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Avatar universal

Addicted to vicodin the norco kind and need help

I am a 21 year old male college student, who made the mistake of trying one of my mother's pain killers.  I have been off and on vicodin for about a year now.  I don't have a perscription and I have been taking the pills from my mom, which makes me feel like a horrible person, but I know that's addiction.  I have withdrawaled many of times over the year because I can't take a lot because they are my mom's pills.  Everytime I have withdrawaled I always go to this site because it shows me that there are people who  care, which is what I really need right now.  My mom did catch me about 2 months ago and I spilled my guts to her about everything and she was mad because she is probably addicted as well from what I have seen.  But both my parents showed me the greatest support a person could ask for.  However, I only stayed sober for 16 days and went right back to it.  And this time my parents don't know and I am scared that they would find out I have been taking my mom's pills again.  Im sorry for writing so much but I have been taking between 2-6 pills of 10mg of norco as like I said before on and off.  This time I kind of went on a binge and took a bunch for like 3 weeks.  To get to my point lol i want to stop for good I am young and can't be dealing with this addiction anymore.  I feel like a horrible son for stealing my mom's pills even though she forgave me.  But then after she forgave me I stayed sober for 16 days and went right back to stealing her pills again.  I know this withdrawal is gonna suck just like all the other withdrawals I have been through lol.  I just want to talk to the people on here to give me pointers on how to stay clean instead of relasping over and over.  I believe in Jesus Christ and know that he is with me always and will help guide me past this addiction, but I want other addicts to tell me that I can be clean forever and that I can do it.  All the people who have posted on this website I want to thank because even though the withdrawal I am goinng through is probably not as bad as some of my others, but the first couple times I withdrawaled this site saved my life from kiling myself, because the withdrawals were so bad.  I am currently 24 hours without a pill and the pain has definitly has kicked in.  You guys are great even though I have never posted here before, from the hundreds of comments I have read, it makes me happy that there are people out there that are trying to help other addicts and i hope you guys can help me even more by giving me support.  Please someone write back lol
30 Responses
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1235186 tn?1656987798
mark,
how goes it? how are you feeling. please get to some counseling, one on one and support groups. you have to deal with this. you cant stay away from your house forever. you have to beable to be there and not think about taking the pills.
please get back to church.pray and ask the LORD to strengthen you.
hugs and prayers
debbie
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks for the support everybody, donewitis you are right I have always believed in Jesus and have had a good relationship with God and Jesus but the drugs have dragged me away a little bit but i will never lose faith in Jesus or God because I know I was put on this earth to do something and help others.  But right now i need to help myself... Debbie, I have started school on monday and i took 4 on monday but i can't get the pills while I am at school.  I only take them from my mom, but I hate living down at school.  I have two roommates one is one of my best friends but the other one I can't stand and thinks he owns the whole apartment, which makes it kind of difficult  even though we all pay evenly.  I know I should stay at school to get away from the pills, but I love my family and my mom has COPD and takes the pain pills because she is in chronic pain all the time and I help with all the chores so she doesn't have to do it.  So I do have to go home to help her even though I am an addict.  I do need help from an outside source most likely, but I have so many issues guys lol I have major anxiety some depression (I have always had these they are not from withdrawals), But the withdrawals just intensify these problems more so it is hard for me to tell someone because my anxiety is so bad I don't think I could do it.  Yes I am on paxil but it has pretty much ruined my life worse then the pain pills.  Thats another story though lol. I now what you mean coun79try my whole family are addicts as well wether is it porn or drugs or anything, someone in my family is addicted to it.  Your story inspires and it makes me believe I can be clean for good.  I appreciate the prayers everybody I also pray for you guys as well.  I know there are people who have it way worse than me so I am sorry if I sound like I feel sorry for myself because I know this is just a test from God and will make me stronger.  I am officially 48 hours clean I am not going home this weekend because I know I will take the pills if I went home because I am withdrawaling right now and know my mind will some how trick me into taking them.  It ***** being at school withdrawling but i have done it many times before.  Thanks again guys I feel really good right now because of what you guys wrote.  I have never had anyone but family really care about me and it makes me feel good you guys are here thanks again God Bless.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Mark, I come from a family of addicts. Everyone on my dads side was one except my grand parents who was a preacher and they raised me because my dad was to strung out on pain meds. He would take 20-25 pills a day. And even though my grandpa was a preacher who every held more account to he didn't let shame stop him from asking for prayer for his kids overtime we where in church. Now usually the withdraws are not the problem for some one on drugs. Yes there hard to get pass but usually is more of a mental issues of doing something that makes you feel good or even the routine of doing it. I have been raised church my whole life and at one time i was very addicted to porn yes i know its not the same i didn't have awful withdraws but mentally it was harder then i ever thought it could be. I never even believe in that kind of addiction and every time i done it s would promise god i wouldn't do it any more and a few days later i was back at it. I didn't want to tell people my problem I would have much rather told them i was addicted to drugs but i had to I had to seek help from some where else because it was starting to controlled my life. So I set my wife down my grandparents a few close friends from church and told what my problem was because i needed prayer and support. Now they could only do so much the rest was up to me. So I shut of the internet to my house and phone, I started listening to only gospel radio station and wouldn't watch any thing tv or movie that would give me the urge. After awhile the desire left and even though it has been 3 years it still hits me every now and then so i pray right then that god gives me the strength to overcome it. I know my addiction was different then yours but the point is your going to have to make changes to your life to make it easier. If getting the pills from your mom is the issue then set her down. You don't even have to tell her what your doing right now but you can tell her to please help you and lock the pills away because your getting the urge to start taking them again. Your flesh will always pull you to things that will destroy your life to me its all part of satans plain. I will pray for you every night because this has really put a burden on my heart, your young and have your whole life ahead of you. I wish you the best
Helpful - 0
1235186 tn?1656987798
thank you for posting.thank you for your honesty.
"you know what you need to do. it is just  hard."
it is hard and it will continue to get harder. the w/d will get harder.
please i urge you to get to a support group, counseling, talk to the pastor, stay in church. read the WORD,pray.
stay away the from those that use.
are you  getting ready for school again? is it harder at school or home?
please get some local support.  
continue to tell yourself that you are winning the battle over addiction.
please continue to come here for encouragement . we want you to continue on the road to recovery.
please end this vicious cycle.
sending hugs and prayers
debbie
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I'm praying for you. You can do all things through Christ..who WILL strengthen you. Ask Him, read His Word when the insanity of wanting these disgusting pills comes over you. Everyone has said it all. I just wanted to drop a line and let you know one more addict is pullin for/with ya. Also, because I have to share what He so recently did for me. 3 days clean and feelin' real good.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks Debbie I could be better but I have relapsed but I took four pills a couple days ago so I have to kinda withdrawal again, but I am trying and trying.  I know what I have to do it is just hard.  I am not giving up though.  Wish me luck.
Helpful - 0
1235186 tn?1656987798
hey mark,
long time since we have heard from you. how are you doing?
praying that you are still fighting this battle over addiction.
sending prayers and hugs
debbie
Helpful - 0
345032 tn?1313514231
I'm sorry Mark...Day 2 not 4 !!!  You know for me days 2-3 were the hardest so keep the faith buddy :)
Helpful - 0
345032 tn?1313514231
Mark...Day 4 !!!  That's awesome !!  Things will get better each day from hear on in with the wd's.  Try to get outside and walk around a little.  Close your eyes and take deep breaths and think to yourself how wonderful that air smells.  When we're on these pills we often forget about the little things in life, the little things we used to enjoy before our lives were overtaken.  Sit and reflect on how your life used to be before the addiction, I do this alot and it helps and will also make you smile which is important :)  If you need anything just let me know...Dave
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks voxxx that gives me hope that I can totally stop.  I am a full blown addict and like you said if I take just one even if I have been clean a month I go right back to taking a ton and the process repeats.  I am day 4 now and have had minor cravings, but I need to stop I can't take withdrawaling every other month.  Thanks for your story though it reminds me I am not the only young person in college secretly dealing with a drug addiction.  Also congrats on 6 months can't wait till I can say that.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I know what your going through, myself being 21 and in college. I started off like you taking a few norcos a couple days a week back when I was 16. And it progressed over the past 5 years from oxycontin, dilaudid, fentanyl and finally iv heroin. I have been through withdrawals too many times to count. Im sure you will be able to beat the withdrawals as you seem genuinely wanting to stop.

As far as taking some more pills after the withdrawals are over, if your anything like me be aware that one use WILL eventually bring you back into full blown dependency. I dont know why it is like that (for me atleast) with opiates, but I know for me its either full addiction or none at all. Ive been clean for over 6 months now so it IS possible.
Helpful - 0
1235186 tn?1656987798
hey mark, how is today going for you? you can do this you will do this. you can win this battle over addiction. our GOD is greater and HE can do great and mighty things on your behaf. keep the faith my brother.
hugs and prayers
debbie
Helpful - 0
1235186 tn?1656987798
mark,keep the faith. resolve in your mind that this is your last detox. please take the necessary steps to prevent relapse. get counseling, talk to your pastor. check out celebrate recovery i sent the link above. think positively. be encouraged the LORD is on your side. the devil will do all he can to discourage you. rebuke him and he will flee.
sending blessings
debbie
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I have a bad feeling tommorow is going to suck really bad cause even though I have been in pain and all that other stuff it seems too mild and I am thinking it is about to progress into full blown withdrawal.  Ugh that's just my negative side though, maybe i've withdrawaled so many times it seems normal to me lol
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
today was actually not too bad I was out and about so I didn't really focus on the pain or the cravings.  Night time and mornings seem to be the worse I just hope once I get done with the withdrawal I can stay clean.  Your right pharma the hard part is staying off of them because your mind tricks you into thinking you can take some.  And yes the hot baths do help a lot and ya I will probably start looking for a group like NA or like what debbie said and go talk to a pastor.  One more day down though can't wait for the physical part to stop.  Thanks again guys.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Take hot baths in epsom salts to relax the muscles and help rebound pain and also helps the chills.
48 hrs is good and dig deep and you will soon overcome the most difficult part of acute detox.
Of course the  most difficult part is staying off these drugs and this is when you pray to God to help you and join a NA group.
Admitting your addiction makes you face up to it and will help you heal.
Keep posting and we will all cheer you on.
Good luck and hang in there
You can do it.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I am doing pretty bad today I just hate waking up freezing all the time even though it's like 80 degrees and I have 3 blakents on.  Thats usually the worse physical part for me.  I am close to 48 hours though so maybe 1 or 2 days left.  It's just the mental battle throughout the day and the depression.  I have had no cravings what so ever because I know I can't take them anymore.  Usually I would be craving them like crazy but today I am not being obsessive thinking about them.  Thanks for the prayers I really appreciate it.
Helpful - 0
1235186 tn?1656987798
Mark how are doing today? I am going to church now and will continue to pray for your freedom from the chains and bondage of addiction
Hugs
Debbie
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I sent you a message.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Yes the withdrawal makes you depressed and antsy and wanting something,but if you can get past that tonight and take vitamins you will have one more day without drugs and each day adds up.
Sure you feel like crying...we all felt the same way,but you can overcome this and with God's help you will succeed.
If you really truly want to quit you can even quit with Mom taking the pills because you will decide that you do not need them anymore.
I quit opiates almost 2 years ago and work with them every day.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I know I can do it because I did stay sober for 16 days and was fine and feeling great but I was bored one night and relapsed because I thought I would only take it once.  I wish my mom would stop taking them too cause her liver is so messed up and it would make it where there are no drugs in the house.  But she does go through a lot of pain with everything thats wrong with her so I don't blame her taking them, but I think she abuses them too like I do.  I just hate having this secret and can't talk to anyone about it.  It makes me feel alone and even though my parents are supportive I couldn't tell them I was taking her pills again, because they would just think that I'm a liar and not be able to trust me.  Man I feel like crying right now, but thats just the withdrawal well wish me luck guys on me trying to get some sleep and stay asleep.  I do appreciate you guys taking time out of your day to respond to me, even though you don't even know me.  It shows what caring people you are and it's nice to know there are still good people out in the world who would help a stranger. Thank you
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
YOU will be a success story if you make it so.
It is all in your hands with the help of your god.
You can do anything you make up your mind to do.
You will stop these drugs and make your life productive and good
Just ask your god and us for help and support
You have to accept the discomfort of detox realizing that that will soon pass and you will be on the right path.
You just need the tools to help you along and post  and we will help you
Helpful - 0
1235186 tn?1656987798
mark,
dont worry about what you friends think. you need to worry about yourself and your recovery. you can speak to your pastor in confidence. you are there for support.
you come from a family of addicts then he will be more than willing to lead you and guide you.
here is the link for celebrate recovery for illinois:

http://www.celebraterecovery.com/?page_id=72

hugs debbie
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I come from a family of addicts so i know I need to stop because I know it can get worse.  I know I can do it and I will do it.  Just the depression and anxiety of the withdrawals are the worst cause it makes me want to take a pill so bad.  But I really do believe this time is the final time because it takes over your life and it's really scary.  My whole life I was against drugs and would never think I would be a drug addict.  From this experience though I have learned that I am an addict and I am glad I am figuring it out now before I have a good job and a family.  But thanks for the support it is helping me a lot and lets hope I can be a success story.
Helpful - 0
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