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Avatar universal

afraid that he's going to relaspe

My friend and his girlfriend had recently broken up. He isn't too happy about the breakup. They had been in a relationship the last few months since he was let out of prison. Far as I know, he had been staying clean from drugs and was happy being with her. I don't really know the details other than my theory is the girlfriend used him as a rebound in getting over her ex-husband.

He was with this same woman years ago and they broke up due to his drug use (painkillers then switched to heroin) that got worse and led him into run-ins with the law and being incarcerated.

Far as I know, he isn't in any drug prevention programs/NA meetings, group therapy etc.

Would it do any good to offer words of support?
3 Responses
3060903 tn?1398565123
You've described your friendship as being first enabling (your being with him while he used for "years"; co-dependent (you still giving him money in prison when he didn't talk to you when you visited, and you still "continued to write him letters and send him photos").

You've said:

o that when you visited this guy in prison, "every time we have our conversation he barely says anything as what's going on like court dates and just general stuff. Then at the end, he always asks for money."

o (but) I still plan to write him letters and send him photos occasionally.  He also rarely writes back so its says a lot how he feels about me and find his excuses to be b.s

o you would put $30 to $40 into his account A WEEK ???

o you think you got hepc off this guy and that "  he was an I.V. drug user, and we had plenty of unprotected "adult relations"  while knowing that I wasn't the only "girl"  he was having sex with."

o he's a repeat offender in the penal system,

o he's keeping you out of the loop, so you don't know if he's using or not

o he's currently (continuously) refusing treatment for his addictions

You have asked the right questions, like do i buy him a phone (no) and now, do i offer words of support (no)...

Over all of these years, you've gotten the self esteem up enough to stop  enabling him and allowing him to use you; and you should hold on to that progress and not allow anything to run amok,

like him figuring he'll bed you down , along with other women , (AGAIN) in order to manipulate them into giving him money for his drugs,

you continue to say you've never done drugs, but i have and this guy is using women for money for his drugs and for his lifestyle.

why go to work for ten dollars an hour when you can bed down a few women and use them for cash like a money mart ?

nd he knows that you are sending your support, without you saying anything more...

You've left it with him that you will support him when he's in recovery and in order to have this Intervention work, you need to back away from this situation and let him come to you ,

he knows that you will help him if he chooses to get straight,

the thing is this, because you are obviously smitten with this guy and in the very recent past been totally codependent, it is dangerous for you to get involved with this guy.

you've mentioned that you've got hep c (from him) but have had no insurance. ; and that you were continuing to drink 8 - 12 beers a week plus shots.

the money that you religiously put into this guys account in jail could have gone towards insurance, so that you can keep up on your own disease...

I hope that you have chosen to quit drinking. Both my husband and myself have hepc and quit the moment we found out about it, as most will,,,
but you did not, . and that says that you have your own addiction problems that CRITICALLY NEED YOUR ATTENTION.

This "friend" imo is using you and if i were you , i would take a real look at what you've written here over the years and end this one sided "friendship" asap.

In the years you've been here, the only man in your life that you've talked about is this guy who refuses to act his age, and get help for himself.
what about you meeting another type of man to give your attention to ?

Because of the past enabling and the way the relationship between you and your friend has gone down, you are a trigger to him using, and you're not likely gong to be the one to help him, certainly not if you have hepc and are still drinking. It's hypocritical.

My advice to you much earlier was to go out and meet some nice folks, and it still is. Go to the YWCA and meet some good women. Quit drinking yourself, and if you have an ounce of difficulty doing so, get yourself to an aa meeting. It is insanity or the disease of alcoholism that a person with a hepc diagnosis would continue to drink. I've read though all your posts and the last i heard you were still drinking. If you're not, and you've quit completely , then good for you. I would have thought if that was the case you would have mentioned it here, all i heard from you on the subject was that it was only beet. and a couple of shots. not that you had quit drinking yourself. so if you have quit, please disregard this last paragraph.

Please understand, what you describe here is not friendship, it's a man using women for gain, so that they can continue their druggie lifestyle. Don't be confused and stop yourself from gaining a good life with good friends by being hung up on a "7x jail bird". Please try and make 2016 the year that you turned your back on such a wasted life as that.

God bless you every day , moving forward. May you get out there and do the things that you would not normally do, and meet some nice good people. so that we can hear of you meeting a really nice guy, minus the baggage.

It' s my fervent prayer for you...it's going up to heaven now, can you see it?
3060903 tn?1398565123
a short reply would be, without him reaching out for support, it is likely he will use again and go to jail again and have relations with man women at a time, and break the hearts of many...

i wouldn't be allowing it to get under your skin.

I think that you should not only check out aa if you're drinking , but also alanon or naranon, the family and friends group that meet to stop them from obsessing over an addicts choices.



naranon find a meeting : http://www.nar-anon.org/forum/

note: you can also access aa's big book in ebook form or audio form on the website aa.org.

Avatar universal
You got some of your facts screwed up about me and my friend so I suggest you stop responding to my posts.  

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