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256607 tn?1248899504

Oh what a day can bring.....

So better late than never, I guess, with this post.  I have been wanting to get on and let you all know how we are doing, but time just gets away from me every day...working 2 jobs, you know.

Anyway, tuesday Sally got an epidural in her neck and she cried and it hurt a lot.  She was in bed for 2 1/2 days and friday we had to drive to San Diego to go to court.  The court was a victory and we were really pleased.

So then she tells me she wants to go to Mexico to get more Soma....so after the high of the victory, comes the defeat.  I reluctantly agree.  She is going to go with or without me and we were having such a wonderful day together that I dedide to use this as an opportunity to really talk to her about this problem and how it needs to be resolved sooner as apose to later.

So I pour my heart out to her again.  I tell her that these meds are killing her and our relationship.  I tell her she is an addict that is using and it is wrong on so many levels.  She uses her pain (physical and emotional) as a reason to continue on this path.  I sympathized with her issue of pain and shared with her all that I have learned from all of you on this site.  She reacted exactly as I expected upon hearing about me participating in this site.  She was glad that I have support but feels guilty that I have to get this support because of her.

I tell her that this has to stop, that it is killing her body, affecting our relationship and costing us financially.  She agrees.  So we explore options.  I tell her to only buy 100 and we will start weening her off the Soma (which is the major problem.  I don't know if you all remember how much of that junk she is taking but it is extreemly excessive!!!!!). I told her I will hold on to them and ration them out to her and will do whatever it takes.  I told her FLhubby's story about how he helped his wife and said at one point "I have my wife back".  That made her cry.  I told her she is precious to me and that our love is precious to me and that made her cry more.......but she never answered me about what her decision is about the soma.

So we get to the pharmecy and she buys her usual 500 Soma, and they are even more expensive this time.  I feel like I want to die.  I was so shocked I couldn't even talk.  I just sat there all the way back to San Diego unable to speak.  So what the F**k was all that talking about.  Someone, please tell me.  

By the time we got to Sunset Cliffs I had calmed down a little and we watched the sunset and then she took me out to a wonderful dinner, and I am so f**king in love with this woman that I just let it go.  I don't know what to do.  I don't know what else to say.  And I haven't stopped asking her when she is going to give me the Soma and let me ration them to her. She still hasn't given them to me.  She swears that is the last time she goes to mexico, but I don't believe her.  

Besides mexico, we had the most wonderful day together and then a wonderful weekend.  She was bright and soberish and attentive and loving and communicative....but we are still in the same place we were.  There has been no progress accept for more admission from her that she knows she is a using addict and she cannot continue on this way.

Now I love this woman and I am not going to give up on her.  She is worth it, I promise you.  So I go back to waiting and counting and hoping.  Always hoping.  Praying that she will make a change.

Thanks you all for listing.

Debbie
17 Responses
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256607 tn?1248899504
Thank you for making my morning!!!

Love to the people,

Debbie
Helpful - 0
221016 tn?1196973461
You are a beautiful person and you write beautifully. I am so happy you are part of this forum :)

Love to ya,
Tim
Helpful - 0
225213 tn?1213734690
She sure the heck is your wife and you are a beautiful person for how you love her.   I dont know what else to say but know I care about you very much.
Helpful - 0
256607 tn?1248899504
I think the best way to approach at first is to start by saying that you love her no matter what and if she ever wants to be more intimate with you and really let you be involved in her life that you would never judge her for any reason.  Express to her that you want to be closer and that you are wondering about her personal relationships.  If she beats around the bush, she might not be ready, but if you plant the seed that you are accepting and will keep her confidence, she will tell you when she is ready.

After several attempts at probing her, if she doesn't offer it up, just ask her.  She might be really scared or even in denial herself.  It is not uncommon for those who are in the closet to feel trapped by their own self-loathing homophobia.  The more you love and support her and express that love and support, the better chance you have of getting the truth out of her and you might just be closer than ever.

Good luck and let me know how it goes.

YOU ARE AN AWESOME SISTER!!!

Debbie
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I have a sister who is a principlal and into teaching. For years she's never come out to me. I would love to break the ice. How do I ask if she is without being tacky , more sisterly. Because with my past i'n noone to judge. When there was a funeral and there was a shiva at her house a majority of her friends were gay/lesbian I'd love to break the ice and be closer but I think she's keeping a secret from me , the whole family, but just to be closer, which i've always longed for  this has always been on my mind. Is it improper to ask her? And how?
Helpful - 0
256607 tn?1248899504
Sounds like heaven to me.  That is what it is like in San Diego.  Of course because she lived there 20 years and was out the whole time so she knows all the "gay" places and stuff to go.  It is awesome because Orange County is so stuck up that when we go there I feel like I am home.

That is how you must feel in SF.  Haven't been there in....gosh......18 years.  I was preggers with my oldest, so yeah, it was 18 years ago was the last time in was in San Fran.

Wow, I think it is time for a vacation there.

Deb
Helpful - 0
260012 tn?1199892117
You so make me appreciate my family.  After my ex and split, I jokingly told my mom I was done with men and switching to girls.  She just laughed and said "whatever makes you happy"  Sorry to hear your family is intolerant, that sucks!  This is the reason I love "The City" (if you ever move here that is what you have to call SF) so much, nobody gives a sh*it what or who you do.  :)~~~
Cait
Helpful - 0
256607 tn?1248899504
You Rock!!!  Thank you!  It has been hard with my family.  We won't be participating in family holidays as my family will not let me bring my partner, the love of my life.  They will tolerate me without her because then they can pretend I am not gay.  It sucks because we used to be so close, but you know what...thank you for the offer.  Who knows, we might just take you up on that.

The problem....her home town is San Diego...right next to mexico.....thats where she wants to live and so do I because it reminds me of Australia.  I didnt even realize that I might want to re-think that move and even discuss that as a possible problem.  I am so glad you brought it up.

Thanks again and kisses right back!!!

Debbie
Helpful - 0
260012 tn?1199892117
Hi Sweetie,
I am so sorry for what you are going through, love sucks sometimes when we can't help the people we love the most.

As for the people of the world with no tolerance, tell them to kiss your A S S!!!, then if they still hate, pack your shi*t and move to San Francisco, you can hang with me and all my gay friends.  Plus SF, is a long way from Tiajuana, if you get my point :)

Take care of yourself and your girl!
Kisses,
Cait
Helpful - 0
256607 tn?1248899504
My partner is jewish.  How cute.  You are right.  This family is the most welcoming.  Thank you.  I know I say that a lot, but you guys have no idea how much you all mean to me.

Always,
Debbie
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Its ALL good. You, your wife, Tim his family, Me and my family. And from what my fantasy's tell me,
since I'm straight in this life perhaps I might not have been in another life. Its ALL good. There are haters, I know only too well. I'm jewish, I fine this family of addicts to be most wellcoming to all.
Helpful - 0
256607 tn?1248899504
OMG!!!!!  Thank you for calling her my wife.  Okay I have issues.  Some of my family won't accept us as a couple so that made me feel so good.  Anyway.....I hate to tell you how many she takes at once because it is so bad.  When I joined this website it is because she had overdosed at work and we told everyone at work that it was a drug interaction.  She was nodding off at her desk and was barely responsive.  So I had to leave and take her home.  

Well that was a wake up call for her.  At that time, I think she was taking 4-5 at a time probably about anywhere from 4 to 10 times a day....I kid you not!!!

So now I think she is down to 3-4, mostly 3 about 6 times a day, but because I'm not home, I'm really not sure what her intake is.  I know she used to go thru 500 in three weeks and now they last 5 weeks, so I know it is better.   She also takes oxy slow release 3x a day and 3-4 norco throughout the day if she has breakthru pain.  Anyway you look at it, it is a remidy for death.  When she takes them too close together she does that noding thing you were talking about. She does loose time and forgets entire conversations that we have had.

Well I feel like I just aired all my dirty laundry and am not sure how I feel about telling all her secrets.

Thanks for your support you guys.  I really have NO ONE ELSE in my life I can talk to about this.
And seriously, besides this, she is the greatest thing that ever happened to me.

***cuddles***

Deb
Helpful - 0
256607 tn?1248899504
You are beautiful.  Thank you for your kindness and understanding.  Thank you for your prayers and your support.  It means the world to me.

Deb
Helpful - 0
221016 tn?1196973461
My heart goes out to you and your wife. Addiction sucks so bad and it is so hard to conquer. You are doing all the right things in supporting her. I would try to get the somas from her and get her on a taper. How many does she take at once? Does she take narcotic painkillers too? I had some soma and would mix 2 or 3 with my hyrdos. I would lose time and think it must have been from nodding off. I would swear that I was not asleep, but the clock told differently. I didn't do that for very long because it really made me feel sick. I know they can be very dangerous and can stop your breathing. Is there anyway you can get your hands on her pills? Your post makes me want to stay clean because reading the pain you are in hurts me. I wish I could offer some good advice, but I am so newly into this that I really can't be much help. I have tried numerous times to quit and hope everytime that this will be it. I hope she realizes how lucky she is to have you. Hang there with her and I pray that she will get help.

God Bless,
Tim
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I'm soooo sorry  to hear of whata going on. When you said she asked for 500, it even surprised me, but it shoudlen't . Thats the addictive behavior. I said abused the somas, and my friends are so forgiving, some people think its a muscle relazer, which it is but you get that knod from it. Not the
euphoria feelings from narcotic but they are dangerous. And when mixed with other stuff, just all the way around bad news. I really hope things improve for Sally cuz if they do then things will be better for you. You must feel like why don't I just bang my head against the wall, I'll get more answers. I don't know what it will take for her to get it. Perhaps a talk with us, and a good kick in the fanny.
Hon you know I put a little of my twisted humor in there, but sometimes the truth can be also found there. You are in my prayes. Its got to be painful for you being powerless over all of this.    Cathy
Helpful - 0
256607 tn?1248899504
Thank you for sharing your story.  I posted on yours a while ago...I'm not sure how long ago.  Anyway, I appreciated your delema as well and cant wait to say that my partner is however many days clean or even just off the Soma for starters!!!  You know???  I'll take it in steps.  I'll take anything.....

deb
Helpful - 0
283980 tn?1190839404
i understand your struggle completely. thank you for sharing your story. so many people... not on here, but people who would call themselves my friends are constantly saying to me... what are you doing, he's an addict, your wasting your time, once an addict always an addict, your an enabler, and blah blah blah... no one believes i should have any hope in my boyfriend. but i still do. tremendous hope, faith and trust. it took a lot for us to get to the point we are now, even me threatening to leave, but he is on day 4 of being clean of vicodin... and yes, he is absolutely worth every thing i put into this... so dont give up. but i definitely think that sometimes an ultimatum helps. at least in my situation it did.
Helpful - 0
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