Avatar universal

Some additional humor

I like a thread of lighthearted jokes for the mood that I have been in lately........so I will even contribute some more "Did ya ever think about it" kind of stuff.

*If money doesnt grow on trees....why do banks have branches?

*Why is it that you "put your two cents in" - - Yet theres only "a penny for your thoughts" .........Where is the extra cash going?

*Why did we put a man on the moon before we figured out that it was good idea to put wheels on our luggage?

*Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" - - when babies wake up every hour or so?

*Why do Americans pay to go up to the top of tall buildings where they then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

*And just WHY do we choose from only two people for President when we choose from 50 for Miss America?
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Avatar universal
Thanks Eagle.. i have never read these before lol all so true.. I also needed this :) hugs lesa
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992117 tn?1281206055
thanks for the laugh :)
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926462 tn?1284819011
Hahahaha...Sooooo good and so true!  Very funny stuff...this is fun and we should do it more often. We need some comic relief on here. Keep 'em coming.
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992117 tn?1281206055
ok, I'm a huge David Sedaris fan (a man who is recovering from his own addictions to pot, alcohol, and cigarettes, coincidentally).  His occasionally dark, self-deprecating humor makes me cry with laughter.  In his last book, he wrote a hilarious essay about a very "sober" topic: addiction.  (Disclaimer: I don't mean to trivialize addiction in some of the quotes below- it's very serious, but it helps me to laugh at the "voice" of the addict within us.  Seriously, the voice says some crazy sh**! And, of course, laughter is the BEST medicine. :) A few quotes (some from his other books):

“I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out.”

"I was vehemently anti-drug until my freshman year of college.  I would rail against my dorm-mates: Pot was for losers.  It pickles your brain and forces you into crummy state universities like this one.  I imagine how satisfying it must have been for them to witness my complete turn-around.  The reverend mother becomes the town ****, the prohibitionist a drunkard, and me a total pothead- and so quickly!"

“Seven beers followed by two Scotches and a thimble of marijuana and it's funny how sleep comes all on it's own.”

"After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine and conceptual art. Either one of these things are dangerous, but in combination they have the potential to destroy entire civilizations. "

"Speed eliminates all doubt. Am I smart enough? Will people like me? Do I really look all right in this plastic jumpsuit?"

“I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer.”
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Avatar universal
Yes - that voice does say some crazy shtuff.  But I am also willing to bet that we could put together a totally honest list that would make all the others pale by comparison.
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