Excessive Flatulence During W/D's ???

[Kevin_Bacon]

I've been miserably clean for six days (oxy), and can't seem to control my monstrous flatulence. Look, it's not funny. My aunt and her kids are coming over today, despite my protestations, and I'm really cutting them hard and fast.

Is there anyone out there who isn't laughing too hard who might be able to suggest a temporary measure to control these outbursts?

Thank you. The cat thanks you.

[NorcoQueenoftheUniverse]

FART ON!

[NorcoQueenoftheUniverse]

after reading ALL these posts.. I HAFTA say that I haven't LAUGHED that hard in a LONG TIME.. thanks you guys for making me LOL big TIME!

I know that this is an OLD post but.. A good POST!

[candothis247]

hey kevin congratulations on 13 days off opiates --- that's fantastic..... besides all this flatulence, gas, and farting... how are you doing otherwise?  

[NautyOne]

JiMbo!!!!........lol.  That was an oldie for sure......

HEY?.......DOES ANYONE ELSE HAVE ANY GOOD FART JOKES....COME ON LETS MAKE THIS A WEEKEND FART FEST!!!!

SERIOUSLY.......FART JOKES? HUMOR US PEOPLE.....LOL

ANUTY

[PromisedLand]

Yeah, I know its an oldie...back to Crossroads..gonna break it out tonight..both DVDs...I'm dying to pull out a Springsteen from Barcelona DVD and watch it while I work...gotta hear some Bruce!



Bear

[BaronMunchausen]

Heh heh... I haven't heard that joke in over twenty years, Bear. Lol!

[PromisedLand]

reminds me of a joke...guy goes sees his doctor...everytime I fart I hear "phhhhht..honda" and its been going on for weeks...Doctor checks him out and days "ah hah...an absess"  "absess?" inquires the wind breaking patient..what the hell does that have to do with it?"

"everybody knows an absess makes the fart go honda"


sorry...real old one I go from m uncle.

[NautyOne]

When all else fails ......try ex-lax.......2 of those puppies and trust me....you'll think twice before you do a stinky.......lmao!!!

[BaronMunchausen]

Heh heh... start taking the cat or dog with you everywhere you go. Then after you let loose, you can go;

"Tippy!!! BAD DOG!!!" in a scolding tone. :->

You can try zantac, it's a great stomach pill that should help if it's due to stress/ tension causing the stomach juices to churn in high gear. It's OTC now, to my understanding. I used it when I had an ulcer to avoid suffering this problem.

[NautyOne]

Get a can of fart spray.  Spray every time you "fart" and pretend you are entertaining your guests.........

I have always wondered why everyone Else's farts smell but our own.......Is that weird or what?......

I guess all I can say is..........It will ..Pass.......lol

[Kevin_Bacon]

Thank you for your sympathetic response. I decided against any type of bowel resectioning immediately ... I know I can get through this. Although the stench permeates every fiber of the house, the folks upstairs have agreed to stay in a nearby hostel for the weekend, until the place is vacuumed and gassed by the local health authorities. On the bright side, the fruitfly population has crashed, and I'm no longer attacked by nocturnal mammals when I enter my fitful sleep.

No. The way out of this is to exert control, as best I can, over this insidious side-effect of my inexcusable surrender to Morpheus. Oh, Jeez -- there goes another one -- my CD's are warping, and only when the screen is visible can I continue ...

Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Unless you're dead, in which case they're having a good cackle at you and your suppurating orifices.

Bless you.

[hooklineandsinker]

Have you considered an emergency colostomy? Much neater and easier to deal with. Sorry to hear about your cat.

I'm just very concerned that you haven't posted about what you're doing for aftercare?  You have 12 days clean now. I mean from opiates not feces.

In your present condition, I would think it wouldn't be possible to pursue something that involves actual human contact.

Maybe some of the older posters would have some suggestions?

[Kevin_Bacon]

Argh. Went o see a proctologist this afternoon, and after a very uncomfortable series of digital testing, I was informed that a particular sphincter was seriously compromised by searing outbursts of highly-acidic liquid  fecal material ...

This guy's one of the top "Rear Admirals" in town, and has referred me to a tendon-transfer specialist in the Plastic Surgery Unit of a large hospital. He made no promises re the prognosis for my destroyed musculature, but believes that something approaching normal function may be achieved by the relocation of tendon material extracted from my neck.

In the meantime, I'm barely getting by with a jerry-rigged sluice apparatus, consisting of eavestroughing and epoxy, connected to my once-stylish sofa-loveseat combo.

If you find this humorous, well, keep taking drugs and say goodbye to all your house pets, your dignity, and that agile muscle that prevents what just happened again, shorting out my keyboa

[Kevin_Bacon]

Well, I got over the, er, nebulae thing and went out to buy a few bottles of grape juice.

After downing three large glasses, wondering about the muddy taste, I discovered to my horror that it was, in fact, prune juice.

Aside from the linoleum damage, my beloved feline Fluffy was consumed by one of the ensuing fireballs.

We''ll always have Paris.

[hooklineandsinker]

Take them all outside and build a campfire and cook some beans ala Blazing Saddles.

[Kevin_Bacon]

Well, thanks for all your sincere suggestions ... if my eyes weren't stinging so severely, I'd try to defend myself.

--KB

[hooklineandsinker]

Blame it on the cat.

[Kevin_Bacon]

Thanks, mate -- tried bran flakes and now I wait. Visine helpful.

[troubleinohio]

again i recommend GAS X-- the chewable tablet kind works faster I think, also get the extra strength kind of it..it really does help

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

How about increasing fiber intake Kevin? Through diet or with some simple supplements from the drugstore - - - if you still arent eating well you can get fiber tabs that go down pretty easily.....and never forget good old saltine crackers!   Now I will laugh at the cat!!