ADHD/Bipolar and addiction

[IWantMyLifeBack5525]

first all just wanted to let you all know I am still here and still fighting some days I will some I lose...here goes my really long story sorry if I ramble.......So I relized that my 20-30 a day percocet/vicodin addiction and I had a bigger problem...I kinda knew all along I was self medicating for a deeper problem...so I went and saw a phycatrist that I had previouslly seen before for my depression, I had stopped taking all meds except of course my drug of choice for like 3.5 years.  I got there explained my situation and talk for a long time with the doc....he decided I was bi-polar and was started on 60mg of geodon 2X dailey...must say noticed drastic improvements but the tiredness and "darkness" I felt remained. I was forgetting everything, prcratinated and couldnt concentrated long enough to watch a sitcom let alone do anything else...so here I am with another diagnosis along with the bipolar I have ADHD(diagnosed on 11-16-09)...and was given vyvanse WOW!!! my whole life changed just like that...I was happy upbeat motivated and got things accomplished I had never before in my life felt this complete..if you have adhd you know what I  mean...I nolonger even desire my drug of choice and I know that as an addict that the med he gave me for the add is addictive I have no desire to abuse it but gave it to my husband to give to me the 1 time dailey as perscribed and unlike I would have done with the percocet or vicodin I didnt tear the house apart looking for it...now heres my problem the vyvanse worked for like 3 days and now only seems to work til like noon...could that be from abusing my DOC for so long that my tolerence is so high.....so I want to ask the doc to increase the dose or add a booster to see if that helps..i have read and researched add and add meds to an extent and thats what they say they do if you feel like its not working as well as before and again I know I am an (recovering) addict but still an addict...I dont want the doctor to think I am looking to get high I am not...so should I call and talk to him about it today (11-23-09) or wait till my next appoitment with him on the 7th of dec.  I posted on the add board and only got one reply so I came back here to you lovely people who I know are willing to give your opinion and advice to me...Thank you all for being here....I never really left just been lurking....FYI been clean since the 16th of november!!YAY!!

[dominosarah]

You have a good plan in place with your husband holding the pills which is good.  Today will be a better day.  Keep moving forward........sara

[IWantMyLifeBack5525]

hello...I just wanted to say you didnt offened me or anything yesterday I was just having a HORRIBLE day I feel as though I am seeing the phycatrist and my pcp to keep them informed together that I am still not getting better...I know alot of it has to do with addiction and that I will feel good days and bad days. I didnt think it would be this hard because like I said before I have no urges for my DOC...that was the hard part for me before was the urge to have my DOC so I thought now that they were gone that it would be easier...guess not. I am going to contiue on with my add med and bipolar med and see what happens...and being very carefull all the way...Ive never been on add meds before now so I am not sure what to excpect...called the doc and said since I have such long days he may add a booster for the afternoon..another med for my hubby to hold on to for me...thanks again guys for being there to listen to me. :)

[dominosarah]

Just becuz we are addicts does not mean we dont deserve to be treated with respect.  I didnt mean it that way at all.  I just know that there are therapists out there that will listen to you and i feel bad that you have struggled like this and dont feel any of them listen.  Have you tried an addiction specialist?  You deserve to be happy and content in your life and you will find that.  Dont give up hope.  You are a good person......sara

[IWantMyLifeBack5525]

this was not all what I excpected it to be...no I am not looking for a high...I am fighting for my life!!!!!!!!!! before I started my DOC i was trying like hell to find where I belong to not be that crazy unfocused forgetfull piece of crap I had been most of my life even in high school...I tried vitamins and diet and excersise and thearpy sessions and now I am here with a phycatrist trying like hell...its frustrating to me that I dont know who I am...so because I am an addict I dont deserve any medications that may help me get better and relize why i destroyed the last 3 years of my life??? Please dont think I am angry at you for your opinions I am angry at me that I didnt try harder to get help the first time....i dont blame you for not trusting me I am after all an addict....but I relize now how I messed up everything and burned all my bridges. I went to the dr before only to get my DOC and now that I am actually there for help I feel none of then even want to listen to me because of my past again my fault...so here is my question what suggestions do you have for me that I havent already tried? please help me anyway you can.

[dominosarah]

Seems to me you are still searching for that high.  I would look to another therapist who would be willing to work with you in finding healthy ways to get you feeling better in mind and body instead of just medicating you.        sara

[IWantMyLifeBack5525]

I dont take your comment as mean i understand where you are comming from and no i didnt only give it 3 days I have been taking it for 8 days and I know some of the challenge is getting to the right dose. I dont feel a "high" or the superwomen feel like i can take the world on from the add meds like I did from the oxy or vics and i dont have the urge to take more even though i feel its not working properly i stayed on the same dose and kept trying...I know I am an addict its something I will never forget and I am being very carefull about all of this and trying very hard to keep my doctors informed about everything...thanks for the advice though it was very appriciated :)

[liscamdave]

Yeah, but its only been 3 days? I mean, you said you didn't want to abuse it, but you immediately want a higher dose after 3 days. I don't know much about add meds. And please don't think I am being mean at all. I am not and truly just want you to be careful and do what's best for you. I do know that alot of opiate users love add meds. They give the person alot of energy and this overall good feeling. Like you can conquer anything. That feeling you have, where you said you didn't need your DOC anymore, that is a combo of the opiates and add meds. Its described as exuberant euphoria. Please be careful. They are highly addictive.