Advice please!!

[Booklady105]

Hi there I am not sure this is the right category for me but I will explain what happened and see if anyone can relate or has any advice for me. I was addicted to prescription drugs, correction I AM addicted to prescription drugs to be exact clonazepam however I have taken huge quanitites of ativan and others  but clonazepam was my main problem. I spent a year tapering down after 20+ years on clonazepam, ativan and anything else I could get my hands on. I have taken as much as 120 mg. a day. I was prescribed 20 mg. a day. The problem got out of control it had started easily enough I had gone through a very bad time and I had always had an anxiety disorder so had always taken before than one in a real pinch but it was not until I got into a situation that I could not cope with my life at all and had children to raise that I started taking them full time. I started at a high doze but did not know that at the time. It worked well for a while then tolerance kicked in. Ok here is the problem. I am now in my 50's and completed the taper about 6 months ago. I had not been able to work because I was too anxious in fact my world had narrowed to just me and I don't see my adult kids much although I visit them when I can get on the bus and go and not stay too long. They do not come to see me. I get depressed but am one of those people that anti depressants just make worse so I gave up on that class of drugs. Ok sorry this is so long winded. I have gone through 3 jobs in the last few months. I wanted to show I was recovered and tried to get a job. What happens each time is I am too anxious and so I started with the few left in my taper at the 1st job and would take the whole lot in 2 days. I keep thinking I can do this and will get used to the job and it will all be ok. Now I don't have any more taper meds and have used other things to try to calm down even an old bottle I had saved for a long time. I don't just take a few I take a lot it is like I can't stop myself that I have to do it. I don't want to be dead or anything it is not for that reason. Now it happened again 2 weeks into another job that they took me back from twice. (This is the last time!) Can anyone help me? Is the whole taper process null now that I took clonazepam in such a high doze? I have no more left anywhere and am banned from getting more also. Please tell me what to expect if anyone knows other than the loss of my job again. I have tried to talk to them there but it is an appearance oriented job and at my age I am already at a loss. Thanks in advance for any advice. I will seriously consider anything that can help me right now. I am also really really mad and disapointed but feel backed into a corner. Thanks.

[becca494]

Terribly sorry your are going through all this. You have my sympathies and I hope you keep trying. Ask your doctor about trying herbal remedies such as passion flower. Also, really  try and excercise. You may not like excercising but this WILL help tremendously with reducing your anxiety.  Alway excercise under a doctors supervision. Good luck to you and don't' give up.

[vicki595]

Hey...Hi!  I'm sorry your post was overlooked.

You are in a corner and I feel for you!  First,it seems you know that YOU HAVE TO TAPER FROM THESE MEDS. Was I clear enough? You are now out of pills and that's dangerous!  Terrible anxiety,seizures,bad withdrawal...to name a few.

So,your first priority is to get to a doctor,in-patient detox,something...right away!

As far as that job goes: I know jobs are hard to find BUT do you really want to be treated like a "fat ballerina" ?  I wouldn't. They can **** off! Look for another job once you get the meds squared away.Stay in touch,okay??