Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

Some additional humor

I like a thread of lighthearted jokes for the mood that I have been in lately........so I will even contribute some more "Did ya ever think about it" kind of stuff.

*If money doesnt grow on trees....why do banks have branches?

*Why is it that you "put your two cents in" - - Yet theres only "a penny for your thoughts" .........Where is the extra cash going?

*Why did we put a man on the moon before we figured out that it was good idea to put wheels on our luggage?

*Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" - - when babies wake up every hour or so?

*Why do Americans pay to go up to the top of tall buildings where they then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

*And just WHY do we choose from only two people for President when we choose from 50 for Miss America?
5 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
Thanks Eagle.. i have never read these before lol all so true.. I also needed this :) hugs lesa
Helpful - 0
992117 tn?1281206055
thanks for the laugh :)
Helpful - 0
926462 tn?1284819011
Hahahaha...Sooooo good and so true!  Very funny stuff...this is fun and we should do it more often. We need some comic relief on here. Keep 'em coming.
Helpful - 0
992117 tn?1281206055
ok, I'm a huge David Sedaris fan (a man who is recovering from his own addictions to pot, alcohol, and cigarettes, coincidentally).  His occasionally dark, self-deprecating humor makes me cry with laughter.  In his last book, he wrote a hilarious essay about a very "sober" topic: addiction.  (Disclaimer: I don't mean to trivialize addiction in some of the quotes below- it's very serious, but it helps me to laugh at the "voice" of the addict within us.  Seriously, the voice says some crazy sh**! And, of course, laughter is the BEST medicine. :) A few quotes (some from his other books):

“I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out.”

"I was vehemently anti-drug until my freshman year of college.  I would rail against my dorm-mates: Pot was for losers.  It pickles your brain and forces you into crummy state universities like this one.  I imagine how satisfying it must have been for them to witness my complete turn-around.  The reverend mother becomes the town ****, the prohibitionist a drunkard, and me a total pothead- and so quickly!"

“Seven beers followed by two Scotches and a thimble of marijuana and it's funny how sleep comes all on it's own.”

"After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine and conceptual art. Either one of these things are dangerous, but in combination they have the potential to destroy entire civilizations. "

"Speed eliminates all doubt. Am I smart enough? Will people like me? Do I really look all right in this plastic jumpsuit?"

“I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer.”
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Yes - that voice does say some crazy shtuff.  But I am also willing to bet that we could put together a totally honest list that would make all the others pale by comparison.
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Social Community

Top Addiction Answerers
495284 tn?1333894042
City of Dominatrix, MN
3060903 tn?1398565123
Other
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.