32 days

Question

Hello everyone. I'm 32 days in recovery and last night I learned more about myself that I wasn't aware of. I went down to my parents house to visit with my children, where as usually I would let them go visit and I would stay home. As I was there I noticed my mom was ignoring her phone calls and just sitting in the chair and not doing anything at all. My father had been outside and when he came inside and the phone rung again she quickly told him not to answer it. My father questioned her about it and she said my daughter doesn't visit often and I'm enjoying her. It was very bittersweet. I realized how my isolation had effected my mom. I knew of course that I became isolated during my drug use but it was just a reality shock to me last night of how it has really effected my mom and others too. I'm still learning more and more everyday about myself and this addiction. It may not seem like much but to me it was another step in the mental aspect of healing and I'm not beating myself up over it, I'm just feeling some guilt and remorse for not being around in a very long time and for hurting my parents like that. So thankful I'm clean today. Blessings to you all.

overopiates · Answer

Wow just saw the powt about life insurance.Thats sad but a wake up call now that ur sober.Please just dnt get overwhelmed.I know u may not get what I mean now but u might and everything people r saying is because they love u and love u sober

overopiates · Answer

Ary I was just saying u may not realise it but ur kids notice the difference too and that means a lot!!!

overopiates · Answer

Glad u r feeling better.i know i was very isolated&did the exqct same as u when I was using.its nice to hear ur mom was so happy to c u&make sure u continue to visit as its good for u and obviously for her.What she said ia so sweet and yet another reason to stay clean.U will continue to c how much happier u and everyone around u r as u stay clean.congrats on ur clean time too.I be

candy_17 · Answer

That wasn't a downer, I'm very glad your mom didn't have to collect on that policy and I know she is too. Congratulations on your recovery!! I learned yesterday that I'm only doing so good because I've been keeping to myself all this time. The more I interact with people, the harder it feels. But I'm trying to get out more and more and do it.

SbeccaRue · Answer

SORRY for throwing a downer in the mix! I have been sober since June 3rd and It's crazy looking back and how far I've come from addiction to detox/ inpatient rehab and to here! Scary, hard journey to restart a life I know I deserve! Trying to give my son a life he deserves not an addicted mom and a dad whose in prison for 17 years! he deserves a loving, attentive mother!!

SbeccaRue · Answer

I think the worst thing I heard/learned about my addiction (besides all the crap I've done to my son and family) my mom informed me they had a life insurance policy on me. Because they knew I was going to die and I have a 7 year old son. I don't believe I have cried that hard in my life.

Sonrissa · Answer

Oh yes, food! LOL! I lost quite a bit of weight during my detox! It was not pretty! I have rediscovered my love of sweets! I can not get enough of them! I have to be very careful about going the other way! For now, I'm just enjoying my small gift of food! Take care!

candy_17 · Answer

Thanks Sonrissa you are so right! Today I enjoyed the best grilled chicken salad ever with cranberries and apples, it was wonderful!! I've definitely got to start exercising or else I'm going to not be able to fit in my clothes...lol food is amazing now...

Sonrissa · Answer

Hi Candy, congrats on the 32 days! This is one of the small gifts that becoming clean gives us all the time! That's how I look at it! A small gift that I get every day I'm clean! There are so many different ones! A good nights sleep, reconnecting with friends, the taste and enjoyment of food, tears over a sad movie, enjoyment over a rainy day.....I could go on and on, but you get the idea! 

Take care, stay strong, and keep enjoying the small gifts!

candy_17 · Answer

Bayaba, sleep..ugh...I wish I knew a miracle trick to help you. I honestly tried almost all of the sleep aides otc and nothing worked for me. I have a very hard time shutting my brain down, I always have but I've always taken xanax and somas and alcohol to help. I've been told that goodys pm works really well. I never trier it so I don't know for certain. I think it just takes time and I just arrived to that point in my recovery that it was finally time. I hope your time will come soon. It is very frustrating I know. I think I just accepted it that I wasn't going to sleep until it didn't bother me anymore and then I started falling asleep. It helped a lot that my boyfriend had to have his sleep since he went back to work and that meant lights out, tv off and I could've went in another room if sleep was impossible but laying there in the dark and quiet I did fall asleep. Have you tried hot bath, warm milk, a banana at night? Other than all of the sleep aides I've heard those are a few of the natural things I've heard. Good luck to you. Congratulations to you too!!

candy_17 · Answer

Thank you both!! Halfahussle its most definitely a trick! I too felt that I performed better while taking pills and thought I couldn't function without them. But I was never really functioning at all, I was just running from the problem and never slowing down in hopes that nobody would notice. I would go by my parents to pick up my children or drop them off and I was always in a hurry, never sit down and have real quality time. And yes you're right it is hard not to beat ourselves up but the important thing is to acknowledge the things that we do that we aren't proud of and not to repeat those mistakes. I so wish I had all of the money back that I've spent on drugs and alcohol in my lifetime, I'd be rich for sure!!

Bayaba · Answer

Hi Candy, Congratulations on day 32! It's encouraging to hear that others, not too far ahead of me, are getting sleep. That is the biggest issue tat I am dealing with right now. Was there anything that you did to help yourself sleep. I've been trying a lot of things, but I'm open to more ideas.

Keep up the good work!
Bayaba

haftahussle · Answer

hi candy    i am glad your parents are there for you.  it is interesting that you noticed your mom and dad.  the drugs are so tricky.  for me i feel like i do better around people and can "keep up" with activities while taking pain meds.  but,  i think it is a trick.  the feedback from my boyfriend would support this.  
it is hard not to beat ourselves up .  i know when i start taking fewer drugs, i feel real bad about the money spent etc.  my detox starts today.  you are doing really well.  glad you slept a normal nite.  and glad you are in recovery.  keep it up!  have a nice day.  i will be on the boards a lot i am sure the next week or so with the withdrawal.  waiting for the pain to come at this point.  bye for now

candy_17 · Answer

Thank you cleanguy:) how are you feeling? We are on about the same number of days...I think. Are you sleeping well now? I finally am!! Yay!! I think a lot of it is because my boyfriend's gone back to work and he's tired at night and he's sleeping so now I am too! Slept from 11:00-6:00am whoohoo!! Now I need a job!! Have a great day.