Posting here too...

[shelby74]

Hello all,

I have been a member of this forum for quite a few years.  I have been an addict for over a dozen years.  My addiction of choice is pills...Vicodin (hydro's), Ultram, Soma, Xanax, Methadone...You name it and I have abused it.  I have been successful in the last year or so to come off of everything except the Xanax.  I was prescribed Xanax for severe anxiety disorder / panic attacks.  I have tried therapy, everything...nothing worked except these awful little pills.  Unfortunately, I cannot even drive (driving is a huge trigger of my attacks) unless I take my prescribed amount.  I was to the point of becoming agoraphobic (scared to even leave my home) because my panic attacks were becoming so severe and frequent.  I could not even stand in the line at a grocery store without feeling this all consuming irrational fear like the world was closing in on me.  It came to the point where anytime I would be in public, drving, anything...I would be triggered.  And I tried every antidepressant known to man with no relief.  The Xanax is the only thing that makes me feel as if I can function.   Of course I abuse the Xanax because I am an addict and it's what I do.  I have someone holding the pills for me now because I did well for 6 months and then I had a stressful month last month (that is my addict mind reasoning with myself)...so I ran out 5 days early.  Xanax withdrawal is one of the absolute worst things I have ever been through...and no it wasn't my first time withdrawing from Xanax...but it has to be the last.  Even having gone through withdrawal's of methadone, hydro's, soma...none of it compares to Xanax.  I absolutely felt like I was losing my mind.  Even now after being given my normal dosage for the last day and a half my body is still trying to awake from the nightmare of Xanax withdrawal.  These were just some of my symptoms: very sensitive to sound and light, MASSIVE panic attacks, fever, awful headache, throwing up constantly, severe anxiety and depression (almost suicidal thoughts), NO sleep, restlessness, confused, sweating than freezing...and I guess it's called mania but I swear I was losing my mind (this was the worst symptom).  Even now I am not feeling like myself.  I read many webpages when I was withdrawing...I read about the risk of seizure, etc.  I was fortunate and the 4 or 5 times I have withdrawn from Xanax, I never had a seizure.  I have been so, so lucky in that respect.  I wanted to post this to reach out to people...who are going through Xanax withdrawal, any kind of withdrawal actually, those who are thinking about taking Xanax for any reason, those who are alone right now and going through this horrific withdrawal.  You are not alone.  There are so many of us out there just like you.  I have to tell you though...if you are withdrawing from any benzo, whether it's Xanax or not...do not try and do it alone like I did...go to the Doctor's, ER or whatever.  Out of all the drugs it is the most dangerous to stop cold turkey.  Anyone reading this and thinking about using or abusing Xanax....DON'T.  I have been through so much with my addiction...of ALL the pills Xanax is the absolute worst. Yes it helps the anxiety but it is also a huge cross to bear.  I am going to be getting help for my addiction once my health insurance kick's in.  I am hoping with some intense therapy, more meetings and maybe an antidepressant I have not tried will help with my anxiety disorder or who know's what else that I haven't tried yet...but even with all my anxiety...I NEVER would have gone on Xanax...NEVER.  I pray for any of you going through any kind of withdrawal right now.  This site has gotten me through so much...withdrawal, addiction, almost losing everything I ever cared about to pills.  I wish everyone here a clean and sober life...it's never too late but if I have learned anything, it cannot be done alone.  

Best wishes to you all,

Shel

PS..I miss all my old friend's here!!

[debsally]

It is so good to hear from you...I could just cry....sniff, sniff.  You are so brave and honest and I have always appreciated you.  You know what Sal and I have been through and the story goes on.  I just want to say how happy I am to see you, how sorry I am that you have been going through so much, and so proud I am of you sharing your story so someone else can be helped.  You are one of many true survivors on medhelp and I am so glad to know you.

All my love,

Debs
xxoo

[leeisgettingclean]

very good post!!!!!!!!

[Calamity2]

Best wishes to you too.  Not much to say about the Xanax program. To me its like the same thing, the buzz, getting someone to hold the pills, etc etc.  We all want to try a different hammer for different results. But it will hurt.