Really?

[TimH2]

Do you ever get sick of the same old thing? People just hiding their heads in the sand. I feel bad for the spouses having to put blame on themselves. It is not your world and you can't change it. You can kiss my tush and tell me how proud you are and it means nothing to me. I am an addict and know every single excuse. I am the only one that can stop this, it is my destiny or not. I think the only thing you can do is give an ultimatum, if it doesn't cut it, kick that drug addict to the curb. Don't waste your life thinking you can change someone, it is kind of ridiculous. Take a real hard look at what you are facing and draw a line and accept nothing less. Don't let addicts use you, they will. I see it all the time and it isn't pretty.

[yoyoyo333]

I dont get it and I dont think I ever will!! I understand everything about oxys from my boyfriends addiction for 5 years now. Every lie possible and thousands of broken promises. I dont get how its that really that strong. In the first couple years I have went from crying myself to sleep thinking there was something I could do or say to save him. Begging on my knees sobbing to Please Love Us More!!! me and his babies Please just love us more this one time. He would soon be gone going to buy oxys or get a front until it got his. Thats pain! when a man will spend every penny on it without buying food or diapers for his kids then the next day be dope sick in bed for days on end while I stress about what we are going to do. Over the years I have tried everything. I have been through every emotion. My babies and I have brought him to rehab twice and he left after a day or so each time. At worst he had taken little more than 40 oxys in one day 20's. He is addicted to snorting them also the whole process. He has begged me to hold them for him to give him only so many. about 3 times now he has attacked me infront of our kids to get the bottle from me, with 2 pills left in it. for 2 pills? the kids are terrified when he walks into a room. they say things like dont hit mommy dont break her. But the worst of all he left subs out for a min I didnt know our baby ate it I cant tell you or describe to you  there are no words he was so high .. an innocent baby but he doesnt stop  I dont get how its that strong. I dont get it. I would die for my kids do anything to protect them. I cant continue to do this anymore. I know I cant help him.  there isnt anything I can say or do. its not safe he drops stuff or leaves it laying around and I cant let him hurt us anymore. I dont have anything left anymore I have nothing. I dont get how that little blue pill has that much control over a person..to do those things to your own children and family. He is sick every month prob half of it until his appt. and he lays in bed. I have no sympathy for it anymore that dope sick feeling is nothing compared to the real pain we go through everyday trying to fight for the people we love when they dont even want to fight for themselves. To have children with someone and that little blue pill is worth more to him than us. Not being able to do anything about anything. We dont get to make those choices, we have to live with yours. I wont do that anymore.  I wish everyone coming forward with their own addiction all the strength to get well. Im sorry I dont want this comment to upset anyone, it so real to me. addiction is a selfish disease and u do have to do it for yourself first. But it breaks my heart for the family. For the wives or husbands mothers or fathers brothers and sisters but most of all the kids!!! it doesnt matter how young or old they are they are all affected by it wether we can all admit it or not.

[dkirby]

Glad you posted and that you are okay.  I am a professional worrier and I have to say you had me a little worried :)

Have a safe trip,  

Peace be with you,

dk

[TimH2]

Thanks for your post. I was in a bad place when that was posted. I am just so sick and disgusted with myself. I thank you for supporting and caring for me. I am off to Fl to see my Dad and brother. I plan on doing some deep reflection on where my life is headed. I wish you both the best and care very much where you future takes you. I am on your side and want the best for both of you.

God Bless,
Tim

[kyjobr]

I've been on both sides.  An addict and a child of an alcoholic.  Being the child is way worse.  Also, I don't think that leaving an addict is abandoning them.  It's tough love and we need it.  In fact, you are making things worse by staying with us, helping us and making us feel that we'll always have you no matter what.  Give us something to lose.  I also think it's selfish of us to ask them to stay.  If we really love them we should want them to move onto something and someone better.  Again, I've been the child of an alcoholic and I think I was the only kid I've ever known who told my mother I would run away if she DIDN"T get a divorce.  Don't get me wrong, I loved my father but watching them together and seeing him hurt himself and her was too much for a child to deal with.  We were best friends and I was completely the caregiver, making everyone happy and smiling.  But I've paid the price for that and so did he when he died at the age of 47 after years of tortorous, painful cirhossis.  My parents did get a divorce and no that didn't make my father get better but at least my mother could move on and help us daughters realize that we didn't have to be in a selfish relationship.  I'm sorry to say I am now the addict but at least I didn't chose a husband who's made the same mistake. But I did end up with a husband who looks the other way and doesn't think I'm "that bad".  

[debsally]

Ditto.....

Tim, you have been so supportive and helpful and patient and kind to me.  I care for you so deeply.  Please know I am here to support you, love you and help you in any way I can.  I can see you struggling and you have to know I love you no matter what.  Please try to see in yourself what we see in you.....a kind, generous, giving, smart, loving, caring, patient, supportive, real person that deserves just as much love and friendship and help and encouragement that you have shown to others....which is a huge amount.

Miss you and thinking and praying for you SUPER HARD!!!!
Love always,
Debs

[hopeless]

Deb and Dk,

Just finished reading both of your posts and i couldn't agree with your girls more. Tim is having a hard time over coming this addiction, and he does need to stay here with all of us. One thing about this forum is that no one here judges you. We are all here for the same reason. I wish he would stay here, and try to take his advice that he has given to so many others, cause that advice has actually helped so many people. Fighting this addiction is so freakin hard, but CAN be done. All of us that have come to know Tim so well, we all know how kind, generous, caring, and loving he is. It makes me sad to see him stuck in this terrible place right now.



Tim, (Flushin Bro) please stay here and let us be here for you. Don't go away when you are having a tough time, cause this is the time that you need us the most. I just want (we all do) to see you beat this thing once and for all. Remember, you need anything just yell, ok?
We will never leave you, and we will always be here for anything...

luvs you tons,
Hopey (Flushin Sis)

[dkirby]

Tim,

My husband is an addict.  I don't post often, but I am compelled to come here and check on people I don't know but have come to care about.  I have gotten a lot of help dealing with my husbands situation from reading here.  You are such a loving and giving person, yet when you need the love and care that your friends are here to give you, you drop out.  I wish for you that you could want for yourself that which you so want for others.  I wish so much for you that you could talk to your Dr friend and get started with Suboxone.  It is so sad to me that you care more about disappointing your friend than you do about your own life and the fact that your wife and children love and need you.  I know that if this man means so much to you that he is a wonderful guy and that he cares enough about you that he will do whatever he can to help you.  There are so many good people that are lost in addiction that is only perpetuated by drug companies and Dr's that are oh so willing to keep the addiction going.   Suboxone saved my husbands life.  It saved his job and our marriage and got my kids their father back.  It worked from the first evening he took it.  A couple of headaches were the only side effects.  He is in the process of tapering now and doing really well.  His Dr did not do the quick taper like Fladdict had such success with and that has me worried.  He has followed his Dr's instruction to the T and we will just have to deal with the end of the taper when that time comes.  You are in a dark place right now, otherwise you would be here.  You go away when you need to be here the most.  Your life (the good one) is waiting for you.  Take it back.

As long as I'm posting, I just want to say Debs - you are an incredible lady.  Sally is so fortunate to have you.

Tim - this was only meant with the best of intentions.  I am wishing all the best for you and your family always.

dk

[debsally]

I think I understand where you are coming from....but someone must think you are worth the wait.  I know Sally was worth every tear, every hurt, every frustration, every minute.  And I will stick by her and probably go through this again because that is my heart and my choice.  I don't have to, I want to and I rely on God to give me strength and patience, and God gave me all of you for support and I wouldn't give any of you up for anything.  

From my experience with Sally, it is a "worth" issue.  There is so much guilt and shame envolved around addiction that you all come to the conclusion that you have very little worth, and that is simply not true.  Addiction seems to be so consuming at times, when really it does not completely define who you are.  It may seem, sometimes, like it is all you are because it affects so many areas of your life.  BUT it is not completely who you are.  There are so many things about you that you are not seeing, feeling, knowing.  You are valuable to God, to your spouse, to your children, to your friends, to the strangers you make smile....to the world.  We all have a purpose here.  Being an addict does not take that away.  

Tim, God has a plan for you and although I completely understand your frustration,  I don't want you to forget how valuable you are.  You are worth every tear, every frustration, every hurt, every minute.  You are worth waiting for.  Remember who you are in God and who He is in you.  He has given you the people around you for a reason.  His plans are not always ours and His ways are not ours.  Seek Him, remember your worth and your value and remember your worth to someone else is different that you might think.

I love you so much.  You are very amazing.  Hang in there.

Always,

Debs

[walternowotny]

Spouses have a choice.They can walk away.But kids do not.And they do blame themselves for their parents drug/alcohol problem because that is the way they were raised.

[hopeless]

Hey Flushin Bro..Couldn't agree more!

We are who we are, and you are soooooo right, we have to want to change no one can change us. We can eiher choose to live the way we are, or we can make changes. Life is hard, and in our life time we are to learn how to deal with temptation, and we are to learn how to over come the obsticals that we are dealt with. As an addict myself, i know i have turned to others for help, and i have had people there for me to lean on, but in the end it had to be me to make the changes i have come to make in my life. I have hurt so many people from my addiction, but at the time i didn't realize it, or did i even care. The ones that were here for me, my family and such, could only do so much for me. It had to be ME to make the choice to end this horrible addiction that i caused on my own. I know i am far from over this yet, and i have a long way to go, but i WILL beat this thing, and i WILL do this without putting the blame on anyone else. I did this to me, not my kids, my husband, my friends, or my family. I went through alot, and overall have come to realize that i have to do this on my own. No one can do it for me.

Life is not perfect, and like tzt said, sometimes it is for the best to walk away from the one we love, doesn't mean we don't care, but it could help them by giving them the space they need and letting them learn how to become strong again. Sometimes in life, we got to walk away in order to do the right thing for the one we love. It makes them become stronger in the end...

[littldeb]

I'm not an addict andi l not blame myself for my husbandsaddiction, however I will stand beside him and support him because we are one (united).  We took each other for better and for worse, in sickness and in health and that means exactly that to me.  However, if he had not said he wanted to quit, I know all my support would be in vain.  
I understand what your saying Tim about it's your battle and decision.  I have seen on this board before where addicts have a low self esteem because of their addictions.  I pray that anyone that I come across here or anywhere in life that is down on themselves, I can love and encourage them.  I believe that is what God would have us to do.  It does get tough for everyone involved with an addict and I have felt like burying my head in the sand at times, but it's not gonna help him or me.
I don't feel used by my spouse, I feel loved and I would NEVER EVER turn my back on someone that has asked for my help.  
GOD LOVES ADDICTS
deb

[tzt2lady]

It is so true.   Sad, but true.   We can only do it for ourselves and people can not change other people.   Individuals have to want it themselves and step up on their own and get it.   Walking away does not always mean giving up.  It can mean giving the addict the space to get their act together, let them be alone so they know noone else is going to try to save them.  Seems then we find the strength, sometimes, sometimes not.

Its a sad, sad, truth that some of us die out there, addicted.

It is scary for those who love us cuz they see how much we appear to need them.  But letting us fall on our face is often the awakening we need.  Leaving can be the most loving thing a loved one can do.

Just my opinion, of course.  

[TimH2]

yes

[shelby74]

Aren't we always?

[TimH2]

We are in tune

[shelby74]

I cannot agree more.  The addict has to want to change.  It is so hard to give up on someone you care about but addiction is a disease.  A horrible, awful disease.  One in which we must battle on our own.  

[TimH2]

If you get insulted by my post, so be it. I am an addict and hate it. I am not proud of myself in any way.