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Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
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Is it OK to be intimate with ex-boyfriend before he goes into rehab?

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 8 years and about two years ago I found out that he was an addict.  At first I thought it was cocaine but then found out it was meth.  Oh God I was so sick to my stomach but I told him that if he would get clean I would stay with him. Well after lots of false promises, one three-week stint in an outpatient rehab followed by relapse, and many other disappointments, I got fed up and realized he was not serious about getting clean. So I finally had to break up with him because I could no longer stand the lies, paranoia, accusations, and erratic behavior due to the drug use. After the break up he got worse and started having auditory hallucinations where he would hear me talking with other guys and taunting him. It seemed so real to him that he truly believed I had bugged his car and his home so that he could hear us. So he got meaner and meaner over text as the voices he was hearing got meaner. Then just yesterday he had a breakthrough and figured out for himself that the voices he was hearing were not real ( he drove himself to the police station to report what he thought was happening and they were about to have him 5150'ed and something clicked inside of him that it was the drugs all along and not me saying those terrible things to him.  It was such a powerful breakthrough for him that he sent me flowers at work and apologized profusely for the way he'd been treating me and said he was going to check himself into rehab immediately.  The only problem is the detox portion of this program is full and he has to call there every two hours  and it could take several days before he is admitted.  In the meantime he wants to be intimate with me and I don't know what to do.  Should I believe him this time because of his breakthrough and go ahead and give him the intimacy that he craves with me or should I keep my boundary and wait until after he does this program which is a 40 day inpatient program.  I don't want him to feel so rejected that he doesn't end up doing the program but I am also afraid that being intimate with him will give him a false sense of security so that he feels like he won't need rehab because he already has me back. Please advise!!!
3 Responses
Avatar universal
Dogmama- Hi and welcome. 1) Get to an alanon meeting. You need support and to be able to separate yourself from the addict. 2) An addict will say ANYTHING to get what he/she wants. Words are absolutely meaningless when an addict is still using. Intentions are just that, intentions. When the guy is done w/ rehab, commits to a program of sobriety, then you can consider what and if you want out of this.  If you truly love this person, stay away from him and let him get the help that he needs.
1235186 tn?1549257619
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hello and welcome. Addicts lie and manipulate, they will try to make you feel guilty and responsible for things they do and don't do. i would absolutely not believe him or trust him at this point. He needs to get clean, sober. Then remain in recovery for sometime before I would consider seeing him again. Keep your distance at this point.
Avatar universal
I have to agree with jifmoc, an alanon meeting would be helpful.
The idea that you feel that you should sleep with him so he won't feel rejected and therefore skip rehab is for lack of a better word silly.  He's liable to be sky high when he comes over.  What will you do if he hears voices and becomes dangerous.  People who are hearing and or seeing things that aren't there are not safe to be around.

Also, as the others have said, addicts will say anything and everything to get what they want.  They're always about to get clean but there's some kind of reason it isn't now.  Best for him and you that you separate yourself from it.

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh.  But please look out for yourself.  Meth is some serious stuff and what it does to people is really nasty.
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