Sweetie, for me, there are some specific deal breakers. Infidelity, domestic violence and addiction are three of my big ones. It is no life for a child or yourself to be tied to an addict. You have to leave. IF he gets clean and sober, THEN he can see the baby. But it's risky. Many addicts relapse and you will always have to be checking. Document his drug use. You may need court ordered drug testing and supervised visitation to keep your baby safe while being with her father.
I left an addict. I put myself first. I also didn't want a whole life wondering if he would use again. I moved on. I've now been married for several years to a very good man.
Put yourself and your baby first sweetie. Free yourself and make him prove he's going to get clean before he is allowed near you or the baby to be (once here) again. good luck
Sounds like you know what you need to do :(
Thank you I really appreciate the advice.. I know I should care for me.. But at this point I'm just looking for the benefit of our child.. And maybe that's unfortunately the best for her..
You will have to walk away drug addicts will not stop for you or anyone only for themselves they usually have to hit rock bottom and realize that that's not working for them then they will quit
I would leave him. And if he sobers up and gets clean for good then maybe try then...But your child shouldn't be around that it's not safe
You may love him dearly but I think leaving him would be an eye opener for him. I had to leave my boyfriend right before I got pregnant because of his actions (emotional abuse and control issues) he wised up and decided I was worth the change and now we are expecting a child together and he treats me very well. If he hadn't changed I would have never taken him back no matter how my heart hurt. If you leave him and he doesn't stop, then accept that he isn't ready to change for you or himself or your child and try to move on. If you have friends and family to support you through the split up great! If you don't- make sure you find a support group or women's association to get you through the heart ache. I wish your family the best! Love and light- elly
Thanks ladies, it means the world to hear all your thoughts
My boyfriend and I have been together for over 5 years. Right after our daughter was born, who is 4 now, he started taking pills. I didn't realize how serious his problem was for a very long time. I tried to help him and we fought and argued all the time. As it got worse he started stealing money from me, making any excuse he could tp get money and every time I caught him doing something or caught him lying to me he just denied doing anything! I couldnt leave our daughter with him when I went to work because I was scared of what he was doing and what kind of people he would have her around. In June of last year I found out he had been injectig pills with needles he was stealing from his diabetic mother. Like you I begged him to quit and cried and he always kept promising he was done and he was going to quit. But it didnt stop. It's heartbreaking watching someone you love suffer from addiction. It's a disease and no matter how much you love them, you can't make them quit. They have to make that decision themselves. Last November he disappeared for 2 weeks on a binge and wouldnt contact me. So I packed p our things and moved my daughter and I in with my parents. It was so hard to leave him. I had no choice though. I still didnt give up on him though. In January he got arrested for failing a drug test for probation and still didnt stop. He failed another one and so they court ordered him to rehab. He still couldnt stay clean so he got kicked out of that one and in July entered a new program. He's been clean since July 11th, he's working and he's likr a completely new man. Well, actually he's the man I fell in love with in the begining. Sorry this is so long. Being in a relationship with someone like that is so hard. Especially when there is a child involved. You need to do whats best for you and your baby, even if it means distancing yourselves from him. That may even be what he needs. To realize what he's really losing. It really all comes down to when he's ready to make that change because unfortunately, we can't do it for them. I've been going to family counseling and NA meetings with my boyfriend and it has helped me understand a lot about the disease, addiction is a disease and they need help to overcome it. If he is serious about wanting to quit maybe he could use some encouragement to attend an AA or NA meeting.
Good luck to you, kward. You have the right idea, going to NA, because too many women take too much on themselves and can't say "unfortunately we can't do it for them," which of course is the truth. I wish him the best in staying clean and sober. He has a lot to lose, you and your child(ren) if he blows this. That is all you tell him that will matter.