My Heart Is Broke! Can't Believe This!

[hopeless]

I hate men!

My husband and i just got into a fight, and he was saying some really nasty things to me. It ended up him telling me he isn't happy anymore, and he wants a divorce!

Sorry, i know this is not the place for this kind of conversation, but i need someone to talk to! I am sitting here crying so hard, and can't stop! My feelings are so damm hurt. I can't believe him. I have been through so damm much and he knows how depressed i have been, and then ending up in the hospital and all the sh** i have been through. You know what started it, he told me he wants me to lose weight. My God, i am not fat! I have put on a few pounds, but nothing major. I weigh 125, and all cause of the way i look he tells me ignorant things. God guys, why? My heart is broken! I take care of his kids, and i have for 8 years, i have raised them since they were 1 and 2 years old. He tells me i do nothing for him. My whole life revolves around him. This is not fair to me. I can't belive this! I would rather him just rip my heart out of my chest and stomp on it, then to have him say the things he said to me tonight. I just wanna die! I am so sick in my stomach right now, He is so damm rude! I am his wife, he is too love me for who i am, right? I went through this same sh** from my first marriage. He would tell me ignorant things and cut me down all the time. I actually started to believe what was being said to me. Now again, with this husband.

I can't take anymore sh**. I don't deserve this! People wonder why i need to take pills, see this is why? I get cut down all the time, treated like sh** and get called ignorant names. Now he wants a divorce cause i put on a few pounds.

My heart is broke, and i just wanna die right now! I have nothing, i am addicted to pills, could have died, and very depressed, and now this. What else, how much more do i have to put up with?

[shelby74]

Thank you - both of you.  It means a lot to me.

shel

[marcatj]

... what Fladdict said.  :-)

[FLaddict]

I just wanted to say..that no matter what feelings may have been hurt.. by posting the way you did last night.. shows alot of growth.. and that you are well on your way if you keep up this fight...

XOXO

[shelby74]

I am going too then.  I will be happy to go to meetings with you guys.  God knows we all need help.  I would not even ask her either - i would drag her a** into the plane and make her go.  

hugs,

me

[tzt2lady]

Shel I know exactly where you were coming from and that you love and care for Hope so much.   So do I.   It is hard to see her like this cuz we DO care so much.    I swear I wish I could just go get her and keep her with me for a couple of months until this shizit is out of her system.   We would be hittin  some meetings and I just know she would be happy.
Anyway, Shel, we have a bit of a history with Hopey and I know how much you care.   She knows too on some level.
hugs
tzt

[shelby74]

pepsi has not been here to see the whole story I think.  We have all been through a lot together.  The only thing I was expressiong to Hope was my concern.  It was not meant to hurt her in any way.  I know it is sometimes hard to hear, but I would feel worse if her liver gave out and I was talking girl talk with her.  It is hard to see her using again.  Hope do you think your words don't affect us?  I know you are mad at me but if I am going to be true to you - then I have to do what I have to do.  You hate me fine...but I just want you to live and be happy again.  That's it.

[tzt2lady]

Yeah, your words ring true in some cases but what would you say to her if she was contemplating suicide???   She cant use anymore.   Period.    She brought it to an addiction issue and not just a girl talk when she said she used.    We have known her for months and love her dearly.   Her liver may require surgery to function properly because of drug abuse, and she took a pill.   So should those of us who know and love her just girl talk at this point or should we try to help her save her life.

Hope, hang in there.    Leave the man if you need to but dont kill yourself over him.    

[tzt2lady]

I took Shel's post as an attempt to get you to go get help.   How powerless do you think we feel when you are in a hospital talking about liver problems?  Good lord, Hopey, your life is on the line.  Your life!      Your body cant tolerate any more drug abue.  You only have one liver.   Shel loves you and noone is saying dont talk about your personal stuff here.  Thats what the forum is for.   What would you say to Shel if you were in her shoes and she was you?     We all want you to live, to value life.     We see that little life flame flickering and we will do or say anything we can in an attempt to help you through this stuff.
hugs
tzt

[shelby74]

I never meant to hurt you with what I posted.  The only reason I posted it was to maybe push you to get some help.  I know that your hubby was acting like an *** - but maybe look at it from his side too.  He has seen you go through a lot lately.  Maybe he is scared.  I do not know him but I know men do not react the same way we do to stressful situations.  Who knows maybe he is just being an as*h***.  I hope and pray that he is treating you better today.  Hope, you know I would never say anything to hurt you.  I have watched you suffer so much lately and of course it is just fine to come here and have girl talk but the fact of the matter is honey - you still used yesterday.  So that is where the girl talk ends and now you need help.  I know it was just one pill but that is how mine started everytime - one pill.  I could see you going through the same vicious cycle again.  THE ONLY REASON I WAS PUSHY is because I did not want to see you hurt yet again by your addiction.  Anytime you want to talk about girl stuff - I am here - you know that.  How can I just sit by and let you destroy yourself though?  What kind of friend would I be?  I have probably lost my family to drugs - I can't see the same happen to you.  I love you no matter what and I am sorry if I hurt you.

[princ]

After all of trhose words I meant to say that you had every right to share what happened and it doesn't matter what this site is called as it all relates to addiction. Our lives makes us addicts and you need support. I am hear for you and if you want to write to me please feel free. I believe that the posts were meant to help you honey but it didn't feel that way to you. I don't know how to share an email as I have not been on this site for too long but if you could let me know I will happily do that.
Take care and I hope things are better today.
I have taken a pill from the bottom of my purse, found one in my dresser drawer and looked for one when down many times hoping I had just one. I then continued to manage to stay off the stuff. It is not the right thing to do but it is the human thing we do. Hugs.

[princ]

***@****

[princ]

I realize I do not know you and I have been wondering why you seemed so down. I thought it might be from  the pills. You talked about enjoying your family and some of the other activities etc. I wondered what void you seemed to need to fill. I looked at your picture and you are such a beautful young woman.
I am going to try to keep this short. I started pills truthfully because my husband treated me horribly many years ago about 20 now. Nothing I did was ever enough and I was the one doing it all. I also looked after his kids from a previous marriage and our child that I had with him. He did nothing but drink and take pills and blame me or take all of his anger about life out on me. I started taking some of his pills as I always felt sad and depressed and frankly exhausted as they gave me energy and dulled the pain I felt inside. The next thing you know I needed them more and more. He was so abusive and it only got worse. He didn't hit me but the words were so painful. He always told me no one would ever want me etc. etc. He threaten to divorce me many times. He held it over my head like a carrot when I needed him the most.  Long story short as I said, I ended the marriage. He left first but that is because he knew that I was done. I had secretly went to a lawyer to find out what I could do financially. I ended up improving my job. It took a number of years as I was worried about my son. His daughters were older so I wasn't as worried about them and they were moving out anyhow.
It was the best thing I ever did in my life. After hell on wheels for a year, as I was so sad, crying all of the time, missing him as I loved him with all of my heart, feeling all sorts of tihngs and taking pills, I started walking everyday. I began to feel good again, got off of the pills, felt happy. I did feel lonely but I was focusing on me and getting healthy and knew that I was not ready for another relationship as I would only attrack another abuser. I would have settled as I was too needy.
I raised my boys (I ended up adopting a boy who had wonderful parents who were older and could not look after him)  so that is why I say boys. After 3 years I ended up accidently meeting a man that was the complete opposite of anyone that I thought I would ever date. My EX husband was a handsome jocky guy and this guy was not. I feel deeply in like of him and later it turned to love. I developed a relationship slowly and I told him my boys had to come first. I never allowed him to stay overnight as I did not want my boys to wake up to me with another man. I felt that would be too hard. He waited and was very reliable and helped me. After almost 10 years, my boys moved and so he and I got married. My boys gave me away at the wedding and love him. I have never been happier. I suffer from arthritis and therefore got back into the pain pills over the last three years mainly due to the high stress job. Just like my EX, I could feel myself feeling unhappy and I recognized it was the job this time which seemed to make my pain worse. It is funny my physical pain seems less bearable when I am unhappy. So I pay attention to what is creating the need.
The reason I share this is because you are in control of your destiny. Your husband should never treat you that way for any reason even if you did something that was not right. I don't mean to be hurtful but maybe him divorcing you is a good thing for you. Maybe this is why you got started on the pills...maybe you are dying inside just like I was. Sweetheart this is not going to happen all at once, but find the strength to stand up for yourself and move on. When you do you will become a healthier, happier person and you will attract another healthy and happy person who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
God has given you a chance to see that your life is not okay and what the pills are doing to you. Listen to your little voice. You know inside what you feel and likely why. Life is too short. I am 50 and my only regret is that I didn't have the strength to get out of that horrible relationship sooner as I was 39 when I had the courage to get out.  Please don't wait too long. Get counselling. I had an excellent counsellor and she helped me save my life. You are so precious and beautiful. I can tell this.You deserve to have a futuer with a man who loves you in a healthy way and treats you the way you deserve to be treated. But the only person who can change that is you and it won't be easy. I am worried about you. I do not know you or your husband and maybe he is a good guy but I don't think so. He may have some good points but the bad ones are unacceptable. Stay connected to us as whatever you do we will still care about you. Please don't get back on the pills as this will only make things worse. Please go and search out a counsellor? I do not know if it costs or how your area works but it will help you so much if you get someone good. My counsellor gave me homework each week and I literally watched myself grow into a healthy, dynamic woman that had been buried with the weight of an abusive person who took out all of his needs on me. God bless sweetie and please know I am thinking about you. XO

[BonnieAnn]

PLEASE read my e-mail from this morning. Just take a moment and read it.

[PromisedLand]

Here's hoping you get a restful night's sleep and a peaceful tomorrow.


Jim

[hopeless]

YUP...another laugh....

Thanks! needed that!

Once again, you are right...He can be sweet and has done sweet things like that. But ewwwwwww, right now i am still hurting.

Would love to talk to you more tomorrow if you are around. Here is my email addy.

***@****

had to space it cause they don't let you post it on here.

so send me an email if you want.

Ok girl, talk to you tomorrow. Really do need to go to bed now, gonna need tooth picks to hold my eyes open...LOL

Thanks again for making me laugh, and for understanding what i needed to night!   ( - :

Good night,
Hope

[pepsiblue]

G'nite...sweet dreams. Hey...while he's sleeping tonight you can dip his hand in warm water and make him pee all over himself. lol.
Get some sleep.......things will be better in the morning. Think of the guilt you can lay on him to get a really good B-day present! huh...huh....think about it......lol

Nite!
Laura

[hopeless]

Cathy,

I just replyed back to your email...

I am going to bed now, so i will talk to you tomorrow...

good night,
Hope

[pepsiblue]

OMG...okay, you are my long lost twin...LOL! While I just finished posting my post to you/everyone...I saw that you had posted back to me (which I am glad to have made ya smile. you remind me so much of myself, I thought of what would make ME smile if I were you and it worked I see... :--) ) But I see you posted to everyone exactly what I just did to all of them....YOU did NOT want to come here to be judged and looked down on for the pill slip up. You wanted your girls to rally around you and give you advice and tell you what a jerk your hubby is. I was right cuz you posted pretty much the same thing I did! lol
And, to answer your question.....he doesn't think you are fat, sweetie. He knows you're a hottie and he also knows he's damned lucky to have ya. He only says that to **** you off and push yer buttons. Like I told you. Mine does the same thing, and I do the same thing to him. You are hurt and angry right now...but I bet you will feel differently tomorrow. You love him, you know you do. Right now, you wanna kill him...lol....but I know you love him cuz you and him are exactly like me and my husband. Lemme tell ya.....there are days......aaaaarrrggghhhh.......but then I remember the times he did something so innocently sweet for me...that he didn't even realize he was doing it....ooohhh, like when I cut my finger on glass in the sink and he washed it off and put a band-aid on it for me...(oh, and he blew on it, too lol)....or when I was sick with the flu and he rode a bike (his truck was broke down at the time) in the middle of winter, on icy streets all the way to the store to get me some chicken soup, which he made for me and blew on every spoonful before he fed it to me.....you know? ANd I bet your man has done sweet things for you, too.....when your anger clears up you'll think about it. You guys are just having a real hard time right now.....and it will pass. Think of the good times.....think happy thoughts.....(think of pouring honey on him near a red ant hill....) now I know that made you smile.  ;--) lol

[hopeless]

Pepsiblue,

Thank you for understanding and saying what you did...You are exactly right! This is all i needed tonight, i did not need a lecture, i got enough of that tonight from my husband. I am glad you get it, and why and how that had me upset.

Don't worry no one will attack you, you are just saying how you felt.

I need to go to bed now, my eyes are killing me here.

Thank you so much for understanding what i am going through, and trying to explain it to others on here.

Thank you very much...
Good Night,
Hope

[lonote]

Well she having a bad night its no excuse we've been wanting to see you happy for months. If i was outta line i'm sorry.

[lonote]

wrong about me. I don't have a prob with what you are saying. She needs support from the grils.

[hopeless]

Read Ionote, Shelby said it...scrool up

[lonote]

who said there is nothing we can do for you   for the 3rd time?

[pepsiblue]

Now wait a second, girls....All hope wanted was some girl talk about what happened to her tonight. I don't even know her and I knew that much just by reading. She just wanted some support and some of her friends to do what all us ladies want our pals to do when our man is a jerk------and that's rally around her and give a sympathetic ear, or some advice on men (and what arses they can be! lol)
Yeah, she screwed up and fell into temptation and self-medication to make herself feel better. That doesn't mean we need to send her packing to Betty Ford center, does it? Why couldn't you all just see her post for what it was....nothing more or less than what it was? A friend of yours husband was being a jerk and she wanted support! Period! This is the addiction community forum....this is the forum where we can talk about day to day stuff, what we watch on TV, and what we are making for supper, and when our MAN IS BEING A JERK! Why would anyone of you ladies...HER FRIENDS...tell her such a thing like 'there is nothing we can do for you here'......HUH?!?!?!?!
That was wrong, ladies. I really think that was not 'tough love' I think that was just plain out of line.
Okay, so go on now and attack me, I'm sure you all will. FLaddict, I know you are a moderator and will have my post here removed, and thats fine, but I am only speaking my mind and defending this girl Hope (who I really barely know here) because I see what she means when she says her friends here hurt her. I can see why she was hurt.
Hope, if you are able to read this before it gets deleted.....I do see where you are coming from and I'd be hurt, too. God, now watch they'll tell us we both need help. lol (just joking, ladies)
And I hope I didn't offend you by my post to you (hope) because I was really trying to give you advice on why men can be such jerks about the whole sex thing. I think that's the advice you were looking for when you posted in the first place........not a bunch of women coming down on you for screwing up.
Okay ladies-----blast me away.  (((ducking)))) BUT keep in mind, I really am only trying to help and I am not trying to make her feel any worse than she already does......ahem......hint, hint ladies......
K. attack!!!!!!!!    ;)