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My son is on heroin. He says he has been clean for a month, I have my doubts. He is on a soboxone program for 2 months know and I do not see the difference. There are days that his mind is clear and other days that he gets everything confused.He had a bad fall about a month ago.He also takes Xanex. I have repeatedly told him he is substituting one drug for another.Yesterday we were wathching TvV and he had the contoller in his hand and keep dropping it.I asked him if he was ok and he said yes he just took 2 Xanex and it made him drowsey. I have read up on this and the mixture can kill him. I have begged him to just take Suboxone and not mix but he says he has to that he has to much anxiety.I have talked to several clinics but he is 26 years old and I cannot force him to go. He wants to stay on the Suboxone and Xanex what can I do. His eyes always look tired he is confused all the time, he is mean all the time.How can I force him to rehab.By the way when he had his downfall last month he took several thousand dollars from our account I am seriously thinking of having him arrested for this. Can anyone giuld me I am afraid of him getting of Suboxone and going back to heroin. Any advise on how to handle him? I have thrown him out but he moved in to a family partment and he has not paid rent and they dont have the heart to throw him out.
Thanks Gabby
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480448 tn?1426952138
Don't have much to add...just sending you support and prayers.  Certainly SUCH a difficult...impossible situation to be in!  I hope your son gets well!

XOXO
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This certainly is a bad situation. He has a bed waiting for him he is going to detox after christmas. Then rehab. Even after all that I still have to watch everything he has pawned so much. One day I asked why do you do this and he has no answers. I guess I have to watch him even though he wants to get better he has no coping skills. This drug is horrible! I also told my son that I loved him very much but that after rehab he could not come home. He needed to put himselfin sober living and that they would help him get back in college. There are days that is all he talks about and that he wants a girlfrien and wants to get back with his life. I hope everything goes well. This is an experience of a lifetime. I feel while he is still alive there is hope.
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480448 tn?1426952138
Sweetie, you don't have to "watch" him....he's not a child.  I'm so glad he's going into treatment, sounds like that needs to happen.  Have you ever gone to an alanon or naranon meeting?  

You need to learn about the co-dependency and enabling.  I'm sure you already have a good idea, but those things are hard to stop on your own, because it means you feel like you're turning your back.

Please get some help while he does, okay?

Sending you lots of love and support.
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I think it will be a good idea to go to meeting while he is gone. even if he moves close to home I need to learn more on how to handle him when he gets out.I alreadytold him he could not come back home. He needs to get help and continue to get more help after he gets out and if he comes back home he will just go back. Her has us all upset all the timeand worried.I need to stop  living this with him and enanbling him.I came to the end of my rope. Thanks for all your help
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My son is 23 an also on Heroin and has been for about a year and a half. It started with prescription meds also. He is in love with a girl that has been a user for years and together they always go back to it. They have stolen from me and pawned everything he had of any value. They are both now doing time in jail for stealing from a grocery store. When he is in jail and off drugs he is my son again but when he is on drugs i dont even know him the lies and the stealing. He has lost all his real friends and the new ones I dont want anywhere near me. He was in a drug court program which does not help an addict it makes it impossible for him to work and forces him to go back and see all his drug addict friends on a weekly basis. He claims he is ready to quit now but of course i have heard it before. I feel so sorry for anyone that has to go through this. I hope your son and mine get over this before it destoys their whole lives.
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I cant wait until he goes away.He trys and will do great for a wek then he relaspes. Last week he got caught steeling again.He askedme to buy some christmas gifts and I told him that I would help him out. Well a few days later he got caught steeling a watch at rite aid! I asked why he did that and he said that he wanted to get christmas gifts for me and his dad. Well here goes trouble again. I was talking to him today and I asked him why he continues to make all these mistakes and he tells me he doesnt understand it himself that the drugs make him crazy. Is this up and down normal?
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Is this normal my son keeps stealing from me! I think I will reach rock bottom before him.It is the worst feeling having someone I love so much steal from me and think nothing of it. He steals and says sorry as if it was nothing. There have been so many chances and still he steals. He became selfish. Life is all about him.I am going away on vacation for one month and my family says I am selfish for leaving him the way he is.For the last 2 years this has been about him and I am tired. I havent taken one day off working just to pay all the bills and they keep accumulating.
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I love to hear success stories! Eleven years? That's awesome! It gives me hope for my daughter.

Congratulations and thanks for posting.
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480448 tn?1426952138
You aren't selfish at ALL hon!  My GOODNESS!  You need a vaction!  When does he go?  I know it's impossible, but personally, I wouldn't put up with it anymore.  Tell him if he does it again, he's on his own, completely.  Problem is, you HAVE to follow through.  No offense hon, but a lot of times, you haven't, and he knows this.  That's why  it's so "easy" for him.  He knows all he has to deal with is you telling him the same things.

I know it's impossible, but that's why YOU need help too...for the enabling.  You allow it to happen, over and over.  I know you've tried your hardest..I'm not trying to make you feel bad.  I think one of the wisest things I've read on here is that an addict makes everyone in the family sick.  It's so true.  YOU are sick right along with him, and probably allowing things to happen you would have NEVER imagined, am I right?

God bless you hon...when he gets to rehab, you REALLY need to set your bottom line and stick to it.  I would tell him he is NOT allowed to come back if he doesn't complete the entire program, and any aftercare.  PERSONALLY, I would tell him he has to find somewhere else to live, no matter what.

You're killing yourself working, and he steals your hard earned money...sorry, but that just infuriates me.  :0(  PLEASE get tough, okay?  You need to get yourself some help sweetie!

Much love to you!! Please update us when you can!  Prayers coming your way!
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Thanks for posting. Today we found out that he didnot get in the program he wanted to go. They said he was not that bad off that he was on methadone and also taking heroin. I heard him on the phone with them and he was saying that he uses 4 times a day.Because he didnt have any other drugs in his system for 6 weeks he couldnt get in. This is horrible. Because of his legal problems he has to go to detox and rehab and now he says he is mad at me that because I am butting in he will not get off methadone. I did speak to a very good freind of mine and he was able to get him in detox. I hope he will go it is tommorow afternoon.If he goes fine and if not he can go to Jail this way he will detox there. I am tired. I did more than I should. Everyone says he is not ready and I am confused myself. There are days we talk alot and he says how he wants to get his life back and a girlfreind etc. and then the next week he is stealing..Is this behavior normal. Last year at this time he wouldnt even admitt he had a problem and he was much worse.I told him today that his future is up to him not me. That unless he goes to rehab and detox that his future was in his hands and after rehab and aftercare then maybe depending on the situation that maybe just maybe hecould come back home. He alays loved to be home. Unfortunetly he is doing nothing with his life for over 2 years nothing. I hope and pray he does the right thing.
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480448 tn?1426952138
I am tired. I did more than I should.

Absolutely hon!

He's mad at YOU?  Oh my...that's very typical addict behavior. They're mad and angry at everyone but themselves.  They are the kings/queens of making excuses, they are hot and cold.

Bottom line here, sweetie, is he needs help, and you've bent over backwards trying to get him that help.  He is an adult...let him find his own help and make the arrangements himself.  If he doesn't go to rehab, you need to kick him out, and change your locks.  If he steals from you again, call the police.  Enough is enough.  HE isn't sounding like he's anywhere NEAR ready to get off this roller coaster ride...but YOU are.  You don't have to ride along with him.

Praying for him...and praying for you.  It's going to take strength and discipline...but you HAVE to set boundaries and stick to them.  A very good friend of mine took advantage of me over and over, while I was trying to help her.  FINALLY, when I stopped, and stuck to my bottom line...she got help.  I was the last person helping her.  Everyone else had already had enough.

Hang in there...I'll be anxiously watching for an update..hopefully a good one!
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I was just thinking the same thing today, My son has stolen from me his friends even his Grandmother and its like its nothing to him. Nothing is ever his fault and everything is about him. He is in jail now and its a nice break even though i worry about him.
My son was always such a good kid I cant believe how this drug has changed him. I grew up in the 80's so i am not a stranger to drugs but this drug is a nightmare i cant wake up from. I hope your son gets into rehab, but even if he doesn't you still have to live your life even if he chooses to throw his away.  I dont know about you but its embarrassing and not something i really want to talk about with people i know, so i find myself staying home and away from others so i dont have to answer questions about him. Yes you should definatly take that vacation if you can.
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This is late but PLEASE @ 26 let him resolve his legal issues..  You have gone above and beyond the role of mom.. My mother is 76 and has 3 out of 5 children as recovering addicts.. I am not one of them I am an attorney and my brother is a CPA the other three are sisters who all battle addiction the youngest is 35 and when we found out that hurt the most especially after what she and I as the two youngest watched with our two older sisters! Please stop enabling him!  CT does have some wonderful treatment facilities I am not sure what end of the state you are in ??  By the way my mother enables my oldest sisters son who is 30 because she feels bad for what he went through. It is a vicious cycle please stop.
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This is late but PLEASE @ 26 let him resolve his legal issues..  You have gone above and beyond the role of mom.. My mother is 76 and has 3 out of 5 children as recovering addicts.. I am not one of them I am an attorney and my brother is a CPA the other three are sisters who all battle addiction the youngest is 35 and when we found out that hurt the most especially after what she and I as the two youngest watched with our two older sisters! Please stop enabling him!  CT does have some wonderful treatment facilities I am not sure what end of the state you are in ??  By the way my mother enables my oldest sisters son who is 30 because she feels bad for what he went through. It is a vicious cycle please stop.
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Thanks for the advise. and you are very right the more I try talking the worse it is. The only way to get away from drugs is when the person is ready. My son went to detox. He got out and I am out of the country. I dont know how things are going. He tried to get in a program and could not get in an where. I hope he isok. before he went into detox he pawned alot of our things. I will be backhomeat the end of the month.I am afraid to find out what is happening.Itold him he was not to come home after detox.I took the keys away from him.My daughters are there lets see what is happening.







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I just spoke to my daughter and my son did complete his detox and they put him in some kind of sober living. she didnt understand. apparetly he cannot leave and they do drug tests often. but he can get visitors. I am assuming he is waiting for a rehab program. It is in the same city that I work. I asked my daughter to askwhat the next step was. Apparently the court ordered Detox. He is putting himself in rehab becase he wants to. I am so proudof him. In a way I am glad I went out of the country. Lets see what happens next.Like everyone said since the beginning its only when they areready. I should of done this last year. I am sure this is just the beginning of the struggle for him. I plan to support him and not enable him. will  keep everyone posted. One thing my daughter said was that he was happy.
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480448 tn?1426952138
That's some progress!  Great!  I also think you getting away was the BEST thing!  I pray your son stays on the right path...just PLEASE put some safeguards in place to protect your belongings, just in case.  Change the locks, install an alarm system, or have someone stay there while you're away.  If he goes back to his old ways, you're not going to have anything left honey!  He just takes anything and everything.

Can you contact the pawn shop?  They may work with you to get your stuff back.  I hope you're able to retrieve them.  If you don't report them as stolen, you'll have to pay their interest.  The longer the stuff stays there, the more expensive it will get.  Could you have your daughter go get the stuff?

Praying for your son...please keep us updated...you enoy your trip, okay!!!??  You need some serious R&R!!
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1235186 tn?1339127464
gabby, happy,healthy and blessed new year to you and yours . praise GOD for a new start. i am so glad that you were able to leave the country. this made it easier for the enabling to stop. as hard as it is for us to step back and allow the chips to fall as they may that is really the only way for them to take care of themselves. as mothers we want to fix everything for our children and "help" them. i totally get that. as a stay at home mom for 27 years with 4 children i always did too many things for my children just because i was here and as they got older they didnt have as much responsibility for themselves as they should have, so when my two oldest started to use they always looked to me for everything and the helping became enabling. we need to break the cycle and let go.ohhh soooo much easier said than done. we need healing from all the hurts,lies,deceit,abuse and struggles we endure during their addiction.
i am so happy for you and your family that he has started the process, it is a long one, each day he has to choose the right path and make the right choices and decisions for his life and his sobriety. there is always so many things that they need to clean up in their lifes once they are clean. they spin a tangled web,court dates,fines,driving record issues, they begin to realize all the pain,sorrow and heartaches they have created and that is alot for them to process. my daughter has now been in rehab for 4 months praise the LORD and she is still sending us letters asking for forgiveness. i had most of my jewelry that already hadnt been pawned in a safe deposit box. i just discovered in the last couple weeks that indeed she has stolen two extremely expense pieces of jewelry and pawned them. i was so angry and upset when i discovered it. i confronted her and she confessed. so hurtful, such an invasion of our privacy, no regard. she had gone through every piece of gold and diamonds i had given her through the years and then moved on to everyone elses things. only material items i know but things i had for many years and had sentimental value.
it does get better, we need to forgive them, love them, not enable them anymore, they need to stand on their own two feet and face the music.
take care of yourself, be well, be refreshed, be blessed.
debbie
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You have the patience of a saint...I wish you a Happy, Healthy New Year and hope my mother can acquire your strength.
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Hi everyone. I am still out of the country and my son is still in rehab. apparently he is getting out at the end of the month and he is very happy and healthy. just one thing my daughters are able to visit him on sundays and he is expecting to come home after rehab and go back to school. I am not hapy about this. I think he should register for school and stay in a sober living is that posible? I am hoping to get back before he gets out to speak to someone in his program. Any suggestions?
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I do have alot of patient but mine is running out. I hope this is the beginning with an end.Good luck to you
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Hi. I don,t kno what to do anymore. I am married to a heroin addict. We haven,t been married long 6 tears but we are retired now both of us and I was looking forward to a  nice retirement life and to taking it east,etc. I will bee 60 on my next birthday and my husband will be 59. He wasn,t using when we got involved but shortly after starting on a 5 year heroin habit that has destroyed my love for him and ruined my life. Now I have NO money nothing. I am hocking my belongings all the time. I have hocked my wedding ring repeatedly over and over part of that was because he had a motorcycle accident a few years ago doing guess what out looking for dope while on clonopin. that ended up costing thousands and thousands. I now hate him and am thinking of ways in which he might die. Every time he goes ut to score I hope he'll o.d. But how would I explain that. You have no idea the destruction he has coused and the tremendous quantity of money he has wasted. He has legel trouble and I just can,t stand it anymore. I loved him so much but now there is a huge difference between how much I DID love him and how hateful and resentful I feel now. He has been an addict for decades in and out of treatment,jail,prison,etc. Doesn,t an addict EVER learn that each time they pick up again it leads to nothing but serious problems. I mean geez after a whle enough is enough. I understand that active addiction isn,t  choice. But the initial decision to pick up at first or relapsing IS a concious choice. Anyway. I have tried everything but I am wasting my energy here. I am only staying because I am expecting to receive a huge sum of money from a law suit that right now I need his assistance with getting with paperwork talking to a lawyer,etc. When it is  settled and the settlement does arrive I am outta here. Of curse there is always the remote possibility he'll change but that's highly inlikely.. I have begged cried screamed,etc I have bought valium dope klonopin over and over all for nothing. He has had many "bottoms" I am sure. He lost his first family, his kids, job everything now I am stuck with him. I have had enough. I went to jail because of him. So now naturally I am fed up. What floors me most of all is how I could have gone from being so in love with him I thought the sun rose and set in his eyes to so completely hating him and what he has done to me and to himself. and he just doesn,t get it. I guess it's true some addicts just can't get clean no matter what is done for them. It is reallly hard to blow out that candle in the window that you want to represent hope but realisticaly doesn,t. Anyway hooray yet another life destroyed by that evil poison.
In the meantime any advice or suggestions would be appreciated.
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I  am still trying to help my son. He did a 30 day program and stayed on methadone. He got out end of January and is still on 80mg of methadone.Since he got out he has pawned more things etc. I hired a few months ago an interventionist. I went to see her at the end of February and it is now may and still no intervention. When I went to see them everything was perfectly ok. I told them he was on methadone and that he had state insurance and that I did not have much money and I would like to use his insurance and that he was on probation and that he couldn't leave the state. The interventionist asked me how many millagrams of methadone he was on and at that time I didn't know and they said don't woory that's no problem. I signed the contract and on we went they lowered there rate for me and put me on a payment plan and on we went.I was recommended by a friend and that friend could not do the intervention and he recommended someone else and that is who I used. The lady is supposed to be a professional and her intake specialist is a former addict.He was always very nice. I poured out my heart to them and told them I was having problems with my husband and children because of my son etc. I also admitted that I know I am wrong etc. that before I go the final step pf actually throwing him out that I wanted an intervention with love. All that being said they said letters are needed by everyone at the intervention so they can work on them for that day. This lady is horrible and my children think she is rude and no one wants anything to do with her. She called my husband thru out this and said to him how my son is this way due to me and how bad of a mother I am etc. I called her and said lets just do this before everyone gets mad and then she finally found out no detox will take him in if he is on 80mgs of methadone and because he is on probation he cannot leave the state and the only place that will take him is in florida and it costs $8,000.00.This lady actually bad mouthed me so much to my husband because I was a few days late with the second payment that he picked up and left.He showed me the emails, I couldn't believed it. I paid he the second installment and I haven't heard from her for weeks. How do I find out about someones credentials? I am out $2,000.00 and no answers for my son. Can anyone give any advise?
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I am just learning about this addiction and if they want to stay on it and have already reached various rock bottoms and still continues to use. It seems you are doing the right thing and by leaving before you lose everything and you reach another rock bottom with him. It is very hard to get away but it can be done. Good Luck
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My son went to jail. His bail was raised and I did not bail him out. he stayed in jail for 3 nights and 4 days. He has been out for 4 days is it possible to detox in this short period of time? He was willing to go to detox before jail. but like he says detox only and no rehab.So he says he already did this once he does not need it again. He is going back to court on Friday. I need to offer him an alternative. any suggestions?
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1235186 tn?1339127464
On gabby I am so sorry this is all happening. I would talk to the judge and the probation officer and have him mandated, court ordered to a drug rehab preferably long term or else he spends the time in jail for sentence.
He is going to die if this continues. He needs to have his choices taken away.
He obviously keeps making the wrong ones. He shouldn't be dicatating policy to you about only wanting detox and not a rehab. He needs long term rehab.
No he didn't  detox from 80 mgs of methadone in 3 days. He needs to come down to a much, much lower dose before he can start to detox.
Are you paying for his methadone?  Is he working? Attending meetings? Working on his recovery?
Are you going to alanon meeting? I am sure you are very tired of all this. Something has to be done differently to end the insanity of it all.
Sending hope and peace,
Debbie
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Thank you for the advise. You were very right and he did not detox. I checked my checking account and he got a hold of my checks and cashed quite a bit. I need to speak to the probation officer to have him mandated to a long term facility. I am presently looking for a 90 day plus at this point.If there are any suggestions I would appreciate them.
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Does any one know how quit it is to go thru the court to mandate someone to go to rehab and what are the best and quickest steps?I need to do this for my son and I don't know where to start.
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1235186 tn?1339127464
hi gabby, have you contact his probation officer? if he is already on probation and has violated his probation the probation officer could recommend or mandate to the judge  that he be sent to rehab.
otherwise when he appears for his new charge that is when you could ask the court and probation officer to send him to a rehab.
his court date is this Friday? does he have other charges already pending?
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I already called his probation officer and he told me to speak to his attorney and he could suggest to the judge about rehab
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The problem is what if his attorney does not do this what can I do?
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1235186 tn?1339127464
what kind of charges does he have against him?
most times if they are all drug related that is usually what the recommendation is for sentencing. is to be mandated to a program and if he leaves the program before he finished he would then have to finish the sentence in jail.
my daughter had a few felony charges, for distribution, possession and  grand larceny. she went to a Christian recovery home on her own, the distribution and possession charges have been reduced to a misdemeanor. june 10th is court for the larceny charge, I am praying that also gets reduced because she has been in rehab for 9 months.

my husband and I minister to addicts in our local communities and most judges and courts are more than happy to give the addicts a chance at recovery by sending them to a rehab. they are not criminals they have resorted to crime to feed their habits.
have you spoken to the lawyer yet?
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He has a DUI. and was recommended to go to IOP and he cannot seem to finish it. This just gets postponed.This recommendation is ging on 2 years. I hope the judge will see he cannot seem to finish it. He also has some theft from stop and shop and rite aid.The attorney has not returned my calls. His bond was raised last week and I did not bail him out. He spent 4 days and 3 nights in jail and ended uo in the jails hospital all that time.He was released and here we aer again. He cannot seem to get better on his own.
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1235186 tn?1339127464
did he get some type of a letter from iop or did they sent one to the court?
if they don't attend  or have dirty urines at iop the facility will notice the court that he didn't succeed there and would usually recommend inpatient.

do you plan on going to court with him tomorrow? I would ask the judge if you could say something. then tell them that he has tried iop, suboxone, has been going around and around for many years and you would like the court to help save his life by mandating him to a program.

what state are you in?  look up the division of human services within your state, new jersey has a division of addiction services. hopefully you can get some advise there.

this is the link for the federal substance abuse mental health services administration website. they  might be able to help you.
http://www.samhsa.gov/index.aspx

here is  the link for the same government agency that pertains to new jerseys resource guid. just to show you that each state has it owns page for samhsa.

http://store.samhsa.gov/product/New-Jersey-State-Resource-Guide/SRG-NJ

has your son been back home with you since he got out of jail?


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He is in court right now. Here in this state the judge wont even talk to me.I called his probation officer and she asked me to talk to his attorney. I tried calling his attorney and he wont even call me back . I don't know if he showed or he might need a court appointed attorney. I didn't get your answer until now. at this this point I have to wait until he gets out of court. He said he did not need me and that he would resolve this on his own. He is still my son and I hope he makes the right decision. He promised me he would go to detox. I told him to comeback home he needs to go to long term rehab.Thanks for the advise I am going to look up your info
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Gabby705 - I'm just a mother who is dealing with the same thing.  I appreciate the opportunity to read the advice given to you because just like you - I'm at the end of my rope.  I can't just watch him kill hisself.  He says he wants off of them but he doesn't want anything that's going to cause him discomfort.  I don't know I just wanted to tell you I feel for you and know exactly how you feel.  
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It is very difficult. On Saturday my son agreed to go to detox and because he had taken 30 mg of methadone they would not take him. I went away to get away from him for a few days. I don't know if its better or worse for me to be away. He called me a few hours ago and said he was deathly sick and that he needed money or he was going to go out and steal. I told him to go to the local hospital that maybe they could take him. He said no that there is nothing they will do for him and that they will send him home. I told him I would go back tomorrow and that I will try to get him into detox. I hope he doesn't get into more trouble because at this point jail or detox is his only chance. I prayed that he makes the right decision.It is very hard to see him suffer but what else can I do. He has stolen from me and it seems to get more and more.
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1235186 tn?1339127464
Gabby what happened when he went to court? Detox won't take him cause he did 30 mgs of methadone? Isn't that what detox is supposed to help with?
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They wouldn't take him. He missed his appointment for methadone on Saturday and he didn't get his methadone over the weekend. then he didn't have a way to get to the clinic yesterday so today the let him in finally after so long of waiting. I thought he was going to change his mind. I went away on Saturday. He was all alone. He told me that he didn't eat for 2 days. sometimes tough love does work. We have no plan for rehab I am hoping he will go were I suggested. It is long term. I am relieved but also scared. I thought last time it would of worked and here I am 6 months later in the same situation. I will just keep praying for him and everyone else with this terrible addicton.
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He called me today and he is ready to leave.he told me his rehab will only accept him in 3 weeks so it is not worth staying there. That he should leave and then come back. He makes everything up and lies and lies. I set up a long term rehab for him and he will not go. he wants to g to another one. The one he wants to go to will put him back on methadone. He has  relasped 3 times from methadone and twice from suboxone. He keeps relasping doesn't any one  see this? I don't know what else to do. Tommorow isanother day does anyone know how many days before he feels better?
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1235186 tn?1339127464
Hi gabby I am sorry I am a bit confused. Did he get sentenced when he went to court? What did the lawyer or judge say about the possibility off dating him to rehab?
Where is he now? In a detox? Rehab?
Gabby please don't take him back into your home, he manipulates you so much. He is a grown man, let him figure things out by himself. Yes he is going to be sick for awhile until he completely detoxes. He will not feel well physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually for a few months. It takes time for the healing. The problem is he doesn't want to wait. He wants the fix now and as long as he keeps using, methadone, suboxone , xanax, heroin he is continuing the cycle. He has to want to get off the merry go round.
He isn't on the methadone now? Did he stop at 30 mgs?
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He was in a detox and this morning when I got here he was in front of my business waiting for me with a taxi. I know the taxi so I had to pay him and then he came in my business and insisted on his car etc. His was like a crazy man.I didn't want to give him his car because he has a suspended license. He then got the keys to my car and left.He came back an hour later.Saying he needed to go back to methadone then to a shelter etc. I called the detox and they said he wanted to leave and he wants to go to a rehab that will keep him on methadone. It looks like that is what he wants.He took his car if they pull him over he has a suspended license etc. There is nothing else I can do. It has been 2 years of living Hell. I told him not to come back. He keeps coming. My next step will be to get a restraining order. He has court coming up on the 28th of June. He does not have a lawyer.I refused to pay for his Lawyer again. He will have to get a public defender.I am still going to try to call someone to see if the judge will order him into long term rehab and detox.I called his probation officer and he changed probation officers and he told me that he just got his file and didn't do anything yet.The system is so messed up everyone tells me to go some where else.I hope he will be fine, after everything I still haven't given up on him.
















  
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My son is going for the second time to a 30 day rehab. The first time he stayed on methadone this time he says he is getting off the methadone while in rehab. Does any one know if this is possible in 30 days. His original problem is Heroin.
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480448 tn?1426952138
Oh geez.  My hearts bleeds reading this.  I would really consider a PFA.  He has NO right to come to your business and take your car, or his for that matter.  If you don't do the PFA, then in the least, you should be calling the police every time he shows up at your door.  If he's driving his car without a license, call the police for that too.  Who carries the insurance on the car?  If it's you, you're going to find yourself in a huge mess of a situation.  Think about it...what if he gets high, wrecks and kills someone?  That will come back on YOU because you knew he took the car.  If you carry the insurance, cancel it and let him know you did so, then tell the police what's going on.  Is the car in your name?  If so, that's another issue, because then you wouldn't be able to cancel the insurance.  This is such a mess hon....time to get VERY tough.

Sweetie, it's time to walk away from this, nothing is changing, he's NO better than when he started.  He may even be worse.  He's still manipulating everyone...the system, you, lawyer, rehabs you name it.  Stop the madness.  Do what you have to do to protect yourself and your assets.  For whatever reason, he still has easy access to your bank account and such...you need to change everything...close accts, get new ones and let your banks know that he is to have NO access ever, and even if he comes in with a check to be cashed, you have to be notified first.  You need to put bigtime safeguards in place for YOU.

He's not ready gabby...it's as simple as that.  Just STOP doing anything for him.  Put his rehab and recovery 100% in HIS hands.  Tell him you will make no more calls, will not drive him anywhere...nothing.  He needs to handle every single aspect of it himself.  If and when he starts really working on recovery, then you can try to determine how to have a relationship with him.  Seriously sweetie, this is just insane.  Enough is enough.  He has NO accountability at all...and you're still on the merry-go-round.  Time to get off.

Much love and prayers to you.  I feel for you.
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My son finally decided to put himself in a 6 month program. He told me he was tired of this life and he wanted to get on with it and go back to school and get a job. He has been in rehab for one week. They keep him on methadone and they are supposed to lower it slowly. right now he is on 30mg. I am hoping he will stay. He seems to be happy. I am so glad he did this on his own. This might not be the end but at least it is the beginning of him wanting to get clean and on with his life. Any suggestions on what I should and how I should handle him away. He calls me everyday. He wants me to give him an Ipad. He said he is bored. What would you do?
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1235186 tn?1339127464
hi gabby, this a good to read. he has a long way to go but it is a start.
they should be keeping him pretty busy. I would definitely not get him an ipad. it is way to soon. does he have one at home or he wants you to buy him one?
don't want to sound negative but, if he leaves he can easily sell the ipad for money to use.
first of all I would ask the facility if it is allowed and then I would definitely wait much longer. possibly until he is off of the methadone.
get him some books instead.
how are you doing? do they have family sessions there?
have you been going to alanon?
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Hello and thank you for the advise. He has been there for one month. 2 weeks ago they were sitting in the cafeteria and one of the patients didn't like what he said and punched him in the face.They threw the patient out. My son is know on lockdown even though he didn't fight. He is not happy and has been asking me for an ipad.He says he doesn't do anything at all all day. Only after 90 days can they go out and start looking for a job etc. he told me that he doesn't like the place. He says that the people that work there are nice but the patients are horrible. That there are only convicts etc.Should I wait it out and speak to the counselors? I was trying not to get so involved. What would you do?
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480448 tn?1426952138
I wouldn't do it.  For one, I don't personally think it's healthy for him to have an ipad where he can search the internet about things that may trigger him.  The biggest reason is, he hasn't come close to earning ANY kind of help from you.  I'm sorry to say, but he can't really be trusted.  You can't believe anything he says.  It's GREAT that he's where he is and is getting help but I would stay tough and stick to your bottom lines hon.

If you want, send him some books, puzzle books, etc.  Ask the facility what he's allowed.  There are lots of things you can send him to keep himself occupied that aren't an iPad.

Very best to you.  I always check back for updates and keep you in my prayers.
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My son did not complete the 6 months program.He left after 7 weeks. He then put himself into a detox and the day he got out he got himself high again. Of course he denys it . When I picked hi up at the detox he was my old son, He told me he had an appointment for drivers retraining and that I cost $125.00. When he came back from class he was different and sweaty etc. He needs a lot more help. I didn't let him in the houseso he sleep in his car outside my house. He doesn't have a drivers license and he is on probation. When he is in his right state of mind he is so worried and wants to fix his life and when he is high he is miserable, mean. He says he wants to get better then he changes his mind quickly. What am I doing wrong?
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480448 tn?1426952138
I just posted on your new thread.  Reading back refreshed my memory of all the crap he put you through.  I HOPE you're protecting yourself, your business and your assets.  PLEASE do not enable him or help him in any way during his active addiction, you know the drill.  

So sorry this continues.  My heart is sad for you.

Lastly...

"What am I doing wrong?"

THIS is where your mind is still not thinking right.  This isn't ABOUT you, it's about HIM, and what HE'S doing wrong..which is NOT accepting responsibility that he's sick and needs to actually WORK at recovery.  

I honestly strongly feel he has never wanted to get clean, he's just gone through the motions when he's forced.  You're still very much codependent, you need your own help for that.  REREAD this thread, a few times, to remind yourself of all the advice you've gotten, as you're back to square one.  YOU can NOT fix HIM.  You cannot.  Period.  

Hang in there.
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