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Addiction: Living with an Addict Community
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Avatar universal

Why does my meth addicted husband disappear?

My husband of only 4 years has a meth addiction. We got in a fight and he disappeared.for 9 days, with no word from him. He came home told me he smoked meth. He asked for help. 3 days later he left for a month. I begged and pleaded with him to come home so I could help hi.. A month later he came home. Slept, and ate. I waited on him hand and foot and was trying to be as understanding as possible. On his 5th day of sobriety, we got into a fight, he was being rude and mean and picking a fight with me. He left. It's been a month and a half since I've seen him. He goes on facebook once in a while to read my pleas to get help, but never responds to me. He just stopped speaking to me. He's never been like that, he's always been such a sweet and loving husband, and person. Now he's so heartless. Can anyone tell me what he stays gone and won't speak to me?
3 Responses
1235186 tn?1549257619
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hello and welcome. I know the frustration , hurt, questions, sadness and anger  that you are experiencing. There's so many emotions involved when we love an addict. One time when my husband left  He would not return my calls. I left him a message and said if he didn't call me back very soon I was going to report him missing to the police. He did call me back.
You have to lay some ground rules down and put some boundaries up to protect yourself. Do you have separate checking accounts?
Do you know if he's continue to work?
I would leave him a message that said he basically has deserted you at this point if you haven't really heard from him. He's not coming home and he staying away because he doesn't want to hear what you have to say about him doing Meth. And that's all it is about now it's about him doing  meth.
It doesn't really have anything to do with it he loves you or not. The drugs are making  his decisions for him.
Have you gone to a support group, al-anon, nar-anon, celebrate recovery?
Spoken to a clergymen?
A therapist?
At this point you need to detach emotional as best as possible.
He won't get help and get clean until he's ready to get clean.
I don't know what state you live in bye maybe your state has like a legal separation. Maybe you should talk to a lawyer. There's financial things that need to be worked out. As far as paying  for the bills for the house and he just left and hasn't contributed anything?
Thinking of you,
Debbie
1 Comments
We have a joint account. I tried getting my name off of it, but I have to have him there too. He's on disability and has spent all his money. I've had to pay our mortgage and bills and I'm on sdi right now. It's been a real struggle to say the least. He has not contributed to our household in 4 months now, and I'm getting really overwhelmed. At this point, I don't think he's ever coming back. It hurts so much, sometimes I feel like I can hardly breathe. This is so the opposite of the man I met, and I want to be supportive and help him, but it's clear he wants nothing to do with me. He has stated this is his house not mine. He had it before we got married but lost it, so him and I together bought it back. My name is on the deed. We are in California, so it's a tp/50 state, but he keeps saying it's his house not mine. I know that's the drugs talking, but it hurts, and it scares me that I am stuck in this house that he owns half of. I guess it's time to give up. I just don't know how to tell my heart he's gone. I don't understand how someone can just leave like that.Thanks for responding, I needed to hear that. It's been so lonely and depressing.
1235186 tn?1549257619
COMMUNITY LEADER
I would start a new account in only your name and have  your checks deposited there.
Ok that's great that your name is on the deed too.
Find someone or a group to talk with locally.
You need support.
Detaching emotionally is much easier said than done.
That's anxiety that's making you feel like you can't breathe. Of course your whole life is been turned upside down.  
Avatar universal
If your name is on the deed, it's def. not just his house and he has also abandoned it by not paying any of the bills.  I would make a written log of everything to protect yourself.  I know it hurts when they leave like that. I think it's because they want to do what they want to do & in the moment do not care about anyone but themselves.  It could also be the guilt keeping him away.
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