I love him

[WTB3]

New here, have been reading for a couple days. I feel kinda lost sometimes. 2 years ago my world fell apart. I found out my husband of 12 yrs addicted to lortabs, spent money like water, ran up credit cards and over drafted our account. He denied, and lied, and blamed me at times too, till it just all went to far. Then he finally (under much pressure from me) told me he had a problem. I had not idea (how stupid am I) he tried to taper all summer and got down to 3 per day, I think, he lied all through that too. When I couldn't take watching him do this to himself anymore, I told him to quit or I'm filing for separation, that I can't do it anymore, the kids and I deserve more. So he quit. Went through all the withdrawls, took time off work and finally stopped. But he struggles, I know he does, and we are having honesty and communication issues, and I just want my husband back!! how do I fix this? how can I help him? I feel so shut out and lost.

[Calzy]

I think if you can get your husband to look at this site which has no strings attached, he will see he is not along in what he is trying to deal with. I kept my loved ones at arms lenght as well because i kept saying to myself that i can fix this and move on but that thinking only keeps you tied to your addiction. The good news is he is trying to get clean right now and that's great.

[WTB3]

thank you to all who replied. I will encourage him to read this site and and try posting. He is a good man, he really is, our relationship was great before all this, its still pretty good now in spite of it. But I miss him. He says he feels ashamed for all he's done. I get that, I know I would too, he's done some bad things... but I want him to feel better. and nothing I do seems to help, I told him I forgive him and I think he needs to forgive himself. He agreed we could go to counseling. We have so much love, but no trust, and that's not good. He's physically feeling better, and I know quitting was terrible, I was up all night right akong with him, massaging his legs hours straight till I though my arms would fall off. Once he finally started sleeping again I was so happy, but I still stayed up and cried. I feel bad because I feel like I have been there for him and supported him, loved him, prayed for him and now he has trouble openning up to me, and giving me truthful answers (no just to tough questions, sometimes just to how was your day) I didn't do anything wrong, and this holding me at arms length feels like a punishment. I really don't know what I am trying to say, I will ask him to read here though. I just want to understand, I want him to believe in me like I believe in him, I want him to believe in himself. You all seem really nice. Thanks.

[hopeless]

You are right you don't deserve any of this, and either do your kids! Let me tell you something though, if you don't mind listening for just a minute. I am also an addict. I got addicted to pain pills about 4 years ago. I didn't mean to, nor did i want to. I am a wife, and a mother of a beautiful 14 year old boy, and have 2 step kids. I am to this day still struggling to get off of the pills. It is so very hard to do. I feel so terrible inside for my husband and my kids, cause i know what i am like without the pills. My husband (Thank God) has stuck by me through this whole process. He didn't have to, but he did. When us addicts are having a hard time, we need someone to understand us, and be there to help us and give us some support. It sounds like you have done this, and i can tell you love him. If he is trying to beat this thing, please stick by him and support him. Let him know that you are there for him. He will beat this, it just takes time, (unfornately). It sounds like he does want to quit, cause he don't want to lose his family. I just wish the spouses of addicts could truely understand what it is like for us, and what we are really going through. We are not bad people, and hate who we have become. We just need time, and someone to stick by us through this tough time. I understand how frustrating it can be for the ones who have to sit and watch us go through this, and the lies that we tell, but seriously, it does sound like he does want to quit, and is doing quite well, and if this is the case, stick by him, and support him and see how it goes. Just remember it takes time, and sometimes we relapse, but we just have to pick up and start again.

I ended up in the hospital in August, for a bad liver, and i am only 36 years old. This was so scary for me. There is help out there, and people to talk to about this, maybe look into this. this forum is so great. There are so many on here to talk to about anything. It truely does help! Stay here, and post anytime. Someone will ALWAYS answer you. I know for me, this place has been a life-saver.

I wish you all the best, and your husband too...Keep posting!
Cheer up, it does get better, just try to be patient!    ( - :

All my best to you both,
Hope

[GA Guy]

The fact that he's quit is something you should be very proud of him for. Now is the time to get into family counseling. It will be great for you both. I just recently started therapy. It's helpful for nothing else than to be able to talk to someone. Is therapy an option? Also, like Calzy said..get him to post on here. Just have him read some if he's shy about posting. If he'd like to discuss anything in particular, just vent, or has any questions..have him email me directly. You can use the message system on here, or he can email me at my email address on my profile page. God bless..

[Calzy]

Dont give up on your husband just yet, there can be light end the end of the tunnel. If your husband just quit pills from a long use of opiates (lortab) as i just did then quiting the pills is the beginning of recovery and there is work ahead to stay clean. I drove my wife away from me, so your thinking was correct to leave the addiction of lies, loss of money and the emotionally roller coaster. My wife is back with me to help but we not real connected yet, may never be but i'm glad for her help, i'm still at the beginning myself. If you noticed it's mostly women here because their more open and men have more pride about our drug problem's and stuff in general and we think we can fix it and dont want to admit we need help, like getting travel directions. lol.  For recovery. some ppl use self-help groups like AA-NA meetings, some hate it. Counseling alone or together with a psychologist or drug counselor would be a great help to re-think the adddictive behavior and learn to cope with cravings and what to do if there's relapse. If you look for FLaddict name, click on her name for her profile and look at her journal entries, there's good information on Nutrition for rebuilding the parts of the brain affected by opiate abuse and other great stuff to help. Just some idea's, keep reading, learning and asking. Ask your husband to look on here, he might not feel so along with the addiction/recovery.  

[imanaddict]

There isn't much you can do, HE has to do it. If he says he is tapering down, then tell him you want to hold his pills and you will give them to him at specified times only. Also, have him come to this forum. He will learn he isn't alone and there are so many caring, wonderful people on here that are willing to help.