30 hours clean

[nurseintrouble]

OK, I have made it 30 hours without a pain pill.  I feel like ****, but nothing I cannot get through.  Thank god for Xanax and Imodium!  I know I can get through tonight, but what about all the days that follow?  I guess it's like they say in AA, "One day at a time".  My biggest test will be when I go back to work tomorrow, will I be drug seeking or will I stay clean? (It feels very strange saying "staying clean" after only 30 hours). You see, I work as a nurse manager in a large nursing facility and have access to drugs.  I do have a plan though to have the drugs made inaccessable to me.  I am so happy I found this website, all of your postings have made me realize that I am not alone and that I can do this.  I have nothing to gain by taking pills and everything to lose!  I will be checking postings through out the night, your words of encouragement are welcomed and needed as I will need all the strength I can get for tomorrow!

[nurseintrouble]

I dreamed about percocet last night.  I found a bottle and poured a out a handful and just looked at them, then I poured them back into the bottle and throw it away.  I felt very pround in the dream until I looked at my hand and I still had 2 in laying in my palm.  In my dream I was telling myself that it's only 2 and then I can make it through the day.  I woke up before I took them, so I'm not sure what I would have done.  I just re-read all the post and I feel like I can do this, keep your fingers crossed.

[tzt2lady]

Hi, another cali resident here.   I just wanted to tell you that when I had "almost" 24 hours I posted about it.   It is a HUGE deal when we have had trouble making it three or four hours without swallowing those pills.   You are on your way, please keep up the good fight, as my dear friend and co member Tim would say.

Hang tight.  Talk to us. Tell us if and when you hurt and when you start to feel better.   bad stuff will pass and you will have your life back in return.

hugs
tzt

[tautou]

i hope you make it through tomorrow. I am about 50 hours in now, but I am traveling for work tomorrow. I have no doubt I am not going to make it. I know I should believe in myself but I just dont. I hope youre a strong person than I. I noticed your from SF. I will be there tomorrow on business. I will be pulling for you.

[princ]

That's good. Good luck tommorrow. Be thinking of you

[nurseintrouble]

Thank you for your kind words.  I can't tell anyone else about this, I am glad I found support from people who are and who have gone through this.  I know I can do it, if I am honest with myself, and always keep in mind how very much I have to lose.  Work will be my true test, if I can make it through tomorrow, I can do this!  I have xanax, effexor, ibprofen, and imodium for the withdrawl symptoms, so far, so good.  I don't feel great, but I also do not feel like i am going to die without the pills.  last time I tried cold turkey, and only made it 3 days.  I was so sick after 24 hours I thought I was going to die.  This time I tapered and found a med regime to help.   I'll let you all know how tomorrow goes.

[princ]

Well that is good as I was worried you would be in legal trouble. Be careful they may be setting up a situation to catch the person.
You have taken vicodin which from what I have been reading is extremely addictive and very difficult to let go of. The others I have taken and although definitely unpleasant and hard as mentioned I did not find impossible to get off of. Your weaning is pretty good considering the amount you were taking per day. You are not a fraud you are addicted to this stuff and it takes over. You can stop and get your life back honey. O access is going to be very hard. If you take work off it might be suspect in the beginning. If you do not have access it might be okay for you to work as at least it will keep you busy. The withdrawal the first few days with nothing will be very hard. Don't be afraid to fake the flu etc. and take some time off if you need it. Others on this site have recommended other meds to help. You may want to check some of the earlier postings.
I hope this helps but more than anything when you get desperate, are hurting etc. please come online and we will support you and help you get through this. You have made the right choice. Godspeed.....

[nurseintrouble]

I took (love the past tense!!) vicodin,percocet, and oxycodone, depending on what was available.  I took on average about 10 pills a day for 3 years.  I have weaned myself down over the past 2 weeks, until yesterday I took 1- 5mg oxcodone in the morning and 1 in the evening.  No, I have never stolen meds form patients.  I take the narcs that are to be destroyed, they just through them a locked cubboard in the med room, and because I am a manager, no thinks twice when I ask for the keys, and yes I could go to jail and lose my nursing license if I was ever caught.  People at work know someone is stealing meds (maybe not just me), and the supervisors for the floor are now locking the narcs up on their offices, except for one, and I am going to suggest that she do that tomorrow.  No one at work would ever suspect me, I am 3rd in commad at the building, and they actually come to me when they think someone is stealing meds.  God, I am such fraud!  But, if this last supervisor locks them in her office, I will have 0 access to the narcs.  Wish me luck!  

Hi calijen in Sac.  wish we had your sun in SF!!

[princ]

By the way 30 hours is a long time. You have already passed day 1. The first 3 are the worst as I said. I wanted also to tell you that it does get better very quickly once you get past the first weeks. It is a short time as it relates to your life but a long time when you are going throuh w/d. I am on around day 20 and I still think of the pills but do not feel a void without them. I am feeling so much better and look better.

[lady_m]

Hey neighbor, Sacramento here :)

30 hours seems like nothing to some, but to us it's enough to change our lives.  I think you are very wise to quit away from work, because now when you go back you'll already have 2 days under your belt.  It's harder to cave and give in when you have that time behind you.  Especially when you fought so hard to get it.  So when you go back tomorrow, stay strong and reread your posts.  It will remind you why you are doing this.

You will know you are truly there when you can be around them and not give in.  That's when you are truly doing it, not because you're out of pills or money, but because you are CHOOSING not to take them.  Look those things in their ugly faces and keep telling them that you are better than they are, you won't come down to their level.  They have stolen enough from you - be the one to have the upper hand and call the shots.

[princ]

How long have you been taking pain pills and what kind? Are you taking them from patients, clients? I ask this because I am wondering if you could be in legal trouble if you keep this up and also of course because I assume if you are you must be feeling horrible about taking pills from someone who may need it? I ask as if you are getting the pills at your place of work you may want to try to arrange some time off if possible for your initial withdrawal. I think it will be too hard for you to not take them until you get through the first week. Can you take time off of work?
You will have to decide what you want for your life. Know this, depending on the amount and kind of pills you are taking, the first three days are hell on wheels. The next four are also horrible but you will find it a bit better. Once you get past the first week you will start to feel physcially better for sure. All of a sudden you just start feeling energy coming your way again around day 10. This is very individual however and depends also on what you take and how many.

I wish you the best of luck and will say a prayer for you. You can stop if you really want to but you may need a strong plan and support. Good luck.

[blueyz]

Just wanted to applaud your 30 hours, sometimes just those first few hours are the hardest.  It's good you have a plan for tomorrow.  Again, good job!  Stick to it.  I promise you will feel so much better about yourself.  

Keep it up!