Help me get out of Crack Hell

[hoping4light]

I have been married for a year now. In the beginning of our relationship I thought that I was ONLY dealing with an alcoholic only to discover six months into our marriage he is also a "Crackhead". I have never had this problem before and I need to get out before he takes me down with him. I am past asking him to get help. He thinks he is fine and is a "functioning addict". He also believes he is getting better. He is obviously in denial and obviously does not love me. I want to get out of a Crack Hell life and make better choices. Tonight I asked him to take a good long look at what he is committed to and to stop being selfish. A life of sabotage is not a life I want to build. Please someone tell me how to walk away from this. Please help me get back to a healthier ME. Where do I find the strength?

[wigwam]

I have been married for thirty years and just about all those years my husband got high in some form or another, smoking a joint, drinking, cocaine, etc.  Now for the past 15 years his drug has been crack, he stops, start again and even sometime was functional without notice because he is a big man.  The last five years he has not worked, and does not want to work and I am paying all the bills and tired.  5 children later, 7 grandchildren what do I do walk away does seem to be the right thing to due especially when he stuck by me when I had my two strokes.  What a mess is there a group or program that I can sign him in or they will come get him to help clean him up it is getting worst even the grandchildren are wondering why they grand-dad is not keeping his promises to them.  HELP HELP HELP

[mslilrose]

When I met my husband, I never had used. He seemed a functional heroin addict. Eventually, I tried it because in a weird way, I felt I was sharing in his life, so I did drag myself down with him. WE struggled for 10 years, off and on, together, apart...I felt I should stick with him, for better or worse. However, 18 months ago, we both went to rehab, and it was too late for him. He had a heart attack during his first night and didn't make it until morning. What's worse, we weren't supposed to know each other or we couldn't have gone into rehab together. So, the staff never came to me to let me know he was dying.  I believe that you're in a place where I used to be. There was no fighting it.. so I joined it. I should have left him. Perhaps it would have been enough to make him realize he had to stop or he would lose me.  Please avoid all the years of hell you have looking ahead of you and give him the ultimatum to get professional help now or you will need to leave him.

[codeinewife]

I don't know about Crack, but I've been learning fast about addiction.  Good for you, 1 year.  Savas is right, you can always remarry.  I had not a clue that my dysfunctional husband was actually an addict.  Now I know, still want the divorce.  Scarey thing is, I am finding all sorts of stuff, more than I ever dreamed, and it is scarey, let me tell you.  If I hadn't finally had enough a few months ago and said I wanted divorce (it was after this announcement that I found out about the addiction), this would have gone unchecked and he really was on the fast track to more than out of control he was on the way to wiping us out.  I say whew.  At least I hope I do.  And I mean wiping us out financially.  $25,000 in less than two years - gone.  This is a man who loves to save and loves to brag about how much he saves!  Amazing doesn't begin to cover my disbelief, but it's true.  So, my advice is, take Savas advice.  Go to Alanon, find a great therapist, read Addictive Thinking (it's a small but comprehensive book), explore explore explore, for yourself!  You're worth it!  Good luck!

[Savas]

I would say leave him. After all, if he gets clean and proves he can stay clean, you can always remarry him if you still want to. Otherwise you face the added danger of him doing something violent to you when he's high.
Asking him to look at what he's giving up is probably a waste of time.

Crack addict's grow increasingly more hostile and violent over time. The drug does serious damage to the behavioral/learning centers. Two years from now I doubt you'll see any of the qualities you fell in love with if he keeps using.

Do you have any options for leaving? Friends? Family? Are you working or dependant on him? Kids? Usually these are the bigger issues that keep woman in destructive relationships. But they can all be worked out with planning.

[LIZZIE LOU]

you married an alcoholic...and then found out he was a crack addict also?  how long did you date your husband?  wow...

a crack addiction is one of the hardest drugs to recover from... it has such a strong psychological hold on it's victims.  it took three rehabs...7 weeks, 5 months, and 13 months before my son could kick his habit.  two years and almost $200,000.00 later...he is clean.

i dont think you need our help to walk out of this marriage.  

[SisterMooo]

Do you love him and want to stick it out? or do you just want to get out?