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256607 tn?1248903104

I hate drugs.

Today,  I hate drugs.  I know we need them and they can be useful and helpful....blah, blah, blah.  Today, I don't care about that.  I HATE DRUGS.  I am feeling very discouraged.  It may just be PMS, but I still can't help the way I feel.  Soma is distroying the woman I love, it is affecting our relationship, it is causing me to become discouraged and bitter and angry.  It is taking the light, the life, the joy out of my woman.  I am sick of this drug and want it out of my life.  And I am powerless.  I can't make her stop.  I can't do anymore to help her see what it is doing.  I can't make her choose.  I am so deeply in love with her, but I hate this drug!!!

End rant!
17 Responses
Avatar universal
I understand your pain and frustration. I ended up givng my husband an ultimatiom and without even hesitating he told me I could leave any time. It hurt and still hurts. I did leave. That was 10 years ago. I remarried and am happier and far better off. My EX is still into drugs and has moved on to another woman who is very nice. She was healthy and happy when she first met him and now she looks awful and sad. Although I ended up on pills for health reasons and am working my way off, your life is too important to let anyone devour. That is all I can say but you will do whatever you feel you need to do. Either way I wish you all of the best.
Avatar universal
I posted to you somewhere else today.  Aww......shoot.....I so feel for you!!!  I asked you earlier if your girl knows that she has a problem?  If not.  You have a big obstacle to overcome.  If she does....there's hope.  Not that there isn't hope if she doesn't think there is a problem, it's just gonna be that much harder.  So that's what I'm wondering.  It would be helpful to know that information.

Hang in there!!!  She absolutely CANNOT go on taking THAT MUCH medicine!  No way.  So something has to happen, and soon!  

We are all here for you.  I'm gonna head out for a walk.  I'll see if you've posted when I come home.

HANG IN THERE!!!  I get PMS SO, SO, SO bad and it makes everything 10X's worse (although what your going through IS "WORSE"  lol)  but, the PMS makes it harder to cope.  You don't think clearly and (at least I) get totally emotional.  There is definately a way to help her.  We just have to figure out how to make it happen (AND WE WILL).

Be home in about 1 hour.

xoxo
Swany
256607 tn?1248903104
I am glad you got out and that you life is better because of it.  Thank you for sharing your story.  It helps to get all perspectives.
256607 tn?1248903104
Thank God for you!  I read and responded to your other post.  Thank you for your support.  She knows she has a problem and she can't keep taking this amt of soma for much longer.  She just doesn't want to be in pain and doesn't see what I see as in the affect it is having on her as a person.  I know there is hope.  When I look into her eyes, I see hope.  I know there is a better way.  

Its just that today, I feel so over it.  I know some of it is PMS.  I am working with my own doc to get that under control because I was like a maniac for two weeks out of the month for several months and when I couldn't stand myself anymore, I went to my doc and he started me on a regimend of birth control pills and anti anxiety pill, which I haven't even had to take yet because it seems the birth control pills have leveled off my hormones and this month I only felt a little crazy for 2 days.  Much, much better.....

Anyway, So this is my point.....just like you said....."She absolutely CANNOT go on taking THAT MUCH medicine!"  I know there has to be a way to help her, and I know we have to find out what it is and how to make it happen.  Thank you for your support and determination.  I feel better already.

Hope you had a great walk.  I'll get some work done now and check back later!!!

Deb
xo
Avatar universal
I too will be gone for a while.  OK........well, at least she is aware that there is a problem.  PMS or not.....your feelings are genuine.  So, hmmmm........what to do.  Have you talked to tzt.  She has loads of experience with this.  I KNOW she will have some ideas for you.  I KNOW SHE WILL.  I SO, SO know how she feels not wanting to live in pain.  I personally cannot do it.  But.......as soon as I felt myself slipping, I called my pain magmnt. doc.  Does she have a pain mangmnt. doc?  I apologize if you've already told me this.  If she does.......maybe YOU could take it upon yourself to call him/her if she won't.  Maybe she will get up the nerve to call herself.  I'm not sure what that would do to your relationship with her, but hell, at this point it sounds like you're just trying to save her life.  I'm sure the day will come where she will thank you for it!!  Maybe not right now, because she is not thinking clearly, or herself.  But, down the road.

Just an idea (again, I don't know that she even has one) and if she DOESN'T have one.  GET ONE.  Who is prescribing the SOMA?  She must finish her prescription SO, SO early.  I can't believe that she hasn't been found out by now!!!

Maybe you will get a chance to answer and I will check the board later.

Think about it.  I know you feel "over it" today, but tomorrow is another day.  Hopefully it will be better!  I know it will.  We will get her beyond this!!
xoxo
Swany
256607 tn?1248903104
Her awareness is not really the problem.  And thank you for the validation.  I will try to reach tzt and run all this by her.  I have mellowed out a lot since this morning.  Not to mention I had to take a norco myself because I got a migraine (another indication of pms).  

I just wish.....you know what it is stupid to wish but I'm saying it anyway.....I just wish she could get off the meds and do other things to work out her pain, like phys therapy or accupuncture or massage or anything else.  Knowing that it is not possible is fine.  Like I said, because of my history working with patients, I understand that she has a legitimate problem.  I read the MRI report.  I am going to kidnap her this weekend and sit down and have a heart to heart talk and see if I can get her to agree to a plan.  

She does have a pain mgmt doctor.  She saw our new physician who does pain management and then saw a pain mgmt doc.  Both docs work together.  The specialist makes the recomendation and our doc prescribes the meds.  So our doc talked her into getting off the Norco which she was up to between 6 and 10 a day and on to the oxy 40mg slow release w/ norco for breakthrough.  The plan in her eyes was that if she got adequate pain control she could get off the soma.  She told them she was taking 2 pills 3-5 times a day.  Even that much flipped the pain guy out.  

Well the oxy wasn't lasting and the norco wasn't working for breakthrough so he gave her short acting oxy 5mg for breakthrough.  Those did nothing for her at all, so she called and he said double up on them, still no relief.  So then he increased her oxy 40mg slow release to three times a day.  Now I think that is working but she is still taking the soma.  And I am not kidding....she takes 4 first thing in the morning and then 3 more an hour and a half later and three or 4 at a time every 3 to 4 hours.  So by the time we go to bed at night, she is almost unresponsive sometimes.  

Now she works a split shift.  8:30am to 2pm then 4pm to 9:30pm.  The two hour break in between is not enough time to recoup so she sucks down coffee or green tea before the evening shift and eats the soma like candy to wind down, loosen up and go to sleep when she getts home at night.  Now since she has started the 3 a day oxy, she says she is taking less soma.  The reason I believe her is because when she was taking more, she had no sex drive.  Now that she is taking less, all is well if you know what I mean.  So it's like a rollor coaster right now where sometimes she is herself and then when she takes too much she gets irritable, negative and dark. She just blames that irritable, negative and dark behavior on other circumstances but I think those circumstances are magnified by the amt of meds she has taken.

Now I am totally used to this and understand and accept her for who she is.  I thought long and hard before I made a commitment to her, knowing what I was getting into and accepting her and everything about her with my whole heart.  I love her so much and I am sticking to it no matter what.  I understand that she has a history of being addicted to drugs and that she could fall off the wagon at anytime.  I knew all this going in.  We have no secrets.  We can talk about everything.  I love her more every day and I will not give up on her or on us.  And I swear if she never stopped taking that s**t I will not leave her because everything else about us is the best, better than I can ever have imagined a relationship could be.

So now that I have babbled on and on.......to answer your other questions....we have to get her in for these epidurals and at least try and see if they work.  She gets a prescription for the soma but it is only for 100 a month.  She goes to Tacate, Mexico and buys from a pharmecy there (you don't need an rx)  and pays cash.  Not cheep.  She has known this lady for years and has never had any trouble getting the soma she needs.  So a 6 hour round trip and $200 dollars later she has plenty of pills to get her through.  Way too easy.  Her friend introduced her to this lady years ago when her back first went out and she had no insurance.  Her friend was taking soma for sport and this is how she found out about it.  It seems a little crazy but it is real.  

I wish I could stop rambling...anyway, I would like to find out what kind of damage she is doing to her body by taking so much.  I know it is metabolized in the liver and processed through the kidneys.  Two majorly important organs.  I just have been unable to find any studies done.  When I google it, I only find stories of people who have overdosed and died.  Isn't that encouraging???

I need to stop now.  I do feel so much better.  I can't release this anywhere else.  You know how it is.  People just judge and shame.  I will not put myself in a position to talk to someone who doesn't understand or even care to understand.  So glad I found this site and you.  I won't be back until tomorrow.  Just found out I have to leave at 4 to go out in the field for work and will get home too late to do anything but go straight to bed.  

Will be back tomorrow.  I am better.  I do believe.  I have not lost hope.  And I know things are going to get better.  I guess I just got impatient and frustrated.  I'm over that now and back on board.  Tantrum over for now.  God has granted me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and will continue to seek from God the wisdom to know the difference.

With a greatful heart, I bid you good evening!!!

Much love,

Debbie
Avatar universal
Debbie, thats my sisters name too. It sux being powerless sometimes. I wish my son wern't across
the world. I wish my 32 yr old daughter haden't have moved to Memphis. Deb, the say wish in one hand and s-- in the other, see which fills up first. It sux. I'm feeling your pain girl, I am on the other side where I was loving the drugs, Now I'm controlled and maintaining well on suboxone. Doc says in about 6 months we'll start talking about comming off it. They keep you comming back. Where the
hell is that teny you were refering to last night????  It will get better. Chin up. Better days ahead.
                Cathy
256607 tn?1248903104
Well I'm back sooner than I thought.  Our computers just crashed here at work and our system is down and we just lost everything we imput today.  Yippi kia!  

Thanks, Cathy.  I know all about wishing...but sometimes I still go there.  I try to remember to turn the wishing into hope and action.  That really is the only way I can get through.  Maybe its all those years going to Disneyland.....

What teny was I refering to???  Not sure what that means.  Can you remind me?

My chin is up and I get to go in the field with the best sales rep in our company tonight.  If she can get me trained up and I can do well in sales and move out of customer service, Sally can work part time and take care of herself and all this madness will get so much better....see, there I go, hoping again....and I will put it into action.  I am determined now and am so thankful for the support from you all.  

Goodnight beautiful girls.

Talk to you tomorrow!!!

Deb
Avatar universal
I can't spell . SORRY!!!! he menstrual TENT!!!! The tent to vent.
256607 tn?1248903104
Oh.....the menstral tent is a joke.  My partners ex "invented" it.  It's really imaginary.  It just means you should not be aloud to deal with anyone because the PMS is so bad that you are snapping at your family and they are sick of your bad attitude.

It's kind of a funny way of calling to one's attn that their behavior is inappropriate and they need an attitude check.

Thats all.
Avatar universal
I am sorry I missed you yesterday.  WOW!!  She really needs to stop!  I mean I really think this is a life or death deal.  How do you feel about calling her pain managmnt doc?  I know she would be so mad at you, but I think that she is killing herself slowly.  Does she have an understanding doc?  If so.....I don't think you have a choice.  Have you talked to tzt?  I know she would have some great advice!

Please let me know how things are going today.

xoxo
Swany
256607 tn?1248903104
I know she needs to stop.  She knows she needs to stop.  I won't call her doctor.  We have had an agreement that she be aloud to be her and I am aloud to be me and we respect eachothers opinions and decisions even if we don't agree.  I could not and would not go behind her back and contact her doctor.  She is making her own decisions and putting her own health in jeopardy.  I tell her every day how I feel about it.  We have not secrets.  I encourage her to take responsibility for herself and to take better care of herself for her benefit and ours. We have a very awesome doctor and she is building trust with him.  She is trying to not be so ashamed and ask for help when she needs it.

So over the last couple of days, she has gotten better.  I am going to kidnap her this weekend and take her to our special place and have a long talk and ask her to formulate a plan.  I am going to show her all the info I have printed off the web and share with her the support I have rec'd from this site.  It is time, and I am ready to pour my heart out and share even more how this is affecting her and me and our relationship.

I feel good today.  Tired but good.  I really have to get some work done right now.  Our computers went down last night and I lost a bunch of stuff and I have to see what is up.  I will pop in and out as much as possible.

I know her and when I tell her I have had to seek support for myself because her behavior has upset me that much, it will profoundly affect her.  And because I don't shame her, I am believing for a great result.

***cuddles****

Deb
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