One more thing...is it true that all emotions that were being driven off while being on opiates comes right out during cessation of use? I never was this bad in my whole life. I was always an emotionally strong person. I really need someone to say something becuase I'm stuck here. I'm not going to sleep for at least a few days at this rate. Please help, I'm doing this alone. =(
Well...sounds like u r extremely serious about quitting..flushing and all..I do know heroin sounds like an awful drug//cos it is a street drug...but it is almost the same as morphine snorted or shot up..it is do-able,,,ur dose is very do0-able..since u used at night//that is when u will feel the worst..i was a daytime user for nrg...so at night i felt normal during wds..lots has to do with when we used...some r day users..some night..some constant..but most have a mojor time they used even if it was spread out thru the day/night
Using isolates us from those we love...seems as if ur girlfriend detached as well? It will be hard to discern these type of feelings until u actually FEEL again....and u will very soon..this passes..the mental part may take a bit..so be sure u r doing some type of aftercare
I also detoxed alone at home...sometimes it is best to be alone...if I woulda had a boyfriend,,i woulda have liked to have shared so he could help//i didnt/and if a person is not an addict they do not understand anyway..so perhaps it was for the best i did it alone
Have u read thru the health pages? lots of great info there...thomas recipe rox...exercise even is just a walk can do wonders cos it kix in those much needed endorphins..hard as it may be..u gotta move...stay busy...if u feel a craving clean out a drawer..a closet..a walk..a draive...anything..just MOVE
There r lots of otc things for sleep..melatonin, valerian root, benadryl etc...most drts will call in phenergan if u have any tummy symptoms and phenergan will knock most out for the night
congrats on ur decision..and ur flushing! many cant do what u did! u r on ur way to cleandome...just be sure u seek support..it is crucial..meetings r everywhere..even counseling can be great..keep posting
You are totally right. I will need to get the counseling on top of all this...in private of course. But I will get it this time. No more mistakes. This time I wasn't going to make a mistake, not like the first time. It was hard as hell flushing those pills down. But I did it regardless. I prayed to God with tears like never before in my life. It's hell knowing I'm doing this alone and feeling possibly delusional that my relationship is on the rocks. Thing is, even when I was using, I was never ever detached with her. I was super boyfriend. I was always there, always full of energy. Always positive. It's just not real though, and I noticed that it was catching up to me fast recently. I was using too much money on drugs, getting lazy, and boy did I feel guilty that I couldn't take my girl out somewhere super nice and I was using small amounts of money for the usual dinner or movie. Not good enough for me even if she isn't shallow. That's just not how I treat my woman...I need to do better for myself and for her. That was the first thing that sparked my need to change, the second thing was it just hit me "wow i'm going to the southside of chicago getting heroin for God's sake, something very wrong with this picture", that caused me to lie to her and everyone else...all these emotions of guilt, pain, and feeling as if I already lost her even though I didn't erupted badly at night on Thursday and once again this morning just a couple hours ago...these were feelings without a doubt of rock bottom...I finally hit rock bottom. I'm so glad you posted. I feel some hope. Besides praying my *** off recently...I really needed someone, anyone to hear me! This is definitely now without a doubt, the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I probably won't be able to tell my girl for a few years what happened as we are only one year and a few months fresh but I feel like I've known her my whole life. I can't lose that. The drugs don't compare to that feeling of need of a woman that touches your heart every time she looks you in the eye. I'm done.
She is very lucky..not many love so deeply...scorps/water signs do! again she is very lucky
I always try to think about my mom...if what I was dont and she could see me???It made me realize it wasnt right...we have a soul that we were raised with//an inner self..and when what we do rocks that boat...we dont feel so great anymore..it just isnt any fun anymore..most hqave a breaking point...be it isolating, loss of a job, depression, going broke, getting into deep doo doo in some way..in a way we r lucky cos some d0o not have a breaking point..they just keep on and on and end up in jail or dead..or losing everything dear to them before they wake up and smell the roses..this doesnt get any better..only worse
meetings r everywhere...I go to AA//principles r the same as NA..google both..float around and listen..i found out stories that made my skin crawl..stories about whre this disease can take u if u do not stop...there r also counselers out there as well...addition books also helped me..."End my Addiction Now" was very informative as well as the NA book..I even read novels bout addiction like "A Million Little Pieces and "MY Friend Leonard" "Running with Scissors" was good as well...for me learning what I had done/why I did it/and what to expect helped alot
one thing i do know...u need to have support..it is not the awful dirty secret u think it is..as time goes on u will realize it is not an "in the closet" thing/addiction..it is so very common,,u r not defective...remember that..and keep posting
I just wish she felt that way, she is suffering from depression so like I said, she even loses love for her own mother and kitten that she just got. I know it's a problem that needs medical attention, it seems to be lately. She felt like she needed a break from me which surprised me because I was there for her all the time but the common problem that I totally didn't think of was that the relationship was good but not exciting and women lose interest fast in that case. I wasn't as aggressive despite being a good person, I was before use that's for sure. Just being nice isn't cutting it anymore, she needs spontaneity more aggression, I realized I can only do this off the drugs. She definitely was crazy about me at some point, I need to respark that. I did gain some weight so that could be another reason why. So that's why this becomes double the difficulty because I have to get over withdrawal and win her over again almost. I could've done withdrawal so much better without that but that's fate for you.
And yea, I do consider myself lucky that I do have a breaking point now that I read what you said. I didn't realize that at first, that some people don't have breaking points. It happened to me before with pot in high school, I reached a breaking point after three years and quit. It happened five years ago with a 2 month use of heroin...not nearly as much as my habit has built up now, it was like 4 bags a week only on weekends so no withdrawals. Then now, after 9 months I believe, I hit another breaking point, it hit me so hard this time I couldn't possibly turn back. The idea of not being with my woman and that being because of the drugs...oh wow, I would never forgive myself, I would probably plunge deeper into drugs so maybe I can see why people keep using because they feel maybe they've lost something so dear to them that it doesn't matter anymore. I don't want to end up down that road so I must stop now...no other time but now is so crucial. And I'm definitely going to look into those NA and AA meetings. I definitely need the support. There is no doubt there. It feels good enough just talking to you online. Imagine a whole group of people! Thank you so much, you have no idea how much this means to me and how much it's helping. I can't sleep so this is the only place I can turn. I have the worst headache and I'm just letting time pass ever so slowly until it's all over.
Are horrible migraines part of withdrawal? I'm definitely not going to sleep now. This pain is ridiculous. And I thought migraines were bad when I was not a user...it's so bad now and I'm starting feel like throwing up. This really ***** bad.
I'm still off the opiates. Still withdrawing pretty bad. Waiting for the worst part which from what it seems is the nausea and vomitting. So far haven't reached that yet. Going to the doctor now to see if I can get some clonidine because I'm having trouble breathing. Clearly my blood pressure is through the roof and I feel hyped up and not in a good way. Hopefully that will help me. I don't know how much longer this will last, hopefully not long.
The med wds are seriously messing with your head; read the PAWS info contained in the health pages on this site so you know what you are in for. Also, I applaud you for staying strong with your girl; you're right, clinging is not an attractive attribute and really pushes people away.
Oh I heard about that. I know that's why I need to go to meetings afterwards. I'm ok with everything now, it was the high blood pressure thing that was really getting to me because it was making my breathing very heavy. I got some meds from the doctor, some clonipin and an anti-anxiety med and it brought it all down, he gave me just enough for three days to get through the worst and then I'll be off that. He said blood pressure problems are a physical withdrawal thing and that'll be gone soon and my breathing will come back to normal soon enough. So that was my primary worry. As long as I don't have freakin' breathing problems, I think I can deal with sobriety just fine. It's just that this is the first time I ever dealt with that before and ofcourse it is difficult because a lot of emotions were buried during the using part of my problem and they erupted for a couple days, they are gone now. I'm more emotionally stable. I'm just dealing with some minor physical symptoms now. I'll live.
So this is day three...just wondering when the vomiting and diarrhea will start. I felt like puking but nothing is coming out at this point. I feel like when that happens, I'm pretty close to ending all this and getting better day by day. Is it possible it won't even come considering I was only worked up to 2-3 20 dollar bags of heroin per day at night snorted and I still got relatively high off that? I just hope that this starts getting better in a couple days. The anti-anxiety med and clonidine is making a good difference...I feel better but not good.
My addiction or circumstance is differnt from your but I feel for you. I know with this site there is the one place someone will always have been there before u n have an answer to your questions. Good luck seems like u know where u are going and that's half the battle the other half is feelin crappy. Good luck again I'm sure any of us would love to email with you so u know your not alone as here I've found u arent
Thank you for the support keystock. At this point, the only thing that is driving me crazy is nausea that just won't come out and my legs and upper body is so restless despite the anti-anxiety med, I can't stay in one spot for anything in the world without feeling like moving around despite my lack of energy to move around my body wants to just jump out of itself. It's driving me a bit nuts but I'm coping. Moving around in one spot or walking around since that's all i can do. The restless legs which usually spreads to the rest of my body is always the worst symptom during withdrawal. I had it when I first withdrew the first time I posted on here. It wasn't nearly as bad as now since my habit blew up since then and the length of time made it worse too. So now my symptoms are about a thousand times worse than the first time I withdrew. I should've realized it then, it was tolerable then...as opposed to moments where it's just intolerable now. But it's not as bad as yesterday at least. And yea, email me or private message me if you'd like, I always respond back. I get on here several times a day to check up on things and maybe get some strength out of it since it does help. And haha, how some people just compare this to a bad flu...it's so much worse than a bad flu...cmon now.