32 weeks pregnant and this has got to be the end

[NeedsToStop8]

I have been taking pain pills for about 5 years now. A 7.5 would get me high for about a year or 2 and then when I met my husband it got worse. He liked taking them on the weekends, just for fun just like I was doing. We had a great hook up so they were always available. We would take hydro or percocet 10's on the weekends and then none throughout the week. Of course it got worse and then we were on to taking them ALL the time. The money we spend on these things are ridiculous. I found out I was pregnant in June 2011. I stop taking them for a week because I was so high off the fact we were having a baby and didnt want to do anything to hurt it. We decided to get 4 perc 10's one night and then never take them again. He had 2 I had 2. Well that started the roller coaster back over. Since I have had a healthy pregnancy and the baby is growing exactly like he is suppose to (he is actually measuring a week bigger than he is suppose to be) it made me feel like it was OK and the baby wasn't being affected by all of this. I know I shouldnt be taking pain pills and  the only problem I have found is risking the baby being addicted and going thru withdrawal once it is born. I want to stop my last 8 weeks to ensure baby be born pain free. Today is my first day without a pill. My doctors have no clue I take these pills. I go to all my appts and everythings is always great. I have had a 4d ultrasound and he is the prettiest little boy EVER. His heart, kidneys, all his organs are perfect via ultrasound. I just know this has to be the end of it all. I can't take anymore. I have tried my whole pregnancy to quit and never made it past day 1. My husband and I have talked and we are doing this together. We know in order to have a healthy baby this can not go on! I have been taking up to 30mg of hydro's or percs a day. Whichever we had. I take 15 mg at a time mostly a dose in the morning and a dose at night. Some days 45mgs but that is only like once a week. I do chew the pills when I take them to get a faster high. This is the first time I have admitted this and I feel terrible just writing it. I feel like I can't get up in the mornings without a pill just to clean, cook, play with my daughter or even have a good day. I have went maybe 2 days without a pill through my whole pregnancy and I do have withdrawals but I dont think they are as bad as most go through. I think mine is more mental and that is where my problem is. The physical is not great tho, I dont want to do anything, even be nice! And of course I am the sweetest person EVER when im high. No one knows about this besides my husband. I just need to STOP and I am so scared of not getting high anymore!!!!! I dont need preaching on withdrawals and pre term labor, or that I need to talk to my doctor. I am no doing that. I have tried weening myself off by cutting down the mgs everyday and I always do good until I am about done and then I just give up and do 15mgs again. I have to quit cold turkey there is no other way, I just need support, someone that was in my shoes. I hate these things, they consume my life, I live around them and this has to be the end...it has to be!!!!!!

[NeedsToStop8]

Still here and STILL off the pills! Went to the doctor yesterday and baby's heartbeat is perfect, my blood pressure is perfect and I havnt had ANY physical withdrawals in 4 days, now its a mind game. So I am done, over it! Yall wait for the verdict because im not telling my doctor. Me and baby are just fine! This thread is in no way here to try to talk another mom in my situation into going off pills without doctors advice, BUT I knew my body and how ive felt and what I could do to taper down safely.

[lynnalb15]

^^^ very true

[Texas50881234]

I don't want to beat a dead horse, but after dealing with several family members and myself being full-blown addicts, it is my personal experience that this young lady is walking on thin ice. I'm not saying she can't do this. BUT - alot of her responses and ideas remind me of my brother when he was going thru rehab 7 times. So many comments of them handling things "on their own" just throw up huge red flags. The last time my bro left rehab he said " I am a raging alcoholic and drug addict - I can't do this on my own - I am powerless". He has now been clean almost two years.

Now this guy had EVERYTHING in the world to stay sober for - he has a wife, two kids and was an excellent Nuerologist. The last time cost him his career and almost his family.

I shared this story just to prove no matter what we stand to loose, our sobriety has to come from the most humble part of our being

I just pray these children do not pay a horrible price for their moms decisions.

[justme1119]

Can anyone say, "nail on the head."  That said, a baby can be a powerful motivator. It can be a catalyst for change.  That mommy instinct is like nothing else.  Hope this is the case for this woman.

[Addicted2long]

How are doing? Hope it is going well for you

[Addicted2long]

Congrats on your clean time and your hard work to do what's best for the baby. I however have a different look at this than many people here. Most are worried about the baby but I'm more worried about you.  I have to ask where would you be if you were not pregnant?  Addicts can not successfully quit something unless they do it for themselves and nobody else. I was sent to rehab many times by my family before I wanted to be clean and it was just qyitting to make them happy. I didn't really want tl be clean at the time. If you were not pregnant you would not be forced to be clean and it seems the baby is the only reason you are doing this.  I could be wrong but you need to want tl do this for your self and not the 8 weeks clean ull have before u have your baby. You need to devlipe a plan and a good one or you'll be back tl your old ways within days of being home From the hospital. Your brain will tell you that u deserve a reward for being clean 8 weeks and you will justify it with that there is no longer any current danger in doing so seeing the baby has been born. But the truth ie there is. The real damage is to you not the baby. The life that is living and has others to take care of is more important. You need to realize that you are hurting yourself and get the help you need. If you aren't able to tell your ob you are certainly not ready to tell your family, an addiction doctor or those at NA or other programs who are willing to help you. I think you need to get the help you need and do it now or you are bound for relapse I hate to say it but trust me we wouldn't all be here if it was that easy.