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A big giant hug to all in this community

I just wanted to give a big giant hug and thank you to this wonderful community. I was here back in 2011-12 for help getting off prescription a lot of oxy from a pill mill doctor who thought back pain do to very physical job was the answer. I never knew about withdrawal until I found this community cause I went the hard way and threw my pills out. Was sick of the whole monthly counting pills. I quit going to that doctor and luckily he lost his license! So in 2013 I lost my dear daughter and still didn't use cause remembering those withdrawals...no, no, no!! Since the loss of my daughter my life has never been the same and never will be. It forced a divorce, broke up families and tore my heart out. I did many grieving classes and one on one counseling. Then came health problems of "ulcerative" collitis which my pain I finally gave in to the narcotic pills while undergoing testing. They would dull the pain and harden the stools. I was on them 5 and 1/2 months. I found a new natural powder with many other natural pills, vitamins to control the colon inflammation and less frequent bleeding/diahrea. Fast forward...I lost 36 pounds threw this ordeal and threw out my pills July 4th! I had another awakening to find this website and was so glad and amazed at how helpful the members here are...especially you "old timers" gnarly! Domino Sarah! VicCourageous! Cleaninks! Just to name a few!! You guys are truly Saints and have a gift of helping so so many thru each post!! Please know...even though I didn't post while in the underworld of withdrawals I read and used the advice you all so dearly and unselfishly offer to people seeking their freedom from these pills/addiction. I felt obligated to just say thank you for getting me thru my dark dark days of pain. Its been since July 4th and I'm finally back on the other side. I still have pain and more testing but I would rather live with it instead of ever going thru withdrawals again! To all of you reading and wondering if you can do it or are currently doing it..You Can Do It I Promise! You just have to want it and be patient with your body!! Christ carried his cross while having the skin beaten from his body, spit on, mocked, and stoned. Then hung there after being nailed to that cross before dying for us. Yet still he said father forgive them for they no not what they do! Unreal pain there! Hang in there everyone, you got this!! Do not give up!!! Just for today, that's it!! With much love and prayers for you all! You will make it!
12 Responses
Avatar universal
Hi.....well good to see you post......im so sorry to here this disease resurfaced in you life again but your clean once again....the best advise I have for you is Aftercare it is the only thing that keeps a old dope fiend like me clean....for us pills are not a option you have to become a member of the '''I dont pick up no mater what club''... opiets will always be a tuff nut to crack....I feel we open up parts of our brain God never intended us to open....once we do this the pills and our disease will always try to lure us back in...there are many forms of aftercare out there....a therapist a substance abuse counselor the pastor of your church and 12 step progams like A/A or N/A   N/a has been the magic bullet for this addict  with time going to meetings working the steps I no longer have the desire to use....something I thought was impossible...this is why I recamend it to every addict  it treats the addict that is alive and well inside us waited for the chance to suck us back in....I am also a Christian like yourself you may also want to check into celebration recovery  it is a Christian based progam and I have heard good things about it....anyway dont be a stranger where still out here to help  this disease likes to isolate us into the hopeless world of active addiction  with time clean you will realize this is a ''we'' progam not a ''I'' progam keep posting for support...
..>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Gnarly<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Avatar universal
Gnarly, you always post solid advice. I live in the same area (well Scottsdale) and would love to sometime meet you! You are a solid non judge mental person who gets it and your willingness to help others is truly a blessing to so many. I'm heavily involved in my church and am lucky enough to have trusted dear friends who have helped me along the way! I just marvel at you unselfishly helping others for so long! Maybe that's your purpose and calling by God in this life, but I had to reach out and thank you and others on this forum for the silent support I've received from this community! I couldn't get into my old account and that's why I made a new one! I've learned a lot from here and it is way too easy to fall back into the mind numb of opiates!! I'm still in discomfort with my stomach but I refuse to use opiates! I pray for all on here and just know....Rome wasn't built in a day! But be proud of every day clean...it is a life long struggle! I also got private messages that were crossing the line. God bless you all!
Avatar universal
To clarify, crossing the line on my old account the years prior!
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi and welcome back!  It was so nice to see you back.  Wish the circumstances were better for you but you found your way home.  Life hasnt been very good to you but you have found your will to live again and it shows.  I am glad to hear you have reached out for help with your grieving.  It is so important to face our emotions head on.  Rely on your faith, your support groups and your friends, you are so worth it~
Avatar universal
Thank you Domino! Big hugs your way! My life/story is so complex that to explain the pain would crash this server. But by the grace of God I'm still alive. I'm a relatively young man raising my children with help from my family! I'm extremely blessed with great kids. To bury your own sweet beautiful daughter is something no one should ever have to go thru. It still hurts but "God giveth and he taketh away" as he sees fit! I always thought she was too perfect for this world so god needed another angel to watch over my family! I can't wait till the day I can hold her in my arms some day when my days are done! The support and knowledge on here from you DSarah is amazing! Same with Gnarly. You guys are so unselfish and just a giant thank you too you guys and others. Everyone on here, posting or "lurking"...just know you are so worth it!! You do have to work at it hard but if you are committed and honest, you will be blessed! Just live one day at a time, there are many peaks and valleys, but just hang on...you will come out better for it!! And if you do fall, get back up, dust yourself off and try again!! Seek out counselors, church, AA/NA, exercise, nutrition, and a good attitude! It is way easier said than done, but again, you are all worth it and we all have a purpose in this life! God bless all of you and give you strength!
4522800 tn?1470325834
Wow!! I had tears in my eyes all the way down!

I am SO sorry for your loss and I can feel your pain from head to toe. I think you were here when all of those losses happen in my early recovery and then some health issues. I am really feeling your pain. I am also SO happy for YOU to have such Faith in Jesus. I know I had to really turn my Life back or I would of not been here either. Well, I guess he is the one that gave me that second wake up call when I survived that Silent Heart Attack.

Bless U for checking in with such a Post, so others can read that it can be done. We all will have those Bumps in the Road called Life, but is how we deal with them that matters. You did not run back because of your loss, but for Medical reasons. I am so happy that you got out once again before it took over. What a spiritual post this is and so full of Love from a person that gave there Life back to there God. Thanks!
You just stay strong. Hugs!
Bless U & Family
Vickie
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
I hope you know what an inspiration you are to me~
Avatar universal
Vic and DSarah, you are an inspiration to so many. I felt compelled to write to give the love so properly deserved by your unselfish willingness to help. That also goes for Gnarly and many others! We are all faulty and in need of support! Remember this, that has God given up on me or you or anyone who maybe "lurking" posting or just reading for support! It's all about using our experiences and gifts from God to help our fellow travelers. He promised "never to give us more than we can handle" although my weak mind has struggled with that one for sure! Each one of us has a purpose here and I can't stress enough that no matter what, just don't let that flicker of hope ever completely go out. The struggle is hard, it takes hard work, but you are so worth the work! And these special gifted unselfish people like DSarah, Gnarly, Vic and so many others will walk with you hand in hand along the way! And your in great hands!! The Road is Rough but the end will be so worth it! So fight on, never give up on yourself and you will be blessed as God sees fit. He has a plan for us all!! Bless you all and prayers your way always!!
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
It is so nice to see you posting!!
Avatar universal
Good morning Sarah! Beautiful day here! I' don't have too much to offer but I know going thru the withdrawals can be a turning point in someone's life along with the essential aftercare! If my story can just help anyone than I am happy to post! Lord knows you dear ones with so much sober time and knowledge have helped me in my darkest hours. So it's also therapeutic to me to post. I just marvel at you guys who I've already mentioned in previous posts, who continue to support so so many who just need an ear and heart to listen to them with no judgement!! Kudos to you DominoSarah. Just know who have helped so so many that aren't even members, and I'm sure God is smiling down on you! Continued blessings your way!
495284 tn?1333894042
COMMUNITY LEADER
You have a ton to offer, your compassion,caring, experience, it all comes together and offers all of us hope.  I have to work my recovery the minute my feet hit the floor everyday.  I learn new things everyday on this forum that helps me stay clean.  We never know what may trigger someone into saying enough is enough and find their path to recovery.  This is why we are all valuable to this forum.  You bring so much compassion to this forum with all you have been thru and that gives the ones who are struggling something to hang on to~
Avatar universal
Thank you for the kind words sister! We all need that gentle helping hand and the straight forward hard love also! God knows im just a corrupt sinner and poor example at times. But if we fall, it's how we learn and correct our mistakes is our true character!! When my daughter passed, I was mad at my God, mad at the world, frankly ready to go ape. But the love of God and my true "escorts" along this journey carried me. In fact, I didn't turn to pills cause I knew that slippery slope and I needed to deal with the pain correctly thru counseling, church, pastor, friends, family etc. I did however at my lowest with such a shattered heart and anger at everything, took a full bottle of vodka and drove to a deep place in nature. I drank and drank and didn't care. Luckily I woke up the next morning by the grace of God and hated the way I felt. I hadnt touched alcohol since I was 19 years old. Never been that appealing. After that night and morning, I realized I could easily be gone in this life and had left my children fatherless!! Wow, I couldn't imagine screwing up there innocent lives with no parents to raise them! I needed forgiveness from God and realized he determines your life path. Don't get me wrong, things can still get sideways in a hurry if I don't reach out and talk, get counseling from my pastor, or read my old journals of when tragedy struck and forever changed many lives!  But I am here today, putting a foot in front of the other, and if my experience helps anyone, it's all been worth it in my eyes! Many hugs your way!!
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