I commend you on wanting off this roller coaster. We cant give tapering advice as none of us are doctors and we dont know your medical history etc. You said you spent alot of time checking into this. Was it just the detox part? When we enter the recovery world we need to spill our guts as our secrets keep us sick. We need to cut all our sources of getting pills, including the so called friends. Doing it our way got us into this trouble. You are in no way a screw up. You are a good person who deserves to live a life of freedom. Did you check into aftercare when you were searching info?
Hi. Your story is IDENTICAL to most of ours: high functioning addict, never were addicted to anything before, no one knows and you want to be done quickly. So here's the deal. Like you said, you cannot avoid wds, so you might as well accept that. You are doing everything from "the street" so you are thinking like an addict. The entire point, the way to never be back here and start changing your life is to work on your addict brain. Otherwise, you will be back here again. And worse. Your problem isn't the blip of time it takes to withdraw. Your problem is living a clean life and dealing w/ life sober. We all need aftercare. All of us. Like Sarah said. Go into meetings asap. Just walk in. They're free. Your need mucho support. Anyone can get clean. It's staying clean that's the work.
Hi there. Support here girl. I agree with Sarah and jif ......all good advice. We've seen this over and over again. Secrets keep you sick. It's like you keep them as your "out".....if it gets too bad or tough, you can always go back to the drug as you've not told anyone significant in your real life therefore you have nobody to be accountable to. I did it for 27 years. So many of us have.
No joke......the detox is the easy part. You're not thinking ahead. It's awesome if you get off them but staying off them will be the trickiest job of your life.
I wish you success and lend you support, stick around, read and post.
Bless ((((8)))) Spider
Glad your still w/ us. No, my friend, being accountable to ourselves doesn't work, sorry to say. We can't fix an addict brain w/ an addict brain.
We all know how scared you are. We've all been there. If you've been around enough you'll find that nothing that anyone says is unique. You're not the first person who is afraid of being "outed" in meetings. Seen that over and over on this site, too. Here's the deal. You will get better when you give up your secretive behavior. You are still trying to do it your way. Trying to hide. Trying to do it on your own. Trying to do it differently than suggested. Yup, we've all been there, too. Guess what? Whatever meeting you go to, everyone in there is going for the same reason. We all think everyone else is looking at us. No one gives a sh!t. They are there for themselves.They are there because they effed their life up just like you. A HUGE lesson I learned since getting clean is that whatever I predict, whatever I think will happen, however I think someone else will respond, doesn't happen. I don't know anything. I think I know everything. That's part of having an addict brain, too.
I noticed you keep saying how strong you are. I understand, that's how I've always considered myself: I never got into any major trouble w/ my addiction, am educated, have friends, family, work, I always worked out and kept myself lean. I looked good on the outside and I considered myself "tough." But, people that can't face their emotions, people that have to medicate themselves to get through the day aren't tough. Pills are stronger than us. No matter how hard I tried, the pills were always stronger than me. You wanted to be called out on your sh!t, right? Put your ego away and listen to those that came before you. If there was a way to stay clean and sane on your own, believe me, I would tell you! There isn't. Can you consider surrendering and trying what others tell you? I can tell you are intelligent. And intelligent people want to think their way into their own solution. I get it. It's very hard to admit our way got us in trouble and have to start listening to others. But, it's the only way.
Great job on telling your friend...yay!!! Makes you feel like a stand-up human being, doesn't it? Btw, I thought for sure that when I told anyone, they'd be in shock, but guess what? Most people knew. They sensed something was "off." In any case, it will continue to be a relief. So good for you.
Yes, you are here and you are open to suggestion and you are taking some contrary action. You are doing it. You are starting. That is fantastic. Truly.
Hi there. I truly commend you on your efforts to get clean!
I have some major concerns though. You are still self medcating. You have a few subs and somehow you seem to think this will lead to avoiding detox. Sorry, not true. Suboxone IS an opiate. An extremely strong synthetic one hundreds of times stronger than oxy with a killer detox. When you run out you will go running back to your dealer for more to avoid detox in worse shape than you were before.
Going to a sub doc with cost you a fortune, and guess what? You will still be hooked on drugs you can't get off without getting very very sick.
There is no "quick detox". You can't keep medicating your self and call that clean. You have to work for it, go thru it and come out the other side. And that's the easy part. Staying clean is even harder. You need to learn how.
I was taking a huge dose of opiates: about 12 Norcos and 4 Roxicodones per day. Yes, I was high functioning in a demanding job. But I knew I had to stop. I had a few methadones as a pre-detox crutch, but guess what? I flushed everything - everything - 2 days ago. The subs and 'dones just make the detox longer and harder. Just jump cold turkey. I did. Take 6 days off work, get some comfort meds (Neurontin was a life-saver for me) and embrace the few days of discomfort as a right of passage to sobriety. Good luck, friend.
Hi & Welcome!
I do agree with my MH friends above here.
What I am picking up, is that you are SO worried about the w/ds. The w/ds, as far as physical, will be over way sooner then the Mental. These meds change your Brain Chemistry and Neural Pathways. There is alot more to Addiction, and in a more Scientific way too. Over 3&1/2 yrs ago I jumped off of 3 meds at once and it was NOT fun at all. All these yrs I have been getting all the outside Support I can and had stuck close to this site. I also get help at my Church. One of the BIGGEST things that keeps me scared on going back on any pain pills, is what I have learned about the Brain Chemistry and how much it changes when we use, and also why some of us can become Addicts. This is the Reason..we say that the detox is the easy part..it is working on staying clean that takes the cake. It becomes a "WE" thing and NOT a "ME" thing, as the Me get us in trouble. Addiction is a Disease and it can hit anybody, at any time and it comes in many forums. Gambling, Booze, Shopping and so fourth. The Dopamine rush into that Pleasure Part of our brain (mid-brain-survival part) and it will always remember that Pleasure. This is why 1 is to many and 1000000 is not enough. We can not feed our Addiction ever!!!
I know you said that you live in a small town. I live in a very small town and it is 50miles from Canada. The real good thing about small towns, is small meetings and I never run into anybody at all, or if I do we do not talk about them meetings in public. The small meetings give you a chance to vent at any meeting at all. Letting it go and talking about life will take a big weight off your shoulders. Usually NO one says anything out side of them rooms. I still go and for many other reason too. It does take some time for those Brain Chems to find a balance. The after, is why we need support. Our addicting brains will think of any excuse to use something to get that instant Gratification. I have alot of reading on this Addiction and also PAWS.
After a person has become adjusted to a certain level of the drug/experience removal of it affects the Emotional/Biochemical balance that has been established. The person then has to Readjust to living without the previous level of stimulation,etc. Post acute w/ds can last months to yrs. It has a Emotional and Physiological aspect that can be difficult to endure..
NOW..speaking from experience, and one who has used off & on for over 40yrs, this is the part that we as Addicts need to keep working hard on staying away from any mind altering substance. It is hard work, but it is so worth it in the long run. Paws does NOT hurt physically in any way. It is the Mind game that can go on between them ears. It is the part that I had to UP during times of troubles. Life will NOT always go smooth and we will have our Heartaches along the way. We can get bored or lonely, or even stub a toe and our Addiction brain will try to talk us into getting something to escape the pain or any feeling we might have..SO do NOT dwell on paws. Some ppl balance back quicker then others. Some ppl never did any other drugs or drank in there lives until they got prescribed opiates for pain. Everyone is different in some ways, but the same in others. We can not help it that we have this Disease, but we can arrest at some point and go on with our lives.
I think it would be so much better if you do not play around with the Subs. I have a friend who is a Dr and he now prescribes these. Subs are way more powerful then the other opiates. They are a bit like Methadone but they do not block those receptors all the way. I have experienced both and to me they are both a like in one way but different in another way. They are both very synthetic and do not like to let go, meaning that the detox will take way longer then those other opiates. I get so mad when they prescribe Methadone or Subs to ppl who come of the other opiates. From my experience, I would say that it is best to just taper way down or just get down low and jump.
Make sure YOU drink tons of fluids and mostly water. Pick up some of those vit/min like Airborne or Emerge-C, as they have some good immune system ones, to some electrolyte ones that have some good stuff in them. You can add these to water and also some lemon is good. Staying hydrated is a must and building up a great immune system is the key in this recovery too. Pick up some Protien powder and add this to berries. Berries are full of antioxidants, as any antioxidants will help too. Get some Amino-acids all in one. Meaning all the L-s in one. These help the brain too. Make sure you eat very healthy and try to stay away from caffeine, booze and sugars while detoxing. You can pick up some powder called "Calm" or just take some Magnesium, Potassium and D3 together for sleep and anxiety. There are many other OTC things that you can find in a Health food store to help also. I spent some money on some plant based and all natural vit/min, but you can just pick up those vit/min I suggested above. I now take those to and it does help me. WELL..I guess I better stop before I write a book. If you would like to know a bit more about what I was saying about Addiction in a Scientific way, you can go into my Journal, if you like, and find the "Nature of Addiction" and "Addiction and the Pleasure Pathway beyond Willpower". There are some Great videos out these days too. Have tons more info but have not put it in yet..Ha! Wishing you all the best and hope you stick around to Support others along the way, as you will get Support on here too.
Hi...I have been following you post for a wile now...im not a big proponent on sub or methadone...I was on methadone for almost 7yrs and the detox almost killed me hands down methadone is the hardest of the opiets to kick but sub comes in at a close second...I agree with the above posters you have been given some great advise once your clean you will quickly realize the getting clean is the ez part....aftercare is a critical part of the recovery process I have tryed most first the pastor of my church then a therapist then a substance abuse counselor for 3 yrs I was able to stay clean but the obsessions and cunpulshines to use where still there....I figured after 35yrs of abuse it was just going to be that way....I relapsed on benzo's and was desprete for help so I started to go to N/A meetings the progam is free the meetings are only a hour long and your seronded buy a group of people that will understand so it is a safe place to share what is going on in your head....I got a sponcer worked the steps and found recovery...with time I developed a lot of real friends and somewhere along the way I lost the very desire to use.....something I thought was impossible it is the only progam that can do that hence why I recamend it to everyone.... you like many others are afraid that someone will find out....just know this if there at the meeting there there for the same reason your there....to find recovery as for the small town mabe you could drive out of town to ez your mind....just know this if you where out of pills you would drive to the next town to get them recovery is worth the effort you been at this since 2006 your going to have to change what your doing in order to recover your best thinking got you here if you put 1/2 the effort in your recovery as you used 24/7 you will be sucsessful....now I know your apprehensive most people are but you have to go out of your comfort zone in order to succeed just because you stoped the pills does not = recovery the addict in your head is alive and well....I have been on this forum since sept 0f 2009 those that use aftercare stat clean those that dont go threw this over and over again...this is a progressive disease that ends in jails institutions and death....all I know is it works for a old dope fiend like me it will work you anyone keep posting for support we can help you kick the sub when your ready to kick it may God be with you................................Gnarly.......................................
I don't know if I'm supposed to type in "comment" or "answer" lol this time I decided to type in the "answer" box. Anyways. Vicky thank you very much for the additional info and recommendations. After reading what you wrote I went and picked up some multi vitamin, vitamin b's, d and a wack if bananas. I have some protein powder here so I'm going to use that too with the berries. I am paying very close attention to what everyone is sharing and making adjustments to my plan. I've read countless forums with other people's experiences and supports. I spent weeks preparing by taking information and ideas I thought would work for me. Of course I put most of my attention on the stories and ideas that I felt carried the most hope and positivity. Having people read my own story and give back words of encouragement and their experiences means everything at this point.
Gnarly, I think you have given me a great idea! Small towns all around me. I could do that! I'm going to research where NA meetings are held. You nailed it when you spoke about putting as much effort into my recovery as I did my addiction lol. Tell me about it.
Most of my day was good today. But as it got to be late afternoon I started to feel down. I am getting a glimpse of what is in store for me. Not feeling quite right, content, energized..... I don't know. Something. Although it wasn't an urge to use persay, it was a definite understanding of why I enjoyed it for so long.
I remember thinking a few years ago. Opiates should be given to everyone. This is normal and good and people who didn't use them knew how great they could make life they would be prescribed to everyone.... what a foolish thing to think. I'm sure I'm not the only one.
I'm still on track. I did take 2mg when those feelings started getting intense and completely realize now and surrender to the fact that I need a long term plan. Or I'm screwed :( . Typing that last sentence and this one brought tears to my eyes. That hasn't happened in a long time.
Whatever the case. Almost done day 4 (less enthusiastic now than I was this morning but whatever)
Just waking up for day 5. I decided not to take anything to help me sleep last night. I kind of wanted to gauge where I'm at. I woke up a few times but eventually fell back to sleep.
For those wondering about my sub detox. I feel good this morning. No strong wds at all. I haven't taken anything since the 2 mgs of sub yesterday afternoon. That's a major drop in days previous. I'm thinking my opiate wds are winding down (physical). I'm going to jump soon. I'm not going to full 25 days or whatever the original plan was. I don't think it's needed to be honest. Not for the purpose I am using the sub. So new plan. Only going to take the sub when and if I feel the wd intensely and I'm going to keep it at 2mg if I need today but lower to 1mg if I need in days to come, and lower by .25 everyday. I have a job interview for a job promo on Wed morning so I'm not going to disrupt anything too much before then. After wed though that's it. I'm jumping. I'll deal with the wd. I don't think they will be debilitating. I think I'll be able to work. I feel really good. Hopefully it lasts all day. I'd like to get some laundry done. The sun hasn't been out in days and it does nothing but snow. I think I would feel more energetic if I could get out and do more. But I'm not completely run down either. Like I said. I feel pretty good! Just to give an idea. Before I started I picked up some gravol and immodium. I haven't touched it. So far I've been very lucky :) .
When I first started this journey months ago by reading and researching I came across alot of very motivating forums written by addicts. Some of them written back in 2009, 10, 11 etc. These forums and the people in it provided me with the courage... no not only courage... it made me excited to quit! That last day of using for me, man I was so ready to be done. Last night I was feeling kind of down in the dumps and questioning myself and my strength. I still had one of those forums open on my phone so I started reading it. It brought me back. I can and WILL do this :).
I am taking the wonderful advice that has been given here. Especially regarding aftercare. Thanks to everyone who has offered support and words of encouragement. It means everything.
Here's to day 4 complete and day 5 started! Cheers :)
Start going to the meetings now, you will have a foundation for when you jump. I get it about the job interview, but you must start now. You seem to be thinking a little more clearly. Congratulations on day 5! Proud of you!