Should this make me feel guilty?

[nomo357]

I don't know if it should, but it sure as hell does! I'm planning my aftercare more seriously today. Located a meeting list for NA, trying to find an addiction counselor that my insurance will pay for. I know if I'm gonna make it, I'm gonna have to do these things as bad as I dread it. Truth be told, normally this is exactly the circumstance when I would have taken the most pills. For some reason over the time I've done drugs I've become scared to be around other people, and I have no idea why. I used to NEVER be like this! I asked a really good friend if he would go with me to my first NA meeting, and he said he absolutely would. This guy is the best, besides my boyfriend the truest friend I've ever had, would give me his last dollar and the shirt off his back, he would give that to ANYONE. He's shown me more love, support, encouragement than anything ever could have. He has introduced me to God over the past 2 years.

CAN he go? Is that allowed? When I look at the lists of meetings I see all of this open, closed, stuff and I don't know what that means! Does it means they aren't taking new people, that you can't bring people with you, I really don't have a clue.

The thing I am so guilty about is that I haven't told my boyfriend about my aftercare plans, I haven't told anyone except for you guys and above friend. I feel so guilty that I haven't told my boyfriend! I just feel so scared and I'm afraid he will be like wth?? are you serious? I know he would support me in going but I think he would be a little dumbfounded as well, we both know so so so many people who go to NA only by court order and don't take it seriously AT ALL! I guess I kind of had this perception too, like I would be the only one taking it seriously!  IS that the case where everyone lives?

I'm at least going to try it out, if I don't like it I can always just stick to the counselor, who I also don't want to fess up about either for some reason. Everyone close to me knows of my drug addiction, especially my boyfriend. I have been honest with him the entire time and he knows all about. His brother is addicted to oxy's with no plans to quit so he gets the problem, it seems like the whole county has a prescription drug problem at this point!

[laurel453]

honestly, i don't see a good reason not to tell him just because nobody from the people you know take NA seriously, so what ?  in any case , it doesn't diminish Na but their intentions..if you are feeling guilty, do tell him and make it clear that it is serious for you. Don't feel nervous, people will see you by your acts and your boyfriend will realise that you are taking addiction seriously and you are being responsible, something to feel proud of ( at least i would feel proud of you if you were my girlfriend ;) )

[nomo357]

No, that's not it at all. He knows about the friendship and isn't threatened because he knows, as well as the friend knows, that I do NOT see him that way!

I honestly can't even figure out what my deal is, because I *know* he would support me in going. I guess I think he's going to be thinking, "Its not THAT bad, do you really need NA???" or like I said above that he will just worry/tell me that nobody takes it seriously because of all the people we know that only go because the court makes them and don't even take it seriously!

[el_em_en_oh]

OPEN Meeting = whether you're an addict or not an addict, everyone is welcome to attend
CLOSED Meeting = only addicts are welcome to attend
(*although I've attended both open & closed meetings and haven't been asked for my "I'm an addict" declaration-card as of yet. Ha, ha;-)

As for telling your b'friend of your aftercare plans... I'll ask you this: Why haven't you told him? Is it this guy-friend, and your association with him, that's making you hesitant to tell your b'friend? Will your b'friend be jealous of your interaction with this guy-friend? Just curious why you wouldn't tell your b'friend of your plans for treatment.

Congratulations on wanting to attend some sort of aftercare program. 12-step meetings are a great place to start & continue to get support, and an addiction counselor is an awesome idea (even better if insurance covers it).