My Friends, Need ya - if you are around lurking...

[hopeless]

Hi guys,

I know it has been so long since i have posted. I miss all my friends on here so much, and think about each of you every day. Ionote, Shelby, Tzt, Deb, Tim, R2R, IBkleen, and the rest of you.

Just wanted to say hi and give a quick update...

I, however am not doing that well. Yup, started using againnnnnnnn................) - :
But the main thing going on right now, is with my dad, still battling his cancer. As you all know, he has been going down hill pretty fast. Well, the cancer is now in his organs, (his brain, and now his lungs) He just got hooked to oxygen today. Every day is getting worse and worse, i was there tonight for awhile and he is laying in a hospital bed at home, and he is so so confused, talking about things that aren't even there, and seeing things that aren't there, ect...My mom crawled in bed with him this evening and they laid there holding each other, crying! It is so hard watching him this way, but what makes it even harder is it is almost Christmas. This year is just not the same. With him this way, none of us are feeling much like celebrating. We have ALWAYS celebrated Christmas, party at their house, all us kids and the grandkids, we would play games, eat lots of great food, listen to Christmas carols, and just be together as a family, lots of laughter, all that fun stuff. Well this year is so different, and it makes me so sad. I haven't even went shopping for my kids yet, and to be honest i don't want to. It is so hard to put on a happy face, when i see my dad in a way i have never thought i would see him. Anyway, Hospice says, they don't see him being here for Christmas. Oh God guys, what/how are we going to do this Christmas without him? My mom is going to have a break down, and us kids feel the same way. I am praying with my whole heart that God will let him stay with us at least until after the holidays. We just want one more Christmas with him, that's all we are asking for this Christmas - nothing else!!

I really needed to get this off my chest, i need someone to confide in right now, and this is where i knew i could turn to.

If any of my friends are lurking, please please, give me a yell...Miss all of you tons and tons.

Hope you are all doing ok, and hope you all have a wonderful holiday!

Luv u all
Me (Hope)

[littldeb]

My heart really goes out to you and your family.  It's got to be tough with this situation going on anytime, but especially a time of year that is suppose to be fillled with love, peace and joy.  I've been down and out the past few days and when I read your post, it made me stop and count my blessings.  Just know you all are in my prayers.  
hugs,
deb

[PromisedLand]

I'm near tears as I read this, hope, and I admire you for your courage and love for your dad...be glad you can be there with him, for him as I'm sure you are...will keep you in my prayers.


Jim

[lostlake]

I feel your pain I lost my grandmother to cancer and also my wifes grandmother which was like a mother to her. Its so hard to see a loved one in that state. Its just not fair. I pray he makes threw the holidays and further. Seems like all we can do is be there for them. I still to this day rember bringing ice cream to and feeding it to her. I know it hard but spend as much time as you can and make them good memories with the time you have left with your father. I will pray for you and your family.

[tooklastdose]

I will be praying for you and your family

[path91]

hope, i feel your pain. i lost my grandfather a couple of years ago and i'm still grieving for him. he was my rock. he too was in a hospital bed at home and we watched our strong provider fade away. he was a great hunter (at age 81) until he had a stroke and just couldn't recover. he called turkeys until his dying day. it was hard to watch him just lie there and not be the same man i was so used to. spend as much time with him as you can. i wasn't there when granddaddy died. i had just had a baby and i lived 125 miles away. he died before i could get home. i still regret that. talk to him. try to keep him oriented to present day or just let him talk about whatever he wants to. i hope and pray that you get your Christmas wish.
hugs, trelle

[tzt2lady]

Hey you.   Im not around much either but was glad to see your post.   Hang in there the best you can and you will be surprised at the strength you can find within yourself.   I could not see my own strength at the time when my mom was passing but now I look back and think "wow, how did I do all that".   It will come.  It is ok to cry and fall apart too though, I did plenty of both.  
Your dad is taking care of important business right now and some say that we spend a bit of time between worlds.  Imagine being able to do that.    
hugs
tzt

[avisg]

hey hun,
I am sorry that you and your Family are going threw all of this pain ..... Take it day by day lean on each other .... Love is a very strong thing it can get a family threw a lot .My son has been cancer free for a about 14 months now ,so I know all about the fear and uncertainty that comes along with it ...
We are all here if you need us ...take care of yourself and your family
Avis

[uvlvrebel]

One wish I have had since being clean (19 days today) is that I wish I had been "clean" to properly greive the passing of both mom and dad.  I broke my leg, was released from the hosital and the next day lost dad to cancer... seeing your post really brought it back.  dad was an "in-home-hospice" patient, in that hospital bed set up in the livingroom, mom tended to his needs.  He passed on labor day, mom died about this time of year a couple years back.  Both passed when Hubby and I were "using".  Never really greived their deaths... Hydrocodone/soma/xanax mixed to make zombies of hubby and I.  what a friggin mistake.  

Hope, I am truly sorry to hear about your dad and mom.  I truly empathize.  I don't know what your DOC is, but I hope that you find the strength I never did and you are able to face life now without it's evil grasp.  It just gives you more regret later- Dealing with it now, I know- it is a hard, lonely road to travel when you're years behind emotions that everyone else has already faced/ dealt with.

[GoingToMakeIt]

If you are up to a new friend...I too lost my mom to cancer. It is very tough watching this. I can feel your sadness and helplessness. I will be praying for him and you too. Don't be too hard on yourself. You are not a failure. We all have a breaking point. Your war isn't over. When this battle is done, I am pretty sure you are going to get back up and once again be an inspiration. You take care of yourself & family. I hope that your dad does make it through Christmas.

[lonote]

Hey! I'm sorry to hear your still in a bad way. I was wondering about you. I've been missing my friends.

[hopeless]

Everyone else too...THANK YOU!

Just needed to vent al little bit, and hearing some of your kind words really does help!

You guys are so great, thanks for listening!  ( - :

Luv
Hope

[road2recovery]

Gosh, i so wish i had the words to make you feel better....I really don't even want to post about you using, because i think you know what you have to do when you are ready..
I pray that you will have christmas with him, i can't imagine this..I have not lost my parents, and just the thought brings tears to my eyes..

Just know that i am praying for you and your family....And as sad as you are i know your mom will need you, i also know you are strong , i have seen that side of you many times...
we are here for you
r2r

[hopeless]

Thank you very very much. This is so hard on me and especially my mom! He is our rock, and has always been, now without him we all feel so lost! He isn't in much pain (Thank God) for that, but seeing him in a way that is not him is so hard. He is still here with us, and for that i am thankful, but the way he is, it is kinda like he isn't really here at all - if that makes any sense. Today when i was there, and before i left, he opened his eyes and said, "Buddy, when you come back, bring me a pizza"...He loves his pizza, lol. Some moments he seems to be not to bad, but most of the time, he is like this man stuck in someone else's body. It is so hard to describe, i just know that this is NOT my daddy. You know what pisses me off the most, is that he was misdiagnosed 4 years ago, the Dr. told him he had arthritius in his back, when all along it was prostate cancer, and if they would have treated him for the right thing from the beginning he would not have to be going through any of this now. Prostate cancer has now turned into level 4 bone cancer, now getting into his organs. This is so WRONG! That doctor needs to be shot...ARGH!!! So you see, to me, this is why it is so hard, cause he should not have to be going through any of this, all because of being misdiagnosed.

Thank you TwinMom, thanks for the prayers and just for listening to me ramble!!!

Hope

[1eagle]

Well, I'm the newest and all - but I am what you get for now...And I do feel every inch of the pain and raw emotion in your post. We sometimes say that we "don't know how we got through that one..." but deep down I feel that we do know. And it is by the grace of that higher power that we hear about, sometimes that allowed us to make it.... and in our own ways we are making it...I have a feeling that your dad has had more than one occassion to explain his side of familihood to strangers before - and I bet that he held his own in that discussion...be there for your children. Be there for your Mom. But most of all right now, be there for your Dad. Everything else will work out. Will be thinking of you.

[IBKleen]

Hi Sweetie!

I know this is pure he** right now. I too went through the same thing with my dad and watching it you wonder why God just doesn't take them. I think it is always harder on the people left behind.

There just isn't anything I can say that is right in this Hope. My heart breaks for you. Please hang in there and be with him when you can. Say good bye and know you will be with him again. It is ok to cry and grieve.

Know you and your family are in my heart and my prayers. Buzz me anytime.

Hugs............

[TwinMom2000]

I know you don't know me, but I read your post and oh my god I am so sorry to hear what you're going through. I am very close with my dad and if I was in your situation, I would be in rough shape, too.

I hope your dad makes it through the holidays with minimal discomfort. And as for you, you have to look after yourself. I am sending my prayers and good wishes your way.