Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

Lost

Hey all, haven't posted in awhile when I guess I should have been. I am very lost in the world of pills again, this time it's worse than ever. I have "legitamite" pain issues and now have more pills than I know what to do with. I was taking care of my grandmother recently and even took handfuls of hers. I feel so lost..I don't even know why I am even posting here. I have forgotten about the person I used to be anymore. I keep waiting and waiting for the day when the light bulb goes on and things in my life will get better. Does that make sense? I really don't have anyone in my life anymore. I have pushed everyone away and of course it was thier fault. I never thought in a million years my life would have turned out like this. I haven't held a job in almost two years. It's been up and down with these damn pills for the same amount of time. I don't eat anymore, I take so many pills that I end up throwing up all the time. My life has never been the greatest but I don't ever see it getting any better and all I do is cry anymore. I hardly get out of the house because I hate to be around other people or do not want to run into any one I used to know. Some of you may say "get help" but I know I never will. I don't have anyone to help me. I keep breaking the promises that I make to myself and feel like I am just taking up space anymore. I guess I am writing this because I am so tired of being alone and I don't know what to do now.
15 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
186166 tn?1385259382
you stated above that you are waiting for the day the light bulb goes on and your life will get better.  have you ever known a light to come on by itself?  you have to turn it on for it to work.  

i want to ask you something sweetie.  you say that you live alone and have not worked in two years.  who is enabling you?  

you say that you will never get help...why is that?  you need professional help...this has been going on for many months...you dont have to feel hopeless and helpless anymore.  (i still remember that night a long time ago...that we got you to finally go to the emergency room...do you?) there is more going on here than addiction...and these issues need to be addressed and dealt with.  

i hope you get the help you need.  

hugs,
kim
Helpful - 0
352798 tn?1399298154
Baby Steps! Both the tortoise and the hare ran a race. Will you be one to cross the finish line? Hope so. Be encouraged, others in worse situations than you have made it.
Helpful - 0
352798 tn?1399298154
Today is day 11. I am beginning to feel alive. Still tire easily but I've been that way for awhile. Fluids, Fluids, Fluids. Very important during detox. Take really deep breaths, exhaling fairly strong. This will help some with the lungs. If you are really having pneumonia, can you see a Dr.? I wouldn't mess around with that one. If you can see a DR. well that would just be an excellent time to get some meds to help ease during w/d. Level with the Dr! Honesty and humility go a long way. Good luck.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
thank you for your post, it usually does pass and gets better but then i do it to myself again. trying really hard not to do it again, but like you I am making progress.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks for your posts, I think yours hit home the best. I am only able to drink water and eat maybe a little bit of yogurt thruout the day. Taking a few ultrams to help with the rls. My stomach is all messed up and I have phnemonia while doing all of this crazy stuff. Just trying to take it easy as best as I can. I do live alone, I feel that makes it somewhat harder. My family is concentrating on my grandmothers health right now which is more important. I have not told anyone what is going on except for those on here. Is this day 6 for you? How are you feeling?
Helpful - 0
147172 tn?1226758178
This too shall pass......
Helpful - 0
352798 tn?1399298154
Hang in there. You are in tough valley right now. On the hilltop there will be flowers waiting for you.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I just wanted to let all of you that posted to me that it is appreciated very much. For me to keep posting on the board is way to hard for me right now, but I do need support and would love to offer some kind of support to others. If you would like to talk please PM me. Thank you.
Helpful - 0
352798 tn?1399298154
Ask yourself, Why did you make this post?
Are you trying to justify or are you looking to change. You are the one to decide if you will be like this next year of if you will be the one rooting others on for the same shared success. Getting free IS possible. There are so many success stories here.
You can change if you want it bad enough.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
ok, this is random, especially for me, but have you tried talking to a priest or minister?

it took Bill W to have a "spiritual conversion" to get sober (Carl Jung at the time didn't get it, but said it was the only way some people could get sober.)  this thought came to me when I read your post and I've learned to listen to my instincts.

please give it a try... give everything a try.  do not give up.  things change...they always do.  but you have to let them.

please don't give up..

with luv,
mj
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Honey.....e-mail me and pass me a phone number, I have free long distance. I really would like to be there for you.

e-mail me at momof2wonderfulboys at new dot rr dot com

Please. Hang in there!

Thinking of you hun
Tracy
Helpful - 0
216339 tn?1197055114
Please check your messages on here sweetie i left you one hang in there ~Luv chros
Helpful - 0
225156 tn?1198893504
Make a commitment to yourself to get 'better' and start a plan to withdrawl from the pills.  Until you do this, you will continue to be miserable.  I know it's hard - getting 'sober' was one of the most difficult things I did - but I did it and am reaping the rewards of sobriety each day.  Once you make the commitment, become determined to succeed and prepare for a tough time knowing the end result will be worth it.  No one is going to rescue you BUT you - No one is going to rescue you FOR you.  Make sense?  Keep posting - you're starting on the right path and I commend you for that.  Talk to use about a tapering regime and continue posting how you are feeling, etc.  Sending positivge energy and encouragement your way...
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
your comments concern me..there is help..but u have to go get the help...i am 48 days clean today and i can assure you i could match the best with pill popping at my peak..

You have to make the decision to LIVE or DIE......Living is more then just breathing or existing as i am sure you know this

if you do not go get Help of some Kind you will DIE  in every sense of the matter..

i wish i had other words for you on this post,,but i feel you need tough love right now..

what are you taking and how much and how often ?

there are so many programs out there for you..like uberadtx said if WE could beat addiction alone there would be no programs to help...

Brian
Helpful - 0
318928 tn?1248177416
You are soo far into your addiction you can't even see straight. You act as if you are the victim here and to some extent you are but not anymore.  You have choices but your addiction is making them for you. No one is going to show up on your front step ready to rescue you.  You have to ask for help.  If we could do it alone, this message board wouldn't exist. Neither would NA, CA or AA.  That light bulb isn't going to go on by itself, you have to flip the switch.  Keep posting.
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Social Community

Top Addiction Answerers
495284 tn?1333894042
City of Dominatrix, MN
3060903 tn?1398565123
Other
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.