7 years later im ready !

[DefectedI]

My question is this . Its day two of Slowly coming off of Oxy and percocet  ! I dropped 12.5 the other day so that's one 10 Oxy and half a percocet . Today even though I had 2 10s my head feels buzzed out is this normal ? I am fed up with pain meds !

The only reason I am coming off it is that I hate the drug so much now I don't even care for it ! I was wondering even from coming off the drug slowly for a week will I experience withdraws no matter what ? Today Im dropping 10 mil again . Tomorrow even more .

The next step is getting off of ambient as Iv been on sleeping meds for 7 years as well ! I got rid of the ambien CR and got the instant kind so I can slowly tapper off this drug as well !! Wasted so much life on addiction !! Cant think today and .  who ever reads this will have a hard time . Sorry

I plan to be med free in 1 week

[DefectedI]

I realized God is the only one who can save me from my addiction . I gave my life to Christ last-night and by his grace , Christ will work in my life . God is all I got !

[DefectedI]

I did drop in Ambient and when I drop even 2.5 I felt a lot better the next day and since the instant Ambien gets out the system faster I feel less depressed .. But because im still on Ambien depression lingers - 2 days ago for some strange reason I woke up and felt amazing ! Life felt Good and everything made me happy ! I wanted that day to stay ... I don't know what I did the other day for me to feel that way !! Did I sleep better was it something I had eaten was it prayer ... All I know is that day felt right ! I could of taken nothing that day and felt normal !! Thanks for your words of encouragement

[DefectedI]

cant seem to brake from the last stretch .

[DefectedI]

I'm ok thanks for asking .... back up to 3 10s and 3 perc :) Depression was to much . I tired to get help for my addiction but it cost to much .

[readynow81]

Hello friend . How  are you doing?

[readynow81]

Hey. I've caught up reading your posts.... I'm  really sorry that you're having such a hard time. I  know that these past 6 months or so, I've been a little depressed. I've also been edgy and angry at times. I think now,  I can say it was BECAUSE of the pills. It got to a point where I was taking them just to feel "normal" , I wasn't getting high. I knew what I needed to  do-  QUIT . But at that time, in those first few months I talked myself out of it. Thinking about quitting made me depressed. I didn't know how I would enjoy anything again. I was afraid of wds. I took a pill to do everything.. get up , to clean, to go to the store, for family visits...any thing was a reason to take a pill. And finally, I just had enough. I wanted ME  back enough to put the pills down. I knew it would be hard. But life would only get worse if I continued.
You have to be brave. You have to dig really deep. You have to be willing to fight for yourself.
I can tell you, that very close to one week later, I'm NOT sad.I am really clear headed, im feeling FREE, and by that i mean i am no longer chained to a pill  bottle, no more counting, no more negotiating with myself. No more prescription! i told my doctor "I dont want that garbage anymore" on friday, and then spilled my guts!   it felt awesome, beyond words really. I'm just saying that it is possible . I know its hard, I know its scary. The wds do suck, but then again doesn't your situation right now? Atleast with the wds they go away, it gets better. You can bet on that. I promise you. But keeping on this path will not improve any aspect of your life. I promise you that too. I don't want to come across sounding like I'm cured or something after nearly a week, BUT a positive attitude will get you  sooo far. I know that now.
Please be brave. Do this for you.You just have to have faith and know you will be ok. If you need more help, thats ok too. talk to your doctor.i just want you to be safe and healthy. and happy wouldnt be so bad either. takea deep breath, or a few. dont let this  consume you. and im right here if you need anything.

[DefectedI]

Rem sleep is important so what would be the best time to sleep ? Iv been up everynight until 4am or 5 am for a year now .

take an Ambien at 12/11pm then later I would take 2 percs .

[DefectedI]

I took 10 mils and my depression is at bay some what ... I will look into that stuff . Is it like Anti-depressants ? Woke up today at 1pm feel asleep at 5 am but I feel like I only slept 3 hours tops non even . Should I just go to bed at 11:pm even if I'm not sleepy ?

[Frivolousz21]

go get a bottle of 100 mg   5 htp and immediately start taking 3 pills a day every 5 hours.

[DefectedI]

My nightmare last night was just awful and I will not go into detail ... Very dark and I feel depressed from that dream

[DefectedI]

feeling extremely depressed is this normal when you drop in meds ? Even dreams are nightmares ....

[DefectedI]

Tapering seems to toy with my emotions more . And I feel tapering will make my depression last a lot longer . I never really understood how people felt when they where depressed but wow I understand it now .

I just want to let go and free fall .

[DefectedI]

I was on the piano today playing the piano but I am so depressed its hard to play happy music . All I'm writing is depressing songs ... My emotions are connected to my music but I hate depressing music I like Happy haven sent music . I would love to do that but I feel my music would people right now  ...

[Frivolousz21]

Don't quit your taper.

In a month I got from 120 mg a day to 10 mg a day.

yeah there were times when the WD was terrible.

I actually would see how far I could handle the WD knowing I had pills if it go to bad.

by the end I was half of 7.5 mg vics and starting to get "high" so then I quit.

[Jaybay]

You mentioned on another thread that you are a musician.  Can you add your musical talent to that church group you mentioned above?  It's a great distraction, and distraction is something you really need right now.  You know yourself that music is a great way to deal with emotion, and you're going to be very emotional for quite a while as you get clean and sober and your body chemistry settles down.  Your music is just waiting there to be tapped.  Use it!

[DefectedI]

I took 3 10s today .... So I guess that is that . Ambien I took 7.5 last-night I could just stop or take 5.0 tonight then 2.5 the next so its not a big stop or just go to 2.5 tonight then that's it . Man I hate that I got on this stuff ! If I every have a family one day and I notice a child with addiction I will put him in Jail even if he hates me .

[quitinoxys]

Thats the spirit go for it and quit now, the w/d's won't kill you just make you feel like crap for a few days. Tapering is very difficult, I know I would not be able to do it, so go for it and you will get your life back. I know you can do it and I am pulling for you. I will pray God gives you the strenght to make it through to the other side---Rick

[DefectedI]

My doctor knows I have an addiction and we talked about it . I told her if I just stopped what would happen ( She told me I would be ok but would feel awful ) I don't have the cash for Rehab centers - Iv been looking for a church group

[DefectedI]

Hey we can do this I just hate the depression I feel ... Everything feels so dark and scary - I cant keep taking Ambien its messing up my head - Oxy makes me depressed now - the both are evil little pills that cause me depression more then I can handle .


Stopping is a must I rather Die from withdraw then take in more days of depression . Life is a Good place to be I know it is ! Im sick of feeling like this "I HATE IT" My flesh wants pills my Soul is asking me to stop !

I think im going to stop right now !! I say bring on the pain from withdraw I want my life back !!

[quitinoxys]

What did the hospital say when you went there? Did they want to admit you into rehab? Be careful about taking other drugs to lessen the effects of w/d. It could actually make things worse for you. Are you working with a doctor during your taper? I know I am asking a lot of questions but this info will help all of us here help you through all of this---Rick

[DefectedI]

If I went to the hospital and told then to let me stay there for a few days until I fleshed from these drugs would they do this ? I don't want rehab I just want to get off it now but I worry about withdraws  = making things depressed . Now I do have Zoloft and could take that now until I get though the withdraws .

[DefectedI]

Im still at 3 10s and 2 percs .... Depression is making me stay on the Oxy but I know Ambien is messing up my victory . Almost like Ambien is keeping me on the pain meds and the pain meds are keeping on the Ambien .

[diglio]

So much emotional pain and suffering. I actually broke down reading these words of inspiration. I have struggled off and on for years with hydro. It really got bad when I got divorced 2 years ago......everyday 15 to 25 pills. I really think I've kept going the last year is to keep from going through wd cause I know what's waiting for me! I've cut down but absolutely dread stopping. I'm going to run out soon. It's official...I'm in love!