have to say over what their son says.
At this point I am thinking about protecting myself, and I am trying to convince myself that I did everything I could to help him. If he didn't want me in his life anymore, I felt that still being his wife I owed it to him to let someone who could possibly help him know what I have seen. But I haven't even been able to accomplish that. I can't bear the thought of him high out of his mind somewhere, turning into a waste of the amazing person I fell in love with and have had at the very center of my life for 5 years. I have so much grief already and I don't even know how this is going to play out. I don't want everyone to think that I did nothing to stop him, that I let him get this way, and in a way I do feel partly guilty that I should have been able to stop him from becoming wrapped up in this. I approached him each time there was an incident that wasn't right, and tried to talk to him about it. I couldn't help the times he legitimately had to be at work and I was trying to be understanding about him being gone because this was supposed to be his big break, his big chance to finally have a job that he loves. It hurts so bad that I don't even know who he is anymore. I can't live like this any longer, although I am scared to do anything because I don't know how he will react. What do I do? He clearly wants to end the life he has with me do go do whatever it is he wants to do, and he won't change because of me.
If there is anyone out there who has been in my position or has some good advice, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you in advance.