I was fine during the day but at night I went to my sanctuary (bedroom) and didn't like going out,I could do what I liked in there and nobody knew exactly what or how much I was abusing,I didn't feel guilty until 10 to 12 drinks and up to 8 codeine tablets later when the remorse kicked in and I'd constantly tell myself I had to stop.But the next night I'd do the same thing,I'd convince myself I couldn't help what I was doing and that it wasn't my fault I was born with addiction.Then I'd blame my childhood,it was always someone elses fault.
My time spent alone had has nothing to do with popping pills. I just don't seem to care about anything very much. For one thing, I can't get around real well because of my knee and the pain so it's easier to just hang out in the bed and go out only when really necessary. I read somewhere on here about the difference between emotionally-induced addiction and pain-induced. The difference never occurred to me. I'm definitely in the latter category. I rarely drink alcohol and I simply cannot tolerate being physically uncomfortable so if there's a pill for the pain or discomfort, I'm taking it! Which reason for partaking of drugs do you think is more difficult to kick?
I have no idea which would be more difficult,I just know how hard it was for me,and I have to keep working on my sobriety,with after care and counselling.
It was very hard for you and you were only on codeine and alcohol? Codeine isn't that
strong, in my opinion. But the biggest danger for you was mixing the codeine with alcohol.' I know I shouldn't compare and everyone's body and it's response to drugs is different. But compared to you I must be in for a really rough road ahead. Please don't feel I've minimized or belittled what you went through. That is not the intent at all. I'm just concerned about what symptoms of withdrawal I will experience since I'm on some pretty heavy stuff. But that I can't know until I start doing it. I think I'm pretty strong but I don't know if I'll be able to handle it. I'll keep in mind my beautiful grandchildren and that I want to be around to see them grown up and married with children.