Out of Pills... and TERRIFIED

[sammie02]

Well, I finished the script I picked up on 9/22 last night... all 120 pills. Gone. Now I am realizing that it is going to be a whole 3 days without my evil little friends... and I am beginning to panic. Anxiety is setting in. My head is spinning, and I want to cry. What am I going to do for 3 days without pills? I know that the Benadryl, sleepytime tea, and Kava will only go so far... God, I am scared...what do I do?  I NEED my tramadol....              Please help...

[sammie02]

Well, another blow added to all the stress... I was laid off from my job yesterday, due to lack of work. Damn, I want my pills... just to take the stress and pain away.

[sammie02]

Well, thought I would comment on your post... I was on the tramadol because of chronic abdominal pain that stems from endometriosis and fibroid tumors. I had a laparoscopic surgery on June 3rd of this year. 5 days later, I was feeling horrible and went back to the doctor that performed the surgery. Come to find out, I was bleeding internally (to the tune of 5 cups of free blood and 2 tennis-ball sized clots), and I was rushed back to the hospital for an emergency laparotomy to remove the blood and clots, and to repair the damage from the first surgery. I went from having a simple surgery with little downtime, to having a horizontal c-section cut across my lower abdomen, an abdominal drain in my belly, and a week-long hospital stay, putting me on a 3-week bedrest and out of work for a little over a month . So, as you can see, I was on this medication for a valid medical reason. I asked my doctor to put me on a pain medication that was NOT addictive, because I was starting to feel hooked on the vicodin, percocet, and darvocet that he had me rotating. And I ended up here, with an addiction to the "non-addictive" medication that he put me on.

I have no problem coming here, admitting that I have a problem. I am working on that now. I have been without my pills for a little over a week, and I am feeling better than I have felt in quite a while. Everyone here has been nothing but supportive, and I figured that you needed a little more information before passing judgement on me.

Have a wonderful day.

[louisebliss]

Darling,
Somewhere theres someone who dreams of your smile and finds in your pressence that life is worth while, so when you are lonley remember it is true......Somebody somewhere is thinking of you.........

Hold onto all the support and love in this world and take small baby steps to a brighter tomorrow. Hold that head up high xxx

[SICKANDTIREDOFBEINSICKANDTIRED]

I am so happy for you!  Congrats!  I  don't know why, but the weekends seem so long and scary but I'm soo happy with you and for you that you have made it!  Thank you my shero!

[forget_me_not]

Sammie, I am SO happy to hear things are improving for you!!  Kind of a tough day for me, but when my back aches and I feel the fatigue, I remind myself that today makes one month (wow!)...and the recent good days make hard days easier to handle.  

Stay strong and be proud of what you have done!

blessings,
~fmn

[sammie02]

Well, here we are... Monday morning. I made it through the weekend! I can honestly say that I am feeling quite a bit better than last week... Sleep is still lacking, but the aches and pains are subsiding, as is the upset tummy. I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel... and it is a bright, beautiful light! I am still using the OTC meds to help me get some much needed sleep... 2 Tylenol Simply Sleep 30 minutes before bed have been a HUGE help. I hope to be able to stop taking them by the end of this week.

Just wanted to say thank you once again to all here that have been so incredibly helpful in getting me through this... You all have no idea how much you have inspired me to be happy and healthy... and clean. I want everyone to know that, although this is still going to be an every day struggle, we can ALL DO THIS... one day at a time.

[callalily]

Oh sweetie, I wouldn't just stop.  You've been on such a large amount for so long.  Talk to your doctor and let him know you want off. I'm sure he'll help you slowly decrease to where you won't go through such violent withdrawal.  Don't get me wrong, there will be withdrawal but with the help of your doc it could lessen the symptoms.  It's not easy, I went through the cold sweats, the muscle spasms, lack of sleep and then the depression but as we all have, you can make it through this. Just remember it really is only temporary, not easy, but only temporary.  You're in my prayers.  Just keep posting this is a great support group.

[trying23]

I was reading your posts, And started crying.... I know the feelings that go  dancing in your head, and wow, you are a strong lady for sure!!  As my day to refill comes closer and closer I secretly imagine myself bouncing on up to the pharmacy, with that guilty excitment (everybody knows what im talking about, trying to keep your cool, acting like you are not in dire straights waiting for them to staple that d**n bag closed, anxiously waiting to get to the car so you can hurry and bust down four or five of em.  Sometimes Id even sit in the parking lot till they kicked in) I avoid pharmacies now even, cause it brings back cravings sometimes just driving by.  Thank you for doing what your doing and being so strong.  You give me confidence that I was lacking.  Soon I will be posting that today was the day I was to get my refill, and just let it sit!!!!  Thank you for sharing, please know that you have helped me.  And that I am so proud of you.  And you are a beautiful inspiration to everybody.  Good Luck to you sweet pea, you deserve it!!!!

XOXO Trying

[SICKANDTIREDOFBEINSICKANDTIRED]

I have read your posts and am extremely proud of you!  You are indeed a HUGE inspiration to me!  Thank you so much! I will be praying for you to continue on and getting better and better everyday.  I'm SO encouraged by the other posts as well.  Today is (as sammie02 has said) D Day2 for me and I'm not feelin too hot.  My tummy hurts, I only slept one hour last nite and I'm kinda dizzy.  I hate feelin like this!  Neway- stay strong sammie02!

[leeisgettingclean]

WOW woman you are strong...very much so..cancelled meds, going to work, helping others....you are doing it! Keep it up and in a few days you are actully going to be well over the hump.keep going!

[flmagi]

Wow! You did really great and were sooo strong to cancel that script! Keep going and keep posting. Some times the weekend is a little slow but there's usually someone around. Now I hate to say this but you really need to know.....Once you get passed the physical withdrawals, then comes the hard part....the mental stuff. BE PREPARED !!!!! Your mind is gonna start playing tricks on you to get you to use again. It will say things like, "Oh, just a few, I won't get like I was before", "Fill the script, just in case", or "Oh I'm having such a bad day, I need them".
Don't fall for the tricks. The really hard part is coming, when your mind battles itself.
Stay strong and post, post, post.
Congrats to you!!!!

[sammie02]

Well, here it is... Friday. Went to the pharmacy yesterday after work, and only picked up my Seasonique... left without asking for my tramadol refill to be reinstated. I do have to say that I am pretty darn proud of myself! Had a little bit of a rough night last night, but took some Tylenol Simply Sleep, and was able to get a little more rest than I have gotten for the past few nights. Feeling better this morning, too. Just a little nauseous, and a little creepy crawly skin (which is the WORST!), but that's about it. My mind feels kinda cloudy, but being here at work kinda helps with that. At least I am busy all day! :)

Just wanted to say thank you all again, Ga Guy, troubleinohio, Mikeinthesouth, NautyOne, Beargizmo, leeisgettingclean, izzy_b, avisg, NorcoQueen, and flmagi. You all have been a great inspiration to me... And hopefully by posting to others, letting them know that they are not alone, I can follow in you footsteps and help others as well!

Thank you... from the bottom of my heart.

[sammie02]

I just wanted to thank everyone for their kind words and encouragement... I went ahead and called the pharmacy, and cancelled the refill... Especially since I have to go and pick up some other meds today. I will be more confident going in to pick up the others if I know the tramadol is not ready. Phew, I am soooo scared, but as you all have said, it has already been 3 days... and I NEVER want to go through this again in my life! I might take a day off tomorrow, since I found out that I have a couple days of sick pay available... I am really struggling to make it through the day today. Just can't wait to get home... Thank Goodness my condo complex has a jacuzzi! :)
Thank you all again. I will be posting (probably) a LOT this weekend for some much-needed encouragement to not call them in again!

[avisg]

Sammie I think you are doing great .another few days and you will be over the hump plz dont keep putting your self threw this I will guarantee every time you WD from the tram it get worse so stop now .the first time I stoped its cuz I didn't have a choice I had no way to get them .The second time I did it knowing I could get it within 24 hours anytime THATS why I stopped .That was two years ago .I wont lie some days I still crave them.Then I remember what I have been threw and all it would take was one pill to set it all in motion again .Next time the outcome might be worse ..If you ever want to pm send me a message I will help anyway I can. I have been right in your shoes.

[flmagi]

This is a extremely monumental decision you have made. Way to go !!!!!!! You decided to take your life back. Now call the pharmacy and cancel that script. Keep posting, everyone will help you get thru this.
Stay strong.

[NorcoQueenoftheUniverse]

You can DO THIS sweetie.. You have Already come SOOOOO far!  
Try and remember that:

EVERYDAY THAT YOU DON'T USE IS A BETTER DAY THEN WHEN YOU DO!  

(that "statement' helps me EVERYDAY in my recovery)

We all love ya out here in MedHelp land... and please keep posting as it really helps to POUND the KEYBOARD~

[NautyOne]

Holy Mary...Mother of God !!......You are a beast Sammie...lol.  3 days is awesome!  and being able to work???....thats amazing!!  If you can call your pharmacy and Cancel those refills....you should.  I woulda be picking them things up in a New York minute.  Along with every other addict I know.  

Super duper job.  Keep up the good work.

BTW .....Izzy.......I messed up...I was giving the high 5 to your post to sammie.....it was a great post......

~~peace & strength~~
nauty........

[leeisgettingclean]

good luck! you are strong and can get through this

[sammie02]

Well, good morning all... and thanks for all of the support. Well, today is D-Day... Day 3. I am at work, trying to not think of how terrible I feel... Think happy thoughts... Happy thoughts... :)
I had another really rough night last night, and maybe slept a total of an hour and a half... You all know the sweats, the creepy crawly legs, the stomach pain, and all... But I think I have made the decision to try to get through this weekend WITHOUT my pills. He!!, its been three whole days, and if I can only get myself through a few more, according to what I have read here, it will be easier than it is now. I figure I know how I am going to be if I do get the refill... I will take it as prescribed for a few doses, and then I will be back to taking a handfull with my other sleepy time medications, and I will have gone through all of this for nothing. So, I guess I should prepare you all for a few more posts in the next few days... Since I will probably need to hear positive things from others to keep me from going back on my word! So, thank you all again for all of the advice and positive thinking... You haev given me the strength to go forward without these pills!

[NautyOne]

Very nice Post.....

[avisg]

I AGREE if you are off then DO NOT PICK UP YOUR REFILL how many were you taking and for how long .you can get off them I have been there I have been tramadol clean for over two years you can do it too.

[izzy_b]

Hi Sammie02...   I was just cruising through this forum, as a reminder to myself of the reasons to NEVER go back to the way I was when I saw your post.

I remember like it was yesterday (clean 3 years) the horrible awful withdrawl, but I got through it.  

If you think of it like I did, it may help...  Every minute that passes since your last dose it a minute you won't have to go through again.  If you are already 2 days without, then you are 2 days closer to feeling normal again.  No more counting pills and days, no more worry about running out.  Have you ever stopped to think about the amount of time you spend counting?

If you are strong enough to leave them at the pharmacy, then LEAVE THEM!

You can get through this.  God knows if I did it, anyone can.  I am weak, and I too loved my pills.  I just didn't want to EVER feel that crappy again.  The withdrawl symptoms alone were enough to make me realize that if I started up again, I'd just have to relive the whole thing over again the next time I ran out.

Good luck to you...

[sammie02]

My last dose was 10 of them on Monday night... I have been without them all day yesterday (and felt fine), and all day today (and feeling hopeless!). Last night was a little difficult...

So, please, if there is anyone that knows more about this drug and the seizures that can be associated with them, let me know!!!

[NautyOne]

Look, in reality.......If you have the refills.......Your gonna get them.  It all sounds nice to say "call the pharmacy and tell them to cancel"  "Don't pick them up, your past the seizure point" sorry trouble, luv ya.... But, the reality is you probably will cause you feel like poop in a hand basket.  

Here's the deal.  Only you can make that decision.  I find it amazing that you are even at work.  All I am thinking is what a high dose you are on.  If you can work and tolerate what is going on, then I say don't get them...Realistically, you probably will so you will need to taper......

How long has it been since you took your last pill ??

luv
nauty.................