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Avatar universal

scared and i feel alone

so anyways, i do not post much about things i go through because i do not want people to think bad of me, but i am not doing good right now, i will try to give a short version of events, i quit working full time at the rehab to homeschool my learning disabled son, then i was working 2 days a week its embarassing to tell you what i was making so i will not! but recently i had to stop working part time, because my husband took a new job thousands of miles away, so now i am broke and uninsured, and basically functioning as a single parent for a month or so...
i got a letter from my doctors office saying that they were going to terminate their relationship with me if i do not pay them $35 this week, thats all i owe,  i honestly do not have it, they also refused to call in my blood pressure meds and my stomach meds because of the $35 so i am worring about money and moving,and my health,
i went to a meeting last night and cried through the entire thing, i mean really cried like a freaken baby, to top it all off i was cleaning out the bathroom and found codine cough syrup from when my youngest son had a repiratory infection, that got me to think about pills, so now i am stuck in the "i wanna use" stuff, and i havent wanted to use in so long, i feel sick, like physically ill,
my friend is coming to see me and stay for a couple of days, she is not an addict, but understands what i am trying to do with my life, we have been friends since grade school, our oldest children are 2 weeks apart, i know one night when she is here she is going out drinking, and right now for some reason that is appealing to me, even though i know alcohol is a drug, its like i know alot of recovery ****, but sometimes i just get like this, usually when i am overwhelmed
i will check back in tommorow, hopefully someone can help
16 Responses
Avatar universal
You are gonna make it through this lady .... its tough with tight money and a job transition ..... but you will survive ... I do know that ..... I dont see all that much wrong with going out for a drink ... may be some sort of drug but its socially acceptable anyway - and you may want to weigh the benefits from some social interaction versus a few drinks .. ya arent going out to get commode huggin' drunk; are you?  Lets hope that one is negative .............. and crying just needs to be done sometimes .. nothing at all wrong with that ....  hang in there ....  New Mexico may need you!!
306867 tn?1299253309
So sorry your having a bad time.  I can relate. Somehow you need to take some control over the situation. I went through this last year. I was so depressed about money & things that I didn't even want to get out of bed.  One day I said enough is enough.....I gathered everything in my house that I could live without ......and sold it all. I put things on Craig's List and garage-saled the rest. Somehow it made me feel back in control of my life...(money often does that) lol  Hang in there girl.  What ever you do don't cave in on cravings.  It would only make you feel worse.
611067 tn?1458595083
I'm sorry you are going through this.  Stay strong and don't allow yourself to give into those temptations.  I know it's easier said than done sometimes, but you CAN do it!  I know you can!  Crying helps cleanse the soul sometimes and if you have to - do it.  It's not a sign of weakness.  It's a natural cleanser for the soul!  You are in my prayers sweetie!  
Avatar universal
Lots of people are in a bad place right now.  I agree about selling something. But I bet, if you give em 10, they will take it. If not, you need another doctor. Hang in there, it will be ok.
Avatar universal
My hearts breaks for you! We know that Drs not gonna close down practice if he dont get that 35$. I hope everything gets better really soon. Hang in there. Just keep posting and talking it out. I am sending happy days your way.
Avatar universal
Avatar universal
Hey we all know how hard it can be right now, and have been where you are, you have been there for us and we will be there for you. I had to get off sub i had no money, when i was called back to work i had no money to go so i pawned a couple of things. Something to think about then when times get better you can pick them up.
Avatar universal
thank you, i made it through last night without using, my friend is here and we watched slumdog millionaire
now i am off to a field trip with my kids, going to press through this worry and anxiety, my husband sent me a little money this morning but i have to use it for other bills, so i guess i am just done with this doctor,
i tell you this, i just watched a documentary called "sicko" about u.s. health care vs. national health care and i do have to say that i am now a fan of national health care, i cannot imagine all the people who are living without medication they need, a few months ago that same doctor sent me in for worth of test because my stomach had been hurting so bad, ultra sound, hyda scan, biopsy, mri, our deductible was $5000 so what good was insurance anyway? we paid for all that plus docs visit and medicine, i have no idea what this $35 is about, but it seems that an office would know that something is up with our family, i have been seeing this doctor fo 4 yrs, on a regular basis???? medicine is a GREEDY market,,,, in the US atleast
Avatar universal
i have seen sicko too. i feel a bit sorry for people in the usa(those without enough money). i picked up my meds today. my doctor costed nothing(medicare paid for it)and then my meds costed $5.30 each for a total of $10.60. the govt gives me a pharmacuetical allowance of about $5 every fortnight. my meds are fentanyl patches and oxycontin. i know they are expensive in the usa. i'd be unable to cope over there.
needs to change. sorry to all of you who are struggling to afford your most basic needs.
tomorrow i have an x-ray, it is also free.


big corporations have too much profit at the expense of good people.
Avatar universal
yeah, that movie really put a few things into perspective for me, i had insurance for year, we paid $900 a month for 2 adults and 3 children then we had the $5000 deductable, or whatever the co-pay was, so its really difficult to afford medical tx even when i had money and insurance, today on our trip my son was complaining about his tooth hurting so we ran by the dentist on the way home, he has an absess and needs his tooth extracted asap, our dentist was willing to do it fee of cost but my son would not allow him to pull it so i was refered to a pediatric sedation dentist, i am hoping that this will not cost too much, as i have no choice but to pay and have this done, there is no way i am willing to risk it when it comes to my children, tonight when they goto bed i am going to figure something out
fyi, the cravings were not so strong today, when we left the dentist i had an hour period when i wanted to use but now i think i am ok again
Avatar universal
Well, you deserve a break sometime .... a pediatric dental abscess on top of everything ....  good grief .....  at least ya know that using anything isnt going to help a bit ..............  
Avatar universal
so i came up with the money for my sons dental problem, i take him monday morning,
he is so afraid of the dentist, in the last year we have been to 4 dentist, i am hoping monday he lets them work, if not its hospital sedation which is thousands of dollars!!!
yeah eagle i definantly feel like i need a break, that you for all the support, well atleast to those who took the time
Avatar universal
It is disgusting because Iraqi prisoners are getting better"free" medical care.. as in your tax payers dollars.  I wouldnt care if I couldn't choose my doctor or not, socialist healthcare....I am all for it. If I was not insured, just as long as someone care about my life and not my wallet.

I agree nick.......it is soooo sad.
654560 tn?1331858181
i can't believe you didn't pm me or something, you could have e-mailed me.
It looks looks you got the support you needed, and you are feeling better,I'm glad.
Transitios are hard,you know that, so try to stay in today and remember nothing about your worth  has changed only your finances.1. Powerless 2. Came to believe 3.Surrender to win.
I believe in you and your recovery.
My friend Hilton who died in active addiction after having several years clean always said " when your knees knock kneel " Debra
Avatar universal
this insurance racket is killing my finances 1200 a month for myself and three healty family members. I can't leave, chronic back pain for many years, recnt removal of all meds, 10/325 Norcos for 4 years, methadone for 4years and then Oxicodone for for last six months while tapering off methadone. Pure He_ _ since feb 1st its nowApril 18th no withdrawels but fatigue headaches etc. Glad its near the end, never go back but, The back pain is in like a roaring lion, It amazes me; I know some people who live off the Gov't, free ride, won't even try to find a job all the medicare, rehab, medical expenses, food, and section 8 housing all at our expense. What a ironic experience. But! The lord has supplied all our needs and I am belssed beyond measure. I trust that you will continue to make progress. syftkog Mick
Avatar universal
mick congradulations on being off all that stuff!! thats a miracle and i hope you continue to do well off the meds
my physical pain is better now, just the emotional stuff at this point
freebird, thank you and i will be calling you tonight when the klids goto bed, i took them on a long hike today, 2.8 miles down and then straight up, i know they will sleep good tonight, hopefully me too!!!
latley if i do not make myself exercise i just lay in the bed having a nervous break down, worry and anxiety get me late at night, i guess when i am alone and quite my disease steps in and wants to party!!!
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