14 days after methadone.......

[gnarly_1]

well I dont even know where to start...other then things are starting to get better..first off methadone dosent seam
to let go of you as quickly as other opioids ....it has taken every bit of 14 days for this stuff to loosen its grip
on me...im not saying there hasent been progress but there has been setbacks as well, im not trying to discorage
annyone but only trying to be realistic with what this stuff has been like for me....the first 7 days where ruff but doable
I had to live with a sorta dead anxiety in my chest 24/7 and it su##ed .I lived with panic anxiety attacks on and
off for days....this was by far the worst symptom for me ......and now it is FINELY going away ...I still get anxiety
but its not nearly as bad as it was at first...second ive learned to be ok without being ok..this is important skill to learn wile tapering as well as detoxing if you can find it in yourself to use your symptoms to strengthen your
resolve to go on and push past them rather then dwell on them it will be invaluable wile your going thew this
third ...things werent as bad as I thought they would be....I had horrific withdrawals at 20mg and it lasted 6 friggin weeks on and off, so that is what i thought it would be like in the final withdrawal..it wasent  in fact it was no worst then the withdrawals wile tapering below 7mg I walked off 1 mg a week and felt the withdrawals 4 days each mg
I dropped...my final withdrawal was kinda a mix of those days that lasted 7 solid days and has sorta been hanging around for the last 2 weeks on and off ...but this has been doable and it was far worst in my mind b/4 i did it than it actually turned out to be...so dont let it frighten you you can do this ..I did and no one could possibly have more fear then i did going into it..it was all for nothing ....it never materialized...im sharing my experience only to encourage those trying ...and to give them a realistic idea of what to expect..everyone is different and will
find different parts of withdrawals worst for some then otheres but over all I truly believe that its not as bad
as your mind makes it out to be...so let your mind be an asset to you going into this thing...mine wasent
at first and it made things more difficult, fear never helped annyone..so dont waist your time on it go in with
a win win attitude and you will come out just fine....now im 1/2 way threw day 15 and I havent taken annthing
for anxiety all day....sleep has been an issue lately but I think it is because of the vivid dreams im having,
I find myself waking in the middle of the night to analyze them..then im awake the rest of the night...
I think it is just your brain comming back on line....there is a certain "fog" that methadone leaves you under
that you cant feel till its not there anny more its hard to describe , but you mind is sorta hyper alert and
it takes some getting use to , I find laying on the couch with some soft music on very soothing to the symptoms..it helps alot with anxiety as well as to quite a racing mind ....all and all I am feeling much better each day
every once in a wile it wile get to you...just to sorta let you know its still there i think..but in the end
it has been a long journey ..im in this thing for the long haul and will post form time to time my experience
to try to help others get free of the liquid handcuffs...best of luck and my prayers go out to all who are struggling as well as those who have seceded ......Gnarly              

[cognitive_dissonance]

Thanks gnarly, your posts (along with a few others) have really helped with the motivation I need  to keep up the fight. I'm at 25mg now and used to never think I could get here.
Keep doing well. It looks like a bunch of people are pulling for you.

Be well
cd

[Lisa034]

Thank you for everything.  Between you and kiylen and hollie and of course my girl febninthgirl all of yall have made this doable!!!!!!! There is sooooo much support here I am so glad I found every single one of yall.  I think god knows what he is doing after all.  I do not regreat any of it even the bad times because Everything I did yesterday makes me who I am today!!!!  I will be going down to 5mgs in the am. I will be there for 3 days and then I am walking off the liquid handcuffs!!!!!!  There is sooooo much going on in my life but I just have to "let go and let god"  I have to stay focused on my sobriety. As Bob would say I have to keep my eye on the prize!!!!  If I was only allowed to say one thing it would be to keep away from all negative people, places and things. If someone or something is not helping you get to your goal of sobriety then they are holding you down and thay leads to using!!!!!  Stay focused    my love goes out to all!!!!!!
Lisa034
Jacksonville,FL

[kiylen]

As you know, we've been talking before and I'm going through the EXACT same thing, just a few steps behind you.  Thank you for letting me know in our last note or message that there will be steps that will hit you before you even get to the bottom levels.  Like I was at 45 mgs, feeling fine, went to 40 and felt like I had been hit by a truck.  It completely knocked me off my feet the intensity and I thought is it going to be this way all the way to the end.  Remember last time I tried, it was cold turkey so I know nothing about tapering.  I've decided to stay at 40 until I adjust a little and it's helping.  You have no idea how much your advice has and still is helping me push through this.  You and Lisa are about the only ones going through it with me (I know, others have won the battle and I am so proud of them) but you kind of forget what it was like until you're in the middle of it again.  Lisa is an absolute superwoman!  Wow!  I am so glad to know that this is a temporary setback and I am so, so thankful to you and for your complete honesty throughout this.  I know this will be no picnic and I have two children that trust me, I do not feel like getting ready for school, doing homework, laundry, cooking, cleaning (I'm single obviously) but at least I'm not just lying in bed.  I can't find enough words to explain how much your posts and messages and notes have pushed me on.  You and several others have been my rock.  You deserve everything you have worked for and God will bless you for continuing to help others.  Thanks again gnarly. I'm sure we'll be in touch.  And CONGRATS TO YOU for making it sooo far.

[LoandTansMom24]

Omg! Thank you soooo much gnarly!! I haven't ever been on methadone but I've been on subs for over 4 yrs and I am scared to DEATH about coming off! But reading your post and given me a tremendous amount of hope! I am down to 1 mg and will be taking the plunge soon! The anxiety has always been the worse part for me too.  Did you take any vitamins/ aminos that helped you?

[emwave]

Thanks for the inspiration, gnarly.  I'm stepping below my "comfort zone" (which happens to be around 15mg) next week -- once I start dropping, I'm not looking back.  Fortunately, I haven't been above 20mg in over a year --hoping that will help me some.

[gnarly_1]

hey girlee...wow...I meen wow you have done in a short period what it
took me months to do.10 mg you are so there right now...I am so
happy for you ,you did this with little withdrawals also....thats friggin
amazing ....I know it hasent been eazy but you have pushed threw
with a great attitude and your perseverance has been amazing also
im shure in a short period you to will be counting clean days
and will be free of the liquid handcuffs..I think you will have earend
the title.."poster child for methadone" beyond the shadow of doubt.
im so proud of you...it is storys like yours that will give people
hope...in a hopeless situation..and it lets all know that there
are many ways to get off methadone  the more that succeed
the more willing people will be to try and get free...all I can say
is ...you go girl...you can taste the end and you to will be free
my prayers go out to you..you will succeed...Gnarly        

[witchery]

ah always great to hear success stories.. Meth w/d are the worst and the mad anxiety attacks that pop up 1-3am in the morning were the worst lol..

Now u don't need to goto Pharmacy, save some money.. life gets so much easier

[febninthgirl]

I am so proud of you. So so happy the your dead is finally letting go of you. You and your wife have been such an inspiration in not only my add but spiritually. I know that this is your last test. You will finally have all the peace and happiness you so deserve. Pls keep in touch with me. I will continue to pray for you. You'll no whatim talking about when I say this. While I was reading your post I felt a feeling to tell you from god you are done. Testing gone. You did it. I'm so proud to call you friend. Thank you for all you have done. Melissa

[gizzy32]

Nice post gnarly. Your an inspiration to many. Congrats on getting off the methadone, i don't know much about it, but have heard it's tough for awhile. We are proud of you

[kolo13]

Way to go Gnarly!

[NorcoQueenoftheUniverse]

What an inspiring post you wrote!
I love your statement of  just.....
"Learning to be okay WITHOUT being okay"  
That just hits the 'nail on the head' and is SOOOOO TRUE!  

Gosh.. do you know how to PUT IT DOWN IN WRITING or WHAT?!?!  

Keep up the GOOD JOURNEY... cus you are most certainly an inspiration to many!

God Speed and MUCH LOVE your way!
NorcoQueen

[Lisa034]

You are the MAN (haha) I am sooooo proud of you.  I hope I can be half as strong as you are.  I have been at 10mgs for the past 3 days and still going strong. I will be walking off this week.  I might have to go to 5 NA meetings a day but you know whatever it takes.  Again I am so proud of you and you will never know how you have helped me and continue to every single day!!!
My love to you and yours
Lisa034
Jacksonville,FL