Aa
81 days for me!!!!
I have been doing good....but my marriage isn't the day I decided to get clean...my husband didn't want to...he said he was old..(43)....and working 12 hrs.is hard on you....we were both going to pain clinic at that time...I have not been back....I told him it was gonna be hard for me to get clean if he didn't...he didn't want to but says he is.....we have not been right since. Something is not right.....now he told me he has a appointment Monday to go back to pain doctor....I. am so upset....I have a rough 3 months now he wants to go and do this...knowing I have quit....any advice. Please
Congratulations on your 81 days! Don't throw it away, for me the worst feeling in the world was having 2 years clean and then relapsing. I hated myself! I suggest NarcAnon for you. It helps the non-user cope with the addict and the support they offer may help you stay clean. You can't change anyone else, they have to do it. You can help them if they want help (shouldn't even do that until you have few years under your belt) but you aren't going to make him stop. But you can keep yourself from relapsing. Do what you have to do and what happens, happens. I'm praying for you, Good Luck and Don't Give Up!!!!
Hi Great Job tink...I was going to say that too, PorVida..The light shines through you and they will want what you have..
SmilingBright is right too..Give it to God..He works in many strange ways..
They all have great advise..Sooo CONGRATULATIONS...It just gets BETTER and BRIGHTER ...............
vickie
DITTO..OpenMind Good!
SmilingBright is right too..Give it to God..He works in many strange ways..
They all have great advise..Sooo CONGRATULATIONS...It just gets BETTER and BRIGHTER ...............
vickie
DITTO..OpenMind Good!
Congratulations on your new life tinkerbell. You're an inspiration and you've helped so many on this forum.
Sorry to hear about the relationship trouble. If you say nothing to him, your silence can really be deafening, and effective to your cause. Try to look at it as the Al-anon slogan "live and let live". I know that's not easy to put up with what you're putting up with now. Been there myself back in October. I quit everything and my wife still carries on to this day. It can be a great struggle to grant our loved ones the dignity to make decisions for themselves and then allow them to deal with the results. That's the "let live" part. When we do this exercise, it frees us to to enjoy the fruits of our recent positive efforts. In your case you're clean and you're not enjoying your sobriety because of his continued using. Not fair to you at all!
It's your turn in the sun my friend. You earned it. And that's the live part. The live part is very important to our continued sobriety. This is what our lives depend on. Both you and I. By getting ourselves out of the way we allow others to be themselves, meanwhile we're freeing ourselves from all kinds of burdens that were never ours to carry in the first place. Those burdens belong to him and ONLY him. We have enough burdens on our own keeping clean this early in our sobriety. Making a life for ourselves, regardless of what others are doing or not doing, must be our top priority in order to live. Other ppl are not the only ones who merit our respect. We deserve to treat ourselves with dignity. We have a right to really "live" kiddo. (And if it takes you getting a blackbelt in Al-anon, thats what you do :-)
Also, other posters above say to be the example. This is so true. He's going to see you happy, clean, not worried about running out of the DOC anymore...(list goes on) and someday he's going to want some of that too. Enjoy your new life, you deserve it and your worth it.
Sorry to hear about the relationship trouble. If you say nothing to him, your silence can really be deafening, and effective to your cause. Try to look at it as the Al-anon slogan "live and let live". I know that's not easy to put up with what you're putting up with now. Been there myself back in October. I quit everything and my wife still carries on to this day. It can be a great struggle to grant our loved ones the dignity to make decisions for themselves and then allow them to deal with the results. That's the "let live" part. When we do this exercise, it frees us to to enjoy the fruits of our recent positive efforts. In your case you're clean and you're not enjoying your sobriety because of his continued using. Not fair to you at all!
It's your turn in the sun my friend. You earned it. And that's the live part. The live part is very important to our continued sobriety. This is what our lives depend on. Both you and I. By getting ourselves out of the way we allow others to be themselves, meanwhile we're freeing ourselves from all kinds of burdens that were never ours to carry in the first place. Those burdens belong to him and ONLY him. We have enough burdens on our own keeping clean this early in our sobriety. Making a life for ourselves, regardless of what others are doing or not doing, must be our top priority in order to live. Other ppl are not the only ones who merit our respect. We deserve to treat ourselves with dignity. We have a right to really "live" kiddo. (And if it takes you getting a blackbelt in Al-anon, thats what you do :-)
Also, other posters above say to be the example. This is so true. He's going to see you happy, clean, not worried about running out of the DOC anymore...(list goes on) and someday he's going to want some of that too. Enjoy your new life, you deserve it and your worth it.
Just wanted to say that PorVida makes an excellent point about leading by example. My experience, and I'm sure most people's is that exhortations and ultimatums do little to positively impact a situation. Leading by example -- i.e. being the change you want to see -- is powerful, powerful mojo.
Porvida I was going to say something along the same lines...People will not get clean until they are ready to do it for them self. However, recovery can be very attractive, so just keep doing what you're doing and setting a good example.
A lot is involved in marriage- it's tricky at best but If it comes down to it...you should always put yourself and your clean time first, no matter what - even if it means you may have to remove yourself from that situation. Only you can make that call (obviously ;) and you'll intuitively know if/when it's time to make some changes. Wishing you guys the best :)
A lot is involved in marriage- it's tricky at best but If it comes down to it...you should always put yourself and your clean time first, no matter what - even if it means you may have to remove yourself from that situation. Only you can make that call (obviously ;) and you'll intuitively know if/when it's time to make some changes. Wishing you guys the best :)
As you know, until someone is ready to quit there is little you can do to change that. I am a big believer in positive reinforcement and showing people that there is another way to live, through our own actions instead of words.
Keep doing what you are doing and living clean. Hopefully, he will see that you are happier and life is better and will want that too. Just make sure he knows you will support him whenever he is ready.
I know being a man, it is very hard, almost impossible to ask for help, especially from a spouse. We are supposed to be strong and have everything under control. Asking for help feels like we are being weak.
Keep doing what you are doing and living clean. Hopefully, he will see that you are happier and life is better and will want that too. Just make sure he knows you will support him whenever he is ready.
I know being a man, it is very hard, almost impossible to ask for help, especially from a spouse. We are supposed to be strong and have everything under control. Asking for help feels like we are being weak.
Oh A,
I didn't realize u are in same situation. Crying now. Thanks to having my emotions back.
It's so hard!!! I will not go backwards. But I can never leave my hubby's side. I just have to believe that he says he will start tapering like I did and that I'm paving the way for him.
That's why ur bf was so interested in how I was feeling!!! He can do this!!!!! My heart aches u guys. Crying.....
I didn't realize u are in same situation. Crying now. Thanks to having my emotions back.
It's so hard!!! I will not go backwards. But I can never leave my hubby's side. I just have to believe that he says he will start tapering like I did and that I'm paving the way for him.
That's why ur bf was so interested in how I was feeling!!! He can do this!!!!! My heart aches u guys. Crying.....
Hey!
Congratulations on your hard-won 81 days! Fantastic! I have particular sympathy for you & anyone who wants to get clean where both SO's are addicts. It's so hard. I'm in a relationship like that myself. I've got 87 off Methadone/67 off subs. The excuse that he's old is just that -- an excuse.That's the way he wants to see it. There are people on this site w/all sorts of multiple health issues & cross- addictions in their '50's and '60's who are drug free. My partner knows, though, that I'm serious as a heart attack about being clean - that if push comes to shove, my 'cleaness' comes first. It took many years to get to this point but I've had to face the fact that I might very well have to move out. Even if the other partner tries to be supportive - (as mine does) - when you get sober, you see things differently. It's hard but true. You've got to remind yourself that you're not the problem here. The simple truth is you're in different places, now. For me the option of going backwards just to stay in the relationship is not even on the table. How could I? Knowing and understanding what I do now? I couldn't help him when I was using -- (couldn't help myself for that matter!) and I can't really help him now unless the primary, overwhelming motivation (and that's really what it take isn't it?) comes from him. I know it's hard but part of recovery is looking at things in the clear light of day. I've often found that things that seem like a curse now are often blessings later and that the reverse is often true, as well. There's no easy answer to this. Try looking into the future. What do you realistically see down the line w/him? What would your future look like w/ a 'clean' partner or alone? Just think about it for now and maybe leave the house when he calls his guy or gets his refill. Treat yourself well and please keep coming to the site. It's a huge asset. I'll light a candle for you tonight!
Congratulations on your hard-won 81 days! Fantastic! I have particular sympathy for you & anyone who wants to get clean where both SO's are addicts. It's so hard. I'm in a relationship like that myself. I've got 87 off Methadone/67 off subs. The excuse that he's old is just that -- an excuse.That's the way he wants to see it. There are people on this site w/all sorts of multiple health issues & cross- addictions in their '50's and '60's who are drug free. My partner knows, though, that I'm serious as a heart attack about being clean - that if push comes to shove, my 'cleaness' comes first. It took many years to get to this point but I've had to face the fact that I might very well have to move out. Even if the other partner tries to be supportive - (as mine does) - when you get sober, you see things differently. It's hard but true. You've got to remind yourself that you're not the problem here. The simple truth is you're in different places, now. For me the option of going backwards just to stay in the relationship is not even on the table. How could I? Knowing and understanding what I do now? I couldn't help him when I was using -- (couldn't help myself for that matter!) and I can't really help him now unless the primary, overwhelming motivation (and that's really what it take isn't it?) comes from him. I know it's hard but part of recovery is looking at things in the clear light of day. I've often found that things that seem like a curse now are often blessings later and that the reverse is often true, as well. There's no easy answer to this. Try looking into the future. What do you realistically see down the line w/him? What would your future look like w/ a 'clean' partner or alone? Just think about it for now and maybe leave the house when he calls his guy or gets his refill. Treat yourself well and please keep coming to the site. It's a huge asset. I'll light a candle for you tonight!
First of all congrats on your 81 days clean. Makes my 9 look skimpy. Great Job on that.
Second , I'm
In tears over your situation w ur hubby. As I'm in the same boat as u are. My hubby and I both took opiates I finally decided I couldnt wait for him to quit w me. That I needed to quit this junk whether he followed my lead or not.
So my heart breaks for u. Please dont give up on him. Pray for him to come around as im doing w my hubby. I can't push him to quit if he doenst want to. My hubby says he's proud of me. But I'm
Trying to not be to pushy w him. U know?? If u put it in Gods hands I truly beleive He can change things for us!!!! (tears). Don't give up the fight!!!! Im w u on this!!! Yes it *****. Yes it's hard!! Very very hard. But I know God can get us through this!!
You got me crying over here. U can pm anytime. I'd love to chat w someone go is going through what I'm going through.
Hugs!!! Don't give up. Congrats on your clean time!!!!!
Second , I'm
In tears over your situation w ur hubby. As I'm in the same boat as u are. My hubby and I both took opiates I finally decided I couldnt wait for him to quit w me. That I needed to quit this junk whether he followed my lead or not.
So my heart breaks for u. Please dont give up on him. Pray for him to come around as im doing w my hubby. I can't push him to quit if he doenst want to. My hubby says he's proud of me. But I'm
Trying to not be to pushy w him. U know?? If u put it in Gods hands I truly beleive He can change things for us!!!! (tears). Don't give up the fight!!!! Im w u on this!!! Yes it *****. Yes it's hard!! Very very hard. But I know God can get us through this!!
You got me crying over here. U can pm anytime. I'd love to chat w someone go is going through what I'm going through.
Hugs!!! Don't give up. Congrats on your clean time!!!!!
Hi TB , You can take pride in yourself , your a better you.
I hope your husband will see how your life is better now . Maybe that will make him think of quiting . Keep fighting , stay strong ... Ron
I hope your husband will see how your life is better now . Maybe that will make him think of quiting . Keep fighting , stay strong ... Ron
I am sorry to hear about your marriage situation. There is so much stress and work involved in getting clean, I can't imagine having to deal with relationship problems too. I don't know anything about your personal situation and cant really give you advise about what to do, but I DO know that 81 days clean is SO great and that you should be very proud of this.
Please cherish and protect this sobriety - for YOU - you worked so hard for it I am sure. Just wanted to send a little support your way and wish you the best of luck with everything . . .
Julie
Please cherish and protect this sobriety - for YOU - you worked so hard for it I am sure. Just wanted to send a little support your way and wish you the best of luck with everything . . .
Julie
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