Million dollar question, is everyone making bottom lines and sticking to them (including you?) or id he still being enabled?
He has to do this for himself, that's clear. HE needs to be the one looking for rehabs, not you. I know it's painful. but you honestly cannot help him. If he's using the day he gets out of rehab and is on his 3rd inpatient rehab, he doesn't WANT to be clean, he doesn't even want to try, he's still very much wrapped up in his addiction.
All you can do sweetie, is tell him you love him but can NOT support him in any way when he's actively using...then stick to your bottom line. Where is he living? Who's paying his way? ALL of that needs to stop, whoever is doing it.
He HAS to feel consequences, if not, it's just too easy to keep using.
Many prayers coming your way, I'm sure your heart is broken, you had such hope. This isn't meant to be harsh, just honest. Take care, keep posting, and get YOURSELF the help YOU need, okay?
Until he is really ready to stop nothing will change. Are you attending any support groups?
He has to want to stop and know that there are consequences if he doesn't. Until then, he will continue to use.
gabby I am so sorry. it doesn't matter what rehab he goes to or how many.
he has to put in the work that is required for his recovery and his healing.
recovery and healing take time.
my daughter is graduating next weekend from a year long faith based drug and alcohol program. victory outreach. when she went she said she would only stay for a couple months to get clean.
faith based programs are usually one year long. it seems like a long time but considering the time they have spend abusing drugs, one year is not a long time in relation to their addiction and their life.
my daughter has stayed for the whole year and she is a changed person.
the longer the rehab the better chance they have of not relapsing.
that being said these are three men's faith based programs in Connecticut. my husband & I know each of these programs.
I know how you feel I was in the same situation one year ago.
there is always hope.
keep the faith.
much peace and prayers,
My son had me bring him to another detox.I dropped him off on Friday night and Saturday night he asked to be picked up because he is very sick and they will not give him anything for pain. I told him I would not pick him up. He is supposed to say until Wednesday morning lets see what happens. Yesterday he told me he wanted to go to a hospital because they give him suboxone. This is his forth detox, rehab twice and I even had him committed because he said he would kill himself. He says all he needs is to work and stay busy that he does not need another rehab. He seems like he is in a hurry to get his friend back etc.He even posted on facebook that he was so happy to be clean and then he starts all over.I asked him why he did that right after detox and he said he thought he was just going to get high one more time and that was not right and after this detox never again.He keeps calling me from detox to pick him up. I am not answering the phone.Am I doing wrong? I hope when he gets out things do not start up again.Did you ever here of teen challenge? That is a 15 month program.
Stick to your Guns. When I went in to the treatment and I was sponsored a bit and also had to come up with some money, I wanted to leave and I was 56. I just bit my tongue and stayed. I am SO glad i did. I did learn alot in there so that when I got home I continue to go to Support groups. He might have to do some IOP when he gets out and hit some meetings too. We can not do this alone. I have to stay away from People, Places and Things that can cause a trigger at any giving moment. Hopefully he will learn what the drugs do to the brain. When I went to school all I saw was a egg being fried in a pan. Well now I know so much more about it and it does help me to this day. It will take ALOT of WORK to stay clean. I wish you the best and DO NOT Give in to him.
Hi Angela, yes Hun I have heard of teen challenge. That is one of the website links I sent you. All three of the programs I mentioned are good. He can't take suboxone in those programs I know that for sure.
He has done suboxone and wasn't working a program.
I think he would be best just to stop everything, and learn to live life on its terms.
DO NOT PICK HIM. He needs to stay put. When detox is over he should go right into a long term program.
It would be best for someone to take him as he will try to manipulate you.
What happened with his court cases?
Hun you need to really step back. Please detach from him emotionally. Don't let him back into the house again.
I know how hard it is but the only way things are going to get better is if he feels the consequences of his addiction.
Staying clean is hardest thing ever.. Even thought u want to stay clean is hard too many temptations everywhere. The only thing i believe is programs n GOD! Good luck god bless u all..
I stuck to my guns and did not pick him up.he did get out and I insisted on him going to a rehab. Spoke to his probation officer and Ihe told me he could not stay on the street that that would not be the best for him and he said he would put in his chart that I as a mother think that a long term rehab would be the bet for him.That I should keep him safe. I don't know if I am coming or going anymore. Just when I got the courage to be tough I am being told to help him. The probation officer told me that most likely he would go to a long term rehab. My son told me he told him that he would just do IOP and if that doesn't work then they would look into in-patient. My son has done 3 detoxs 2 rehabs,I even put him in the hospital and this probation officer thinks he needs IOP. Should I call him and tell him everything ? I want to help my son not hurt him. Also when he called me from the detox place I didn't pick him up. He told me he had a very high fever and that he was very sick and I needed to pick him up. This was true they had given him medicine and he was allergic. When my daughter picked him up his hands and feet were swollen. I feel so bad maybe I should of picked him up, but I didn't believe him. His hands are still swollen and red.. His court date is Wednesday and suggestions?
hun please stand up at the court and ask the judge to help save his life and mandate him to a long term inpatient program. he cant do it on his own, you have tried to help him and cant have him living with you anymore.
tell him how many rehabs and detoxes he has been in and that he left all of them and is still getting high.
you are afraid he is going to die if he goes to an outpatient program.
he needs long term inpatient to have any chance at a clean and sober life.
if he is mandated to an inpatient program and leaves he would have to do jail time.
don't feel bad you didn't pick him up, they would have gotten him medical treatment if he needed it. what medicine did they give him that he was allergic to?
tell the probation officer he cant live with you, what is wrong with him????
him living with you isn't keeping him safe it is enabling him. tell him he has stolen too much from you, gets violent and aggressive.
your son needs some tough love.
I told him all this . I even asked him to find him sober living so he could stay clean while we figured this out and he said absolutely not! that is where all the drugs are etc, He even asked for him to come back home. I said no. He is temporarly in a basement apartment we have until the court date. I plan to be in court, hopefully the judge will listen to me. I am calling his parole officer back tomorrow and explain what is going on. Do you think I am hurting him ? I was looking at pictures from 3 years ago, what a difference! I am going to keep trying. Thank you for your wonderful advise
NO! HE is hurting him. You were hurting him a lot more when you were enabling him. You are doing the right thing. Keep holding your ground. The PO is just plain dumb to insist on you taking him back in, that's the LAST thing you need to do!
Prayers for you as always, hopefully the judge will get tough. That's the only thing I see that's going to work. Fingers crossed!