New Thread, on how you move on....101 Dalmations...and all

[liscamdave]

Of course I would respond. Sorry I am so late, I am so busy here at work today. I too, heard that when you are the product of an addict you obtain their addictive personality. But maybe not so, I have an older brother who lives in Ohio, he was visiting me here in philadelphia as he and I were seperated when we were little, he tried Heroin when he was 18 and did it for three days, he immediately packed up and moved back to ohio because he did not want to become an addict. I, to this day, admire his strength. He is a wonderful parent, nothing like our own parents. Anyway, I think it could have to do with genes, but you never know. My mother was a social smoker, as am I. She was also an alchoholic and drug addict, so she smoked a little more than I..lol..But when I was high everyday, I smoked alot, Now that I am sober, I smoke occasionally. Like, 1-2 a day. Its weird. Not sure how it works. I do know that my mother never got the chance to quit and live a normal life, she tried, but her addictions took she and my father to an early grave. So sad. These addictions have taken too many from me. I wont let it take me from my daughter. You realize so much....

You never know what an addict goes through until you are one. I could never understand my parents, but now I do a little better. It wasn't that they didn't love us, they were addicts, and were under a spell...So sad. You can't blame yourself for looking down on those patients that were trying to get more pills, now you probably know why they were so desperate. What a life we live as addicts, huh? Keep fighting the good fight, you can certainly do it. I am here, everyday, during the day, to chat with you...

xoxo, Lisa

[tzt2lady]

Many of us use because we "FEEL" too much.  We are unable to "desensitze" ourselves to the cruelness we see in the world, the suffering.   Many of us are kind, caring people who would help another in a heartbeat and when we read something in the newspaper, or hear on tv, or it happens to someone we know and it is something cruel and senseless,,,,,it takes us time to deal with it and takes a bit of our heart away.    I don't know if this makes sense.  Its just what I've observed in the span of a few decades of being off or on drugs.
tzt

[lady_m]

Thank you so much for that post.  You reached me right when I needed it.  I have had a good amount of strength lately, but just a bit ago felt down.  Just felt…. Ugh.  Not entirely there.  Tired.  Physically, mentally.  I just didn’t have the same amount of strength.  And then I read everything you wrote.  It helped so much.  I know there will be those hard times, and times of doubt, but I know those are the times I can turn to the friends I’ve met here.  Thank you again.

[lady_m]

Tim, that is a lot to go through.  Dealing with that much pain and so many loses in one lifetime is so much.  Thank you for being so open.  You said it felt good to tell it, and I'm glad you did.  I'm glad I was able to learn more about your life.  

[shelby74]

Thank you for sharing your story.  I know that must have been hard for you to share with everyone.  One thing here is that you will always receive support.  I used to think addicts were bottom feeders - boy was I wrong.  I wrote people of like myself all the time.  Calling them druggies - the sad thing is that is so untrue.  People who self-medicate are struggling with life in general.  They are hurting so badly inside that it is hard to bear anymore.  I have many addicts in my family as well.  Genes must have something to do with it.

xoxox

shel

[liscamdave]

I agree completely. I too, have tons of addicts in my family and for the life of me, never understood them and was often embarressed by them. I remember being little and my mother bringing me and my brother to the bar with her to sit there all night because she had to go out, it was a nightmare. We would sit there till 2 in the morning...after we finally told my grandparents what was going on, we were taken from her, anyway...

Living life as an addict you do things you would never have forseen yourself doing. I had ignored pretty much all my friends and family. Isolated myself from the outside world. I used to love to go out with my friends and drink and have fun...and could do it without drugs. I had never touched a drug till I was 23 and it was cause I had a toothache, that is was started a three year battle. I never did coke, till last year and of course, liked that too. We are so similar. I have no piercings, but have three tatoos, and would cover my body if I could...love em...

Prior to me becomming an addict, my husbnad (boyfriend at the time) told me he used to be a coke addict when he owned his bar..I was disgusted by the thought. I couldn't imagine having to keep doing it...why couldn't he just stop, I would say to him, but he kept saying he was addicted to the high. Coke is more a mental craving..I am told...but anyway, until I got that toothache, I was so against drugs..I liked to drink...not often, but every weekend I guess..When I got the percs for my teeth, he took some with me and that is where it started..,It grew and grew..from 2-5 percs each only on weekend, then to 2-5p percs each a day, then we were eating like 20-40 percs each a day and decided we were wasting money and switched to Oxy's...what a nightmare...Our tolerance grew to 15 80mg Oxy's a day..A DAY...can u believe that...

Then he overdosed. I had finally decided to go out with my friends on the eve of his death. I only took like 6 80mg oxy and left him with the rest...I thought he wouldn't take all of them...and he actually only took 10 80mgs..and saved the rest. The next morning, I was so hung over and didn't want to get up...we were at the shore and he was beggin me to get up and we started to fight. He must have taken the rest of the pills along with zanxa, which isn't a great mix..I found him 3 hours later..I was again woken up to his little sister screaming that she could not wake her brother up...I immediately knew what it was and ran so fast downstairs I think I was flying...I took one look, and he was blue, I knew he was gone..I tried to do CPR..and nothing worked. Such a vivid memory I still have...to this day...

You would think I would have quit, but no...I couldn't stop...I didn't want to feel the pain of losing him...It was too hard....I guess I had to spend every last dollar I had to finally quit, cause I couldn't afford it...lool...But seriously...I am so much happier now and dealing with my past everyday..I am so glad you are choosing to stop...You are a strong, smart and wonderful girl...I have every ounce of faith in you....

xoxoxo,

((((((Calijen))))))

Lisa

Sorry for the lenght

[TimH2]

Thanks for sharing your stories. My parents had the occasional drink or two. When I was 9 my youngest brother passed away. My parents starting drinking more during the grieving period. They never got hooked on pills or anything like that. My father quit smoking early on and my mother quit smoking 8 yrs before she died of lung cancer. I picked up the smoking habit and when I was young, I would party and drink. I like pot and really don't think there is anything wrong with it. I can take it or leave it. My eldest brother crashed his Jaguar when he was 19 and bashed his head pretty badly. He was going about 100 miles an hr and hit a tree. I remember he wouldn't even go to the hospital at the time. He did a few days later and it must have already done the damage to his head. He became addicted to pain killers and they eventually took his life. He would go to hospitals out of state after he was banned from this area. I remember when he died, my mother recieved bills from so many hospitals and doctors from all over New England. He had a virtual pharmacy in his home loaded with every downer you could think of.  I swore that I would never take them and look at me now! I am addicted and doing the same thing. I don't even come close to taking what he did. He was on methadone at one point and rehab a number of times. The pills ruined his life and broke my parents hearts. I always felt a guilt that my brothers died and I survived. I sometimes wonder if I chose this path deliberately. I just know that I do not want to end up like my elder brother.
It felt good to write my story.

Tim

[lady_m]

I have gone back and forth on the hereditary addiction thing.  But as I became older I realized how many addicts I have in my family.  It was always hidden so I never knew.  My brother is three years older than me and did drugs when he was younger.  But he says he has never been addicted to anything in his life.  He did them in his teens and did the whole party thing.  He’s 33 and very successful and straight laced.  He’ll have a beer once in awhile but that’s it.  My whole family is on antidepressents and he doesn’t even like the idea of that (one of those who just says cheer up and get over it).  He and I are night and day.  He is an officer in the Navy and a pilot.  He married his highschool sweetheart and they both went to a Christian college together.  She has never touched as much as a cigarette in her life or been drunk.  She stayed a virgin until their wedding night.  I am the one who has always lived life on the edge.  By the age of 26 I was already on my second marriage.  I had my first child out of wedlock.  I’ve probably had every part of my face pierced at one time or another (don’t have any now) and I have 6 tattoos.  I’m an alcoholic and drug addict.  We have the same mother, same father and grew up in the same house.  Amazing.

But the rest of my family – on both sides, full of addiction.  Same thing as me.  Booze and pills.  Cousins, aunts, grandparents.  My father did drugs when he was younger and had his own issue with alcohol.  My mother doesn’t drink or take pills because she knows how bad it is in the family and she says she can see herself easily becoming hooked, so she says if she doesn’t start she won’t have to stop (I wish I would have had that sense!).  

I was never an addict in my teens or even early twenties.  I didn’t understand how people could be.  My first husband is an alcoholic.  Used to drive me crazy.  Just quit!  I didn’t understand.  I was a heavy drinker at the time but could still hold down a job and live a ‘normal’ life.  I didn’t HAVE to drink, I just liked to go out (this changed down the road).  I had knee surgery and took a few pills for the pain and that was it.  I had friends begging for my pills and I didn’t understand why.  Why would you want to take them just to take them?  Oh how my world would change over the next several years.  I couldn’t go a day without a drink.  I would stop at the liquor store on the way TO work.  I started taking pills regularly for my back and then realized “ahhh… so THIS is what people are hooked on.  I see why”.  And downhill it all went.

I agree, Lisa.  I think the only people who really understand addiction are addicts.  You can’t teach something like that from a book.  You have to live it.  Before I was an addict I took it as the person didn’t love their family enough to stop.  But you’re right, they/we are under that spell.  Everything changes when you are under it.  And it’s so strong and so hard to break away from.  But we’re all here… which says a lot.