Adderall Marijiana Problem Girl

[teachMehow13]

I have taken adderall on and off for 5 years. Honestly, it has been more on than off. I started buying it from a girl in class my junior year of highschool and am now a junior in college. I have smoked weed on and off since I was a freshman in highschool, again more on than off. I am trying to stop taking adderall currently because it is slowly ruining my life. My freshman year I took 60 mg a day and drank two redbulls (caffene interacts with adderall, intensifies it) I had a 3.4 GPA and partied hard EVERY night til 4 am would get up at 7 am and never miss a class or an assignment. By the end of the last semester, right around when Brittney Spears shaved her head, I was feeling like I was going insane too. I honestly had to hide the magazine of my roommates with Brittney and her bald head on the cover to stop thinking about how insane the world and I were becoming at least to my adderalled out mind. I remember calling my mom one day, telling her about 10 things I had done before noon and then complaining about how I could never get it all done I was falling so far behind and how I didn't know if I could even do it anymore. It was awful. I took the summer off from the adderall and even quit smoking weed for a while after a classmate took too many drugs and hung himself. I went to Ireland and didn't touch anything but of course alcohol at the end of the summer. Yet I was excited for school to come so that I could be superwoman again and feel great, not to mention loose some weight (I was never the least bit fat without it but have always had a distorted body image). When school came I did alright for the first semester than failed miserably the second. I still have a 2.9 GPA which is sad because I could not apply to nursing school this semester as planned because you have to have at least a 3.0. Before drugs I was always a straight A student. I have always been an overachiever but the bad kind. The kind that sees black and white, all or nothing. I have to get an A or might as well just get an F. HORRIBLE way to think but somehow I can't seem to change. I also have this problem where I NEED  a guy one that loves me and pays constant attention to me. Then I purposely create problems and seem to unconciously beg for attention so much that the guy gets annoyed or that he gives it to me and I no longer enjoy the guy because they are no longer a challenge but are instead an annoyance. I don't know if I will ever have any hope. I have cut out all relationships. i don't think that there is a single person that truely knows me. I have been this way for a long time. Its a sad way to live and I want to know how to change.

[dominosarah]

Hi~  This is a really old thread so most of the people arent here anymore.  Go to the top of your page and click on Post a Question.  Copy and paste what you have written and that way you will start your own thread and get the help you need.

[xChewBeccax]

OH YA!.... Right now Im a senior in college with my last semester left. Going for my Bachelor's in Accounting. And now Im left deciding no choice but to withdraw.... Im a 31 yr old very late bloomer because of my addiction but I was almost there after struggling 10 years of in/out of college. It would be nice to have the degree even when my time comes but I cant find it in me to get my school work done :/

[xChewBeccax]

SAD!?!... Ill tell you sac. Ive been abuse amphetamines for 16 years now with a marked dependence of at least a minimum 300mg/day. Now that dose is just to keep  conscious. But enough said... I got devstating new on saturday that its caused me irreversible Chronic Renal Failure with 2 years approximately 2 years "quality" life left..... And heres most sad part. I still cant stop taking them. My mom whose aware dosent care with no other family besides her. Ive reached out as far as my lonely hand can reach to seek help, resorting to self-help tools from SAMHSA but ive realized i cant succeed. Not on my own. My 300 pg guide to Stimulant Abuse Treatment says my odds are near nil without the support, which I fately lack.......

[Coolio Hernendez]

I am alot like you....I think to much.

I could go on and on but i think this say's it all.......I think to much.

Adderall made it a million times worse.

[teachMehow13]

First off, thanks for writing, I did not realize I'd get a response! It is cool to be able to tell someone stuff and get advice about things that you would never actually want to tell to anyones face. What drugs have you done or had problems with since you were thirteen? You know I really think that the gov't is ******* us all over with all of the prescription drugs. And yeah I have been an over achiever all of my life, it runs in the family. I have always gotten straight A's but I also have an all or nothing attitude which really messes with my progress. I got these grades before adderall but after my abuse with the drug I find it hard to have any motivation, doesn't help that I just moved in with two other huge girl potheads who have me smoking all of the time lately. My grades.. slipping.. oh yeah.. I didn't even go to class all of last week. You are lucky that you've never tried adderall, I wish someone would have warned me. It is like I do not even care for at least a month or so after I get off of it about anything at all really. Well besides I do care about relationships. And no, I think you are exactly right, I am definitely not ready for a relationship and should stay far away from them until I can fix myself or I will never be able to handle a healthy one! The thing is I have this obsession with having a guy like me and want to be with me. If I don't have that I feel worthless. I have had serious boyfriends since like, I don't know the 5th grade. It's most definitely a problem. I always put a guy at the top of my priorities. It used to be grades then guy but now after all of the drugs I've done its easier just to focus on the guy situation. It is what I put mostly all of my energy into thinking about it.. wow we could really get into my recent relationship saga's but I won't bother you for now. I am the biggest mess a girl can be while still looking pretty and appearing to be more than fine. And I am positive that my life is one that is not close to anything anyone else has experienced, which is mostly the same with anyones story. Back on track, my whole family is spacey. I am not sure whether anyone has so called "ADD" but my family is extremely intelligent just space ships. So I am not sure if I have it but I am very random and always have been, I just don't believe that like 3 million people can have ADD adderall helps everyone that's what makes it a drug. I have mixed adderall with everything. I used to be quite the rebell and don't do drugs anymore besides smoking weed, drinking, adderall and clonazapams. I haven't taken adderall in 4 or 5 days now, not sure its sort of a lazy blur. I have just been smoking, eating, watching movies, and letting my body restore itself becasue I was taking it 40mg (what I am prescribed) everyday for over a month and my body is handling it worse and worse it just makes me irritable, a zombie, and feel like my body is crumbling beneath me while I crave doing other drugs to calm me down but hey at least I get stuff done. I don't do other extra curricular activites, just school. I am broke so I do need a job.. but I just sold some adderall for 60 dollars just in the last hour to two people... adderall is SO in demand on a college campus.. SUCH easy money.. but so hard to sell.. I know that there will be some point when I will regret selling those 22 pills but I still have about 20 left which if i started to take them like I usually do would last me about ten days or a week. ha. I am so pathetic. I think I just need someone to listen cuz I need some advice I do everything wrong. The OB is what I want to do!! My mom is a nurse too and it is supposedly the most optimistic part of the hospital.. if a baby dies I hear it is rushed to another department before you even notice. Hey! I actually have some energy right now cuz I just drank a monster.. never drink those.. they actually kinda work! Caffeine is bad for you.. so i try to stay clear of it. I sort of wanted to be a teacher because I LOVE kids.. I am a big kid myself. I switched my major last fall from Nursing to El Ed but couldnt' handle the pay cut.. from 60 thou a year to 30.. ahh I like money too much for that.. really.. I wanna have lots of kids so I'm going to need some money cuz no  offense but guys don't really tend to be that reliable.. ugh. Well lately, with relationships I guess my skills have slipped. It is a long story but I will give you the short version..

this boy i was totally in love with dumped me.. my first experience of being dumped by a guy I really really liked.. it was all over this trip to europe he had planned.. then he  left last fall semester for almost four months... I went to the ER for an inflammed kidney the week of my birthday... was sick and in bed for almost a month.. more depressed than ever.. couldn't even drink on my 21st.. my mom tried to kill herself.. (shes on too many meds... not her fault) was in the hospital.. she went sort of crazy for the 100000000 time.. my dad got remarried.. DAMN that was a shocker.. ******* have a 4 year old step sis and 9 year old step bro not that I ever see them I dont' even have a room in their new mansion.. anyway.. waited this whole damn time for my boy to come home from europe so that I could be the gf I never was before.. he really was the best bf I'd EVER had.. not saying much.. 2 ******* weeks (i'm counting down the days all summer long) before my love comes home I meet this sexy *** guy who is all about me totally pursuing me. and I am like whatever. my baby will be home soon. so I just went with it cuz he was super sexy didnt' think anything of it he invited me to his lake cottage met his entire family.. wasn't nervous.. didn't think i'd ever see him again.. just coulndt turn down the lake cottage becausae they are my favoriteeee but then damn that monster is kicking in.. maybe I should just start a habit of drinking them every morning haha... anyway by the time we left the lake cottage I realized this guy was better than the one i had been waiting for who'd dumped me anyway!!! so I uninvited the one that was in europe to the dad's wedding and invited the new boy and that really got the old boy jealous and wanting me back and saying he was sorry.. which felt nice after 4 months of pathetic crying over his ***.. now i live in the building next to the new boy (by coincidence) and its awkward as hell he was so in love with me like obsessed for weeks in the summer telling me i was beautiful bla bla bla.. I actually fell for it after he started to give up. and now i text and call him way too much and have ruined the self esteem he once gave me he even told me I raised his self confidence ot hve me at his side.. yeah hes shallow like that but moving on... its over with us cuz I needed too much attention and now he is busy with school and work and so Ive resorted to the old boy who is busy too.. they've both got majors they adore.. they are both over achievers iwth sports or some sort of out of school activity .. i ahve nothing I am sure this is why they are both not appreciating me anmyore... although I know I could get them back.. i'm just playin them both for the moment.. guys suck. well the ones I know.. not you! I don't want to spend money on a dumb physcicatrist you can be mine! if you want.. or whoever will listen.. it just takes an outside person to listen and give advice.. you don't need to pay 400$ for that..! what is suboxone? If drugs robbed me of all of my interests besides a boyfriend how can I get over that as this will obviously lead to my demise!!

[TysonRed]

Well Ive had similar problems as far as drugs go, Ive been on drugs since I was 13 yrs old, started smoking weed and because of a wakeboarding accident I almost always had some sort of pain killer, I really messed my knee up bad. So I can relate as far as the drugs go, though Ive never taken adderall but I know I would if I knew someone who had it because I struggle daily with not having energy and I leave alot of tasks half done or just give up on a job or school, whatever it may be. Now I know for me I can't stand the thought of having to go to counseling to spill my inner thoughts onto some stranger that would supposedly help me, but maybe if your willing you should consider talking with someone you can trust outside your normal group. Ok, so you said you've always been an over achiever, but you've also always been on adderall, which is basicly speed, so no wonder you could accomplish all that you have. Im not saying you couldnt do it without it, but it sounds like youve used it enough that it helped you with your school work. Now correct me if Im wrong but since you havent been taking adderall your grades have slipped right? Or are you still using and your grades slipped anyways? Either way, if you dont have ADHD, adderall is just prescription speed and could be very dangerous especially when mixing it with other drugs and alcohol. I wish I could be of more help for you, but in my opinion you need to stop worrying about all the extra curricular activities and concentrate solely on your school work so that next semester you can make it into the nursing program. My mom is a registered nurse, shes worked in OB for most of her life, nurses are making bank right now, its a wonderful profession and an awesome goal for you to achieve. Im a guy, so giving a girl info on guys is sort of lame, but I have somewhat of a similar issue. I tend to like to get the girls attention, enough to where we get a little serious and then I bounce, its basicly the same as you, Im into trying to get a girl to like me, stick with it for a couple weeks maybe a month, then Im out. Now I know I have trust issues when it comes to girls, which stems basicly back to one girl in particular who broke my heart when I was 18, ever since Ive been like I stated above. Anyways, so bottom line is you need to stop the adderall or go see a physciatrist and see what they recommend for you, its ok to ask for help. I was in my second year of school in San Diego when drugs got the best of me and I havent been back since, I had and still have an addiction to opiates, although Im currently on suboxone and its helped tremendously, its still a synthetic opiate. Point being drugs robbed me of my college years, I know I can still go back but Im 26 now and I am going to feel a little out of place, like I should have gotten all this done about 5yrs ago, so get help now and dont let the adderall or weed or whatever drug it may be sabotage your life. If you can Id say staying out of any relationship would probably be for the better and cut down on some of the stress your going through, Im not sure how much relationships do effect you but maybe at this point your not ready for it. Well sorry for rambling on and on, I probably didnt help with anything but I figured I'd chat away and see if I could make any sense. I can tell you one thing for certain, this is an absolutely wonderful place to come to and get many different opinions and support from so many compassionate people. So if nothing else keep on posting here asking questions and Im sure you can get some solid advice. I wish you the best of luck with college, remember dont blow it like I did, take full advantage while your there cause you dont want to end up looking back saying you wish you would have done something different.