Please help

[Ronda8899]

I've been looking for someone that knows what I'm going through to talk to for support. I'm going cold turkey off hydrocodone 10/325 taking about 10 a day. For 7 months now I've been taking some form of opioid. It went from hydrocodone to dilaudid to oxy back to hydrocodone. I need to be off of these. Pretty much my only way to do this is cold turkey. I only have ER 40mg hydrocodone and I really don't want to take those. I've never taken ER before. I'm throwing up, very nauseous, can't stop going to the bathroom, in pain, very hot but very cold, high anxiety and so on. I took some early today at about 11 and I'm already feeling this. I went off dilaudid cold turkey until I relapsed back to hydrocodone and it wasn't like this. Please help.

[gnarly_1]

Hey Girl.....I just want to encourage you to keep fighting  as time goes past it will get better you have both good days and bad....recovery is done in baby steps  your better then you where the first few days.....recovery comes in baby steps right now your in the ''energy crash'' part  it is hard to do anything but push yourself to exorcise even a short walk will help....keep posting for support........Gnarly

[PlowBoy36420]

You're a strong person, God has his plans for us and he sets obstacles in our paths in order to place us here where we are.
Just because we take a pill to feel okay doesn't mean we are lesser than anybody else, I can't judge anyone for what they do.
This is something we have been through many times and for me I don't feel I have the time or another fight left in me to go through this again.  I'm praying for you because this fight is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

[charlie_coldturkey_tn2015]

Hang in there. We all went through some rough days, but they get better. You are near the end of the bad stuff. Just remember that as bad as the last few days have been, you never have to do them again. Stay strong. you are doing great!

[Ronda8899]

Hey. I feel so bad I haven't been posting on here or sending back any messages. I've been so sick the past couple days and just feeling terrible in general. I couldn't even hardly get out of bed let alone write on here. I just want to let everyone know I'm sticking to what I said and I have not given in. I hope everyone is staying strong and once I'm feeling better I will be posting regularly again.

[Jerry198]

We all make choices some that others don't like well that's just life I wish you the best in your recovery in any form you choose best wishes.

[Ronda8899]

Thank you. My fiancé is holding onto them. I'll only be given two a day and that's only if really really needed. I'm goin to try and not even ask for that many. I feel like it's just as hard to take them as needed as it is to stay off them. Maybe harder taking as needed because you still have them? That's just my opinion being that I went through both now. If anyone else feels differently please don't feel offended. When I had to make the decision to take them I was so afraid of lettin anyone down on here and it's really nice to see that I still have people's support. Especially you plowboy, as you have really have been a crucial part of me getting off these. Thanks again everyone.

[PlowBoy36420]

I support what ever choice you make. If you have to take them, I would find someone that could hold on to them and give them when it's needed. Next I would ask myself if I really really needed one at that time. That could make a huge difference between going back down this dark road again or just getting what relief you need. I'm praying for you always.
((John))

[dominosarah]

Do you have someone who can hold the pills for you?  It works alot better if you do.  We are here to support you and we tell others to take what you need and leave the rest(advice wise)  You will need some help with this as you want to take these ONLY short term so please stick around and talk to us.

[Ronda8899]

Hey everyone,
I went to the Drs today. I've been trying non narcotics for the sciatica in my back, the pulled muscle in my neck and chiari malformation. Nothing has worked. I hurt my back last night worse and they are doing an X-ray and mri to try and figure out if it's anything worse than the sciatica. I got put back on the hydrocodone. I really want to just take what's prescribed or less now that I made it through the physical withdrawal. I read someone else's post where they had to go back on due to chronic pain and many people were not supportive and didn't want her posting nor helping anyone. I'm so afraid I can't be on this forum anymore due to this and I feel like you guys will continue to make do to the right thing. Can I have everyone's opinion?

[charlie_coldturkey_tn2015]

Hi there. Just thought I would throw a little support and understanding your way. Reading your posts over the last couple a days was like reading mine almost to the letter almost three months ago. Working day 79 c/t off hydro for over 15 years. So thankful I found this site around the third day of my detox. Probably would not have made it without the support and guidance I received here.

First week was tough, but I kept looking at one fact. Every hour I made it clean was one hour I never had to go through again if I could just make it through a few days and weeks. Trust me, you are doing better than me at this point as I did not starting using the word DAYS until the second week. Until then, I was counting hours. Sometimes minutes. But thank God, I made it through and so will you. And you deserve to get off this evil addiction ride. You can and will have a good life back, just don't look back and don't try to plan too far out. JUST FOR TODAY!!!!. One day at a time.

One other thing that really helped was getting to an NA meeting on my 5th day. AA meeting on my 6th day. And I'm still going to both. No judgments,
no requirements, just a lot of love and support. Kind of like here but on a local level. Person to person. If you are not sure, just try it. You don't even have to use your real name. Just go a few times and I think you'll see why it can work for you.

Stay strong, Keep reading and posting as often as you need to fight the cravings, anxiety, and fear. It does get better. And just remember why you are doing this. This is your life and you are on this site because you want to stop using. So let's do this!!!!

Always with love Charlie

[Ronda8899]

Hey gnarly thanks for replying. I got through the cravings by distraction and willpower. They were extremely bad last night, it has lessend a lot this morning. Maybe the more you don't give in to them the easier it is? I think I have some good coping skills but one thing I don't have is friends to rely on. It would be nice to have someone readily to talk to when I need them but I also feel with my personality I wouldn't want to bug them so I wouldn't call. We only have meetings here twice a week. One on Tuesday and one on Thursday. I'm still terrified to go and I guess I don't want to view myself as that much of an addict that I need to go as ashamed as I am to admit that. I'm going to the Drs today and physical therapy. Hopefully that will help ease up the pain as I've hurt my back even worse last night.

[gnarly_1]

Hi Ronda.....well your doing great  day 5 can go ether way some come out of it  others it is just another day of detox  just know your close to the phyical part being over.....now these cravings got me a bit alarmed  you got the right idea  by distracting your self that will help   if you belive in God  try praying  it helped me  as soon as your up to it time to get to a N/A meeting  with time in the progam you will loose the very desire to want to use  it is the only thing that helped me  you will also learn coping skills and have a network of clean freind to call when your going threw it  keep posting for support where all here for you
...........................................Gnarly.............................................

[Ronda8899]

Anxiety and cravings are for sure on the rise tonight. I would do just about anything to get something to ease this right now. I'm staying in the house and trying to distract myself though so I don't do anything stupid. This is hard. It's been four days and I've already had enough, but I keep pushing forward. Hoping this eases and it gets better soon.

[PlowBoy36420]

Again, sorry for the late reply, bought a truck just to have something to tinker on during the day, hope it helps me get my mind off other thoughts lol.
That feeling is a hard one to fight, it's our minds wanting that quick fix to keep from dealing with it on its own. Keep your head up cause we have to fight this to better things.

[Ronda8899]

Maybe I rambled on to much or maybe everyone is busy today lol. Well I'm finally clear headed today. I don't feel like I'm in a fog. I have gotten up watched a movie and cooked a little bit. Doing things I used to enjoy. It's nice but I'm also missing the excitement factor. I feel like I need something today. Something to help everything not be the same. Not be boring. Obviously the one thing I want I can't have. Cravings are a *****. Not sure if I can swear here, can I? If not sorry about that one. It's true though.

[Ronda8899]

Hey plowboy it's okay I saw you were having a tough night also. Yes pretty much everything is mental to me. As long as I don't see it I can be alright with it. I did ask him last night and he felt bad after he realized what he was doing. So that's something. I've been going at this since Thursday late afternoon so I dot know if this is my 3rd day or 4th day. I'm not taking the lyrica for pain today because it make me feel like I'm drunk and I can't function and just sleep all day. I go to the Drs tomorrow to talk to her about it. I'm also goin to physical therapy tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to having to me out of the house without the high. I'm so used to taking them whenever I go somewhere that I don't know how I'll handle this. Of course I just realized I'm withdrawing off of not only hydros but also kolonopin. No wonder it's been so bad. Unfortunately once I see my dr on the 2nd I am going back on kolonopin, that one I can't stop due to my panic attacks. But that's not why I'm here or what I'm addicted to so hopefully that's okay. Today is just another day of sitting at home trying to get through this. It's been the longest couple of days ever. I'm in so much pain today I just want to cry. I'm also fighting with my fiancé over what I'm going to do tomorrow if my dr suggest that I switch pain meds. My mind and body are all messed up today. Sorry I know I'm rambling but I just needed to vent.

[PlowBoy36420]

Hey, sorry I haven't checked in to see how you were doing.
I would ask him to at least smoke elsewhere,  it's the mental aspects of things that seems to bring you down.
Maybe he will have the respect to do that, just take despite breaths and this will work out.
We will have our bad day/s but just knowing it will get better is worth it.
((John))

[Ronda8899]

Thank you so much. I love this group on here. I've never felt more encouraged. It makes me think that if I slip up I'll have to come on here and tell people. So now I want to be strong for more than just me. It really helps. I'm having a terrible night. As always the nights are the hardest. I know everyone told me not to worry about my fiancé still smoking but it's seriously bothering me. One of the main reasons I'm getting off these pills besides my health is to make our relationship last and I know how much he wants me clean. Having him still smokin all the time and getting his high is driving me nuts when I can't get my high. If I say anything I'll end up throwing a fit because I'm so upset and he knows I'm upset by it but he hasn't stopped yet so what's the point. I know everyone has to stop when they are ready. Mine didn't start out as me being ready. It started out because I couldn't get anymore and so I decided I had to be done. How do I deal with this?

[Nighthawk61]

Congratulations on not buying any from your dealer, you gave yourself a huge break today not picking up, this is your sign, it is your time ...

love the support from plowboy vic and gnarly. You've got the best help you can get at this point. Know that you can start off doing online NA if you want to check it out, but honestly it's a great group to belong to and there are so many good folks that have had to say no to prescription drugs, there is no longer that huge stigma attached to folks in the program, with so many being over prescribed for legitimate pain issues...

your boss or church clergy are just as likely in AA or NA as not... nothing to be ashamed of.   Keep up the good work. Your freedom  awaits.

[Ronda8899]

Hey everyone. I've been sleeping all day today due to new medication and haven't been feeling well. It's my stomach that's the worst and whenever I try to take something for it I throw it up. I haven't really been eating at all. I got real hungry this morning for the first time and I ate two muffins and some chips. That's the most I've eaten in a couple days. I feel weak and dizzy. I've been reading the comments in between sleep but haven't been able to even get the energy to respond. I've also had someone get ahold of me today for me to buy pills and I said no that took so much willpower I just wanted them so bad but I don't want to go through this again. Today has been really rough. And so was yesterday. I need a break but I don't see myself getting one.

[gnarly_1]

Hey Ronda  just checking on on you  how goes it today???  you seam to be doing good so far  I just want to encourage you to stick it out  the phyical part should be a lot better in around 5 days  but it is the mental ''mindscrew'' that takes work...are you getting any sleep???  sleep is all but impossible for most  rent a bunch of movies to keep you bizzy at night...you just have to get by on catnaps...your doing really good with your attitude and that is a HUGE deal....did you google N/A meetings yet???  as I said b/4 this is 1/3 phyical and 2/3 mental  N/A will give you some place to share where the people will understand what your going threw  I cannot over emphasize how critial this is....as for the pain  go to amazon and order some ''DMSO''  it is only 14 bucks and is a cream that you rub in   it is not a mussel rub it is a type od solvent that kills pain  my wife uses it for a torn rotor cuff in her shoulder and I use it on my lower back  this stuff is God sent it ships in about 3 days  this is one of the best things I have found for pain....right now your experiencing ''rebound pain'' your brain has not started to produce it own endorphin's yet so the pain is amplified it will get better with time  just know that all that your going threw will be so so worth it....Keep posting for support
.......................................Gnarly..........................................

[VICourageous]

Hi
Everything you are saying is normal in detox. Just know that as our receptors clear out a bit we will have re-bound pain. Also this is why the stomach issues comes. Sleep & Energy are the last 2 things Physically..The GOOD news is that you were not on them long enough to really Whack out all the Brain Chemistry that happens when we use mind-altering drugs. Although many different ones can hit different areas of the Brain, they all still whacked out and unbalance many area of the Brain. This is the part, the Mental that takes the longest and how long depends on how long you have used. For me it took me about 6 months physically as I went through these stages and over 2 yrs for the Brain to flip back and fire up. However, I was no sprig chic when I came clean and wasted over 40 yrs using off & on..Went c/t from 3 meds at once too..Och!!! This should NOT happen to you.

Try to drink tons of fluids to help detox the toxins out. Maybe add some Lemon for flavor and a small dash of sea-salt. This will help keep you hydrated. Pick up the Protien as mentioned above..Amino-Acids play a hugh role too. Any Antioxidants you can take by pill, powder or FOOD will help so much. I took the Magnesium, Potassium, Ds, and Calcium at night, as these help relax your muscles.There is so much more.

One thing to always remember is having a Positive attitude and Re-directing your thinking is a good one. Keep up the Faith and you will grow with experience, which in the long run will give you so much Hope for the Future. It does take TIME & PATIENCE to balance out Physically, Mentally and Spiritually. Hit those meetings and get all the Support you can. Maybe go to Church if you do not already. I found that the detox is the easy part..(yes it succkkks) but working on staying clean is what it takes..WORK & CHANGES! I would NOT be here today if it was not for giving this to my God and Listening and Sharing at those meetings and other kinds of Support.. Either one AA/NA are great. Also, I love to study Addiction in a more Scientific way. This helps me understand the Map of the Brain and what pills hits what area and what get highly affected by these certain types of drugs.

PS. The Lyrica could make you jittery. Be careful..Right now you want to get Calm. Get under a Heating Blanket if you ache all over.
Wishing you the Best!
Bless
Vickie

[Ronda8899]

I woke up! I said I would be happy if that happened so there's that. My belly feels raw and hurts so bad. My neck is still hurting but I guess we will see how today goes. So sick of this. I need help with my outlook. I'm being very grumpy. I'm seeing that I'm making myself suffer.

[PlowBoy36420]

Checking in on you, hope you're having a good day