Aa
Aftercare Delimma
I think you all know me well enough so far to know that I am very serious about my recovery. You also know that I have two very small children. I just spoke with my AA sponsor, and I am feeling really stressed. I know that SMART is the recovery plan for me.
Nothing she said was too overboard. She wanted an hour a week face to face meeting and another hour over the phones. She wants me to fill out worksheet and read the Big Book for the other portion of the week. This all seems fairly standard, but I have a negative feeling about it.
I love the SMART program. I have the flexibility with SMART to work on my program while having more time for my children. There is something I can do every night with SMART. I am purchasing the online modules tomorrow and have been completing my handbook as well. It just feels right. AA does not feel right. It makes me more stressed than I am already. I feel sick at my stomach sometimes trying to find a way to get to a meeting when my husband is working and my mom can't watch my children. Seriously, it makes me sick. The only meetings I can get to regularly are so late that I am exhausted the next day. I have no time to myself on those nights to just wind down and take a breather. I work all day, come home to the babies (more work), put them to bed, leave for a meeting once my husband gets home, and crash in bed. I have no "me" time at all. And I feel like I am going to go crazy keeping this up.
What if I just did what works? What if I worked my SMART program at least an hour each night, caught some face to face meetings at least once a week, went to my therapist at the outpatient treatment facility, and gave myself more time with my children and more time for myself? Would that be the worst thing in the world? Am I just chickening out, or are my feelings valid?
More importantly, will a judge laugh at me when I tell him about my work with SMART and my online modules? Will he think I have done nothing good at all because I am not in AA/NA? I am really sick over this. Please give me some direction. If you tell me to continue to work three programs and work through the sickness, I will, but I have to say that all of this is making me feel like using.
Nothing she said was too overboard. She wanted an hour a week face to face meeting and another hour over the phones. She wants me to fill out worksheet and read the Big Book for the other portion of the week. This all seems fairly standard, but I have a negative feeling about it.
I love the SMART program. I have the flexibility with SMART to work on my program while having more time for my children. There is something I can do every night with SMART. I am purchasing the online modules tomorrow and have been completing my handbook as well. It just feels right. AA does not feel right. It makes me more stressed than I am already. I feel sick at my stomach sometimes trying to find a way to get to a meeting when my husband is working and my mom can't watch my children. Seriously, it makes me sick. The only meetings I can get to regularly are so late that I am exhausted the next day. I have no time to myself on those nights to just wind down and take a breather. I work all day, come home to the babies (more work), put them to bed, leave for a meeting once my husband gets home, and crash in bed. I have no "me" time at all. And I feel like I am going to go crazy keeping this up.
What if I just did what works? What if I worked my SMART program at least an hour each night, caught some face to face meetings at least once a week, went to my therapist at the outpatient treatment facility, and gave myself more time with my children and more time for myself? Would that be the worst thing in the world? Am I just chickening out, or are my feelings valid?
More importantly, will a judge laugh at me when I tell him about my work with SMART and my online modules? Will he think I have done nothing good at all because I am not in AA/NA? I am really sick over this. Please give me some direction. If you tell me to continue to work three programs and work through the sickness, I will, but I have to say that all of this is making me feel like using.
Honey-
SMART is a very reputable recovery program. In my small city there are just as many SMART meetings as there are NA meetings. The judge will not laugh at you or punish you. I feel the EXACT same way as you do.
This is your recovery and you need to do what works for you. It doesn't matter what program you are working, only that you are working one and you are clean.
Plus you are doing therapy, and your therapist is the one that can report your progress to a judge.
Don't stress.
You are doing awesome.
Love
Lu
SMART is a very reputable recovery program. In my small city there are just as many SMART meetings as there are NA meetings. The judge will not laugh at you or punish you. I feel the EXACT same way as you do.
This is your recovery and you need to do what works for you. It doesn't matter what program you are working, only that you are working one and you are clean.
Plus you are doing therapy, and your therapist is the one that can report your progress to a judge.
Don't stress.
You are doing awesome.
Love
Lu
Just FYI...you need to start keeping track of your NA/AA meetings for court. Make a "court card" It's basically like a spreadsheet. (Date, Time, Meeting name, and secretary signature) You have the secretary fill it out at every meeting.
A judge will not honor a sponsor coming into court speaking on your behalf. If it was only that easy. Anybody can play like there a sponsor...imagine how many people could pretend like they are getting help. You need a court card. That's the accepted standard of proof. A letter will also work from your therapist because he or she will sign it and it will have title like, M.F.T. with a license number for reference and verification. It will have to come from a professional with a licensed title, like addiction specialist or something.
Just dont want you walking into court with a sponsor trying to vouch for you and the judge asking for legitimate proof.
A judge will not honor a sponsor coming into court speaking on your behalf. If it was only that easy. Anybody can play like there a sponsor...imagine how many people could pretend like they are getting help. You need a court card. That's the accepted standard of proof. A letter will also work from your therapist because he or she will sign it and it will have title like, M.F.T. with a license number for reference and verification. It will have to come from a professional with a licensed title, like addiction specialist or something.
Just dont want you walking into court with a sponsor trying to vouch for you and the judge asking for legitimate proof.
I completely understand what you are saying, and that is my fear. I fear that a judge would be like "what is SMART? You mean you haven't done a 12 step program?" Plus my sponsor did offer to go to court with me, and I do want that support and thing it would be very helpful.
I just don't want this to become unmanageable with my life and my children. If there is one thing I know, it is that stress makes me want to use. I try to minimize daily stress and stay away from triggers. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that SMART is the program for me and would be happier going to their F2F meetings. Do you get a sponsor with SMART?
I guess my main question is will a judge think I didn't do enough if I use a non twelve step program and don't have a sponsor who can go with me t'll go court?
I am not trying to avoid the work. I am trying to do what works while minimizing the stress. I think I will give this a shot with the AA sponsor and see how it goes. This week is already planned out anyway.
I just don't want this to become unmanageable with my life and my children. If there is one thing I know, it is that stress makes me want to use. I try to minimize daily stress and stay away from triggers. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that SMART is the program for me and would be happier going to their F2F meetings. Do you get a sponsor with SMART?
I guess my main question is will a judge think I didn't do enough if I use a non twelve step program and don't have a sponsor who can go with me t'll go court?
I am not trying to avoid the work. I am trying to do what works while minimizing the stress. I think I will give this a shot with the AA sponsor and see how it goes. This week is already planned out anyway.
I don't want you to get upset over what I just said about the legal system. I actually have no idea how the courts view Smart recovery.
I realized after I re-read my comment to you that what I said could have been taken the wrong way. You're seeing a therapist, or doctor, right? I'm just wondering if, when you go to court, someone in the medical profession will be able to attest to your efforts and clean time..maybe writing a letter?
I know you are under a lot of pressure, and terribly worried about what will happen, but I think, truly, in my bones, that you're going to be just fine.
Sorry if my words were careless....
I realized after I re-read my comment to you that what I said could have been taken the wrong way. You're seeing a therapist, or doctor, right? I'm just wondering if, when you go to court, someone in the medical profession will be able to attest to your efforts and clean time..maybe writing a letter?
I know you are under a lot of pressure, and terribly worried about what will happen, but I think, truly, in my bones, that you're going to be just fine.
Sorry if my words were careless....
I've been to awful AA meetings. I mean, really, really terrible ones. Arrogant people full of themselves. I call them "AA-Nazi's." They single-mindedly believe that if you don't try THEIR way, you are gong to "go back out there."
BUT...I've also been to some great AA meetings. I think a lot depends on which ones, and where you live. Unfortunately, the legal system seems fixated on 12-step programs as the only truth path to recovery, when imo, each person has to find what works for them.
In rural and suburban areas, it can be hard to find a good meeting. Big cities offer much more a choice; in NYC, you can literally find a dozen different meetings every hour, on the hour.
I think that whatever keeps YOU sober is the program you should follow. Don't make yourself sick over AA; I know some folks with long-time sobriety who really don't like AA's focus on God, or the fact that they harp on your "character flaws" and "defects."
I've been treated very, very badly at a couple of AA meetings. I went to one, and was asked if I wanted to speak. I said no thanks, and the moderator of the meetings actually said to me "Gee, sorry, didn't realize you were CURED." I walked out in tears. Luckily some folks chased after me and apologized for her.
As long as you are not using, staying clean, and being honest with yourself and your family, I think you're doing great...just my 2 cents.
Hang in there...you're dong awesome honey.
-R.
BUT...I've also been to some great AA meetings. I think a lot depends on which ones, and where you live. Unfortunately, the legal system seems fixated on 12-step programs as the only truth path to recovery, when imo, each person has to find what works for them.
In rural and suburban areas, it can be hard to find a good meeting. Big cities offer much more a choice; in NYC, you can literally find a dozen different meetings every hour, on the hour.
I think that whatever keeps YOU sober is the program you should follow. Don't make yourself sick over AA; I know some folks with long-time sobriety who really don't like AA's focus on God, or the fact that they harp on your "character flaws" and "defects."
I've been treated very, very badly at a couple of AA meetings. I went to one, and was asked if I wanted to speak. I said no thanks, and the moderator of the meetings actually said to me "Gee, sorry, didn't realize you were CURED." I walked out in tears. Luckily some folks chased after me and apologized for her.
As long as you are not using, staying clean, and being honest with yourself and your family, I think you're doing great...just my 2 cents.
Hang in there...you're dong awesome honey.
-R.
Hi ..well if smart works for you then do it there are many types of aftercare personally N/A is my magic bullet the 12 steps work if your heart is in it if not it is time to move to something that does ...I needed the help and N/A provides structure and helped me clean up the train wreck my life had become keep in mind that the desire to get clean must be stronger then the desire to use we have other members that use smart the main thing is your trying to get help once you realize this is a brain thing and not a pill thing you can recover keep posting for support we all want to see you win .......Gnarly
COMMUNITY LEADER
First...i have to say wow, b/c i've never heard anyone say that in a mtg. I think thats something i would have remembered b/c it would have turned me off. Now, they do say, its not for those who want it, its for those who work it, and this i understand. You have to do the work to gain recovery, mtgs are not enough.
If SMART recovery works for u and your schedule, then do it. This is your recovery, not theirs! It sounds to me like your doing the work they would have had u do anyway in A/A OR N/A soooo?????
I say try it, if it doesnt work, try something else. I love N/A and quite honestly, the more stories i hear like this, the more i know that my area has a rocking N/A program!
If SMART recovery works for u and your schedule, then do it. This is your recovery, not theirs! It sounds to me like your doing the work they would have had u do anyway in A/A OR N/A soooo?????
I say try it, if it doesnt work, try something else. I love N/A and quite honestly, the more stories i hear like this, the more i know that my area has a rocking N/A program!
I go to AA most everyday except Sundays for over 2 months, never heard anyone like that. I call my sponsor & another addict/alcoholic everyday. I get assignments of step work & when I'm done we go over it. Some weeks we get no fave to fave time. I was in NA from March 1996 to June 2003 had a sponsor and several sponsees, some of them had jobs, children, terminally I'll family, they did what they could as they could if they really wanted it.
Don't give up because of one person or maybe she can see exactly what you need & be willing to go to any lengths. Remember 1/2 measures get us high/drunk every time.
Hang in there.
I know nothing about the other program but whatever works.
Honesty, openness, willingness!!!
Don't give up because of one person or maybe she can see exactly what you need & be willing to go to any lengths. Remember 1/2 measures get us high/drunk every time.
Hang in there.
I know nothing about the other program but whatever works.
Honesty, openness, willingness!!!
"In every AA meeting, they say that those who do not succeed have something wrong with them. Do I just have something wrong with me?"
No, you have nothing wrong with you. Ive heard many say that at NA/AA too and its absolutely ridiculous and not true! Ive been clean almost 5 years without NA/AA. If you like SMART...stick with it! Its a good program. I know SMART has some face to face meetings....can you go to those? A therapist is good.
Look, only you know whats up. If your not feeling NA/AA is a fit and you like SMART then stick with it. Don't do something because people make you think its the only way. I thought like that for years. I thought there was something wrong with me because everyone kept telling me that if it worked for them it had to work for me. That's a bunch of BS. If you are feeling SMART.....stick with it. The judge wont think down on you. SMART is a highly regarded and recognized program. What matters is that you are doing something. Your therapist can write a letter on your behalf too.
Do whats right for you...not what everyone says is right for you. Half the addicts out there dont even know about SMART as an option.
Anyways, you know in your heart what the best thing is for you. If its NA/AA or SMART...you know and ultimately its your recovery. Its your clean time and life you are dealing with. Nobody can tell you whats in your heart but you and God. So it has to be your decision. If NA is the right program for you but your just looking for a way to get out of it...you are the only one that can hold yourself accountable because only you know your heart. If you feel that SMART is the way to go and genuinely feel that its the best option for long term recovery...only you know that...nobody can tell you.
Make the decision on what you feel is best for you....not what anybody else says. Hold yourself accountable. If you do... you will be alright in the long run.
No, you have nothing wrong with you. Ive heard many say that at NA/AA too and its absolutely ridiculous and not true! Ive been clean almost 5 years without NA/AA. If you like SMART...stick with it! Its a good program. I know SMART has some face to face meetings....can you go to those? A therapist is good.
Look, only you know whats up. If your not feeling NA/AA is a fit and you like SMART then stick with it. Don't do something because people make you think its the only way. I thought like that for years. I thought there was something wrong with me because everyone kept telling me that if it worked for them it had to work for me. That's a bunch of BS. If you are feeling SMART.....stick with it. The judge wont think down on you. SMART is a highly regarded and recognized program. What matters is that you are doing something. Your therapist can write a letter on your behalf too.
Do whats right for you...not what everyone says is right for you. Half the addicts out there dont even know about SMART as an option.
Anyways, you know in your heart what the best thing is for you. If its NA/AA or SMART...you know and ultimately its your recovery. Its your clean time and life you are dealing with. Nobody can tell you whats in your heart but you and God. So it has to be your decision. If NA is the right program for you but your just looking for a way to get out of it...you are the only one that can hold yourself accountable because only you know your heart. If you feel that SMART is the way to go and genuinely feel that its the best option for long term recovery...only you know that...nobody can tell you.
Make the decision on what you feel is best for you....not what anybody else says. Hold yourself accountable. If you do... you will be alright in the long run.
I go to an AA meeting every day and I've never heard anyone say that.
If you like that Smart recovery (don't know what that is) than do that. You sound like you already know what you want to do anyway.
If you like that Smart recovery (don't know what that is) than do that. You sound like you already know what you want to do anyway.
In every AA meeting, they say that those who do not succeed have something wrong with them. Do I just have something wrong with me?
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