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223873 tn?1189755832

A New Design For Living

Good morning all. Just wanted to share with those of you who see no way out of the life of active alcoholism and drug addiction. There is a new design for living. On 6/28/07 i almost died from an overdose of alcohol and prescription drugs. I have been abusing both for over a year. I went through bottles of Norco (100) in 2-3 days, and also abused soma, xanax. fiorinol, and temazapam. I had no idea what it felt like to feel. I have been an addict/alcoholic for a big portion of my life. In my earliest days it was heroin, and since that got me into so much legal trouble i havent shot dope in a very long time. But being the addict/alcoholic i am i convinced myself that i could drink like a lady. Not so. When i relapsed after 4 and a half years in NA it has taken me this long (15 years) to finally get the concept that i cannot drink or use anything that keeps me from dealing with life with a clear mind and soul. I had good reasons (excuses) to justify my using, I have had 6 knee surgeries and a fractured L2. And the best excuse was that my 16 year old daughter died last year. My abuse accelerated 10 fold after that and of course i surrounded myself with great co dependants who understood (justified) my "PAIN". On that last day (6/28/07) my hubby came home from work and found me in a black out from the combo of drugs and alcohol i had been consuming all day. He tells me that when he tried to take my pills away from me i fought him and when he dropped some of them i grabbed them and took them. By all medical means i should be dead or totally mentally incompetent. When i came to the next morning i was of course very, very ill, but there was also a clarity that i no longer wanted to live the way i was living. And being the coward i have always been i knew i couldnt kill myself, and medicating my feelings was no longer an option. God did for me what i couldnt do for myself all those years of misery. He removed the obsession to drink and use. I attend 2 AA/NA meetings a day and am a happier woman than i can ever remeber being. I know there are difficult times ahead, dealing with all those painful things in my past, most of which were a product of my drinking and using. But i do know this much, that if you CHOOSE not to drink and use today, you dont have to.
Take care,
Cherokee Gal
6 Responses
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Avatar universal
Very inspirational story. I cannot thank you enough for sharing this. I also want to say that I am sorry about your daughter and your lifes struggle, and congrats on your decision to stay clean.

Your story brings allot of new hope to my day!

Thank you again.
Huggs
Tracy

You have made my thoughts for today change.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
What a great story.  Its offers hope for all of us.  I think if I could just stay on the bandwagon long ago that I will realize what true happiness is as well.  Good luck to you and to your friend.  
Helpful - 0
223873 tn?1189755832
Yes i am 1/3 cherokee.  its so funny you say that about my eyes, i had one of my friends say to day that he is so sick of looking at how happy i am all the time, and so of course i asked him to lead the meeting. he thanked afterwards.
Deb
Helpful - 0
225213 tn?1213734690
I love that saying about peace in the storm, thats awesome.  Id love to hear your friend speak!   He sounds like a real sweetheart.  And you too when you get to that stage.  All those things you are doing, coffee maker, sponsorship, rides, are SO huge in early recovery, as you stated.   You are doing an awesome job and I hear the hope in you writing, I know if I saw you you would have that light in your eyes, I just feel it.
hugs
tzt
Oh, are you Cherokee?   Im Choctaw and Chickasaw.

Helpful - 0
223873 tn?1189755832
Thank you so much and i truly got some wonderful things from your post. life is good today. i just came back from a meeting where i am secretary. Service, working with a sponsor, making coffee, pouring someone a cup of coffee, giving someone a ride to a meeting has all been such an instrumental part of my recovery. Realizing i know only a little keeps me humble (most of the time) and keeps me coming back so i can keep learning more. I was told that sobriety is a journey and not a destination. I have the most wonderful friend in AA, his name is **** C. and he is 92 and has 58 years of sobriety. He still goes to a meeting everyday and brings us all such hope and happiness. If you ever hear that he is speaking i would highly recommend you go hear him. And the cutest part of it all is that he still loves the women. He always tells me that maybe one day he will catch one but he is not sure if he would remember what to do if he did. Anyway, life is good today. And always remember, serenity is not freedom from the storm but peace amid the storm.
Deb    
Helpful - 0
225213 tn?1213734690
Wow, girlfriend!   You have quite a story!!   Let me know when you are speaking at a meeting!   I know about the obsession and compulsion being lifted by a power greater than ourselves.  See, I think some think "Ive been praying, it hasnt been lifted".   Well, it takes more than praying doesnt it Cherokee?   It takes FOOTWORK, which is exactly what you are doing and that is wonderful.  You are making it to 2 meetings a day and from how you sound, are probably working a program (steps and that).   If we do these things for ourselves, that power greater than ourselves, whatever it/he/she is, will do for us what we cant do for ourselves which is lift that obsession and compulsion (one is like constant cravings and gets us to use again (obsession) and the other keeps us using as if on automatic pilot even when we dont want to (compulsion).  
I had no desire to use for many years before beginning pain pills and it was through working a good program.
You have been through the worse kind of pain a parent could experience and you are clean.
You are truly an inspiration.
tzt
Helpful - 0
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