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addict married to an addict

I am an addict and I blame all the men in my life but myself. As many young women I was abused by my father from age ? till about 12 years old. I married at the age of 20 ( did not know what I was getting myself into,) My ex took everything but my children.we did drugs on weekends but got worse  as time went on. Next thing I knew I started doing more & more drugs. I remarried,  to a younger man and started doing drugs with him and I still am.

I have been married to him know 17 yrs. I really want to stop. I am in a viscous cycle. I take care of my 2 grandchildren 24/7  and work full time. I am tired of hiding my ugly addiction. My husband has withdrawn more & more. I am resentful and ***** at him always. I want to quit drugs but he keeps bringing me further in.
He has a good side to him like me but we cannot get out of this cycle. It's bad enough doing pain pills but when he brings home crack and started drinking beer too almost every night!

As any addict your always sorry the next day.

I also have had some strange things happen to me , anxiety attacks, to were I think this is it. The next day my husband goes out and gets more crack. Why am I with him and keep getting sucked up? He uses his money and than uses mine. I have a full time job and also take care of my grandchildren. To see me you would never suspect.

I feel so trapped.

It's had being an addict and married to one . He really takes advantage of my weakness! I am really beginning to resent him more & more but it is my fault.
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3149845 tn?1506627771
Hi and welcome. You been in a partying life style and it has run its course. I dont blame  you for wanting to stop as it is a viscious cycle. Your maturing and getting your values right. Good for you.
You sound like you have an addiction for sure and can get off of it yourself but it can be a struggle. You can go to some treatment centers or if you mind is strong, get some therepy during the withdrawal process. The pain pills are a bid tough to quit but the crack a bit easier.
To break this cycle you might have to get out of the whole circle of people you are associating with.
Try starting with having a long sitdown talk with hubby and tell him all that you are feeling. Let im know that you have made this decision and want to know if he is with you or against you. If he is against you, then you know what you have to do. Also talk to him about  counciling. Really stress to him that this is something you have to do.
keep posting as you will get a lot of help here.
God bless.
Helpful - 0
3197167 tn?1348968606
Welcome Mimi!!  Boy, can I relate to being an addict and loving one!
Which "thing" do you want to address first??  Ha!  I'm not making fun here
I guess for me, I addressed the "loving an addict" first, but now many yrs later, I am a recovering opiate addict.  So, my first suggestion would be to be sure and read a lot in the other forum on Medhelp called "Substance Abuse Community".  Lots of activity, love, experence strength and hope there.  That will help you with your addiction.
For help with "living with an addict", to me, no better place to learn than from Al-Anon or Narc-Anon meetings, at least reading their literature, and also a good book called "CoDependent No More" by Melody something??
Ha!  You can check it out on Amazon or somewhere and you'll find it.
It's a very well read book.  Lots of my Al-Anon friends read it and suggested I read it, too.  There are so many amazing tools to help you.
I'd start by educating yourself about addiction and codependency.  It is so common for us to become addicted to a loved one.  Then we get sucked into their behaviors and lose "who" we are.  I have 5 sisters and 1 brother.
We are all codependent and affected by the illness that pervades a home where addiction is active.  One sister has never abused any substance, but got so sick just growing up in an alcoholic home she called me very suicidal and begged me to come get her and take her to trmt.  That was many many yrs ago, but my point is, addiction can make the "non-user" even sicker than the "user".  Cause at least the user has a temporary way to "mask" stuff by using.  Hope this helps you.....keep posting and learning! It DOES get better......and this is a great place to love and learn!
Blessings to you~
Helpful - 0
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