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5834742 tn?1377735999

A small victory today

So today I got home from work(I work out of town) and I am on my 15th day of being clean. However as soon as I got off that plane all hell broke loose. It has been my routine to get home and as soon as possible I would get the calls going to find some pills. That routine really bit me in the *** today. I had the worst craving I have had to date and I swear it felt like the w/ds came back with a vengeance. I was really touch and go there for awhile. I had it in my mind that I was going to use again and to hell with the consequences. With a lot of help from my MH friends and will power I didn't know I had I managed to not send that text and didn't go back. I think it goes to show how much of a mental game this really is. Years of a doped up lifestyle takes a long time to undo. But it can be done. I have an extremely addictive nature and I have had a lot of the "just one more time and I'm done" This battle takes time to win and our brains take time to heal and be taught a new way to live. Believe me I just like all of you people hate being told "it takes time" but it's so true. Just wanted to share my experience today. A big thanks to all the good people who have been in my corner. You know who you are. I wouldn't have made it with out you today. Hope this night finds you all well
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1742220 tn?1331356727
hey Tye so glad you didn't use.  keep your support system going, including medhelp and real people, and cut off those sources as much as you possibly can.  fifteen days clean, woo hoo!  keep going, your doing great, and glad to hear about the success story!
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Avatar universal
Hey there! That's FRICKIN AWESOME!! seriously!
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5834742 tn?1377735999
Thanks you guys
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Avatar universal
You just found one of your triggers - which is good because then you can constructively work on it :o) at the same time totally agree - FRICKIN AWESOME !!

I have always "scored" my DOC at the ER's and always on fridays... every friday clean I feel that planning mode kick into gear - what to get where to go what is the story and so on...

It gets better - and the first time you hit a trigger is hardest... so give yourself credit for handling a tough situation head on
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Avatar universal
I can relate Tye...I'm 29 days clean today, this is my 3rd attempt at being sober after 25 years of jumping from one drug to a another  last addiction was to  vicodin 750's and the cravings started to kick in yesterday... I was very close to calling my supplier, but fortunate for me I have no recollection of there number ( I'm afraid of what would have happen if I did remember) like you I have a very addictive personality if I have chips I eat the whole bag and I also have a one more and I'm done attitude.. We have to change everything about the way we look at this addiction and keep telling ourselves we are worth it... Full steam ahead!!! congrats on your 15 days and reaching out to MH ... Remember nothing changes if nothing changes .
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4810126 tn?1503942735
Wow, Tye!! I want to offer you a Massive Hi-Five on passing this INTENSE test! (You described it really well, btw.) This really resonated  with me:

I had the worst craving I have had to date and I swear it felt like the w/ds came back with a vengeance. I was really touch and go there for awhile. I had it in my mind that I was going to use again and to hell with the consequences.

I know exactly what you're talking about. For years I literally thought it was impossible for me to avoid using when the pressure would 'build up' -- when my 'habit' would whisper over & over that 'you're going to have to use anyway in the end. Don't resist, just do it now'

I also hear you on feeling like you went into w/d's when you were triggered. I used to be so sick & then I'd cop & wouldn't feel half as bad once I had it in my hand. (Smile) The subconscious is incredibly powerful & I don't think we understand how fully under it's control we are when we're in full addict mode. It's only by bringing our 'reactive tapes', motivations & triggers to light that we begin to glimpse the possibility of life without opiates. We're works in progress, for sure.

Congrats on your 15 impressive days & thanks for the great post! Treat yourself well, my friend 'cause you Deserve it!
You're doing it. HOLD FAST!

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Avatar universal
This makes me happy happy :) you have got this!!
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4341997 tn?1514588688
Congrats on those 15 days!! you are doing great!  and so proud of you for getting ahead of the trigger...awesome!  
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Avatar universal
Best news I've gotten all day. This completes the day for me. Rock solid, keep hanging on.
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5834742 tn?1377735999
Thank you everyone. Means a lot.
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4522800 tn?1470325834
Great Job!!! Keep Stepping up those Steps and do not Fall Backwards..Och! That will hurt.
Bless
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Avatar universal
Great job! Addiction is a very sneaky, and can talk you into doing all kinds of things that could cause a relapse. This is my 2nd time experiencing detox. I am actually 7 days without opiates today. I have been seeing a addiction therapist this time around. We just went to my pharmacy and cancelled my upcoming prescription for loritabs. I was intending on selling them and making a profit from them. With some hard work, I realized this was not safe to do for my sobriety and family. Keep up the good work. Stay connected to other addicts! We need each other! Rebecca
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