80 days and still here but draggin my *ss.

[spider6]

Hey guys, I've been reading and noticing a lot of peeps just haven't been around much lately,
myself included.  I've been reading but I just couldn't bring myself to post....feel like I'm not
that positive lately and don't want to be a downer.....uuugghghghghhhh too many words. (teeny grin)

I'm just kinda not here like ever, I'm not listening and I'm still having overwhelming feelings of "don't touch
me, just stay over there".  .......can't focus.  I for sure have a "time of day" when all bets are off and I
just don't give a f*ck what anyone thinks, this means, "don't touch me, just stay over there, and oh ya...
shut the f*ck up!!!!!!"

I've been talked into watching my 2yr. old grandson for three days a week and ohhhhh man, I'm
just too old for this sh*t.....I love him so much but he ***** every bit of energy I have in a very short
time.  

I really don't have a question just wanted to say, everyone who's going through this now or has gone through
this phase...."being a recovering addict is NOT for p*ssy's!!!

Hang tight soldiers and trudge forward and on!!!  You are all so amazing and still my inspiration!
Mmmmmwwwwaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!
giant hugs.
xo
:o}

[hlpplse]

LMAO on your post.

[Kbusymom]

Thank you for the laugh; your post is hysterical!!  We would def need large amounts of chocolate :)

[katmandu516]

Hey Spidey girl! Damn I just had to join this conversation and wish you a HUGE Congratulations on 80 days clean. Totally awesome!!! You have a lot of people who care about you...just ask my finger that had to scroll for an hour before I got to the end!! lol... But just for sh__ts and giggles (don't wanna get censored for saying sh*t), When the thought of all us girls coming togethers with PAWS in a room together, I got a flashback from one of my favorite movies..Fatso with Dom Deluise and Anne Bancroft. He joined that group for fat people. Then when he needed help he called his sponsors and they came over and they had a big relapse and ate everything in sight, calling for takeout, baking cakes...lmfao!! Only we wouldn't be doing it with food. Just a funny thought..
Anyhoo....I'm so sorry you are still suffering. Please know I am always here for you. And I know what you mean about grandchildren. I have one that's 8 and has ADHD, and one who is 10 months old. I just can't imagine having either one for 3 days right now. I would have a nervous breakdown. I would make something up like you came down with the flu, or you caught something catchy...just to get out of it. I love my grandchildren dearly, but I have to get through this myself, with no undo stress put upon me. Still getting massive headaches. One day at a time girlfriend, and PM me if you need to talk....always here for you spidey girl. Sending big gigantor hugs your way....Kat

[msdelight]

PAWS Party!!! Ha-larious! LMAO!  Does anyone know a good cliff side resort where we could throw it? Just don't touch me or talk to me ok? And BTW shut up and go F yourself!! We're in the middle of a good cry right now! Oh wtait, someone is laughing over there! Where the hell is the chocolate!

[hlpplse]

Congratulations on your time , I am way behind you and feel the same in fact this weekend a shut the f$$ck up fell out of my mouth with no warning towards my poor hubby... And the don't touch me, girl I could join the sisterhood right now and be happy to never be touched again. Thank you for your post it made me laugh... I'd back out of the babysitting and put your needs first. God Bless Ill pray for you, I hope you feel better soon:)

[Kbusymom]

You are too funny !! I think we all need some humor, at least I do.
My taper is faster than I'd like, but the dr. extended it a week, so it's a 5 week taper.   I feel like I'm back in WD mode again though, I was starting to feel physically better from the opiate WD and then BAM, started this one.  The benzos  are physically worse, but that's easier than the mental thing with the opiates.
Thanks for asking, you hang in there!  We all need your spunk on here.

[spider6]

Meegy, thank you for your support girl, I do appreciate it.........and might I say I love your sense of humour and your writing....I know I've told you that before but I just read some of your stuff again this morning and was reminded of the fact.
Bless you girl!
hugs.xo

[spider6]

hey 55 days today!!! congrats girl...huge props to you. :o}
Thanks for the giggle and the "uplift".  
You're doing great too eh? (with the numbers I mean), everything else is still teetering but we haven't gone over the edge yet.

hugs out ...(errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh) <-------- that's a big hug. xo
:o}

[spider6]

Digger!!!!

Hahahahaha....hey you're really funny! Love it.....nothin sexier than a man with a great sense of humour..........unless of course he can fix stuff or at the very least have a slew of friends who are in the "trades".  

...love the image of the lioness "shoulder movement".  :o}

hugs man, thank you for the vote of confidence.
from what I've seen, you are a pretty well loved and respected dude around here.
giant squeezin hugs!!
xo

[digger1976]

Now I have an image of all you crazy girls in a room doing the lioness shoulder movement, moving in for the kill, haha!

[digger1976]

Hey Spidy, I too read an run, nothing to say, unless it's got something funny I can bounce off! I just struggle to find the right words latley, I still try but usually fail, my delete key has a plaster on it, IT'S SORE! Lol. Just know it does get better, when I'm not sure I'm still trying to figure that one out! We must believe tomorrow will get get better some day, one day, any day, tomorrow's good for me god if your listening, I'm free tomorrow, haha! Keep your head up my friend, we got this, love and respect to ya, always, ;)

[VICourageous]

You just crack me up!!! I can see a bunch of people together all in one room going through PAWS or even the Mental Part of the Detox when we start feeling good Physically.. I told my Hub to put up a Boxing Bag on the porch..I am Laughing to hard and it is very late..What in the heck am I doing up!! lol
I know girl it is hard when we used most of our lives and we are not 20 anymore..Oh Boy!! What did we do to ourselves..Daaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!! lmao

[spider6]

Heeeyyyyy!!!!
Good morning!   Awww thanks for your words... wish you were here.

hahaha....okay I'm really laughing....wtf.....10 mos....over a year......hahaha.....do you ever watch "dateline" or "investigative reports"
(murder mysterys)........my family and friends won't last that long. :oD

No, God love ya.....I know you're right...I've been reading your posts and unfortunately you are educated. :o}   Thanks girl.

how are you doing?????
much hugs xo

[spider6]

omg you make me laugh....you managed to say in one paragraph what
took me FIVE to spit out.  LOL

Thank you for every word though....really mean that, hearing that someone is going through the exact same thing is encouraging.  

God, can you imagine a bunch of friends all getting together for a visit and we all are having PAWS!  hahahaha  that could be a real sh*t storm or .....we'd all be sitting in our own corners, just waiting for someone to give us the ole "stink eye" so we had a reason to pounce.  (there's gotta be a joke in there somewhere)

Anyway......giant "bubble hugs" girl.....we can do this!!!!

***oh question.....Is your "verbal censor" off???  I seem to be not really
caring what I say to people lately, maybe even being insensitive.

[spider6]

haha, that's nice right? You get to go home.........ugggghhhhhh, I can't do that as we all live together. lol (what was I thinking)  :o}

[spider6]

Hey lil Bear!!!! lol
God I love and look forward to your posts......it's like a direct line of energy right straight up to Canada!  Thank you for your words....always!  I hope you are loving having your mom so close. (jealous) :o}

I get what you're saying about "toddlers", it's a whole different kind of "pooped".  At least when they're teens you can tell them to get the h*ll out of you face when you've had enough of them. lol
uuuuuggggghhhhhh....kids are idiots........I mean that.....and for as long as they're your kids, they will always be idiots.

Love ya girl!!!!!  keep knockin em outta the park!!!!!  85days????? yay!!
hugs xoxoxo

[VICourageous]

Spider Girl..I just knew there was a reason for me to come take a surf this late at night..OMG I remember this all to well..3-6-8-9 WTF when am I going to have some interest in doing something or when will I come out of my Safe Place..leave me alone please. I set up so many Boundaries that no one could come near..lol BUT after I got past the 10th to over a Year that was the best corner turned. Now-Now my Emotional roller ride came in the worse at 7-9 months..So maybe yours is on right now and well be over sooner..I sure pray it will be..Remember that it takes TIME for our Brains to readjust back from the removal of these Substances..AND we are no young Chics Flocking around in the Back Yard anymore. I wish the best my Friend and just keep on trucking forward and Do Not look back..YOU have come along way Bay-Beeeee!!!!
Bless!

[spider6]

Thank you so much for your input.  I know what a tough time you are
going through too.  I had a 13+yrs love affair with xanax back in the 80-90's.  F*ckin nightmare!  I had to c/t, no choice.  I really thought I was
going to die.  I'm soooooooo glad you are doing your taper....how's it going with the ativan?  slow and steady wins the race.  :o}
keep rockin it girl.
hugs xo

[spider6]

...thank you Rosy for always being so sweet.
and. 100!!!!! Awesome!......it's a nice number eh?
hugs xo

[spider6]

Aww Teri,
you're another one that has such high spirits for such a teeny soul.  I know you're having a tough time of it....I hope you're able to eat better lately?????  Not to mention your sleep......are you getting a bit more?

As much as you give to others...remember to replenish and give back to
yourself.  We (MH) don't need you to be runnin out of that "pluck" that has
lifted so many of us even while you have been down. Thank you for being "that" girl.
Love ya tons!  :o} xo

[spider6]

hahaha, I knew I wasn't the only one who did that.......(takin care of business, while takin care of business)  :o}

Feel better and eyes on the prize.
spider.

[spider6]

thank you so much tooter, so kind when you're having your own problems.
True test of character when you can still 'give of yourself" when you are
in so much pain or discomfort too. hugs xo

I hope you have got the ambien situation solved. I know you were going to go c/t.  I'll have to catch up on your feeds. Hope you had a better night and
are about to have an awesome day. :o}

[PillyJilly]

Awwwww so sorry that the road is so rocky for you right now spider .You really helped me when I needed encouragment...Bless You (((hugs)))

[bahamamama13165]

Spider, I feel your pain :-) I'm at 130 days (over 4 months) and I still have NO energy.  and about 60 % of the time I feel like I could bite someone's head off.  I have a 9 yr old and a VERY active 5 year old, by the end of the day I'm screaming at them.  It *****.  I wish someone could tell me when I'm going to feel better. ugh!