Actually this isnt a question but just thoughts

[bethinime]

I see somay people struggling or who are terrified of the withdrawals coming off Suboxone. I thought I might post my daily thoughts and struggles as I begin my process of coming off this stuff once and for all...in hopes I can inspire others.

Here is my story. I am a 38 year old female. I got addicted to oxys and hydros. I love pills.
I am a wife and mother. I do not have chronic pain. Never had it. I just like the buzz and energy I got from narcotics. Thats the truth. I love downing one or two hydros with my morning cup of coffee. I felt I could conquer the world. I was the energizer rabbit on steroids and lots of prozac. Then it happened those 2 pills didnt give me that buzz, then I needed 3 then 4 at one time then I switched to oxys, then those stopped working like they used to..and thats when I realized I had a problem. I tried to stop cold turkey. Couldnt do it. The WD's were to much. Then I thought I had the will power to do it and I was going to set up a taper plan...didnt happen. I ate them all in one day and hated myself for it. I was disgusted with myself really. After the cold turkey and taper process attempted time and again I called a sub dr and made an appt. One and a half years later and I am ready to get off the subs again. Tried once but couldnt deal with the RLS. I am so tired of the side effects. The weight gain, the urge to smoke..just weird side effects. So here I am day one without any subs. I cant say I have felt great. I dont have much energy at all but that could be the Clonipine lowering my BP making me feel tired. Last time I tried to get off of subs I didnt know about the Clonipine. I am hoping with this aide I can do it htis time. I wasnt going to take a Clonipine today but the Restless legs already started and even in my arms. I was going crazy and wanted to crawl out of my skin and almost took a crumb of a sub but I took the Clon instead and I am ok now. Not great but bearable. The day is almost over and I pray I can sleep. There is nothing worse then being up miserable when everyone else is asleep but if I can I suffer through. I am the one who created this mess I am in. I am the one who can get me out of it. I would like to journal my process, not only for myself but maybe I can encourage someone else who was terrified of the sub WD's to get off too.

Day one almost done and counting. I know day 3 and 4 is when it really hits you and i'm gonna lie I am terrified of it! But damn it I am doing it this time!

[bethinime]

Day 8 over and moving right along. Still dont have any energy but from what I am reading that part take awhile.

RLS seems to be done and gone. Thank God.

I had lost about 5 of the 20lbs the Suboxone had caused me to gain but when I got on the scale it was back up 4 lbs again. Which is very disappointing and baffling. Maybe my weight is gonna go up and back down and yoyo for a few weeks until my body straightens everything out. I am sure chemicals, hormones and whatever else are going a little spastic in my body trying to get everything back to normal right now. I abused my body for 2 years I cant expect it to go back to normal overnight I guess BUT I was pretty happy to see the scale going down from the subs and just really disappointed in my body right now.  :(

I hope everyone on their road to recovery is staying strong and keeping the faith. As always..heres hoping for a good night and as always a better night then last night for everyone.  

[refusingbondage]

That would be really bad Beth :)  Yes.. see its the little things now.   Lottery? Who needs it!  Luck?  Who cares!  Please just give me a day free from RLS and not wanting to die!  Its amazing how grateful we become just for feeling a little better.  I dont know how people who suffer with RLS all the time make it.  Its awful.  

[bethinime]

That is so true..it is better then RLS. Thats crazy sounding to someone who has never expeirenced RLS that we would prefer to run to the toilet every 15 minutes but its true. RLS is the worst! Just thanking God I dont have RLS while on the toilet! :)

[refusingbondage]

YA!  So glad to hear.. yup a good night's sleep can feel like the greatest thing in the world.. You've turned a corner and should improve more now each day.. Dont let the stomach thing bug you too much - your body is detoxing.. and its better than RLS lol.. Good job for hanging in there!  

[bethinime]

Day 8...I actually feel pretty decent today. I had a hard time getting to sleep but once I did fall asleep I slept really hard. Harder then I have in weeks. I havent really slept good since I started the whole weaning process.
I forgot how good that feels to sleep like that. Im not to achy today and my RLS seems to be giving me a break. I hope its a permanent one but I try to prepare for the worst and just be pleasantly surprised.

I think those oh so lovely stomach "issues" are going to visit me today. I thought I had maybe lucked out with those this time around but it doesnt appear so. Thats ok though, after those few days I feel I can take anything now. So heres hoping for a good day and as always a better day then yesterday.  

[bethinime]

Nope no luck for me with the Melatonin either...Nope, Nada,Nothing....and of course I even took more then the suggested dose because I was desperate. Darn sorry to hear your still not sleeping.  I hope you do better tonight. We have to be getting to the point where our bodies are being normal..espiecally you, your in your 3rd week. Those subs are brutal!