Day 28..........

[wannabefreeagain]

Hi everyone........soooooooo today makes 28 days clean for me....which is 4 weeks....soooooo can that be considered a month ???  (smiles).  Anyhow...Im not going to bragg, but I do feel significantly better, thank you all for encouraging me thru all of my darkest days,  I just wanted to kill over....(smiles).   I know Im not healed completely, & will never be, I will only feel better, and better, & my life will get better & better.  Im not going to stay so focused on counting the clean days, I will say in the beginning of my journey,  I was counting the minutes, seconds, & hours, & days, with a tremendous amount of doom, time was not moving to me.  I felt like death., counting the hours, minutes, and days like that, was similar to how I used to count my pills...(smiles),  its crazy.  Now I can & will focus on the things Im doing to treat my disease, my church group, meetings, reading etc.  I am seeking my new joy, God will replace for me & my life, what he removed with them pills (smiles).  He always does.  Oh.....& I can also start to get my house chores back in order....wheh...its a mess..lol.   I will also go back to the track today.  Theres no looking back, just moving ahead.  Im not 100% yet, but Im better today,  hope it last. Still have no desire to use....thank god.  So everyone here keep fighting, you will come thru that dark hopeless tunnel, no matter what it looks like, or feels like.    Ill check back soon.

[wannabefreeagain]

HELLO.....Day 34 is here......     at least my mind is on other things than pills.  I still have no desire to want them at all,  I thank god for his mercy & grace.  Still fighting with the low energy, but overall, I am starting to feel better.  I totally understand when people on here  speak on how each time we quit, & detox, it gets worst & harder to come off.  The total damage it does to our entire body, & system, mainly our brains,....it is brutal.   This time around, I seriously was afraid that I had permanently damaged my brain...I thought it would never heal, and be normal again.  That was & is still very very scary.  I felt like I may needed to check myself in to a mental hospital....then after thinking about it...I got even more scared, thinking of the meds they would give me in there.  So I decided to just keep praying & waiting on god to deliver me.  I know I am not 100%, but I am working on healing my whole self inside out.  Church recovery groups, meetings, reading..& treating myself with total care.  It has to get better, I am moving and reaching forward, I hope everyone else is as well. If your knew here, please stay,  you will get knowledge on how to combat this disease.

[gnarly_1]

Hey Girl....well it is good to see the memory is fresh in your mind of how bad things got near the end and is something you dont want to forget EVER!!!!  it sounds like you have done this several times b/4 but recovery is a life long process your disease is always ready to pounce on you in weakness  like Sara always says keep your guard up  how is your church based recovery progam going???  I guess my question is 2 parts...do you think it is enough and do they address the healing of addiction behaviors???....some do some dont  if you find it is not enough N/A is out there  it is also a spiritual progam and like you I believe Jesus is my higher power... anyway keep posting and it will help your recovery to start to post to others......we cant keep it unless we give it away....anyway post back when you find the time  im interested in your church base recovery.........
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Gnarly<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

[wannabefreeagain]

Thankyou all, &amp;amp; gnarly, yes my church recovery is going good, I do feel like it is enough at this time.  I also did do a few meetings as well.  I mentioned in a previous post, that I am very familiar with the aa/na meetings they helped me kick another problem I had yrs ago &amp;amp; I am actually 12 yrs clean from as well.  The meetings helped me kick it, but The Lord delivered me from it.    I am close to my pastor, he actually married us.  So that makes talking to him even easier, Im grateful for that.  Yes we cover all the bases.  Well have great day all...I will chime back in later today,,,,Thank you all.

[wannabefreeagain]

lol...meant Thankyou gnarly......my typing seems to be doing its own thing today.

[dominosarah]

Just wanted to stop by and say Hi~

[Soulscapex]

Congrats on day 32, your post was so positive, it brings a smile to my face to read post like this.
God Bless

[SJS49]

I'm not jumping up and down either yet, but I feel better than I did yesterday. I think my bronchitis is finally starting to go away. Which is great. I'm not sure what you took your pills for, but My back is killing me really really bad today, I have some back issues and endometriosis, which is why I started taking Norcos, and the pain is still very real, and it ***** today. I took some ibuprofen with no avail haha. But I guess it's better than being sucked back into the pain pill cycle, which is horrible.

[wannabefreeagain]

Well hello all.....Im just saying hi I suppose.  Kinda bored, but really don't have the energy to do anything, so here I sit, watching tv.  But you know what.....even tho Im bored I still am sooooo grateful that I quit the pill game.  The bordem will pass, as time goes on....but I just think about the condition, & the position chasing those pills had me in.  Dear Lord, it was awful, I am soooo happy that I got the chance to quit again.. I had tried so many times before.  I will not forget how horrible the pill cycle is.....It had got really bad to me, because I was not getting the buzz any longer, I was to the point of trying to keep some in me, to ward off the withdrawal from setting in, its a serious full time job chasing & trying to make sure you have some to make it thru each day.  I couldn't even afford it financially, I knew it was coming to an end.  I could never keep enough for daily use, & everytime I got down to like 4,5,6 days worth I would panic and start thinking how I was gonna get more before Those would run out, I just didn't want to be sick or go into withdrawal.  OMG....the sweating, the aches & pains, the anxiety, couldn't eat, sleep was very lil to none....the shame...oh it all is very traumatizing to even thnk about, but I do remember everything I was going thru, and I was using.  So the pills I was taking were only so I wouldn't get sick.
....

[wannabefreeagain]

Well hello all.....Im just saying hi I suppose.  Kinda bored, but really don't have the energy to do anything, so here I sit, watching tv.  But you know what.....even tho Im bored I still am sooooo grateful that I quit the pill game.  The bordem will pass, as time goes on....but I just think about the condition, & the position chasing those pills had me in.  Dear Lord, it was awful, I am soooo happy that I got the chance to quit again.. I had tried so many times before.  I will not forget how horrible the pill cycle is.....It had got really bad to me, because I was not getting the buzz any longer, I was to the point of trying to keep some in me, to ward off the withdrawal from setting in, its a serious full time job chasing & trying to make sure you have some to make it thru each day.  I couldn't even afford it financially, I knew it was coming to an end.  I could never keep enough for daily use, & everytime I got down to like 4,5,6 days worth I would panic and start thinking how I was gonna get more before Those would run out, I just didn't want to be sick or go into withdrawal.  OMG....the sweating, the aches & pains, the anxiety, couldn't eat, sleep was very lil to none....the shame...oh it all is very traumatizing to even thnk about, but I do remember everything I was going thru, and I was using.  So the pills I was taking were only so I wouldn't get sick.
....

[SJS49]

Good, I'm glad that you are also getting better. We are close in clean time so it's nice to see another's progress as well. As soon as I get over my bronchitis, I think I will feel much better. I felt great until I got this, then everything just plummetted. I worked all day yesterday and then went home and cleaned my entire house and did laundry, and I think I over did it a little because I'm exhausted today. I'm also glad that I quit. I don't have any desire for them either, except when I get cramps from endomentriosis, which I feel coming. It kind of ***** because that pain is still very real, but I will get by fine with out it. I will just have to find something else that works for me that is NON ADDICTIVE, which is hard, because everything is addictive.

[wannabefreeagain]

Hi....this is day 32 .......Not jumping up & down with joy just yet, but I def. feel better physically & mentally.  I am totally happy that I quit the pills, I do not miss them at all.  

[SJS49]

Good job! I'm on day 23, and have bronchitis and just feel like crap with no energy and some depression. I think I might feel a little better today. The hardest part for me is still in the morning, but once I get going at work, I feel better. I don't even think about the pills really anymore at all. I'm glad that you are feeling better. Is your head/brain feeling any better at all? Mine still feels a little "weird" but is slowly getting back to normal.

[wannabefreeagain]

Hi sjs49.....good for you!...I totally understand, because I still have low energy.  Once I push myself to get moving, it does help. Far as the mental thing....well it is slowly healing, not at 100% but I can tell it is slowly healing.  Im not jumping up & down with joy, but I am very happy I quit.   I don't have any desire to use, which is very good.  So I know my mood, energy & my mental health will return.  But I am better than I was while on the pills, & Im better overall than I was 2 weeks ago.  So I try to live my days as normal as I can, while I wait for everything to balance back out,  it has to get better.  Im not looking back.

[dominosarah]

Congrats on 31 days!!  You are doing awesome!

[gnarly_1]

Hey Girl  how you doing???? please post to let us know...
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Gnarly<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

[wannabefreeagain]

Well hi gnarly & everyone.....Im still hanging on, Ive been focusing on my recovery.  thankyou for checking, but things are getting better.  I do have a month now, well today makes day number 31.  just staying busy.......still have no desire to use...thank god.  

[gnarly_1]

Hey Girl look at you....well it took a good month for you to find recovery but here it is...im happy for you it will keep getting better and better God plays a huge roll for those that believe.....I came to a better understanding of my Christian faith detoxing off the methadone  I was dope sick for 90 friggin days I would have failed if it wasent for God just keep the faith.....have you checked out N/A or A/A yet ???? it will give you the life skills that most addicts dont have something no other progam can offer the addict.....anyway you can pick up your first 2 keytags one for those under 30 days and a 30 day I have collected a full set  as always keep posting for support
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Gnarly<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

[Jenr32star]

Awesome!!!  Congrats and keep up the good work.  28 days is amazing!

[vicki595]

Hey there- it would be better if you add your comments and questions to THIS thread; it makes it easier for everyone to follow you.

You sound good. Once you hit the track again your energy will increase. Also, time is the answer along with a proper amount of sleep.  One month is great though! You've got this.