Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
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2161407 tn?1337542302

15 days and think of all of you!

It's Memorial Weekend.  Much to reflect on.  Today is day 15 for me.  And I'm still going strong.  Much of that thanks comes directly to the people on this board (note Moderator:  PLEASE DON'T MOVE ME TO SOCIAL).  My biggest issues right now are anxiety.  Especially in the morning which is when I would take numerous pills to jumpstart my day (or so I thought).  And although I'm sleeping, it's at weird times.  3 am waking time is now sleeping in.  I can't seem to adjust me to a normal sleeping schedule.  I pushed and pushed yesterday after waking at 1:20 am.  Was reading (sitting up) at 7 pm and then next thing I knew it was 1:20.  As soon as the day peeked in, I was out planting.  That was about 5 hours ago.  It's been gently raining for the last 2 and I looked like I dove into a mud bath.  I had to literally hose myself down outside before coming in. But pushing myself is what is keeping me going.

It seems, for you still suffering with a lot of anxiety, that once I get moving and doing physical stuff, that disappears.  I was a chronic coffee drinker starting at the crack of dawn and drinking constantly until bed.  I always bragged that caffeine didn't affect me.  Well.  It sure has hell does now.  Obviously the pills were counter-acting the caffeine kick.  I  still need my morning hit but if I drink more than a cup  the anxiety goes up about 100 notches.  That I will miss.  I move on to juice or tea.  Neither of which gives me that jolt I'm used to.  Ahhhh the days of pills and coffee for breakfast are apparently done.

So tomorrow is the big family gig.  My first date with temptation.  I actually haven't had cravings at all.  But tomorrow I will know the house I'm in is filled with every addict's dreams come true. No..I can't tell them to hide them.  They already do and I found the hiding place.  And no, I can't tell them my situation because like several of you I'm a secret detoxer.  So pray for my strength tomorrow.  I just want a day of laughter and fun.

I decided to take an electronic break yesterday however just went back and read so many posts.  I don't want any of you to think I've turned my back on you. I pray for all of you every day and night.  All of us in one giant group prayer.  Sounds like some of you have had some challenges but you made it through.  One day at a time.  I'm going to reply to some of your posts personally.  So touched, concerned and excited about the posts I've read.

I continue to hold you all in my heart.  I never - not ever - could have come to the 15 day mark without the power of this board and the awesome people who are part of it, each holding each other strong...the waz
8 Responses
Avatar universal
I will say some prayers for you :)
Avatar universal
Congratulations on 15 days! You are always in my thoughts but especially will be tomorrow.
So many things you said hit home.   I drank caffeine all day every day and also bragged it didn't affect me...HA!  The anxiety has hit me sooner this time but I was prepared for it and keep moving even though I swear my heart is going to pump right out of my body.  Everyday I say I am going to take a break from med help.  I last a whole hour if I am lucky.
I have to keep pushing too because the more productive I am the better I feel.

I think I have said this before but want to say it again.  Your posts soothe me like a good meditation cd.  Have so much fun tomorrow :)
Avatar universal
Awe... This post just made me cry. Damn emotions!!! U jolted them!!!;) no really. I know how hard it is to be around temptation and to say no. I had two pills staring at me in the face a couple days ago but told my son to hide. I didn't crave them just didn't want them in site. U are going to have a great weekend. Remember to stay true to who u are now... I wish I could follow u and blast everyone who tries to temp u.. But I can't.. But when u think about it or using look on ur shoulder. I'll be there in thoughts with u aiming my pistol squirt gun at anyone who temps u. So keep that thought in mind... It may just bring a little laughter when u need it. I'll be praying u stay strong... You'll be ok!!! One day at a time right!!! U can do this!!!
1697690 tn?1329127238
So glad to hear you're hanging in there !! 15 days is an amazing start and you have made it through the worst of the physical detox. The anxiety and trouble you are having sleeping is COMPLETELY normal. For me, anxiety, depression, lethargy, lack of sleep, and lack of appetite are always what lingered the longest. Sometimes up to three weeks maybe longer, especially lack of sleep. I too was up at the crack of dawn every day. But in time, that passes. Your body is adjusting and going through a major healing process right now and these things will gradually start to come back. I remember the feeling of waking up with so much anxiety so early and then crashing mid morning but still not being able to go to sleep and being stuck awake all day ugh! I did find some vitamins to help with anxiety like valerian root. Excercise like walking outdoors helps. Hot showers/baths/heating pads saved me in terms of anxiety. It always calmed me down and helped me fall back asleep a lot of times at night. As for the caffeine, I promise you you will be able to drink coffee again when all this is said and done lol. I am almsot 8 month clean and drink wayyyy to much espresso everyday so don't worry about that soon you will be able to drink it again without it sending you into overdrive :)

Good luck with everything and thanks for checking in! Congrats on 15 days...keep going forward from here there are good things that lie ahead for you!!
2161407 tn?1337542302
You are truly awesome and have been such a pillar of support to me these last two weeks.  When I first reached out on day 2 finding this board, you were one of the first to post to me. Thank you.  I've heard valerin root mentioned several times on different posts. It's on my shopping list!  And so good to hear about the coffee. Geez I love my coffee.  I even made a huge pitcher of iced coffee not even thinking.

I so relate to what you said about the sleeping.  It's only 1 pm.  I've already been up for 12 hours.  I still have a long day ahead.  I just tried. REALLY TRIED.  To take a nap. So easy when popping  those devil pills.  My body simply will not allow it.  So I fear this pattern will repeat it self.   I'll crash in the early evening and then be up at 1 am again. Wanna meet for coffee at 1 am? PJs required!
2083449 tn?1381358308
I love your posts! They are always so heartfelt and inspiring! You should be a writer! I hear ya about the caffeine! I drink gallons of it! It really affects me now that I am desperate for sleep!! so proud of your 15 days! I look for you every day! I know you will make it through this weekend and beyond! Thank you for your support, it means so much! Carry on!!
2161407 tn?1337542302
Adore you.  You keep me strong.   Do you know that?  Actually I am a writer.  I work for an automotive publishing company.  Writing is my passion.  My mom was a published poet and artist.  I started out in life as an artist - a jeweler.  The original hippie.  If anyone even suggested 30 years ago I would be deeply embedded in corporate America as the VP of a company I would have flicked my joint in their face!   Yet......Everything Happens for a Reason. Mad  love Sonri
2083449 tn?1381358308
You know what this reminds me? It's that this abuse issue, or whatever you want to call it, hits everyone! It doesn't matter what background, age, race, creed, color, intelligence level! I would have thought I was to smart, to educated to ever let this happen to me! How arrogant I was! How stupid! I also thought I was the only one out there who, took more than I was supposed to, counted pills & tried to figure out ways to get more! I became a mathematician when I started running low! It feels so good to know I'm not alone! It feels so good to know that I am supported by relative strangers who care so much! You are one of them Waz! I don't know where these Deep thoughts are coming from! I can barely add 2 plus 2 right now! LOL
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