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Avatar universal

I'm in so much pain

5 years ago I got addicted to pain meds.At first, it was the basic, had pain...took one, fixed all problems. And then like all other addicts, it increased more and more. I stopped taking them about 3 years ago, just to have surgery 8 months later, got back on them, stopped for a few months, back on, back off..etc. etc.
I stopped again back in May, then started again in June. The is the worst for me this time around. I didnt' care what I took or what it cost..I just wanted and wanted. It's now been 2 days and I haven't had anything. BUT, I am so sick from trying to get off of them. I had to call off work today and I'm afraid of getting fired...which may not be a bad thing, cause that is where I get most of my drugs at. I have been smoking weed to try and stop the pain and try and sleep. I have never really like smoking weed, so I figured this was safe for me. But it's not really helping. I DO NOT WANT to go back to using again, but I HATE THIS PAIN. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE pain killers and that scares me. I love the way they make me feel, I love the energy I get from them..I love everything about them...but I KNOW that I can't do them anymore or I will ruin my entire life again. PLEASE, someone help me. I tries just getting a few on Saturday and slowly getting off, but that was no good, I took them all. HELP ME PLEASE! I need some advice. I"m so scared this is who i am going to be the rest of my life and eventually, it will take my life.
32 Responses
Avatar universal
Hi honey..........
Hang on now!!!!  There are SO, SO many people to help you on this forum.  Have you ever posted here before?  I, unfortunately, am still taking these pills for back pain (don't want surgery), but I have felt w/d before and it is the most HORRIBLE thing I've ever felt.  YOU CAN DO THIS.  I have been on this forum for a couple of weeks now.  If you go through and read through the posts you will find inspiration.  Really you will.  There are so many people who are going through the same pain that you are experiencing and they make it through!!!!

From what everyone says, it usually takes about 1 week before you start to pull through.  It is usually hell until then, but I guess there is a regimen posted on this site called "the Thomas recipe"  (I think).  If you read through the posts I'm sure you will find it.  OR.......there is the nicest lady in the world.....tzt2lady....who can help you with that.  She knows where to find it.  From what I've read it TOTALLY helps you to get through the w/d's.  Shelby, lonote, hopeless (who just got released from the hospital due to liver damage from taking pills) and several others on here are so helpful and caring.  I know they will help you.  It's just a matter of hanging in there until they get on the board.

I will be in and out today if you need to talk ok?  HANG IN THERE.  You are already on your way!!!  Look forward....not back!!!  YOU CAN DO IT.

Avatar universal
I know I can do it...I have done it before. I just don't want to do it YET AGAIN! I"m such an idiot for starting back up so many times...I dont' know why this time was so much worse than the other times. I just could not get my hands on enough stuff. It was insane! I took 3 7.5 vics Sunday nite and that is the last time. Last nite was sooo bad, I thought I was going to DIE! I'm so afraid of myself right now. I KNOW if I had them in front of me, I'd do them, with no questions asked. I JUST DO NOT WANT TOO! I am 39 years old, trying to get through school, have a 17, 19 and 21 year old, going to be a grandmother in Feb. and I just dont want this to be who I am anymore.I can't stop thinking about it. I keep thinking of ways to get some. I feel like I'm going crazy! Smoking pot is not helping at all, and I thought it would. I just really want to use and its killing me. I know I just need to get through this week and I'll be fine, RIGHT? I'm so scared!
261504 tn?1189759419
Hi,just read your post,my daughter is in the same place you are to,all I can tell you is what we tried for her,iam new on here.Thomas Recipe,well we went by it and it worked untill she choose to leave 2 nights ago,i just got a call from her boyfriend saying she had used everything last night so he told her he was done, he just told me my daughter said she was going to kill her-self,the phone she called from said private # so we have no way to contact her,iam her mom,and desprite.but, hon try that recipe,i know my information won't help but the people on these sites will help you more.iam here if you need to talk

Avatar universal
OMG.  I can only imagine!  I do know that so many people who are in the middle of horrible w/d stay on here and post through it.  It really seems to help so much talking to people who can totally relate.  Just talking to people here the next couple of days just might help get you through it.  You know what?  I do know that beating yourself up isn't going to help you.  It's already done, just tell yourself that and give yourself permission to move on from here.  Tell yourself, "I AM NOT GOING CRAZY!!", because you're not!!!  It's that damn medicine talking to you.  Get mad at it.  It the thing that is trying to ruin your life.  Instead of wanting it and urning for it........get pissed off at it.  Write down on a peice of paper everything that it has taken away from you.  Write down in one column all the negatives it has brought to your life, on the other all the positives.  I'll bet the negatives wil more than 10X's outweigh the positive!!  Maybe that will help to write your thoughts down.  I know that helps for alot of people.  It's cathartic.  Write down everything you are feeling.  If it helps, write them all down here because at least that way you'll get feedback.  I'm telling you, this is a bad time but if you hang on and keep posting here the veterans will be here to help you through this.  

Can you keep busy doing something that you enjoy?  Or, do you just feel to crappy?  I hear you about the weed.  
Were you getting these pills legally.  Is there a doctor that can prescribe some meds to help you through this.  Read through the posts.  Clonopine is supposed to help tremendously with the w/d's, along with an anti-anxiety med.  

182775 tn?1209739627
Of course you want the pain killers but do not want to be taking them.  We've all been there, done that, and got the T-shirt.   Taking a pain killer is the "two steps forward, three steps backward" approach to recovery.  

I went C/T in January 2007 and February was hell month for me.  I imagined every excuse in the book to take "just one pill to feel mormal again".   The only thing that got me through is exactly what you describe.  "I just do not want to."   For me, it got bad and then gradually started turning better...but, it was a long process.

If anything, I want to reassure you that you will be happier and healthier six months from now.   I know you know this, because you have quit before.  So did I.   But, there just comes a time when we have to decide to never go back...and, that is scary; yet, with each passing day we realize it becomes more attainable.

Good luck and God bless you.


Avatar universal
That is horrible about your daughter. I feel for you and will keep her and yourself in my prayers. Thanks for the advice! I'm trying soo hard not to pick up my phone and call anyone, trying to stay busy...but busy isn't working well. I want to smell the flowers and see the sun again..but right now, all I see is pure hell. I'm a Christian and stuff like this is not suppose to happen, right? So the world says! It makes you wonder how many people out there are really addicted to stuff and just never say a word. My mom is an addict, though she won't admit it. The doctor gives her 150 vics a month, that is were I get mine at sometimes. It's so hard trying to go off of them. The cold sweats are about to kill me, along with the cramps in my legs. I took 2 tylenol PMs last nite and smoked about 1/4 of a joint...but it did not really help. I would sleep for about 20 minutes and wake up with the cold sweats and cramps. I just really wanted to DIE! I just can not believe I am here AGAIN. I'm sooo mad at myself. I just have to keep holding on, right? I'm so afraid for the weekend, I'll have money and that scares me. I wonder if I could drink some wine or something to help? Does anyone know if that helps at all? Thanks for the great words of advice. I'll be here proabaly off and on all day...through the pain. :-(
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