One more thing...is it true that all emotions that were being driven off while being on opiates comes right out during cessation of use? I never was this bad in my whole life. I was always an emotionally strong person. I really need someone to say something becuase I'm stuck here. I'm not going to sleep for at least a few days at this rate. Please help, I'm doing this alone. =(
Well...sounds like u r extremely serious about quitting..flushing and all..I do know heroin sounds like an awful drug//cos it is a street drug...but it is almost the same as morphine snorted or shot up..it is do-able,,,ur dose is very do0-able..since u used at night//that is when u will feel the worst..i was a daytime user for nrg...so at night i felt normal during wds..lots has to do with when we used...some r day users..some night..some constant..but most have a mojor time they used even if it was spread out thru the day/night
Using isolates us from those we love...seems as if ur girlfriend detached as well? It will be hard to discern these type of feelings until u actually FEEL again....and u will very soon..this passes..the mental part may take a bit..so be sure u r doing some type of aftercare
I also detoxed alone at home...sometimes it is best to be alone...if I woulda had a boyfriend,,i woulda have liked to have shared so he could help//i didnt/and if a person is not an addict they do not understand anyway..so perhaps it was for the best i did it alone
Have u read thru the health pages? lots of great info there...thomas recipe rox...exercise even is just a walk can do wonders cos it kix in those much needed endorphins..hard as it may be..u gotta move...stay busy...if u feel a craving clean out a drawer..a closet..a walk..a draive...anything..just MOVE
There r lots of otc things for sleep..melatonin, valerian root, benadryl etc...most drts will call in phenergan if u have any tummy symptoms and phenergan will knock most out for the night
congrats on ur decision..and ur flushing! many cant do what u did! u r on ur way to cleandome...just be sure u seek support..it is crucial..meetings r everywhere..even counseling can be great..keep posting
You are totally right. I will need to get the counseling on top of all this...in private of course. But I will get it this time. No more mistakes. This time I wasn't going to make a mistake, not like the first time. It was hard as hell flushing those pills down. But I did it regardless. I prayed to God with tears like never before in my life. It's hell knowing I'm doing this alone and feeling possibly delusional that my relationship is on the rocks. Thing is, even when I was using, I was never ever detached with her. I was super boyfriend. I was always there, always full of energy. Always positive. It's just not real though, and I noticed that it was catching up to me fast recently. I was using too much money on drugs, getting lazy, and boy did I feel guilty that I couldn't take my girl out somewhere super nice and I was using small amounts of money for the usual dinner or movie. Not good enough for me even if she isn't shallow. That's just not how I treat my woman...I need to do better for myself and for her. That was the first thing that sparked my need to change, the second thing was it just hit me "wow i'm going to the southside of chicago getting heroin for God's sake, something very wrong with this picture", that caused me to lie to her and everyone else...all these emotions of guilt, pain, and feeling as if I already lost her even though I didn't erupted badly at night on Thursday and once again this morning just a couple hours ago...these were feelings without a doubt of rock bottom...I finally hit rock bottom. I'm so glad you posted. I feel some hope. Besides praying my *** off recently...I really needed someone, anyone to hear me! This is definitely now without a doubt, the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I probably won't be able to tell my girl for a few years what happened as we are only one year and a few months fresh but I feel like I've known her my whole life. I can't lose that. The drugs don't compare to that feeling of need of a woman that touches your heart every time she looks you in the eye. I'm done.
She is very lucky..not many love so deeply...scorps/water signs do! again she is very lucky
I always try to think about my mom...if what I was dont and she could see me???It made me realize it wasnt right...we have a soul that we were raised with//an inner self..and when what we do rocks that boat...we dont feel so great anymore..it just isnt any fun anymore..most hqave a breaking point...be it isolating, loss of a job, depression, going broke, getting into deep doo doo in some way..in a way we r lucky cos some d0o not have a breaking point..they just keep on and on and end up in jail or dead..or losing everything dear to them before they wake up and smell the roses..this doesnt get any better..only worse
meetings r everywhere...I go to AA//principles r the same as NA..google both..float around and listen..i found out stories that made my skin crawl..stories about whre this disease can take u if u do not stop...there r also counselers out there as well...addition books also helped me..."End my Addiction Now" was very informative as well as the NA book..I even read novels bout addiction like "A Million Little Pieces and "MY Friend Leonard" "Running with Scissors" was good as well...for me learning what I had done/why I did it/and what to expect helped alot
one thing i do know...u need to have support..it is not the awful dirty secret u think it is..as time goes on u will realize it is not an "in the closet" thing/addiction..it is so very common,,u r not defective...remember that..and keep posting
I just wish she felt that way, she is suffering from depression so like I said, she even loses love for her own mother and kitten that she just got. I know it's a problem that needs medical attention, it seems to be lately. She felt like she needed a break from me which surprised me because I was there for her all the time but the common problem that I totally didn't think of was that the relationship was good but not exciting and women lose interest fast in that case. I wasn't as aggressive despite being a good person, I was before use that's for sure. Just being nice isn't cutting it anymore, she needs spontaneity more aggression, I realized I can only do this off the drugs. She definitely was crazy about me at some point, I need to respark that. I did gain some weight so that could be another reason why. So that's why this becomes double the difficulty because I have to get over withdrawal and win her over again almost. I could've done withdrawal so much better without that but that's fate for you.
And yea, I do consider myself lucky that I do have a breaking point now that I read what you said. I didn't realize that at first, that some people don't have breaking points. It happened to me before with pot in high school, I reached a breaking point after three years and quit. It happened five years ago with a 2 month use of heroin...not nearly as much as my habit has built up now, it was like 4 bags a week only on weekends so no withdrawals. Then now, after 9 months I believe, I hit another breaking point, it hit me so hard this time I couldn't possibly turn back. The idea of not being with my woman and that being because of the drugs...oh wow, I would never forgive myself, I would probably plunge deeper into drugs so maybe I can see why people keep using because they feel maybe they've lost something so dear to them that it doesn't matter anymore. I don't want to end up down that road so I must stop now...no other time but now is so crucial. And I'm definitely going to look into those NA and AA meetings. I definitely need the support. There is no doubt there. It feels good enough just talking to you online. Imagine a whole group of people! Thank you so much, you have no idea how much this means to me and how much it's helping. I can't sleep so this is the only place I can turn. I have the worst headache and I'm just letting time pass ever so slowly until it's all over.
Are horrible migraines part of withdrawal? I'm definitely not going to sleep now. This pain is ridiculous. And I thought migraines were bad when I was not a user...it's so bad now and I'm starting feel like throwing up. This really ***** bad.
I'm still off the opiates. Still withdrawing pretty bad. Waiting for the worst part which from what it seems is the nausea and vomitting. So far haven't reached that yet. Going to the doctor now to see if I can get some clonidine because I'm having trouble breathing. Clearly my blood pressure is through the roof and I feel hyped up and not in a good way. Hopefully that will help me. I don't know how much longer this will last, hopefully not long.
The med wds are seriously messing with your head; read the PAWS info contained in the health pages on this site so you know what you are in for. Also, I applaud you for staying strong with your girl; you're right, clinging is not an attractive attribute and really pushes people away.
Oh I heard about that. I know that's why I need to go to meetings afterwards. I'm ok with everything now, it was the high blood pressure thing that was really getting to me because it was making my breathing very heavy. I got some meds from the doctor, some clonipin and an anti-anxiety med and it brought it all down, he gave me just enough for three days to get through the worst and then I'll be off that. He said blood pressure problems are a physical withdrawal thing and that'll be gone soon and my breathing will come back to normal soon enough. So that was my primary worry. As long as I don't have freakin' breathing problems, I think I can deal with sobriety just fine. It's just that this is the first time I ever dealt with that before and ofcourse it is difficult because a lot of emotions were buried during the using part of my problem and they erupted for a couple days, they are gone now. I'm more emotionally stable. I'm just dealing with some minor physical symptoms now. I'll live.
So this is day three...just wondering when the vomiting and diarrhea will start. I felt like puking but nothing is coming out at this point. I feel like when that happens, I'm pretty close to ending all this and getting better day by day. Is it possible it won't even come considering I was only worked up to 2-3 20 dollar bags of heroin per day at night snorted and I still got relatively high off that? I just hope that this starts getting better in a couple days. The anti-anxiety med and clonidine is making a good difference...I feel better but not good.
My addiction or circumstance is differnt from your but I feel for you. I know with this site there is the one place someone will always have been there before u n have an answer to your questions. Good luck seems like u know where u are going and that's half the battle the other half is feelin crappy. Good luck again I'm sure any of us would love to email with you so u know your not alone as here I've found u arent
Thank you for the support keystock. At this point, the only thing that is driving me crazy is nausea that just won't come out and my legs and upper body is so restless despite the anti-anxiety med, I can't stay in one spot for anything in the world without feeling like moving around despite my lack of energy to move around my body wants to just jump out of itself. It's driving me a bit nuts but I'm coping. Moving around in one spot or walking around since that's all i can do. The restless legs which usually spreads to the rest of my body is always the worst symptom during withdrawal. I had it when I first withdrew the first time I posted on here. It wasn't nearly as bad as now since my habit blew up since then and the length of time made it worse too. So now my symptoms are about a thousand times worse than the first time I withdrew. I should've realized it then, it was tolerable then...as opposed to moments where it's just intolerable now. But it's not as bad as yesterday at least. And yea, email me or private message me if you'd like, I always respond back. I get on here several times a day to check up on things and maybe get some strength out of it since it does help. And haha, how some people just compare this to a bad flu...it's so much worse than a bad flu...cmon now.
Well at least this seems to be the best night in terms of withdrawals. Like I said I quit after Wed. That was my last dose of heroin (3 bags insufflated over 2 hours). These were 20 dollar bags. Anyway, Thursday was clean, Friday was clean til 6 pm where I took one 50 mg ultram and threw away all the rest of them, Saturday (today) totally clean and probably a better day than the other two which were hell. Especially yesterday night once that ultram wore off, I had the worst migraine, restless body couldn't sleep but I got like 2-3 hours anyway. I just hope hope hope that my one ultram 50 mg pill that I used yesterday didn't prolong the withdrawal OR make it start all over again where today is like day 1. That's what I'm really worried about. Because tramadol is technically a weak opiate and does bind to the opiate receptors. Anyone know or think this will prolong my withdrawal or basically cause me to start from scratch? I'm really hoping not because I think I went through enough hell already.
Btw, I'm feeling really freakin strong right now. Feel like **** but my mind has never failed me in the past. No doubt, I'm getting through this now. Once again, got rid of my contact on my phone which was only one and told him never to call back and my parents now know of this and they have his name and won't let me leave the house unless it's by them to the doctor. They WILL call the police if he calls again. Step two...cut off my supply to opium poppy pods. So there goes my heroin dealer and there goes my poppy pods. All gone. No turning back, no way to get any opiates. So all I can do is keep strong. But I still hope some people can answer my questions to my post right above this one. =)
how brave of you. i watched my boyfriend do it without help and the emotions do pour out he kept crying over silly things which was not like him at all. i am about to start myself just trying to get the guts and very worried about depression as i have had it in the past before i started using. also i live with my teen children so can not let let know. i have some methedone and am going to try and detox myself with it. h is starting to take over my life and most of my wages are being wasted on it. my boyfriend is in prison because of it and for years i have never felt the need to use until my dad died last year, it costs me £30p day so i feel terrible for taking this money from my family not paying bill etc i no things can only get worse if i do not srtop, i just hope i have your strengh. and its wonderful to know that there are others like me out there who got caught up rather then the public opinion that people who take drugs are selfish scumbags. good luck and please keep strong and i hope everything works out with your girlfriend.
I guarantee you can do it. The times that you feel most vulnerable are probably going to be the first three days. YOU CAN NOT MAKE IT unless you cut off all your sources, find someone to keep you from going out and getting some drugs, and totally make it impossible to the absolute to get anything that's bad. In other words, you must make it like you have no turning back. You WILL suffer. No doubt but when you get through the suffering, you will feel a ridiculous sense of empowerment and accomplishment. Let me just give you a piece of advice, if you feel like crying, cry your *** off until you can't cry again, it might come back to you, **** it just cry again. It's not like me either but wow, I cried like there is no tomorrow and then the pain got real bad yesterday...it was like literally torture for me since I had restless body, nervousness, high as hell blood pressure and I couldn't breath for ****, and then the MIGRAINE!! Ahhh!!! It was like 8 hours of constant torture BUT this doesn't happen to everyone and when it gets bad NOTHING helps more than praying your *** off. Like literally just crying and praying. Talk to God, if you don't believe in God talk to your father that died...tell him you're doing this for him and that you want to make him proud wherever he is. I'm getting emotional just saying that, but even if you feel alone, you don't have to feel alone as long as you are talking to someone even if it may be God. I got through that, went to the doctor and got some clonidine and enough anti-anxiety meds for 3 days so I don't get hooked on something else. Most of the time you should think to yourself, I will be a better person when I get through this, I will endure the pain and show myself that I'm capable of taking the worst that life can throw at me. You will come out a much stronger person if you get through it cold turkey. Eventually you'll have to stop methadone so you might have to go through this. If it were me...I wouldn't even think of using the methadone. But that's everyone's unique choice, there is nothing wrong with that either. You can do this. If I were there to hug you, I would because we all need someone to listen to us to get through all this.
I'm personally ending day 3, clonidine and anti-anxiety meds work pretty well. No headache tonight. Emotionally unusually sensitive than I normally am but I know that's just part of the withdrawal so I know that isn't me. Tomorrow...should technically be the worst day. We'll see. I finally got some diahrrea and as strange as it sounds, I was actually happy about it because that just means my body is finally getting rid of the toxins and coming back to normal. Let's see what happens in the new 3 days. I'll keep posting. If I'm better by day 5, day 6 I'm hitting up the gym slowly and starting to get active again. I remember my first withdrawal, exercise got me out of withdrawal so damn fast it was retarded. This time it was way worse so the possibility of exercise wasn't possible iwth the high blood pressure and hyperventilation. I'll keep everyone updated and thanks for hearing me out mid123, I'll always be happy to hear you out too. Keep in touch please.
The pills take away our feelings//both tactile and mental..so hence our sex drive is often affected..i remember when iwas like 2 weeks clean..my sex drive came back full force! and I am a girl...the pills become more important than other things..like sex..for some even more important than food
I hope u r sleeping tonite...sleep is important to recovery cos without sleep we can become weak...if u have tried otc stuff then there r also safe drugs u can ask ur dr for like phenergan and more...be sure u get ur sleep
WDs often hit our weak pain spots..be it back,,knees,,for u migraines..narcotics r not the doc for headaches..there r much safer drugs on the market for migraine sufferers...have u looked into that? Communicate with ur dr
u r a prize for any woman cos it is obvious u have a heart of gold...remeber u r woth it and be sure u seek aftercare..if u r not having severe wds by day 3 then perhaps u will not have them..stay positive..expect the best and not the worst
if u have not skimmed the health pages and read the thomas recipe..then do so if u can
To my surprise, I thought I would get some sleep considering I only had three hours the night before and I woke up 2 times. I have the anti-anxiety and clonidine but that isn't helping me with sleep at all. I thought it would because it made me tired this afternoon but I'm ramped up like on speed because of this withdrawal. It has my anxiety levels through the roof even wtih anxiety meds, my breathing isn't that bad though. It's 1:15 am, feels like a weak point with me but thank God I turned off all possibilities to get opiates, it's for moments like this. Yes I'm expecting the best, but it's still very hard because I feel like the anxiety won't go away. That's not exactly a physical symptom and the anxiety is really bad since it's accompanied with depression. I have to constantly convince myself that things will get better mentally. I hope that doesn't last too long because this isn't physical. In about 4-5 days I need to be back up on my usual routine of working out and work...I wonder if I can be myself again because I fear panic attacks because of this. Do you have any ideas on this worried878? I would greatly appreciate some advice on this because I need to be relatively functional and not anxious in a weeks time. Back to full force work, waking up early, dealing with lots of people, etc. etc. I just hope I can handle that without the drugs.
Oh and I forgot to mention, the restless legs is ridiculous. I'm definitely not getting any sleep for sure. So I have to go through longer days. I dread the night but...meh what else can I do? Just gotta bare with it.
Another important question I have...does restless leg syndrome go away after going through withdrawal? I didn't really have it before I used opiates. I say didn't really because I had restless legs here and there maybe a couple times a month and it went away fast. Did I just screw myself over and cause permanent restless legs due to opiate use? I just hope it's during withdrawal and it goes away by next week because I can't function at all with restless legs...it's very severe now which happened last time I withdrew. It's debilitating and I might as well withdraw forever if I have restless legs because that's how dysfunctional this disorder makes me. Anyone know? Will it go away after withdrawal? Or is this something that stays?
On day 4, called an amazing hotline...too tired to release the information now since I think I might be able to get some sleep finally. I feel better so far, not out of the woods yet but I'm on day 4 so that isn't bad. Took some clonidine and anti-anxiety so hopefully that will do the trick to get my legs to shut up.
Day 4, 3:23 PM...me thinking that one ultram would set me back to day one on friday....so wrong. But I did hit rock bottom Saturday morning at 1am till about 7am...like I said the time when I thought this would never end and my anxiety was through the roof, my legs wouldn't stop moving (restless legs severely), breathing so hard because my blood pressure was insanely high, achy, chills, my migraine was pounding, nausea was debilitating, mind was racing, depressed emotions like never before, crying and praying for hours to God and to the people I love in my mind....then I finally pass out after taking a good chunk of ibuprofen at 7 am till 10 am...waking up several times. Wake up breathing hard got some pills from doc...not a bad day but still feeling physical symptoms.
Well guess what...4th day today. Best day thus far. My mood is high, my energy still ***** but it's ok, I worked out this morning after getting 3 hours of sleep...forced myself to jog in one place and do pushups for about 12 min. That was the best I could do with the energy I had on no food but I did it. Doing EVERYTHING I can to keep my positivity up so those feel good chemicals naturally kick in. Getting tyrosine, b6, multi vitamins, 5-htp, exercise, positive thinking (watching comedies, talking to people)...and the best one of them all...this one hotline where you can call and talk to someone that has both gone through what you will go through and has a lot of information to help you get through it quickly and as painlessly as possible. This guy Charlie was a huge help. Here is the number and information:
IT'S ALL FREE, just call so you can talk to someone...Ask for Charlie, he'll make you laugh, give you the best advice, keep you positive, and get you out of withdrawal much faster.
1-941-776-7082 (like I said it's free and they are very enthusiastic to help people with substance abuse problems....thing is you have to call if you are serious about quitting. Give them detailed information about what you used, how long, and what you plan to do to quit) Go for it people! This is the first day I feel happy and positive! And it's only day four after a relatively heavy habit.
I love everyone one of you for listening to me. I'll keep posting. =)
Day 4 is ending....I'm feeling groggy but can't sleep. My breath is still heavy. I feel horribly restless all over my body which is the worst feeling. I have no energy to move. But the nausea is significantly less...maybe I just feel like **** because I forced myself to eat and drink a lot on purpose so my body can get the nutrients it needs. Now my stomach just hurts. But no nausea and no diahrea. It could be simply because i decided not to take the clonidine and anti-anxiety med until I go to sleep because I don't want to have rebound hypertension when i quit the clonidine in a day or two and I definitely don't want to withdraw from anti-anxiety meds. So I toughed it out today without those. So maybe considering that I'm not in the worst condition even without those and yesterday I was on them and I was much better....I should be getting better yea? We'll see tomorrow (day 5). I can't wait till Wednesday when my doctor checks me up on day 7 to see how I managed.
Midnight is right around the corner which means DAY 5!!! I feel way better...doing some unorthodox things to get my serotonin flowing like masturbating 3 times a day without getting to climax, 5-htp 2 pills 3 times a day, a little bit of dxm since I have a cough probably cause of withdrawal, clonidine now at this point ONLY at night and one more day of that tomorrow since I don't want hypertension problems when I quit, anti-anxiety only before bed, lots of water, lots of food all despite the diarrhea, a **** load of calling people up and talking to get my mind stimulated and positive, talking on that hotline with my buddy charlie is amazing (i'm laughing and talking about some great stuff so my brain is going to realize that hey...no opiates, but i can deal with this and function again!), taking immodium...not really helping but not really a big deal either, l-tyrosine with folate, b6, and copper to activate the neurotransmitter, and working out when I wake up for more and more time every day.
I'm on my way suckas! There is no turning back now, I feel normality coming back to me. Just a couple more days and I'll be back on full schedule, going out, working, working out intensely, eating 6 times a day, no more opiates, NA or AA meetings....I'm going to do this and every time I go deep into positive thinking, I feel better and better. It's about damn time. Day 4 and I'm already feeling pretty damn great. Day 5 will be another challenge but as long as I do my exercises, stick to my routine of supplements and diet, I know I'll make it.
The only thing this withdrawal helped me realize is that...if I can go through the intense inhumane torturous pain I went through when my withdrawal peaked...I CAN DO ANYTHING. It took me some serious balls to make it through that but now that I did I feel strong like nothing can stop me.