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21 weeks pregnant & addicted -- so scared, please help.

So I'm 21 weeks pregnant & prescribed subutex as I was an extremely bad heroin addict. I'm 21 years old, this is my first child and despite my actions I love my son with my whole heart. To make a very long story short, I relapsed a few weeks back and ended up in the hospital. The police as well as CPS got involved and I'm so scared they're going to take my baby boy from me once he's born.

My social worker told me they won't take him as long as they're aren't any hard drugs in his system (crack,coke,heroin, or meth) which there won't be but as I said I relapsed so there will be methadone, morphine and oxy in his system. No one knows I used these drugs and I'm afraid to tell the truth. I guess my question is, as long as I keep going to treatment and parenting classes, as well as see a counselor and wean completely off of the subutex before I give birth... Do you think they will take him?! I'm so scared she's lying (as paranoid as that sounds) & they'll take him even if there aren't hard drugs in his system. Any advice would be greatly appreciated... Please no judgments, I already beat myself up enough as it is. Thank you in advance. :/
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Avatar universal
As others have said, I think your main concern needs to be getting off drugs and staying clean because you want a good life for your son.  You BOTH deserve a drug free life but this baby did not ask to be born into a life full of addiction.  Please be honest and get the help you need so you can stay off drugs for you AND your son.  He deserves a clean mother who can take care of him.  You can do this and now is the best time. You will thank yourself.
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Avatar universal
This is a little confusing to me: You were in he hospital so don't THEY know what you took? Then the police and CPS know, right?  CPS shouldn't lie to you but get any and all agreements in writing.  Is the father involved at all?

Do not take another thing now; especially coke or crack, ecstasy...are particularly bad. Be sure the doctor tapers you off the Subutex. Don't do it on your own.

Be honest with everyone and keep yourself in a rehab program. The main concern that CPS has is your ability to care for a baby; rear a child, and all that it entails. You can't do a good job when on drugs so you need to prove that you're a great mother.  Good luck!
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495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
I know you are scared but you have to tell the truth.  This is very important to do.  You will feel like a ton of bricks have been lifted from your shoulders.  You have a good plan in place with the counseling.  Let us know how you are doing~
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Avatar universal
Hi, first of all congratulations on becoming a mother. So many woman have been struggling to do what should be natural for us. Second, I am speaking from experience as I was (always will be) a heroin addict. I'm exactly twice your age and because of my addiction issues I made a choice to not become pregnant while I was using. I do believe everything happens for a reason. I know it's hard to to rationalize and think "just once" won't hurt but with any opiate... Just once is not an option. I have 4 1/2 years clean and now trying to have a baby. You sound like you really want to be a mother to your son. It starts now. Give him a fighting chance. You know how easy it is to fall into this addiction trap. Anytime you think about using, think about withdrawal and what it feels like. This isn't what you want your son to feel... EVER. With that said listen to what the social worker is telling you carefully. Ask questions. Do not be afraid or feel you have no right to be totally informed of what can and cannot happen. As far as I know they always want the baby with his mother. Don't think for a second they won't take him from you if you do continue to use. If you know In your heart you are not ready to be clean and sober it's best to face that now. Love is strong but sometimes not strong enough. Be ready. Be strong. Please learn from my mistakes, you may never have another chance to be a mother. This is a gift. Relapsing is all a part of recovery but not in your current situation. I have a friend with 2 daughters in foster care and she is currently in jail pregnant again, she tested positive for crack through both pregnancies and after while in a sober house. They will take your baby if you continue to use. Keep telling yourself ANYTHING you put in your body is also what your giving your son. subutex is said to be safe but it's so new we have yet to meet the 20 year old who's mom was taking it during pregnancy. I am also on it and that alone scares me if I actually become pregnant again. From a woman that recently had a miscarriage and is running out of time to have a family....do everything you can to keep that gift growing inside you healthy in every other way you can and get everything you can get in writing from your social worker. Good luck. Stay strong. any urge to use, any thought of getting high must be forced out of your head. Don't allow yourself to tho k about it. When it comes to mind think about seeing that beautiful face for the first time and what it would feel like for someone you don't even know to walk away with him.
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Avatar universal
Hi, it is urgent that you tell the truth. As is said here over and over: you're not the first pregnant drug addict and you won't be the last. Doctors/obgyn/social workers have heard it all. You could get your baby taken away if you don't tell the truth. It's the scheming and lying that raises red flags. And it should be that way. DO NOT change the subutex yourself. Anything you take in, so does your baby. See your obgyn immediately (like today) and tell her/him this.

When you say you are in treatment, I don't know if you mean meetings or out-patient or what. If it's out-patient: tell the counselor. If it's meetings: share it. Every secret you keep puts your baby in jeopardy. Look at it that way.

In the bigger picture, you need to talk to your social worker/sponsor (hopefully you have both) about what caused your relapse and how you can prevent it. You are only 21 and there are peeps on here who tried to get clean at your age and kept using til they were 41 or 51 or 61. And those are the ones that lived. I want to be direct w/ you because STAYING clean is a lot of work (it's fun, too but it's work.) Getting clean is easy. Staying clean takes commitment.

If your baby's Dad's in the picture, I hope he is clean if he is an addict. If not, that's bad news for your baby and you will need to make the right decision.

There are several folks on here who have lots of experience w/ what you're going thru, and they will post so keep checking. Stay on here and best of luck to you:)
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