Hi guys!!

[hopeless]

Hi everyone...

Been very busy with my dad the past few days. It has been so damm depressing watching him suffer this cancer everyday. I am still staying with them for awhile longer, Might be going back home tomorrow or Sunday. This being here is making me so depressed. There is nothing i can do for him or my mom, except just be here. I am glad i have this chance to spend with them. My dad went and had a port put into his chest today, this is where they are going to try this new kind of chemo out. It isn't going to make a difference, if anything if it actually does work, all it will do is delay his death, maybe by a month, but very doubtful it will work. Being here around all his pills is very hard on me. I see him  popping oxycodone 40 mg. and the 15 mg ones. So i know this is not a good place for me to be right now while trying to kick this addiction of mine. I am really hoping to go home tomorrow. Miss my kids, and my animals. LOL - notice how i didn't mention my hubby? Ok, i know that is rude, but we haven't really been getting along to great lately.

Oh well, i hope you are al doing well and i miss you guys so much.
I will try to be around tomorrow or Sunday. Hope you all have a GREAT weekend! Try to do something fun, and keep your mind off of these damm nasty pills.

Love you all,
Hope

[lonote]

You are the best!!!   love ya back, That says alot for you. Love cathy

[hopeless]

Hi mama,

Yup, i have gotten several gray hairs, actually a bunch all within the past week! Thank God i have blonde hair, can't notice them as much...Lol.

I don't feel very strong, i actully feel VERY weak right now!! I just sit here and watch them and it is breaking my heart. Not being able to do anything for him is what hurts the most. I hate seeing him in so much pain. This just isn't fair how life works.

As for forgiving you, i had no other choice...This is just who i am, i can't hold a grudge for too long, i look at it this way, i am 36 years old and i am not going to argue or fight with someone on the internet over something so petty. Life is too short to sit around and dwell on the littlest things in life, right? We all have way better things to worry about and deal with in our everyday lifes! So, yes i am over all that! We have been here with each other for a very long time, and i refuse to let anything or anybody get between you and me...We are life - long friends and ALWAYS will be. We might bump heads again someday, (i am sure we will) but we will get over it, and always remain friends.

I am heading to bed now, but will try to be on tomorrow afternoon. I want to catch up with you more then, ok?

Take care, and get some sleep!!!

Love you tons!!!
Hope

[lonote]

Its got to be hard on you being there. You are a strong woman and you probably don't even know it.
All of this going on in your life has really matured you. You have changed alot . You can come out and vent anytime. You know this but this with your dad has shown a serious side and your showing us family is more important than pills. Have you gotten a grey hair or two this past year, cause its been hell for you, but you are a more calmed Hope. And to forgive me means the world to me. Your quite a gal.   peace to you and your family. I watched my dad go and he called the shots when he wanted his treatments to end and within a week he pased. This brings it all back to me as I sit here in tears not only for  you but for me too. I miss my dad and brother. Please take care   Cathy

[hopeless]

Ok question??? If anyone knows...

In Canada, is it true that you can just walk into any pharmacy and get percocets, oxycodones, over the counter without a script? I have heard this time and time again from alot of people. Today, i was talking to my sister and we were talking about pills and i had mentioned this to her, and she was just stunned!! She is totally against pills of any kind, the only thing she ever takes is tylenol, or advil. We were having a long conversation about addicts and much more, and i asked her if she ever heard of this, and she said no, but i have alot. So just out of curiosty we were wondering if anyone knows if this is true or not? Thanks....

Hope