Aa
Addicted medical professional
I've been on this site awhile now, lurking and trying to taper. I'm down to 30mg of hydros a day, but I take pieces often because I can't seem to make it more than 3 hours. I've tried CT before, only to cave after about a week because of anxiety issues, which I currently take Zoloft for and a low dose Xanax, as needed. I don't take Xanax during the day because it makes me sleepy. I only use it in emergencies, which isn't often because the Zoloft keeps attacks at bay............until I try to get off the hydros.
I'm 35 years old and became addicted about 2 years ago. They were prescribed, at first, but then I started buying them from a friend. The friend has since moved away, so my supply is cut, you would think. In actuality, it's not cut because the kicker is that I'm in the pharmacy business. I have never stolen pills from my job in the 10 years I've been there, but I can't say that it hasn't crossed my mind since my supply is gone. Yes. I know I could go to jail. I know I could lose my license. I know I could lose my child. I know I could lose EVERYTHING, but the addict in me may be stupid enough to chance that.
So, here's the deal. I'm going to try this CT thing again starting tomorrow. I have plenty left for a taper, but as I said, the taper is just not working. I have 6 days off and my child will be in school until Friday, so I will be alone most of the day until the weekend. I have supplies, but it's my mind I'm worried bout. I'm scared of the darkside that always ***** me back in.
My questions for you all are: Almost every post talks about "cutting off your supply". What if you can't? Even if I don't swipe some here and there from my job, I know plenty of people whom I can buy them from, BECAUSE of my job. I know what everyone in this town takes. It's very easy to gain access. Also, what about aftercare? Because of my career and what it entails, even if there were meetings/therapists, I couldn't go. I'd lose my license/salary/education and I have worked too hard for them. It's all I know how to do. Plus, I have a child to support. I imagine it's much like an alcoholic working in a liquor store, except I've spent nearly 6 figures on my education. I can't give it up! How do alcoholics get sober when they have access to alcohol?
I'm open to any suggestions. I am flushing my stash tonight after work. I can get through the physical stuff. I have before. Now, if I can only work on my head. Please give me advice. Again, I know I could lose everything if I steal from work, so you don't have to remind me, but there's other outlets for me to get what I want, if I wanted.
I've really gotten myself in a pickle........... :(
I'm 35 years old and became addicted about 2 years ago. They were prescribed, at first, but then I started buying them from a friend. The friend has since moved away, so my supply is cut, you would think. In actuality, it's not cut because the kicker is that I'm in the pharmacy business. I have never stolen pills from my job in the 10 years I've been there, but I can't say that it hasn't crossed my mind since my supply is gone. Yes. I know I could go to jail. I know I could lose my license. I know I could lose my child. I know I could lose EVERYTHING, but the addict in me may be stupid enough to chance that.
So, here's the deal. I'm going to try this CT thing again starting tomorrow. I have plenty left for a taper, but as I said, the taper is just not working. I have 6 days off and my child will be in school until Friday, so I will be alone most of the day until the weekend. I have supplies, but it's my mind I'm worried bout. I'm scared of the darkside that always ***** me back in.
My questions for you all are: Almost every post talks about "cutting off your supply". What if you can't? Even if I don't swipe some here and there from my job, I know plenty of people whom I can buy them from, BECAUSE of my job. I know what everyone in this town takes. It's very easy to gain access. Also, what about aftercare? Because of my career and what it entails, even if there were meetings/therapists, I couldn't go. I'd lose my license/salary/education and I have worked too hard for them. It's all I know how to do. Plus, I have a child to support. I imagine it's much like an alcoholic working in a liquor store, except I've spent nearly 6 figures on my education. I can't give it up! How do alcoholics get sober when they have access to alcohol?
I'm open to any suggestions. I am flushing my stash tonight after work. I can get through the physical stuff. I have before. Now, if I can only work on my head. Please give me advice. Again, I know I could lose everything if I steal from work, so you don't have to remind me, but there's other outlets for me to get what I want, if I wanted.
I've really gotten myself in a pickle........... :(
Best Answer
Lick you wounds and pick yourself up ! Dont dwell on the negative . I was just saying this to my son whenever there is a problem there is always a solution. Sometimes it takes a few things to try to figure out what the answer is but giving up or dwelling on things is never a good answer.
Tomorrow is a new day start it out with a positive attitude its all mental !
hang in there! and you will succeed!
Tomorrow is a new day start it out with a positive attitude its all mental !
hang in there! and you will succeed!
Thank you and no, no therapy yet. I haven't done much of anything these past several days. :(
You cant change the past but the future is open for change :)
any luck is finding a therapist that can do one on one therapy?
I understand you being upset about the time off work but like I said you cant change it just put it behind you and concentrate on doing positive things to get you clean Like therapy maybe or just making a plan.
try not to kick yourself too hard . Keep posting and dont give up okay?
I am always here to give you support and advice and you will also see many will also on here do the same :)
take what helps you and gives you support and use it all :)
you can do this !
any luck is finding a therapist that can do one on one therapy?
I understand you being upset about the time off work but like I said you cant change it just put it behind you and concentrate on doing positive things to get you clean Like therapy maybe or just making a plan.
try not to kick yourself too hard . Keep posting and dont give up okay?
I am always here to give you support and advice and you will also see many will also on here do the same :)
take what helps you and gives you support and use it all :)
you can do this !
Im not doing real good. I keep kicking myself because not only was I off work 4 days but I also ended up with a babysitter to watch my kid, so it would've been the perfect time to withdraw. I've been a bit depressed about it all. I'm actually looking forward to work tomorrow because all I've been doing is laying around feeling sorry for myself. Stupid.
Thanks for asking!
Thanks for asking!
Hi ashka How are you doing? i am hoping you are staying positive and glad to see you are on here posting.
Hi Ashka,
I too am in the business so to speak. I am a paramedic, and I have been where you are. Lots of opportunities to steal, and I have thought about it many times when I was addicted. I went cold turkey and cut off all sources. Since I have never crossed that line and stolen from others, my doc, pharma, dentist and family all knowing has been the absolute key for me. And now, being 80 days clean, the craving is still there but it turns more into a whisper then a shout everyday. I still see a fat bottle of hydros and cringe, drool, you know . . .but I have more then ever the ability to walk away and protect my clean time. I am accountable to others now, not just myself. . .another key if you ask me. Stealing has never been one of your sources, so cut off the rest. Worry about stealing when all of the others are shut down and your feeling it. I think you can make it, I know that feeling.
Bryan
I too am in the business so to speak. I am a paramedic, and I have been where you are. Lots of opportunities to steal, and I have thought about it many times when I was addicted. I went cold turkey and cut off all sources. Since I have never crossed that line and stolen from others, my doc, pharma, dentist and family all knowing has been the absolute key for me. And now, being 80 days clean, the craving is still there but it turns more into a whisper then a shout everyday. I still see a fat bottle of hydros and cringe, drool, you know . . .but I have more then ever the ability to walk away and protect my clean time. I am accountable to others now, not just myself. . .another key if you ask me. Stealing has never been one of your sources, so cut off the rest. Worry about stealing when all of the others are shut down and your feeling it. I think you can make it, I know that feeling.
Bryan
You know how long CT WD's last. You need someone with you 24/7 while you're detoxing. A friend, a VERY sympathetic friend. Someone stronger than you. Someone who will not take anything you say or do to heart. Someone who will tie your wrists to the bedposts if necessary. You need someone to pat you down with a wet cloth when yiu get the sweats. Someone who will stay with you until you're totally detoxed. If you have to pay this someone to stay with you 24/7, do it.
Quit blaming yourself for failing in this attempt. You have let no one here down. You did very well by knowing it was your time to quit. You need time off of work. Even if it jeopardizes your job, you need time off so you can detox your system properly without the added stress of a time limit. Like you've said, it's just a matter of time you'll lose not only that job, but all future work at your profession anyway. Fake a serious back injury if necessary. Tell your doctor you slipped at home and you can't sleep without waking up in serious neck pain. Tell him/her you have to get right out of bed and sit in an easy chair to get any relief. You work in a pharmacy, you know what will work with a local doctor.
You'll need a sponsor once the detox is done. If you have to go 60/70 miles and four/five towns over, do it. If you have to pay the sponsor to come to you, do it. No amount of money can even begin to replace what you risk losing permanently. You can and will kick this thing. Others have done it, so we have proof of that. I am in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. If I can be of any assistance from here, let me know. If you had a way to get here, I would monitor your detox myself. Good luck and please do not be hard on yourself for not winning this one battle. It's the war we are interested in. Best wishes.
Quit blaming yourself for failing in this attempt. You have let no one here down. You did very well by knowing it was your time to quit. You need time off of work. Even if it jeopardizes your job, you need time off so you can detox your system properly without the added stress of a time limit. Like you've said, it's just a matter of time you'll lose not only that job, but all future work at your profession anyway. Fake a serious back injury if necessary. Tell your doctor you slipped at home and you can't sleep without waking up in serious neck pain. Tell him/her you have to get right out of bed and sit in an easy chair to get any relief. You work in a pharmacy, you know what will work with a local doctor.
You'll need a sponsor once the detox is done. If you have to go 60/70 miles and four/five towns over, do it. If you have to pay the sponsor to come to you, do it. No amount of money can even begin to replace what you risk losing permanently. You can and will kick this thing. Others have done it, so we have proof of that. I am in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. If I can be of any assistance from here, let me know. If you had a way to get here, I would monitor your detox myself. Good luck and please do not be hard on yourself for not winning this one battle. It's the war we are interested in. Best wishes.
Here you go then; get praying:
Dear Lord,
You know the temptations that I am facing today. But your Word promises that I will not be tempted beyond what I can bear. I ask for your strength to stand up under the temptation whenever I encounter it. Your Word also tells me you will provide a way out of the temptation. Please, Lord, give me the wisdom to walk away when I am tempted, and the clarity to see the way out that you will provide. Thank you, God, that you are a faithful deliverer and that I can count on your help in my time of need.
Amen
:-)
Dear Lord,
You know the temptations that I am facing today. But your Word promises that I will not be tempted beyond what I can bear. I ask for your strength to stand up under the temptation whenever I encounter it. Your Word also tells me you will provide a way out of the temptation. Please, Lord, give me the wisdom to walk away when I am tempted, and the clarity to see the way out that you will provide. Thank you, God, that you are a faithful deliverer and that I can count on your help in my time of need.
Amen
:-)
I have a strong faith in God, but I admit that I haven't prayed much about the addiction because I'm ashamed and know that I got myself here and should suffer to get myself out. I know I should lean on Him the most right now. I have everything to fight for. I just hope I can really realize it. I feel like I've wasted this time off and now I have no more days until next year.
I'll have to check into therapy in surrounding cities. There are none here. I also dont have insurance because I work for an independent pharmacy. I wouldn't want to file it anyway for fear of being found out. Ugh. It's all so complicated. It sounds like I'm making excuses for myself, but I promise I'm not.
I'll have to check into therapy in surrounding cities. There are none here. I also dont have insurance because I work for an independent pharmacy. I wouldn't want to file it anyway for fear of being found out. Ugh. It's all so complicated. It sounds like I'm making excuses for myself, but I promise I'm not.
In my opinion addiction is addiction pills are pills Hydros percs tramadol morphine they all cause you to maybe not do things you would normally do they get their grip on you and we become addicts.
Doesnt matter if its Hydros or any kind of narcotic they dont discriminate . we become addicted to them . And there are many horror stories yes I agree. We Lie to get them we steel maybe or we buy them illegally.We do things we normally would never do because of desperation.
Getting off these lil demons is so hard (thats what i call them)
But It can be done. Dont give up keep trying. Learn from your relapse get the tools you need to get your life back. Life is better w/o them . No more counting no more worrying . No more feeling Guilty.
And I can tell you this for sure My Kids are so happy with the new me. And so am I. I feel better I look better I sleep better I could go on and on with all the positives.
Doesnt matter if its Hydros or any kind of narcotic they dont discriminate . we become addicted to them . And there are many horror stories yes I agree. We Lie to get them we steel maybe or we buy them illegally.We do things we normally would never do because of desperation.
Getting off these lil demons is so hard (thats what i call them)
But It can be done. Dont give up keep trying. Learn from your relapse get the tools you need to get your life back. Life is better w/o them . No more counting no more worrying . No more feeling Guilty.
And I can tell you this for sure My Kids are so happy with the new me. And so am I. I feel better I look better I sleep better I could go on and on with all the positives.
It's not like you woke up one day and said "I think I will be an addict". It's not really about what drug it is. Addiction is a disease but there is still such a stigma with it as with mental illness. It's sad really because that's where the shame comes in. We all are good, smart people whether we used illicit drugs or prescribed meds. I haven't stole drugs or anything horrible-they were prescribed to me. I would like to think I would never cross that line and jeopardize my nursing license but I know it's very possible. Anyway this is just a couple lines from what my pastor wrote me a day ago:
I want to encourage you to let Christ bare
your shame and no longer back into overcoming, but charge into it with
a warrior's spirit. I appreciate your shame and join you in it with
my shame of my own sin, but at some point we need to accept His
acceptance! My thoughts are with you so much and I sincerely feel your pain
I want to encourage you to let Christ bare
your shame and no longer back into overcoming, but charge into it with
a warrior's spirit. I appreciate your shame and join you in it with
my shame of my own sin, but at some point we need to accept His
acceptance! My thoughts are with you so much and I sincerely feel your pain
Thank you. I just don't understand myself. I've been wanting off them for sooo long and I get on here several times a day and read the horror stories of addiction, so why am I still fighting this? I get so mad and depressed. I've never taken anything stronger than hydrocodone (and pot years ago). I've had access to it all, as you can imagine, in my profession. I'm smart enough to never want anything else. I'm a smart girl. I really am. So, why am I being so stupid with these damn pills???
One thing you said was you have to get your head to want what your heart wants. i think one sure way to do that is to start therapy one on one that could help you alot.
Everyone has given such great advice what two things has everyone said more than on one post
1 get rid of pill source(hard to do because of ur job)
2. Counseling,therapy
you cant go to NA meeting because you dont want to out yourself small town But what you could do is One on one counseling . If you made that step it could be the answer get the tools you need to do this and not relapse.
My favorite quote "getting clean is easy part staying clean is hard part"
thats the anxiety part and counseling would help you with that.
What could it hurt and it could help why not try it?
Everyone has given such great advice what two things has everyone said more than on one post
1 get rid of pill source(hard to do because of ur job)
2. Counseling,therapy
you cant go to NA meeting because you dont want to out yourself small town But what you could do is One on one counseling . If you made that step it could be the answer get the tools you need to do this and not relapse.
My favorite quote "getting clean is easy part staying clean is hard part"
thats the anxiety part and counseling would help you with that.
What could it hurt and it could help why not try it?
lol,,,thinking back not so far...I was lurking as well,,,,,If I look at my old posts........ before I crossed over its like... "I cant beleive I was spewing that crap"...I was alive but not really alive..if that makes sense...
Your journey is beginning... good for you,,,,
so worth it,,,,
much support
Free~
Your journey is beginning... good for you,,,,
so worth it,,,,
much support
Free~
I think you have already taken some great steps. You "lurked" for awhile as you put it and then you posted. That in itself was a major step. Then you were able to come clean and say you failed. You can tell you want this or you wouldn't have told us. This site gives such amazing support and I think you feel that already. Stay with us; you can do this. I am not the best for advice with such little clean time and the hard times I am having but I am clean 28 days and I owe it to these amazing people!! Yes I did my part too but man I posted every time I needed to and just did yesterday. I too have access to meds. I am an RN that does home health psych nursing and every med profile has hydyos, Norcos, oxys, etc. Some of these patients have dementia, some major psych issues so it would be easy for me to take anything when I verify their bottles against their profiles. I will admit it was a fight yesterday but I kept thinking about man I almost got 30 days and those people on that forum have helped me so much. Anyways you can do this and you had a good plan. Don't beat yourself up because that's what we do best. Whenever you are ready- don't feel pressured and don't stop posting or "lurking" if you like that better :-)
I so appreciate your comments. Hey, that means we're just ONE DAY APART HUH?? How cool....lol
Where else can you attend an "international meeting" while resting your back and drinking a Dr. Pepper? :)
I'm addicted to that, too, but hey.........let's get it in perspective. So far, the caffeine isn't working, I drink it anyway hoping. It worked great while on opiates, ha! Guess I just abused this body beyond immediate bounce back, not to mention I'm a lot older now.
Good hearing from you and ashka747, too!
Where else can you attend an "international meeting" while resting your back and drinking a Dr. Pepper? :)
I'm addicted to that, too, but hey.........let's get it in perspective. So far, the caffeine isn't working, I drink it anyway hoping. It worked great while on opiates, ha! Guess I just abused this body beyond immediate bounce back, not to mention I'm a lot older now.
Good hearing from you and ashka747, too!
Wow. It IS a great post!! Thank you all. I am never giving up until it's over. I've just got to figure a way to get my head to want what my heart wants. You've all been a great help and have shared inspiring words. I can't thank you all enough. Love!!
That was a great Post! Congrats on 83 days way to go :) You are doing great and giving back with this great post!
Thank you I am clean 82 days and was post like this that helped me when I was at my lowest Thanks again for sharing and giving support!
Sorry Ashka I didnt mean to Hijack your thread but I had to respond to such a great Post. There is alot of wisdom in it.
Thank you I am clean 82 days and was post like this that helped me when I was at my lowest Thanks again for sharing and giving support!
Sorry Ashka I didnt mean to Hijack your thread but I had to respond to such a great Post. There is alot of wisdom in it.
Hey girl,
I have read a lot of good comments here. Each of us will really do what works for us.....for me the pain remained.....the pain receptors were completely numb I think.....and it was taking so many opiates to "get the feeling" and get rid of my legit pain. I was having many physical symptoms and wreaking our finances by getting more and more.
I tapered to a point....and then just went CTurkey. For the sweats you can blow a fan on you or shower or wet cloth yourself, for chills, lay by a big hotpad, for sleep, benedryl helped me some, but I had already abused xanex and had none. Keep reading, posting, praying if you do, ask all of us if there is one thing in particular you are struggling with. I had 4 puke bowls under my bed and a direct line to the bathroom. There are a lot of good articles on line for opiate addicts.....natural amino acids we can take, melatonin (a natural hormone for sleep), on and on. Depending on how much your body is used to will affect how badly you feel during w/drawals to a certain extent.
I kept a little notebook deal by me; wrote how I was feeling each day; what got better and would look back and be grateful at least one of the w/d symptoms was abating. I found meditations to feed my mind; the" I need a pill" message is stronger than any other and whatever we choose to feed....obviously it grows! You have to starve it out; ask for help where you can; tell your "rx customers you know so well" NOT to give you anything.
It takes a lot of courage......"COURAGE IS FEAR THAT HAS SAID ITS PRAYERS" You are physical, emotional and spiritual. Feed your spirit and don't listen to your head. ADDICTS HEADS ALWAY LIE!!
"Just one won't hurt......just a half a one won't hurt" YES......IT WILL!!
I'm 83 days clean today....and I am just now not so angry that I can't take anything for pain besides aceteminophen or ibuprofen. My daughter says I was "vehement" sounding....still am sometimes. You MUST find someone who has worn these "same addiction shoes" to talk to. (How old is your child, by the way?) I had to tell myself I was not going to take a pill "even if my rearend fell off!" One minute at a time, then 5 or 10. The clock seems to drag in the beginning, cause I used it for "my permission" to take more opiates every hr on the hr by the end! Your brain is your worst enemy.......other addicts are your lifeline to FREEDOM.
Love, prayers and all the encouragement you can feel from Kansas, girl!
P.S. Good thing I didn't work in a pharmacy......I would be in jail as demanding as my physical addiction had gotten.
Please don't say when you read our posts "well, I'm not so bad, I didn't or don't take THAT many! Your bottom is wherever you want it to be. It will rise up and meet you. Lastly, here's a quote (I love em) that has helped me immensely thru a lot of things, "I pray that I may learn from the mistakes of others as I will not live long enough to make them all myself"
Bye for now!
I have read a lot of good comments here. Each of us will really do what works for us.....for me the pain remained.....the pain receptors were completely numb I think.....and it was taking so many opiates to "get the feeling" and get rid of my legit pain. I was having many physical symptoms and wreaking our finances by getting more and more.
I tapered to a point....and then just went CTurkey. For the sweats you can blow a fan on you or shower or wet cloth yourself, for chills, lay by a big hotpad, for sleep, benedryl helped me some, but I had already abused xanex and had none. Keep reading, posting, praying if you do, ask all of us if there is one thing in particular you are struggling with. I had 4 puke bowls under my bed and a direct line to the bathroom. There are a lot of good articles on line for opiate addicts.....natural amino acids we can take, melatonin (a natural hormone for sleep), on and on. Depending on how much your body is used to will affect how badly you feel during w/drawals to a certain extent.
I kept a little notebook deal by me; wrote how I was feeling each day; what got better and would look back and be grateful at least one of the w/d symptoms was abating. I found meditations to feed my mind; the" I need a pill" message is stronger than any other and whatever we choose to feed....obviously it grows! You have to starve it out; ask for help where you can; tell your "rx customers you know so well" NOT to give you anything.
It takes a lot of courage......"COURAGE IS FEAR THAT HAS SAID ITS PRAYERS" You are physical, emotional and spiritual. Feed your spirit and don't listen to your head. ADDICTS HEADS ALWAY LIE!!
"Just one won't hurt......just a half a one won't hurt" YES......IT WILL!!
I'm 83 days clean today....and I am just now not so angry that I can't take anything for pain besides aceteminophen or ibuprofen. My daughter says I was "vehement" sounding....still am sometimes. You MUST find someone who has worn these "same addiction shoes" to talk to. (How old is your child, by the way?) I had to tell myself I was not going to take a pill "even if my rearend fell off!" One minute at a time, then 5 or 10. The clock seems to drag in the beginning, cause I used it for "my permission" to take more opiates every hr on the hr by the end! Your brain is your worst enemy.......other addicts are your lifeline to FREEDOM.
Love, prayers and all the encouragement you can feel from Kansas, girl!
P.S. Good thing I didn't work in a pharmacy......I would be in jail as demanding as my physical addiction had gotten.
Please don't say when you read our posts "well, I'm not so bad, I didn't or don't take THAT many! Your bottom is wherever you want it to be. It will rise up and meet you. Lastly, here's a quote (I love em) that has helped me immensely thru a lot of things, "I pray that I may learn from the mistakes of others as I will not live long enough to make them all myself"
Bye for now!
I wouldnt say that at all. I am sure you want it .
You can do it just dont give up keep trying and trying learn from your relapse push yourself to get farther next time and maybe you relapse again but each time push push and maybe you will just do it. I know you want this if you didnt you would not be trying . Maybe you could look into one on one counseling and try and start once you start doing this and it will help you. See an addiction therapist and maybe they can give you help mentally to get over the issues that cause you the most stress.
Dont Give up and dont ever think you arent deserving .
You Know you have to quit like you have said You get them at work what would happen if they found out? and I Know you dont want that. So just keep trying take baby steps all those babysteps will make a difference.
You can do it just dont give up keep trying and trying learn from your relapse push yourself to get farther next time and maybe you relapse again but each time push push and maybe you will just do it. I know you want this if you didnt you would not be trying . Maybe you could look into one on one counseling and try and start once you start doing this and it will help you. See an addiction therapist and maybe they can give you help mentally to get over the issues that cause you the most stress.
Dont Give up and dont ever think you arent deserving .
You Know you have to quit like you have said You get them at work what would happen if they found out? and I Know you dont want that. So just keep trying take baby steps all those babysteps will make a difference.
Hey Ashka, don't be so hard on yourself! Most everyone here who's deep into recovery tried and relapsed a few times. It's considered a normal part of recovery. I think you would really benefit from having at least one experienced, "real", person in an aftercare role. This board is amazing, but you can't beat hearing the same concepts in 3D.
There is a difference between HIPPA regs and doctor/patient privilege. You would want confirmation of this from a therapist, but my understanding is that they can't reveal anything you talk about to anyone absent an imminent physical threat to yourself or someone else, or a court order.
I've heard it said here that there are three pillars to recovery: 1) Aftercare 2) Coming clean 3) Cutting off all sources. It's obviously a lot more complex than that, and of course that's just one way of looking at things. But regardless of your own opinion on the best formula, you're trying to do this without having any of these generally recognized important things in place. I totally get that you can't help #3 - that's a tough situation. But maybe you can find a way to do 1 & 2 and deal with 3 as part of your recovery. Also, please note that "willpower" is not listed at all.
I hope you stay positive and keep posting!
There is a difference between HIPPA regs and doctor/patient privilege. You would want confirmation of this from a therapist, but my understanding is that they can't reveal anything you talk about to anyone absent an imminent physical threat to yourself or someone else, or a court order.
I've heard it said here that there are three pillars to recovery: 1) Aftercare 2) Coming clean 3) Cutting off all sources. It's obviously a lot more complex than that, and of course that's just one way of looking at things. But regardless of your own opinion on the best formula, you're trying to do this without having any of these generally recognized important things in place. I totally get that you can't help #3 - that's a tough situation. But maybe you can find a way to do 1 & 2 and deal with 3 as part of your recovery. Also, please note that "willpower" is not listed at all.
I hope you stay positive and keep posting!
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Tons of great comments....
Yes when you're new cut off all supplies..when I was detoxing I was feeling anxious as well,,,,I said to myself...." Cmon try the sober way,....if it suxs then my misery will gladly be refunded"
So I started saying,,,"just for today" I want to be clean.....kept it simple...
As you stay clean,,,you will come to realize and love yourself to the point where the idea of setting a match to your life and torching it is out of the question,,,
But our logical minds have little defense against the power and stealth of the drugs,,,we seem to only remember how good we felt,,all warm and fuzzy,,,,
Play the using tape in your head all the way through,,,,,,
Mine goes::: Using... then .....guilt....counting pills...cutting pills in half...budgeting pills....countdown till refill,,,,anxiety when running low......panic when down to last one....self loathing...alienation from family/friends,,,,putting everything second to the drugs...nto eating...cancelling plans because im out of pills,......hating my life and what I represent.....etc......
your tape will of course be different,,,,
rooting for ya
Free~