Aa
Advice for a year of Oxy
I've been on oxy ocs for 13 months. I've never exceeded 60mgs in a day (10 mos of 20s twice a day, then 3 months of 30s twice a day.) I ran out of ocs and didn't care to use the ops. I had some Opana 10s, and when I took my last oxy on Sunday, I used two of the Opana 10s on Monday. Today (Tuesday), I haven't taken anything. In fact, I flushed the Opana and about 8 ox ops I had left down the toiled. I feel horrible. My back. My mind. My stomach. I'm not sure how to cope or how long it will last. I have three kids - 6, 4, and 2 - and don't want to ruin their Christmas being locked in my room sweating. My wife is trying to help, but I keep pushing her away. Any advice?
Best Answer
They would never recover from losing you with or without the money, hiskidd ... I can assure you that during wds our minds are our worst enemies, it is not only that we feel down and depressed , it is that all our thoughts are sort of catastrophic thoughts and we can not see any light at the end of the tunnel. Try not to over think, i know it is really difficult not doing it but in some days all those thoughts will be different, don't trust your mind now at all...you will see th end of this tunnel and will be in a much better frame of mind. This rebound pain is also hurting you really bad, take another hot bath, whatever you are taking for the pain and some more valerian root which is for anxiety and will help to relax a little but please, do not lose your hope nor your fightiing spirit, today too shall pass ...
David, i had a lot of problems with sleep,.... it is one of those things lingering longer... rls, lack of energy , motivation and sleep were with me for weeks ... take each day at a time ...sleep will come with time and i can say that i had no problems to leave the melatonin behind so don't worry about taking them for now, please..
Hi guys. The night (at 8:30pm) is going ok. Again, my back is feeling a little better. I'm almost positive my back and neck pain are related to stress and anxiety. The MRI I had last year didn't "show much." Certainly not enough for them to order surgery. The pain was/is real, but right now it's ebbs and flows.
Anyway, I'm praying for sleep tonight without sleeping pills, but I may need at least one (OTC).
I wanted you all to keep me in your thoughts. When I went to the ER 12 days ago for Ambien, they made me an appointment with my Dr. for tomorrow at 10am. I'm not sure I even want to go. I don't want EXTRA anit-anxiety meds since I've been on Klonopin for so long. (.05mg 2 times a day).
Anyway, I love you all and I will start the new thread Monday or Tuesday IF I'm up to it. I feel like there is not much else you guys can tell me, but I don't want you to think I am just tossing out the advice. It's just hard to get from one room to the next some moments. I'll put the name hiskidd somewhere in the new thread. God bless you all.
Anyway, I'm praying for sleep tonight without sleeping pills, but I may need at least one (OTC).
I wanted you all to keep me in your thoughts. When I went to the ER 12 days ago for Ambien, they made me an appointment with my Dr. for tomorrow at 10am. I'm not sure I even want to go. I don't want EXTRA anit-anxiety meds since I've been on Klonopin for so long. (.05mg 2 times a day).
Anyway, I love you all and I will start the new thread Monday or Tuesday IF I'm up to it. I feel like there is not much else you guys can tell me, but I don't want you to think I am just tossing out the advice. It's just hard to get from one room to the next some moments. I'll put the name hiskidd somewhere in the new thread. God bless you all.
Hey! Please don't be discouraged! That is a quick way to get miserable!!!! The fatigue, or weakness and inability to sleep well will get better at around 3 to 4 weeks if I remember right when I detoxed from oxy a few years ago. If you can hang in for a little longer or start some good exercise that will help!
Please hang on! It does get better!
Please hang on! It does get better!
Hey David and Berit -
I am the biggest believer that all things really do happen for a reason. Most of the time, it's not apparent for a while what the purpose in certain things are, but they happen and then something good or meaningful will shine through. That's why I think the both of you found each other on this forum at the time you did. I've been following and reading this (yes David, lots of people read, but maybe start a new one?) since it began. And although I've sent you guys both personal messages, I've never said what is so obvious to me now: you guys are like yin and yang to each other..One of you is having a bad day, the other balances it out by encouraging and vice versa. You guys are doing such a great job, and you have each other to lean on or lift up, whatever the moment calls for. You're both doing an amazing job and all the credit goes to both of you for facing this head on and kicking it in the balls! You're putting up an amazing fight, and you're giving others inspiration to go one more hour or day or week. They see you guys and what you've been through and are going through, and it gives them hope to push a little harder. Look how far you've come - you should both give your aching backs a big pat! Keep going, I know it's grueling. But just when you sound like you're not able to push another step out, you do. This is really putting you through the biggest challenge physically and now mentally. I really hope, like others have posted, that you guys get into some kind of therapy or counseling or AA or NA meetings sooner than later. You've pushed through WAY too much. You've come too far. Now start relying on some aftercare. Berit, look how much it helped you to lean on a coworker..now imagine doing that with a substance abuse counselor or sponsor..? You'd have a chance to really get to the bottom of things and you'll be so thankful you did. You can have that too David, if you confide in someone, like a sponsor or therapist. I know it doesn't seem like right now that you'd gain much out of it, but just try it and you'd be amazed at how much it helps. Hell, it helps 'normal' people even feel better and resolve lots of issues. So yes, start a new thread and we'll keep reading and posting..we would anyway, but like Berit said, we're getting lazy with having to scroll down the page so far!! ...how sad are we??!!! LOL.....but I said a prayer for the both of you and anyone else going through a struggle, that they will find peace of mind, like you said you want so bad David. It will come, I promise! But maybe to push it a little faster, talk to a professional substance abuse counselor, addicitonologist, therapist, or sponsor, etc. God bless you both, we're pulling for you!!! You'll do this, you ARE doing this...xo
Alison
I am the biggest believer that all things really do happen for a reason. Most of the time, it's not apparent for a while what the purpose in certain things are, but they happen and then something good or meaningful will shine through. That's why I think the both of you found each other on this forum at the time you did. I've been following and reading this (yes David, lots of people read, but maybe start a new one?) since it began. And although I've sent you guys both personal messages, I've never said what is so obvious to me now: you guys are like yin and yang to each other..One of you is having a bad day, the other balances it out by encouraging and vice versa. You guys are doing such a great job, and you have each other to lean on or lift up, whatever the moment calls for. You're both doing an amazing job and all the credit goes to both of you for facing this head on and kicking it in the balls! You're putting up an amazing fight, and you're giving others inspiration to go one more hour or day or week. They see you guys and what you've been through and are going through, and it gives them hope to push a little harder. Look how far you've come - you should both give your aching backs a big pat! Keep going, I know it's grueling. But just when you sound like you're not able to push another step out, you do. This is really putting you through the biggest challenge physically and now mentally. I really hope, like others have posted, that you guys get into some kind of therapy or counseling or AA or NA meetings sooner than later. You've pushed through WAY too much. You've come too far. Now start relying on some aftercare. Berit, look how much it helped you to lean on a coworker..now imagine doing that with a substance abuse counselor or sponsor..? You'd have a chance to really get to the bottom of things and you'll be so thankful you did. You can have that too David, if you confide in someone, like a sponsor or therapist. I know it doesn't seem like right now that you'd gain much out of it, but just try it and you'd be amazed at how much it helps. Hell, it helps 'normal' people even feel better and resolve lots of issues. So yes, start a new thread and we'll keep reading and posting..we would anyway, but like Berit said, we're getting lazy with having to scroll down the page so far!! ...how sad are we??!!! LOL.....but I said a prayer for the both of you and anyone else going through a struggle, that they will find peace of mind, like you said you want so bad David. It will come, I promise! But maybe to push it a little faster, talk to a professional substance abuse counselor, addicitonologist, therapist, or sponsor, etc. God bless you both, we're pulling for you!!! You'll do this, you ARE doing this...xo
Alison
David, I put a tag on every message that you send on every post, it tells my phone and then I go see if you are ok.
But yeah start a new post, so we do not have to scroll down to much anymore, Im getting to lazy for it. But still I will scroll all day to read your messages if I have to, cause you are one of the ppl the helped me to be where I am right now. I am here.....readying your messages EVERY TIME!
Dont give up your not alone! And this is not BS its from the bottom of my heart!
Big hugs,
Berit
But yeah start a new post, so we do not have to scroll down to much anymore, Im getting to lazy for it. But still I will scroll all day to read your messages if I have to, cause you are one of the ppl the helped me to be where I am right now. I am here.....readying your messages EVERY TIME!
Dont give up your not alone! And this is not BS its from the bottom of my heart!
Big hugs,
Berit
yes, there are people reading your posts, David but it is true you culd start a new one to make easier reading the new posts.
It is a good sign that your back feels better, i think that once you are not in so much pain from it, you will start feeling better overall :)
It is a good sign that your back feels better, i think that once you are not in so much pain from it, you will start feeling better overall :)
Super weak today. Pretty discouraged. The ironic part is that my back feels a little better, but anytime I think of the future, I shudder. I wish I had this glowing report to give everyone. I'm not sure I would have embarked on giving up oxy if I knew I would not be healed by 2 weeks time. Tomorrow is day 14, and i'm tired of taking sleeping pills to sleep, tired of being weak for my family, tired of crying for no reason, and just plain ashamed and tired. i thought so much of going back on oxy today, but i'm haunted by the thought of going through ALL THIS hell for nothing. I genuinely figure I averaged 45mg of oxy per day for 13 months, and keep rationalizing how that's "not so bad." yeah right.
Sorry guys for all this stuff. I think this post is so long, not sure anyone's reading anyway. love, david
Sorry guys for all this stuff. I think this post is so long, not sure anyone's reading anyway. love, david
Sorry David I was not more active "there" for you yesterday.
It was such a busy day, and the cleaning took so much out of me, I fell asleep and slept most of the afternoon, it felt so good.
Today ( it is 01:35 right now) Im going to church for the first time in a long time.
I found a church I think I feel ok with, some friends are taking me and my family along.
Im nervous but happy to feel closer to him!
I will be praying for you and your family,
I did not know April is having a baby! Congrats, what a strong and brave women, 4 kids and the household that's a huge job!
I was going to tell you something about the soy products. try a little of it first. Eric is also very Lactose intolerant, he can not even drink a little creamer in his coffee or even have just one bite of ice cream without getting very sick.
Anyway, we tried the soy products on him for calcium and vitamin D. OMG, he got so so horribly gassy is was crazy, and it smelled like nothing I have ever smelled before. It was unbearable, he smelled like that for like 24 hours. I wanted to lock him into the garage lol. so be careful, and just try a little first and see what your tummy does.
Hope you are sleeping well tonight, Im going to try to get some more sleep to, its hard cause I am nervous about church tomorrow, Im so worried to be around all those people tomorrow. what if I get anxiety or panic? Im still having a lot of anxiety problems......
Please remember you are not alone! You did so well today, you did babysteps today,
also please remember he will not put anything on you that you can not handle!
Big Hugs,
Berit
It was such a busy day, and the cleaning took so much out of me, I fell asleep and slept most of the afternoon, it felt so good.
Today ( it is 01:35 right now) Im going to church for the first time in a long time.
I found a church I think I feel ok with, some friends are taking me and my family along.
Im nervous but happy to feel closer to him!
I will be praying for you and your family,
I did not know April is having a baby! Congrats, what a strong and brave women, 4 kids and the household that's a huge job!
I was going to tell you something about the soy products. try a little of it first. Eric is also very Lactose intolerant, he can not even drink a little creamer in his coffee or even have just one bite of ice cream without getting very sick.
Anyway, we tried the soy products on him for calcium and vitamin D. OMG, he got so so horribly gassy is was crazy, and it smelled like nothing I have ever smelled before. It was unbearable, he smelled like that for like 24 hours. I wanted to lock him into the garage lol. so be careful, and just try a little first and see what your tummy does.
Hope you are sleeping well tonight, Im going to try to get some more sleep to, its hard cause I am nervous about church tomorrow, Im so worried to be around all those people tomorrow. what if I get anxiety or panic? Im still having a lot of anxiety problems......
Please remember you are not alone! You did so well today, you did babysteps today,
also please remember he will not put anything on you that you can not handle!
Big Hugs,
Berit
Hey dude ok I see from what you said you cant do the whey protein shakes we need to get some amino acids in your body look to the lower right of the screen under heath pages
and look up the amino acid protacall ...you need to get these amino acids in your system it will help you heal your brain right now it is lacking key ingredients to you feeling better
thats why I like the whey protein it contains a lot of what you need I know this is a struggle for you it was for me also so you got to give your body what it needs to fight back GNCwill have everything you need keep posting and hang in there dude better days are ahead
good luck and God bless.....Gnarly....btw never under estimate the healing power of God
he got me where im at and life is a beautiful place once again
and look up the amino acid protacall ...you need to get these amino acids in your system it will help you heal your brain right now it is lacking key ingredients to you feeling better
thats why I like the whey protein it contains a lot of what you need I know this is a struggle for you it was for me also so you got to give your body what it needs to fight back GNCwill have everything you need keep posting and hang in there dude better days are ahead
good luck and God bless.....Gnarly....btw never under estimate the healing power of God
he got me where im at and life is a beautiful place once again
Thank you. It wasn't long after your post that I went to GNC to get the soy powder. I can't say today/tonight was easy, but I did do another mile (25 minutes) on the treadmill, and took my family out for pizza. My wife could tell it was hard for me to sit there. The right side of my head started tingling and I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. I was convinced I was going to the ER after we got back from dinner. BUT, I hung in there, drank my lemonade, ate a little and calmed down some. I made it home, played Wii with my boys, and now am preparing for church tomorrow. I'm very tired. Still in pain. But I guess it's another day in the books.
It was weird. I looked at so many people in the restaurant in envy. They all looked so happy and healthy and normal. I pray God would have mercy, that I may be normal one day soon.
It was weird. I looked at so many people in the restaurant in envy. They all looked so happy and healthy and normal. I pray God would have mercy, that I may be normal one day soon.
you will turn around this corner ....it seems each one of us has a day when things get better, i will pray for yours to come soon, David...btw, there are soy shakes with the same aminos and vitamins, just in case you want them. Hang in, David
Thanks everyone. Not better. Not really. Didn't go to the ER, but I had to take sleeping pills to sleep. They were OTC, but I took double the recommended dosage. It's about noon, and I feel just as delapidated as ever. What's worse is that I can see the wear and tear on April. She looks like she has lost hope. This is tearing my heart out. She leans on me so much. She is a stay at home mom and does a wonderful job with our three kids (and one due in June/July). I basically work two jobs and am in school full-time. I go back to "everything" on Jan 10, and I'm am deathly afraid.
Anyway, I can't drink/eat any dairy products, so I can't do the whey shakes. I have start a multi-vitamin, but I couldn't do the treadmill yesterday because of my chest congestion. I took a short walk to the store yesterday and it was so hard on me body. I might try the treadmill today since my chest seems a little better.
I don't discount what anyone has said about time. I honestly just think or feel like maybe irrepairable (sp?) damage has been done. I don't know what to do. I have pockets of "okay" time where I can play Wii video games with my boys, and I eat sporadically, but all in all, I'm a curled up sobbing mess. Pray for me.
Anyway, I can't drink/eat any dairy products, so I can't do the whey shakes. I have start a multi-vitamin, but I couldn't do the treadmill yesterday because of my chest congestion. I took a short walk to the store yesterday and it was so hard on me body. I might try the treadmill today since my chest seems a little better.
I don't discount what anyone has said about time. I honestly just think or feel like maybe irrepairable (sp?) damage has been done. I don't know what to do. I have pockets of "okay" time where I can play Wii video games with my boys, and I eat sporadically, but all in all, I'm a curled up sobbing mess. Pray for me.
David,
How are you doing?
give me a update plz! I been thinking about you all morning! did you go to the ER?
Last night was hard for me, everyone was drinking, smoking weed, having a good time.
And there I was, just being sober. But I pulled through, Im just glad right now 2010 is over and I can start on a fresh page.
I am sorry you are struggling so much !
today for me is a big cleaning day.
All the Christmas stuff has to be put up and getting everything ready and organized again for school.
but I will be checking on you all through the day on you. I am feeling for you! And I am praying for you and your family
Your friend Berit
How are you doing?
give me a update plz! I been thinking about you all morning! did you go to the ER?
Last night was hard for me, everyone was drinking, smoking weed, having a good time.
And there I was, just being sober. But I pulled through, Im just glad right now 2010 is over and I can start on a fresh page.
I am sorry you are struggling so much !
today for me is a big cleaning day.
All the Christmas stuff has to be put up and getting everything ready and organized again for school.
but I will be checking on you all through the day on you. I am feeling for you! And I am praying for you and your family
Your friend Berit
Hey dude what your experiencing is quite normal we sort of go into an emotional roller coaster after we detox there will be times that nothing seam right and life seams hopeless
you will cry at even a sad song on the radio and then theirs the energy crash you seam like you cant move...you need to force yourself to exorcise start with a walk around the block the fresh air will also do you some good you can work your way up from there I found good nutrition very important and we can eat what we need I started drinking whey protein shakes 2 a day there loaded with vitamins essential amino acids as well as the protein all of witch the brain needs to heal you can pick up a 2lb can up at walmart for 15 bucks the chocolate flavor is good and all you do is mix it with milk,,....I only wish I found this earlier in my recovery it makes a difference other then that....and im sure your sick of hearing it is it takes time to get well oxy is ruff to come off of but trust me you will start to sleep again and the other symptoms will start to go away good luck and God bless,,,,,Gnarly
you will cry at even a sad song on the radio and then theirs the energy crash you seam like you cant move...you need to force yourself to exorcise start with a walk around the block the fresh air will also do you some good you can work your way up from there I found good nutrition very important and we can eat what we need I started drinking whey protein shakes 2 a day there loaded with vitamins essential amino acids as well as the protein all of witch the brain needs to heal you can pick up a 2lb can up at walmart for 15 bucks the chocolate flavor is good and all you do is mix it with milk,,....I only wish I found this earlier in my recovery it makes a difference other then that....and im sure your sick of hearing it is it takes time to get well oxy is ruff to come off of but trust me you will start to sleep again and the other symptoms will start to go away good luck and God bless,,,,,Gnarly
I hope you are doing better today. Good days, bad days. I cant stress how beneficial the 5HTP can be for clarity and serenity. Just wanted you to know that I'm praying for you. God bless.
help/prayer/advice?
not a good start for new year's eve guys. i'm not sure if it's the chest cold i have, lack of sleep, or just an overall weak me, but i am struggling bad. i feel so nervy. just going from one room to the next is a struggle. thinking of the future, i.e. job, paying a bill, finishing a class, makes me cringe and ball up in a sobbing mess. i feel so bad for wasting my family's vacation. i'm so tempted to go to Urgent Care (psuedo emergency room) and just taking whatever i have to to get my nerves and confidence back. my wife needs a husband, not a child, and my kids need a dad, not a little brother.
i'm sorry guys. i just don't know what is supposed to be "normal." i've taken everything you've said about aftercare to heart. it's not that i crave oxy, i crave a stable mind, the ability to sleep, and a life. i told my wife a bit ago that i don't care if its crack cocaine, i just want my life back. damn
not a good start for new year's eve guys. i'm not sure if it's the chest cold i have, lack of sleep, or just an overall weak me, but i am struggling bad. i feel so nervy. just going from one room to the next is a struggle. thinking of the future, i.e. job, paying a bill, finishing a class, makes me cringe and ball up in a sobbing mess. i feel so bad for wasting my family's vacation. i'm so tempted to go to Urgent Care (psuedo emergency room) and just taking whatever i have to to get my nerves and confidence back. my wife needs a husband, not a child, and my kids need a dad, not a little brother.
i'm sorry guys. i just don't know what is supposed to be "normal." i've taken everything you've said about aftercare to heart. it's not that i crave oxy, i crave a stable mind, the ability to sleep, and a life. i told my wife a bit ago that i don't care if its crack cocaine, i just want my life back. damn
sweet! You gave it some time. Time is way over looked when it comes what you need to quit. With out the right amount of time it sure is hard. Its nice to see you guys are doing what it takes.
It just goes to show you that things are not always what they seem. I always used to think that people were better off than me, living life without needing drugs to get by. However, over time, I have learned of many of their addictions and vices. We're all human, no matter what we do in life. And all prone to addiction. I'm not sure why we need to think that we're not as good as others because we have a problem. Such a stigma attached to addiction but it should be treated like any other health condition. And there shouldn't be any shame in it. I hope someday the shame associated with this problem goes away. I think its the shame that keeps us sick for so long.
Thank you so much guys!
Im doing much better now, I went to a friends house last night, who has a jacuzzi (since ours is not working) and a sauna, we did the sauna a few times and sat out in the freezing cold (-9 degrees Fahrenheit over here) afterwards and talked a lot while sitting in the hot water.
the Jacuzzi felt so so good, or just TALKING felt great too.
Im was so tired last night and so relaxed that made me sleep so well. Im off today, I will take it easy and try some light food today, since I do not have to rush rush today.
But honestly just talking with my friend last night (or maybe hanging out all naked all night ;-) felt great.
Oh and almost forgot....remember I had a breakdown at work yesterday?
Well the lady who I was confessing to yesterday (big wig). She called me last night on my cell. She told me that she is so so proud of me for coming so far (some praises about my work) and she confessed to me that her husband (Officer) is a full blown alcoholic. That he has been drinking for the last 8 years and it has been so bad that he is drinking at work. How he gets by with that I have no idea....
Anyway.....she told me that she would be so happy if he would ever take the "step" that I did. She was crying on the phone....
This was all kinda unconformable knowing all these things about a superior, but afterwords I felt so much better (bad for her). But I am understanding now that I do not have to be perfect. NOBODY IS!!!! Not even my Management!
With this in mind, I am going into the next year, CLEAN!
Im doing much better now, I went to a friends house last night, who has a jacuzzi (since ours is not working) and a sauna, we did the sauna a few times and sat out in the freezing cold (-9 degrees Fahrenheit over here) afterwards and talked a lot while sitting in the hot water.
the Jacuzzi felt so so good, or just TALKING felt great too.
Im was so tired last night and so relaxed that made me sleep so well. Im off today, I will take it easy and try some light food today, since I do not have to rush rush today.
But honestly just talking with my friend last night (or maybe hanging out all naked all night ;-) felt great.
Oh and almost forgot....remember I had a breakdown at work yesterday?
Well the lady who I was confessing to yesterday (big wig). She called me last night on my cell. She told me that she is so so proud of me for coming so far (some praises about my work) and she confessed to me that her husband (Officer) is a full blown alcoholic. That he has been drinking for the last 8 years and it has been so bad that he is drinking at work. How he gets by with that I have no idea....
Anyway.....she told me that she would be so happy if he would ever take the "step" that I did. She was crying on the phone....
This was all kinda unconformable knowing all these things about a superior, but afterwords I felt so much better (bad for her). But I am understanding now that I do not have to be perfect. NOBODY IS!!!! Not even my Management!
With this in mind, I am going into the next year, CLEAN!
it is true that you are been testing almost every hour but here you are :) Do feel proud , David ..
Berit and David, hang in !! you have gone through a lot already, this shows you can fight this, you are doing it, this too shall pass... the mental battle too shall pass, trust yourselves that you can do it with the mental battle too !!!!
Berit and David, hang in !! you have gone through a lot already, this shows you can fight this, you are doing it, this too shall pass... the mental battle too shall pass, trust yourselves that you can do it with the mental battle too !!!!
Thanks Gnarly and Tramahater. Really. I hang on every letter sometimes :)
Berit, you have had a bad day. The protein shakes are enough. Think of all the starving people in the world. Those shakes would be like a feast to them. Your tummy will get better...
My back got a little better tonight. Ebbs and flows, ebbs and flows. Go back and read what you wrote when you were feeling better. Won't stop praying...
Berit, you have had a bad day. The protein shakes are enough. Think of all the starving people in the world. Those shakes would be like a feast to them. Your tummy will get better...
My back got a little better tonight. Ebbs and flows, ebbs and flows. Go back and read what you wrote when you were feeling better. Won't stop praying...
HEY you guys are doing great.....not everyday is going to be a good one you have your ups and downs in the beginning it can be a grind this is why I always say this is 1/3 physical and 2/3 mental ....your mind will play tricks on you your addiction is screaming at you to come out and play...it will say things like ...''oo one pill wont hurt''' ''you deserve it after the day you have had'' the pain in my back is more then I can stand is the one that always trys to get me theirs a 1000 more....this is why we say aftercare is so important it is the very way our minds work the very way we think that needs to change....you know the static shows that lest the 10% of the people will make it 1yr clean without aftercare we cant stress this enough it will really help both of you to get involved with N/A or A/A and work it get a sponsor and work the 12 steps....this has been the path out for many of us please get help wile your still clean your walking on a tight line right now I wish you all the best in your recovery we all want to see you succeed good luck and God bless....Gnarly
What day are we on, David? I forgot......is it 20 Million?
Had a breakdown at work today and confessed to one of my coworkers.
She was holding me while I was boohoo crying.
The children at work and at home "smell" my weakness right now and play me like a violin.
Also, I have a coworker who is not happy with a promotion I got and she is nitpicking at everything I do. so there is so so much pressure on me right now.
I keep thinking maybe I should try this when I have less pressure, I am making excuses In my head why I should "take just one half". but I will not, I am with you David. I wanna make excuse after excuse, but remember where we already are David.
Im afraid if you give up I will too, I am was so so close a few times, this is hard cause I do not sleep or eat. I am doing the protein shakes, but since I went CT I have this whole stomach thing going on. the smallest little thing that grosses me out makes me sick, and we are talking "both sides". I throw up all the time, I almost feel like I am pregnant again.....just awful...... I am sure it is anxiety.
but still if I go back now, I have to do this all over again.
The muscle pain and muscle cramps are unbearable at night that comes with the Hypocalcemia that I have.
I am so sick and tired of being tired and hurt.
this HAS to stop one day David it has to! I just ****** has to.
I am off tomorrow, I will try to relax, sleep and eat as much as I can, I am so sore!
I want to cry, and just take a pill, but we know better David,......we just do......
Hugs, Berit
Had a breakdown at work today and confessed to one of my coworkers.
She was holding me while I was boohoo crying.
The children at work and at home "smell" my weakness right now and play me like a violin.
Also, I have a coworker who is not happy with a promotion I got and she is nitpicking at everything I do. so there is so so much pressure on me right now.
I keep thinking maybe I should try this when I have less pressure, I am making excuses In my head why I should "take just one half". but I will not, I am with you David. I wanna make excuse after excuse, but remember where we already are David.
Im afraid if you give up I will too, I am was so so close a few times, this is hard cause I do not sleep or eat. I am doing the protein shakes, but since I went CT I have this whole stomach thing going on. the smallest little thing that grosses me out makes me sick, and we are talking "both sides". I throw up all the time, I almost feel like I am pregnant again.....just awful...... I am sure it is anxiety.
but still if I go back now, I have to do this all over again.
The muscle pain and muscle cramps are unbearable at night that comes with the Hypocalcemia that I have.
I am so sick and tired of being tired and hurt.
this HAS to stop one day David it has to! I just ****** has to.
I am off tomorrow, I will try to relax, sleep and eat as much as I can, I am so sore!
I want to cry, and just take a pill, but we know better David,......we just do......
Hugs, Berit
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